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Why is my teenage daughter so rude to me?

28 Answers
Last Updated: 06/07/2021 at 6:01pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
August 31st, 2015 9:55am
As a teenager myself, I can say that the cause may be 2 things - 1. You. You may sometimes be rude ro her, not even realising it. Everyday small things you don't notice may make Your daughter act that way towards you. Try paying attention to those moments, for example, when she drops a glass and it breaks, you say "That happens to everybody!" and help her clean up, instead of screaming at her. 2 - something outside of the family life. She may have just lost a friend, she's doing bad at school. You could try and help her. That's what I can think of :)
March 18th, 2015 2:32pm
Well I am answering this question as the teenage daughter i hope thats okay. the thing is, we don't want to be rude or anything in particular...we are at an age where our hormones scream and shout inside us. we tend to care more about ourselves and our friends and the *glittery* stuff that usually goes away with age. We realise that we are being rude most of the times, but we don't say it out loud because our egos are high during teenage. We know you love and care about us, and we reciprocate it equally. :) Sorry and thank you, dear moms
July 21st, 2015 2:38pm
Some teenagers are rude to everyone. Try not to take it personally. She will grow out of this stage and become your very best friend. Sincerely, A former rude daughter.
August 17th, 2015 5:34am
She could be acting out because she wants to seek more attention from you and needs some sort of emotional help or support. No one just acts out because they enjoy it. Maybe you could try asking her what has been bothering her and listening to her compassionately, and asking her if she needs help with anything or would like to discuss anything with you. Just remember to be compassionate, caring and loving when you are listening and you will begin to understand why she is truly acting out and build a stronger connection between you 2, built on communication and trust.
October 11th, 2015 10:31pm
IDK if this is the problem, but my mom and I don't get along and the reason I don't respect her is she doesn't respect me. She thinks that because she's the mom, she's in control and anytime I have an opinion, she shuts it down, because it's a threat to her power. Obviously, this isn't a contentious thing. Next time this happens, actually think about what it might have been that you did and don't react right away. When we are angry, the reasonable part of our brain shuts down so take a break, do something else, and then, when you know you are calm, think about the situation. Was there anything you could've done better? Don't know if this is helpful, cuz I don't know the situation, but this is my take on it from what I know.
June 17th, 2015 7:17am
Other than the common answer of teenage hormones, there is also a large psychological aspect to it as well. Personally, I never got along with my mother because she constricted me to her. However this may be the opposite for other girls. Perhaps they desire more affection, but lash out in order to get it. It's a very tricky situation.
July 7th, 2015 11:12pm
It's hard to answer without knowing all the ins and outs. Maybe she feels a certain way or maybe she's just hormonal. Talking with her may help. I went through this with my mum. I didn't realise how rude I was being, but my mum also didn't realise how some things she did effected me. She would try to talk to me about it all but she'd get so emotional and that would cause her to say it in a way where it all seemed like my fault and like she had done nothing wrong. So try and sympathise with your daughter, it could be something you didn't realise was upsetting her. But a big part of the teenage years is hormones and for some reason they're pretty hard to deal with. There could be stress at school or something else in her life. I realise it must be very hard for you too, try and explain that to her in a calm way which puts your pint across effectively.
November 16th, 2015 3:10am
Have you tried seeing her side? Sometimes we feel very cornered, like we don't have a voice. It makes us lash out or feel defensive. Maybe something is going on at school. The best thing to do would be to talk to her about it
October 9th, 2015 2:54pm
As a teenager they really face many challenges both inside and outside the family. They are trying very hard to cope up with those challenges. Teenage is the stage where they usually learn more about how to manage their emotions, attitude and personal care. So whichever things they face in teenage they see it as a challenge because they are mentally and physically preparing themselves to be strong. Even small things can look bigger to them and so is your action towards your daughter. She doesn't expect you to treat her the same way you used to do before and she doesn't know how to express it to you either. So please don't worry dear mom. Your daughter is always your daughter and her love is always the same, she may be rude without knowing that she hurts you because of teenage and eventually she will realize it.
May 31st, 2015 10:32am
Actually there are many factors. Respect begets respect. If you wanted yiur child to have a respect on you, try to respect him/her first. So that your child can have a model on what does it feel to be respected and how does it feel to put on a respect to someone. Second, maybe you haven't given him time and presence that's why he is away from your feelings. the third is that you failed to discipline him/her as a child. All I can advice now is to have heart to heart talk to your child and ask him/her if she has a problem with you. :) All things work together through communication. :)
September 29th, 2015 7:05am
Unfortunately through tough times the ones closest to us are the ones who get mistreated. And in particular during puberty, teenagers are not sure how to express what their going through in the most appropriate manner.
April 25th, 2016 1:47am
There is a time in a teenagers life that they will face a rebellion stage. This stage is the toughest for any parent. You just have to find a way to communicate with them in this stage and make sure that when you do it does not trigger them but causes them to realize what they are doing.
January 16th, 2015 5:29pm
Maybe she feels like you will never ever understand her. The only thing you can do is to try talking to her by interesting in her hobbies and problems. I find my father far from my heart and now he puts an effort and we get along just fine. I used to be rude to him and argue almost always as I felt he'll judge me and punish me for being me.
