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Why is my daughter a lesbian?

135 Answers
Last Updated: 11/27/2019 at 5:30am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Cassandra Coleman-Heppler, LCSW, LICSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I believe that problems are separate from the person having them and that our own stories and how we look at our own stories directly influences how we perceive those problems

Top Rated Answers
September 26th, 2015 4:19pm
It means that she is attracted to only girls, not boys. This is perfectly normal, contrary to what other parents may think. As a teenager growing up, I found many others finding out their sexuality, and come to identify themselves as lesbian, gay, asexual, bisexual, etc. Perhaps these terms may not be familiar to you, which is totally fine!
September 27th, 2015 3:00pm
She has realised that she has an interest in woman, not men. There is never a reason why but I'm sure she would want your support.
September 30th, 2015 6:29pm
Even if there are reasons for why a person is a lesbian, they're probably not bad ones. There are plenty of people living among loving family members who still tend to be attracted to the same-sex. Sexual orientation is completely out of a person's control, it's completely normal to be a lesbian. What may seem abnormal to you is probably the most normal thing in the world to your daughter. Just remember one thing. If you expect your daughter to be with a man, you are pushing him into the arms of a person who she does not want to be with on any healthy level.This is a very cruel type of abuse. Your daughter needs and wants your love and support more than most of the things she wants in life.
October 3rd, 2015 4:14am
Honestly, she probably doesn't know herself. There is no particular reason why sexual orientation goes one way or the other. People are just born with that trait.
October 4th, 2015 4:46pm
That's like your daughter asking 'Why is my mother straight?' there is no explanation, it's just the way you're born, and you can't change it. Only support it.
October 23rd, 2015 1:08am
This is the way she was born. It is not a state or phase, it is the way she is. There is nothing wrong or unnatural with your daughter. She is still the same girl she was before. She has always been a lesbian. Now that you know doesn't change her.
October 23rd, 2015 10:19am
It's normal for a parent to ask himself/herself this way. It's not a choice, it's just who they are. By asking your daughter the same question, with a friendly curiosity, thing will be much better.
October 24th, 2015 1:09am
because she likes girls. she is no different then anyone else. she just likes girls. she is no less or better of a person for it. she is who she is.
October 24th, 2015 2:37am
Because that is the way she was made or she was born if you do not believe in a creator. She does not hate you. She is not rebelling. She is who she is.
October 24th, 2015 3:32pm
Your daughter is a lesbian because this is the sexual orientation that she was born with. This says nothing about her moral character one way or the other.
October 25th, 2015 2:29am
Your daughter is most likely a lesbian because that's how she was born. That's how her mind was made when she was born.
October 25th, 2015 3:26am
I don't think sexuality is a choice or a birth defect, or something you're born with. I don't believe that your parent could have done something wrong to make you a lesbian, or you didn't wake up one day and be like oh i'm gay, or to automatically be lesbian when you were born, it's something we grow into and it's something that should be accepted, honestly, I don't know why your daughter is a lesbian, it's something that happens, and if you find it hard, think about your daughter, what do you think she feels like? Don't you think her going through this is way harder than you going through what she is.
October 25th, 2015 12:59pm
Your daughter is lesbian because that is the way she was born. It may be hard to understand sometimes but you don't choose your sexuality. Scientists have been able to prove that sexuality is something developed in the womb.
October 25th, 2015 7:31pm
because she is born that way. that does not make her any less of the good person that you know her to be. love her irrespective.
October 28th, 2015 2:59am
Because she likes women, and there is nothing wrong with that. We are all different and amazing in our own way
October 28th, 2015 1:56pm
Let's start by saying. She didn't choose to be a lesbian. Some of us are born attracted to the same sex. There is actually a huge scale. Where sexuality and gender identity fall all over a spectrum. So to answer why she is a lesbian isn't my place. I don't know why. All I know is she was born a lesbian. But she will always be the daughter you raised.. Same memories. Same love. Different spouse than you had thought possibly.. But I promise her sexuality doesn't change her love for you..
October 28th, 2015 9:03pm
Just because she is! Don't judge people for love. Being a lesbian is just who she is. Love her and support her as her parent.
October 29th, 2015 12:28pm
You cannot choose your sexual preference and your body is attracted to whatever it is attracted to! Just as you are naturally straight, she is naturally gay- there is not other reason for it!
October 29th, 2015 1:11pm
Thats just who she is. Shes just attracted to the same sex gender. You have to accept who she is and let her be what she wants...its her life. Also dont pressure her encourage that its a beautiful thing and make sure to tell her you love her.
October 29th, 2015 10:29pm
Asking why a person's sexuality is the way it is is like asking why somebody is blonde. They can try to cover up their natural colour but eventually the roots will show through and beneath the dye there will always be blonde. Sometimes it can be difficult to accept or understand these situations, but realise that what is best for your daughter is not discovering the root of WHY she is the way she is, but what can be done to make her comfortable and happy with who she is.
October 30th, 2015 1:04pm
That's how she was born,no reason.She just has an attraction to women and that is something that she cannot change.
October 31st, 2015 4:16am
because she is sexually and emotionally attracted to girls? xD
November 1st, 2015 6:56pm
there is no reason why to be honest, its just who she is, and you should try and accept her for that… I'm sure your support would mean the world to her
November 4th, 2015 2:58pm
Because she's attracted to girls. Sexuality is a tedious thing that no one really understands despite what everyone thinks. The best thing you can do is just me supportive and treat her like how you always would.
November 4th, 2015 10:01pm
Cause she is, accept her, please. She can't change that nor should she have to. Appreciate her for who she is, being lesbian is just a part of her, it ain't all of her
November 5th, 2015 3:42am
She's a lesbian simply because that's who she is, she was given free will so she'll use that to love who she wants.
November 5th, 2015 9:15am
Your daughter cannot help that she is a lesbian, just like you cannot help that you are heterosexual.
November 5th, 2015 7:57pm
Scientists believe that this comes from the Fathers side and his attraction towards females, and it is how you are born not bought up, same as skin colour and gender
November 6th, 2015 9:29am
The human race contains homosexuals because of necessity. In the days before evolution, homosexuals would look after the abandoned children of mothers who could not support them. The genetic trait has continued, meaning your daughter is a Lesbian.
November 6th, 2015 3:38pm
Who you love really isn't a choice, so anyone should be able to feel comfortable loving whoever they want.