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Why can't my mother just tell me how proud she is?

19 Answers
Last Updated: 04/04/2017 at 1:52pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Elena Morales, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I believe silence creates a cycle. With empathic and collaborative therapy, we break the cycle. I help clients feel validated and supported passed anger, shame, and anxiety.

Top Rated Answers
April 22nd, 2015 6:10am
She might be an asshole. It is definitely not your fault. Lots of people have asshole mothers. At some point, you will become your own parent and then you can be proud of yourself.
April 1st, 2015 9:46pm
A more interesting question is: Why do you need her to acknowledge that she's proud? And in what way is she proud? Proud of herself, or of you?
April 9th, 2015 12:33am
This is a hard question, and I am afraid there is no easy answer. Sometimes we try so hard to make someone proud and we feel like they never even see us. Know that just because she does not say it out loud does not mean that she does not think it. Sometimes it is hard for people to say positive things. it may sound silly but it is true. You can't make someone do something, so work on making yourself proud and in time your mom might come around.
December 22nd, 2015 11:09pm
She won't tell you because it's part of her pride. Moreover, she's not convinced you've reached your full potential yet, even if you do well in your life and she is already thrilled about your achievements.
November 7th, 2016 1:50pm
The only way to know for sure is to ask her. But she could lie anyway. I can only tell my thoughts about the situation and share my experience. She envies you. She wants to feel she is better than you, but your success makes her feel she is not good enough for you, and she is afraid you can see her insecurity and feel confident at the same time. At least, this is what my dad answered, when I asked him why he never says anything warm to me.
May 31st, 2016 5:51pm
Some people do not know how to tell others how they feel even if they are a mother or a father. Sometimes you just have to sit down with her and tell her all you want is for her to be proud of you and maybe that will hit her and she'll understand she needs to do that more than she already is. Telling them is the best thing you can do because if you don't tell them they might not know you feel this way and so she will think until you tell her that she is showing that she is proud of you because that's how she shows it and that is what she is used to having shown to her.
June 7th, 2016 5:20pm
People have different ways of showing the way they feel. It is a person on person basis. She may run on tough love, or maybe she is waiting to tell you for a later time. Just because a person doesn't say how they feel doesn't mean they aren't proud
August 1st, 2016 8:02am
Probably she doesn't know how to or what to say. Parents are not conditioned to speak positively to their children because for generations together they have been taught or seen otherwise. So they say what they have seen there parents say to them. If you really want to know what your mother thinks of you then sometimes it just might be a good idea to give her a leading question like why is it that you do so much for me.. instead of saying why can't you say something good about me.. because with the second question you are putting her on a defensive mode but with the first question you are acknowledging her efforts and also lookin for the answer you might want to receive.
July 20th, 2015 7:44am
Our parents do struggle at times to put their feelings about us in to words, especialy feelings of pride. Somethines they may find it arwkard, or the topic may not come up. Also, I find many mums or dads, show they are proud of their kids by actions, not necessarily visible either.
April 8th, 2015 9:45am
Some people makes it hard to express how they feel and so they don't really know how to show it that well.
May 21st, 2015 8:09pm
I have learned that this differs from culture to culture and also from generation to generation. Mostly, from what I have witnessed is that if a person was not raised to give praise, then it is seems unnatural or uncomfortable to verbalize praise. The important thing to realize is that you mother may just not know how to say it, but she probably does actually feel it.
May 22nd, 2015 1:54pm
Because she is not used to show her emotions, and she doesn't know how to do it, I think she needs time
September 14th, 2015 11:49pm
Because she think just her life. Like everyone's do.(screw this advise) . Go and say to her'mom am i bad child? Dont you proud of me?'
November 10th, 2015 1:41am
Mothers often don't express how they feel directly they may display their thoughts indirectly to show that they appreciate you. This can be through doing simple things like making you breakfast or a cup of tea.
December 14th, 2015 6:10am
This is actually pretty common! some moms have trouble relating emotions to their children, a lot of the time daughters, because they are so focused on bettering their child and making sure they succeed. But don't worry! just know that she IS proud of you, even though she might not know how to say it
December 26th, 2015 12:56pm
Actually, this question has no easy answer but all I can say is we all try and work so hard to make someone proud and when they are not proud we feel like all our effort in trying to make them proud is never working. She is proud of you but if she doesn't say inside her she is proud of you. Also remember that we can't make people do what we like them to do, so it requires patience and someday your mother might be able to say that she is so proud of you
March 22nd, 2016 2:08pm
Perhaps it is because she doesn't want you to settle for where you are now. The things you have done might be great and were difficult to overcome but you never know what can happen in the future so she wants you to keep pushing through and to be ready for all of life's ups and downs.
September 19th, 2016 3:25am
Sometimes action speaks louder than words and maybe your mum is showing how proud she is with u in other ways that she knows how to.
April 4th, 2017 1:52pm
Best way to answer this from my point of view, is that some people find it hard to express their feelings of love towards people, Some people struggle with it and sometimes can only express that love in other emotions, unintentionally hurting you when they really mean well.