How can you tell if you are a boy or a girl, or something else entirely?
Last Updated: 11/22/2020 at 7:58pm
Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.
Top Rated Answers
SCREW THE GENDER BINARY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No one can tell you what you are; only you can decide which identity fits you the best. There is no "checklist" to being any gender. For example, you can be a masculine girl or a feminine boy, but that doesn't make your gender any less valid. Ask yourself questions like "how do I feel about my assigned gender?" and "do I tend to relate more to people of a certain gender?" Learn about different kinds of gender identities and think about which label you are most comfortable identifying with.
A lot of the time, people who are questioning their gender wonder if they're making it up, or if it's "all in their head." My general response to that is, if you're questioning you're gender, that's reason enough to question your gender. In the words of Albus Dumbledore, “Of course it is happening inside your head...but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” Most people are just "boys" or "girls" because someone told them they were. If they were asked to tell you how they know, they probably wouldn't be able to give a good answer aside from something about anatomy or societal roles. The truth is, you don't have to have a good answer to that question either. The best thing to do when questioning your gender is to explore. Does it feel good when you bind your chest? Do you like wearing makeup? Does it feel good when someone calls you by a different name? Could you go to an online chat room and present yourself as a different gender and see how it feels to use different pronouns? All of these can give you clues about who you are. You might find that you are a boy, or a girl, or both, but the trick is to allow yourself the space to figure out what works best for you.
Pink, blue, Barbie or GameBoy. Ever since I could remember, gender has always been associated with some form of symbol, color, or product. Each of these items have been used to define how boys and girls should act and where their interests should lay. The traditional gender system is primarily used to divide men and women. During the semester in which I took a Cultures & Values class, I wrote a paper on the idea of gender fluidity. My thesis discussed the possibility of blurring the divide between the two genders. I began by explaining the definition of sex, and how for most living orgasms their sex; weather they be male or female is fixed, due to their biological make up. Gender on the other hand, is not as definitive and one's gender identity can be altered according to the person's preference. For example, I personally identity as gender fluid. Growing up I've always felt like a girl but was never really able to express my more feminine side because I was a boy and 'boys' aren't supposed to be interested in 'girly' things. But I couldn't help it, I was just drawn to similar things that the girls would like. However, that's not to say I wasn't interested in boy things at all. I loved superheroes, watching the Power Rangers, and playing video games. As I grew, my interest for both girly and boyish things didn't really change much. In high school, I taught myself how to apply make-up and I started dabbling in drag. Putting on a dress, wig, and heels made me feel so liberated, like I was finally able to experience the woman within. As of now I no longer struggle with my gender identity, but question of "would I rather live the rest my life as a full time woman or a part time man?" still remains. So to answer the question of "How can tell if you're a boy, girl, or something else entirely?" depends on how you view yourself and where on the gender spectrum you feel comfortable; boy, girl, gender fluid or maybe even non-binary.
this is what struck me most when becoming transgender. i felt like i was a girl since i was 6 but being around boys clearly made the feeling somewhat fade away. until i finally decided to come out and put on my first piece of girl clothing. it felt so natural as if it was me. i would strongly recommend to wear the opposite sex clothes first to see if you feel more comfortable in them. and even try what the opposite sex does that you usually do not. such as shaving your face if you're a girl and shaving other parts of your body if you're a MTF transgender. there is no reason to say why you can't be the opposite sex. you may be a boy/girl mentally but not physically and as such you will need counselling to prove it. religion and parents have a major factor on this as some Christians may not allow their children to go through with this as it's against god or something. if you feel genderless then you need to come out to your parents and seek medical advice/psychology to see if it's how you truly feel. you can't tell immediately but with special help you can :)
You just know inside yourself, whatever label feels right. And if none of them do, there's a label for that too! Whatever feels best, whoever you want to be, is who you are and can be
It is highly personal! Because things like masculinity and femininity are separate from gender, it can be really hard. It may help to listen tot he stories of trans or gender variant people, because they are typically far more conscious of gender than cis people are. Pay attention to what parts of their stories you relate to, and which you don't. Think about what feels most comfortable, and realize gender is a huge and messy spectrum. It may take a good while to figure things out, and, gender can change over time! So, try not to stress too much about Figuring It Out quickly or right away. It can be quite the journey.
I think it's about how you identify yourself. Some people don't feel like they can categorize themselves as a boy or a girl or anything else and they don't like putting labels on themselves or anyone else for that matter which is super cool. You really need to listen to yourself, your gut feeling and what your mind is telling you, you can often sense if you don't feel good about something and if you feel like you're not in a box being labeled as something specific. Listen to yourself and accept whoever you are, even if you're different things at different times and balance genders or don't identify yourself as either or see yourself as something entirely different, you're cool no matter what.
