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Why can't my family simply accept me the way I am ?

16 Answers
Last Updated: 02/25/2020 at 8:38am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Collin McShirley, LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I love helping people overcome challenges with food, depression, and anxiety. My work with clients is nonjudgement, supportive, and kind.

Top Rated Answers
Rogue1234
June 14th, 2016 3:10pm
Sometimes when people have this idea of who you are "supposed" to be and it dosnt turn out their way , they dont want to face the fact that they failed" Even though you are perfectly fine they cant se that.
Anonymous
June 14th, 2015 9:16am
Your family might be scared. They love you. They want the best for you. Your family wants you to have a successful, fulfilling life and never ever experience pain. Now, every human being experiences pain; not experiencing pain or struggle is impossible. But your family is going to do everything they can to try to help you avoid struggle, because they care about you. And sometimes this manifests in their actions. Sometimes you want them to accept something, but they are too scared to - either because they don't understand it, or because they worry about what consequences you might face. Either way, I do believe that if your family loves you, but aren't supporting you, then they aren't understanding how important it is to you. Counseling or at least open and honest conversations might be helpful. Let them understand why this is important to you, and why this won't hurt you, or why it's worth the risk. Understand their reasons for being nervous about your decisions, and help them understand your reasons for your decisions. We don't all have the same opinions, likes, dislikes, etc. but we can respect one another's differences. Part of respect, however, is understanding the other person. Open and honest conversations (without the use of "accusatory" phrases, like "You do this," but rather with subjective phrases like, "When this happens, it makes me feel ____") can go a long way in helping this.
Anonymous
October 26th, 2015 4:43pm
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and sadly sometimes that gets in the way of being "yourself" just take chances in life. Its your life after all.
KathyTheHealer
May 11th, 2015 2:34pm
I'm so sorry of hearing that your family cant accept the way you are. It's very frustrating and painful if i were in your situation. and yes, i was in your situation when i was a kid, as well. May be you don't know, but you can ask around, that almost 100 % parents do not agree with something that their children do. This is common sense. Because there is a generation gap here. It means that something didn't happen or weren't acceptable in your parents time now exist or is acceptable in your time. So it's impossible to make your family to think like you do. Just imagine they try to force you think the way they want, you will never compromise , right? Because it's very hard to change our own belief. So the solution is try to be in their shoes, think like they think, you will understand their belief . Therefore, express your characteristics in the way that they can understand. Good luck.
KindApple77
September 15th, 2015 11:46pm
I think parents have children and immediately have an idea of who they want their child to be. When the child strays from the parents' ideal, its hard for it to make quick sense of it if the parent is sort of stuck in their ways. Sometimes parents' have more traditional ways of thinking about things and that kind of thinking is so hard to change and may never change.
dancingTurtle59
November 17th, 2015 9:31am
they should accept you for who you are or they are not family we should be loved unconditionly by are family even if they are not happy with us or are behaviors
Anonymous
July 12th, 2016 5:46pm
Because sometimes parents can be soooo much protective and they want to apply what they think about you and they think they got the best ideas of you. Just patience. They don't want your bad but you can tell them yourself if they don't understand still, wait for the future. Everything will be alright
SURVIVORProviderTHRIVER4u
November 21st, 2016 2:09pm
It's hard for families to accept us for "who we are." Families have a difficult time seeing us for who we are because they have visions of who they want us to be and when we step outside of that vision they see us with sunglasses on that distort who we really are and they lose that idea of acceptance. It isn't our fault, it is theirs to work on.
krissy0423
June 13th, 2015 2:30pm
People dont accept what they dont understand. Sometimes you just have to be you and let them see everything unravel by themselves.
Tanieeezybaby
May 30th, 2016 10:31pm
We are all unique in our own ways and sometimes our families have different views and traditions and it's ok that we don't always fit those views and traditions. As long as we accept ourselves for whom we are and we are happy, then it's ok.
Anonymous
March 3rd, 2015 1:11am
Because everybody thinks different. Everybody has their way to think so you need to accept they maybe can turn you down
Greatlistener87
May 17th, 2016 1:14am
With generational changes and all, your parents only knows how to accept you the way they know how to. Maybe explaining more of yourself to them might help.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2018 12:39pm
Sometimes it is hard for our families to see us and how we feel opposed to how they are feeling in the brief situation. They only know what they feel, and if they don't know how you feel it will make it harder for them to understand and accept where you are coming from.
PeaceLoveUnityRespect
June 9th, 2015 9:37am
Sometimes its hard for people to accept change and things that are different or different to them. You can't force anyone to feel s certain wat but if you accept you than that's all that matters! Althought it can be hard you have to find out what makes you happy !
CaptainObviouslyOblivious
May 10th, 2016 10:18pm
Here's the thing; it is all circumstantial on "How you are". If you have responsibilities you don't want to to take care of because you "don't feel like it", then you aren't accepting them, are you? You have to be fair in all of your judgements and how you approach someone. Consider all sides of the scale, not just your own, and that will help you along your way.
LifeIsABeautifulMelody
February 25th, 2020 8:38am
My family I hope you mean parents. I believe there always going to be differences in the way two generations think. Most of the time parents want the best for you even though it doesn't feel like it sometimes. Or exceptions when the parents are toxic or narcissistic . I think it has to be a mutual understanding and any differences needed to be discussed Communication is the key. But if you are unable to solve issues by communication and feel like your parents are having a negative impact on your mental health you can let them know or prefer to spend more time outside doing things you like , like a music or dance class or a library to study books. Sometimes parents take time to accept you .. and you have to give them that time to come around.