July 27th, 2015 10:50am
Teenagers are often going through developmental changes which make them more self-orientated, but also desire respect. It is important to support them, provide appropriate boundaries and give them time.
June 23rd, 2015 12:56pm
Every teenager is like that, whatever you do just try winning her over by things she like instead of pushing her away. Like make her foods she like, pizza whatever, tickets to her favorite artist, take her to places she wants to go etc...
August 16th, 2016 11:27pm
Its a way for them to keep things that are personal to them and away from the people they don't want to know about. The deflect what it bothering them
February 13th, 2017 7:38am
Teenager phase is difficult to go through. There can be many reasons for such behaviour. They are dealing with alot of things (Self esteem issues , acceptance etc.) in this stage and they are not able to share everything with you , they feel that elders won't understand. Sometimes these emotions that are bottled up within the individual can cause anger and frustration which is taken out on others.
August 14th, 2017 6:58pm
It's apart of socialization. From birth, children begin to socialize. This begins with their family. Then spreads out to their friends, sports groups, and other recreational groups. The superego part of the children's brain wants them to follow social norms. And sadly, one of those norms are that children will talk back and try to gain independence from their family. This isn't a bad thing- in fact growing independent is vital for them. It can definitely be hard to go through as a parent as they will be less likely to respect you and start to disobey you.
August 18th, 2020 5:41am
Adolescence doesn't make sense. Every one starts going through changes and experiencing a lot of change. A lot of teenagers aren't so nice to their parents. at lot of them feel like their parents just don't get it. All you can do is try your best to be there for them and try to understand them. Sometimes you do your best and it doesn't make a difference. Often teenagers who were pretty rude to their parents will have great relationships with them when they're older. Teens are going through a lot and that's not your fault. All you can do is your best.
December 5th, 2017 2:20pm
Why are you assassinating her character? All creatures large and small resent being labeled and put in a box, or being told where to go or what to do. They love, at least, the illusion of freedom. If someone is being rude to you, it's most likely because they see you as the source of repression in their lives, whether it's deserved or not. Often, we can get stuck only seeing reality from our viewscreen, and forget what it's like for someone else to be around us.
June 25th, 2018 11:32pm
Teenagers have so much emotional problems, maybe she's upset, bothered or stressed or maybe she's just rude! Talk to her
August 26th, 2019 11:35pm
Teenagers can be rough. I was rude to my mother and father, as well as my sister. I was having a hard time controlling my emotions. Teenagers are under pressure, to do well in school and to be the best they can be. We are treated like children yet expected to act like adults. Give her time, because she might just be conflicted on her emotions. I still find myself bursting out different emotions, and I have not much control over it. What is important is that you be there for her. Tell her you support her. That is what a teenager needs to hear, you will need to trust her and give her space when she needs it. Do not worry, this is just another temporary phase
June 17th, 2015 3:32pm
I can't answer why, there maybe a love of things happening that you don't know (inside her brain and what she encounter) so if you wanna know ask her that won't lead to fight.
November 10th, 2015 3:48am
it could be the way that you treat her or it could just be hormones kicking in considering she is a teenager
January 15th, 2018 2:30pm
Hormones, if you feel like her behavior is becoming an issue sit down and talk to her tell how her actions have made you feel
April 13th, 2020 8:25am
Teenagers are typically rude to their parents, but sometimes it's deeper than that. There could be something that's upsetting her and instead of asking for help she's taking it out on you. There could also be a power imbalance in the household. If it's nothing going on in her head and it's nothing you're doing, she might be rude because she thinks she can be. For example, lets say you ask her to do something and she says no and has an attitude. A mistake parents often make is feeding into the drama. Yelling at the kid entertains them and gives them the attention that they crave. Instead of that just take away a privilege. You have to actually follow through with the punishment as well. If you don't, the kid will think they can get away with it every time. I find that taking phones away makes them change their tune real quick.
May 17th, 2021 10:35am
It can be very challenging to see a transformation in the relationship between a parent and a child. It is important to remember that you want 1) your child to have clear boundaries (rudeness is not tolerated under any circumstances) and 2) your child to feel that you still love them even if they are misbehaving. Have you tried a response such as : "I love you and I always will. However, I do not accept to be treated this way. Everytime you are rude to me, you will not get what you want and there will be consequences. If you are upset about something else in your life, I will always be there to listen to you, but don't take your anger out on me." It is hard to know why your teenage daughter is rude to you. It is probably because she takes out on you her own personnal problems. You can also take a look at your own behavior in an argument to make sure that you display the best example. Remember: do not attack someone, always use "I statements", meaning that it is better to talk about your feelings that to assume that you know what the other person is thinking. Good luck!
June 7th, 2021 6:01pm
As a teenage daughter myself I felt like I have been rude to my mom too. There were times when I just didn't express myself how I wanted or I just get of my anger at her. Looking back I was just trying to act like adult and trying to be more independent but I just ended up being rude. I feel really sorry now .And if I was at your place I would try to talk to your daughter and tell her when she hurts you.