If you are perfectly comfortable with saying "I am a girl" or "I am a boy", I think it's pretty clear. But if you feel like something's not quite right when you express yourself as just one, or perhaps sometimes it's easier, but other times it's hard, that's when you should start exploring your gender identity a little more. Think it through, don't rush yourself and don't be hard on yourself - you'll figure it out eventually. But I don't think that's really that important - you be you.
Well the most common answer might be what you are born with but in my opinion it is deep inside of you. If you feel the urgent need to change your sex, you should do it. But don't jump to conclusions as it may also be a silly short-termed idea. Therefore you can tell if you are a boy or a girl by thinking about your gender identity for several months.
Your gender (boy/girl, male/female) is something you are born with, but your gender identity is what you identify as. So you cannot choose your gender (unless you have a sex chage operation), but you can choose what to identify as.
It's a really hard question to answer, in all honesty. There's no real definitive way to answer the question, other than what feels right for you. Everyone's different! I struggled with this for a long time, and it took a lot of patience and self-love to figure it out. Simply put, it's what you feel inside. For some people, they know all their lives and never question it. Other people might be transgender or agender or genderfluid or genderqueer or one of many other designations, and at the beginning of their journey they'll all know that in some way they feel different. If you do feel different from your peers, it's important to explore why that is. Is there anything you can do that makes you feel less different, or makes you feel more right? Allow yourself the freedom to explore those feelings. For most people, figuring out whether you're a boy or a girl isn't something they ever have to think about. So if you're having feelings that maybe, inside, you're a boy or a girl or something else entirely, that's actually a really good place to start. At the end of the day, only you can know in your heart who and what you are.
Gender is something that lies in your mind, and perhaps might not match up with your body. As a person who identifies as genderfluid, I know all too well how hard it is to be struggling with your gender identity. They don't teach you in school what to do or where to go when you don't fit in the gender binary, and for many children, myself included, we spend our childhoods thinking that something is wrong with us, that we are broken. Being genderfluid has always been particularly confusing for me, because one day I could be perfectly fine with the gender I was assigned at birth, and the next I could be in tears over having not been born the opposite gender. So it's been a tough hurdle to jump, especially since I had no idea what it was I was experiencing, let alone that there were others and even a NAME for what I was going through. As for how you can tell, I believe that everyone should spend some time examining their gender. I.e., do I identify as a boy because I was told I was a boy, or because I feel like a boy? Do things outside of your comfort, experiment with activities you were told aren't for your gender. As with anything in life, how can you truly know if you like something or not if you don't try it? It may come to pass that you were cisgendered (someone who identifies with the gender they were assigned at birth), but you enjoy traditionally masculine things, or you identify as the opposite gender because you can't relate to the one you were assigned at all. You could discover that you don't relate to either the male or female gender and realize that you are agender, or like me, genderfluid. Gender is a complex, varied thing, and it may seem daunting to try and figure out, but once you do, you will be all the glader for having started. xx
You just have to listen to yourself and not pressurize yourself to know exactly how you identify right now. It's okay to not know or to be exploring. It's also okay to not fit into the tiny gender boxes that society has created. Maybe some days you feel masculine, maybe other days you feel feminine. That's okay. Maybe you feel extremely masculine all the time or extremely feminine all the time. That's also okay. Whatever makes you comfortable. Others can't answer this question for you because we don't know what you feel or what you think. It's about trusting yourself and listening to yourself.
Your gender is mostly, if not entirely, a psychological matter. It is your unique sense of self, how you feel, how you identify. It may be binary (think male or female) or nonbinary (somewhere in between, a mixture of both, or something else entirely). You can spend time reflecting on your gender identity, but there is more than one way to discover it, and no one can define it for you. It's a journey all your own! No need to rush. :)
By living life, and trying not to be influenced by others. Maybe you know when you're 8, maybe you know when you're 18, and maybe you've figured it out when you're 40. Don't worry about it too much, and know that it's also normal to change how you feel about yourself. Change is a part of living.
Well what ever makes you most comfortable. If you feel more comfortable being a girl that's ok! If you feel more comfortable being a boy that's ok! If you feel comfortable being both that's ok! If you feel comfortable being neither that's ok! It really just is what makes you feel comfortable in your own skin.
Sometimes, people experiment. Sometimes, people *just know*. But ultimately- just spend time with yourself. Connect to your true core, your intuition, your spirit... and know that, you don't need a definite answer today or tomorrow. You can decide today, and again 5 years from now. Nothings set in stone. ♡
Corny as it sounds, you and only you can be the judge of your own gender expression. We have been brought up and conditioned to think in binaries, and to accept the gender we have been assigned. If you feel comfortable with this label, that's great! If not, that's totally fine, too! Spend some time to really think about what makes you comfortable and what doesn't, and maybe do a little research. Talk to people you trust, or talk to a listener here at 7 Cups of Tea! Don't feel pressured to determine "what you are", and don't feel pressured to conform to any gender label. On the one hand, these labels can help you feel a sense of security in that you may feel that you have gained a greater sense of understanding and clarity, or you may find a safe community among people who identify the same way. However, labels can also be limiting, stressful, and ostracizing. So take your time to really understand yourself, and explore your own identity within and outside of these labels. Additionally, don't feel pressured to identify with any singular label permanently either - just because you identify a certain way at one point in time doesn't mean that you may identify differently at a different point in time. At the end of the day, find a way to be comfortable with yourself. You do you! It may not be an easy journey, but it is one that you owe to yourself.
For me its about connection. Sometimes I'm very connected to being a girl - I like to be feminine and wear dresses and make up. Sometimes I'm very disconnected from being a girl, but I don't feel like a boy either. For me its what gender I do/don't connect with and how comfortable I feel with that gender.
Well, you can only do a bit of self-examination. You have to think about how you feel and then you have got an answer. Anyways, gender is a very weird concept, so it's okay if you aren't entirely sure what's yours.
Go to a shop and just allow yourself to go to clothes that you find comfortable and that you want to wear. Don't just look between your legs. Look at you and at who you want to be.
What's most important is what makes you feel most comfortable. If others disapprove with your decision, it's may be a good idea to schedule a therapy session with those who are confused with your decision to help them understand the way you are feeling!
Being a genderqueer person means sometimes you identify as a girl, sometimes as a boy, sometimes both at the same time, and other times something else entirely. You don't have to choose, which makes everything easier. You're free to be whoever you are at the moment, without having to stay in a little box. And I'll always be grateful to identify as genderqueer. That's who I am, and I'm okay with that.
It's difficult to make guesses, especially through online chat. It's best to ask someone directly about how they would want to identify themselves.
When it comes down to it, you need to find what you feel comfortable identifying as. If the idea of being male feels the most comfortable, then that might be your answer. The same goes for female. Your anatomy doesn't define you. If you are born a male but you feel most comfortable as a female, or vise versa, then there you go. If you feel more comfortable as a female than a male in some situations but more comfortable as a male than female in others, its possible that you are gender fluid. There's always agender if you don't think that any gender lable fits you. Gender identity may be a big part of today's society in some ways but you don't have to make it a big deal if its not that important to you. Try your best to love yourself for who you are. No matter what makes you different or marks you out.
I think you just get a sort've tug in your heart, you know what makes you comfortable and what doesn't. Discovering your gender is tough, some people know when they're very young, others don't until they're seniors. Sometimes finding a community of people also questioning their gender is a great way to help discover your own. It's not always easy figuring out how you fit into the spectrum of things. Finding a community of people, people who I am still great friends with, helped me to come to terms with who I am, and we have grown together. Finding people who also are faced with the question of "What am I?" is tremendously helpful, and it's comforting to know they also struggle with things like gender dysphoria, and coming out. I think a great way to discover who you are is to perhaps try out different pronouns, maybe he, she, or they, and accompany it with perhaps a different name, or the same name. Have people use your new pronouns, or try one of the many websites that allow you to hear yourself spoken about with different pronouns, and you can see what really feels right and comfortable for you. Being trans is a journey, not always an easy one, but one that's worth it in the end. I'm always eager to speak about trans issues.
It's not always that easy to know, it can take years until you're completely sure. You might have to keep out what others label you as, and really look into yourself. You can also search on the internet and see what gender you feel fits you the best. But of course you can "change your mind" if you later feel like it doesn't fit you properly.
Well gender in general is a social construct and means certain roles, behaviors and looks associated with one gender. As you stated, there are more than two genders and it's also a lot of what is accepted in your country. You can know which one you are by which one you identify the most. There are also a-genders which basically don't see themselves as a specific gender or doesn't believe in the gender construct at all. It's a lot about your inner feeling and how you see yourself the most comfortable,
You shouldn't have to force yourself into an identity. Whatever you're comfortable with, you should go along with that. Scientifically, being able to tell if you're a boy or a girl should be easy. But personally, you have your doubts and questions on what you really are. What ever you feel more comfortable being, whether thats being a boy, a girl or something else entirely - go with it.
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