I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
Last Updated: 12/26/2021 at 4:51am
Sarah Robb, LISW-S (Licensed Independent Social Worker, Supervisor Designation) and LICDC (Licenced Chemical Dependency Counselor)
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations. Life poses many challenges. Learning to face, cope with, and resolve these challenges can increase our resilience.
Top Rated Answers
I came out as pansexual in the 9th grade, my freshman year. My bestfriend at the time was an open lesbian. She truly was in love with me, at that point. I let her down easily, and she still depended on me as a very close friend. The best thing for her to do, was to accept the way things were, and to modify herself and her actions to make the situation work best for her. She knew I did not feel the same, and accepted that. She was okay with us being just friends.
Hmm that's a very tough situation to manoeuvre. My suggestion from personal experience is you can never hide how you truly feel. In fact, there could be a chance they may already be aware. If you are honest at least you are not lying to your self. It is probably one of the toughest things to deal with is your feelings, but the best thing is if you just let them know what's going on. If they are your best friend chances are they love you one way or another so be honest to yourself and to them.
I could say that cases like this are too familiar especially when you're a young person that is a part of the LGBTQ+ community. Sexual orientation varies from person to person and the range is so wide—it is a spectrum, and people may belong in between and from the opposite sides of it. As for this case, you and your best friend aren't quite in the same page with your sexuality. Since she's straight, she prefers guys. Since you're not straight, you may prefer girls or maybe both and all. And it's okay. But what is important to remember is that we should respect every person's sexual orientation. But when we're in love, sometimes we over analyze the signs and we tend to think that love can overpower preferences. We ask ourselves, "What if she romantically likes me too, even if she's straight?" The answer for that is true and false. True because as what I've said earlier, everyone can fall anywhere in the spectrum and it's possible that she can be romantically attracted to you but still labels herself as straight because sexual orientation and sexual behavior and preference differ from each other. And it is false because it is possible that she only sees you as a friend and she only sees herself in the future with a male person as a partner. But every case of falling-in-love-with-straight-best-friend is unique. In the future, it is always a good story about our growth on sexuality as teenagers (or adults!) and everyone's story ends up differently from others. But let us always remember the most important thing— that no matter what sexual orientation, we should respect everyone with all our hearts.
Okay. I have been through this same experience as well and I almost lost my best friend, so be cautious. I know you'll hate this advice because i hated it too, but you should try to either stop loving her or conceal it really well. For me, i ended up losing interest when she told me she was straight and i told her i used to love her. She ignored me for three days. I'm just saying, be super duper cautious and don't get heartbroken.
I would suggest that you tell your friend the truth about your feelings, but explain that you understand that she is straight and that you will always respect her boundaries.
Talk to her about how you feel. It might seem scary but it's the right thing to do. Her response might surprise you and it will be better to get your feelings out in the open so you can both talk about it. Best of luck!!
Respect her feelings. Love is not always sex. Tell her how you feel and see. What if deep inside she loves you back
Respect both your feelings and the potential feelings of your friend, meaning you should be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you have feelings for her. If you think your friendship is strong enough, tell her how you feel. If she rejects those feelings, you shouldn't feel angry or upset at her, instead respect her feelings and acknowledge that you deserve someone who will love you back.
I’ve actually had this experience myself and I can understand that this must be a really hard and conflicting situation for you. From my experience, on the one hand I had this crazy love for my closest best friend and really wanted more than a friendship but on the other hand (seeing as she’s straight!) I had quite a fear of losing our friendship! You have a a lot options here based on what you think will help this situation the most. It may seem risky but sometimes being honest with your best friend and having a conversation can clear up many thoughts and feelings you have and getting it out in the open can be relieving for you. However this could be an uncomfortable situation (on both sides) to be in so only so so if you feel would be appropriate. Another option of many would be to completely accept and acknowledge your feelings which you’ve done really well on doing, and try to move on. You can still maintain a healthy friendship and although it may take time to get over, and the feeling may never completely get away, it is completely still possible to remain as friends. I really appreciate that this is a hard situation and wish you the best of luck!
I would say do something that feels right to you. I had been through this kind of situation too. I live in a boarding school and fall so hard for this other girl who is my roommate and also my best friend. I know that she is a straight, and so I never want to show her any affection, but it was hard because everyday I wake up I would her there in our room, so I started avoiding her. Avoiding her worked for a while, until one day where I had an emotional breakdown. I realize I still like and still want to talk to her like we used too, so I made a come out to her. I told her everything, it was emotional, but we had a talk about it and now we're still friends. I am not writing this to urge you to come out to your best friend. You don't have to make a come out to anyone if you don't feel ready too or if you don't feel like it. Again, I would say do you think is right for you or something that would make a difference in your life, in my situation I decided to make a come out. I hope my answer is helpful.
If she’s straight you must respect that part of her! And you’d have to decide if you tell her, you might risk losing your best friend.
Let her know how you feel and that she should accept you no matter what. Do it face to face and don't be too blunt
You can ask yourself if you are able to stay friend with her or if your feelings about her is too strong, and it would hurt you more to keep seeing her knowing the fact it's gonna be the only relationship you will ever have with her. Eventually, you can try to talk with her about this, maybe she will be able to help you and find a solution. :)
There isn't much you can do. You need to be there for her as her best friend unless you think you can't be around her any more. If she doesn't like you then that's it. Just know that you can love multiple people.
Confess to her. If she cares about you as a friend, she should be willing to help you ride these emotions out and move on so you can enjoy the friendship without your feelings bothering you. Keeping your feelings bottled up can just lead to you distancing yourself or even spoiling the friendship out of difficulties dealing with your own emotions. If your friend no longer wants to be your friend after you confess, then maybe she's not a good friend at all.
Well , you could maybe sit down and talk to her about this and just expain fully your feelings towards her and say you understands she is straight and that you don't want your friendship to be affected by this.
Make sure if she actually is straight and not just bisexual/pansexual/homosexual and 'in the closet'. If she actually is straight, you don't have a chance with her, as harsh as that may sound. The best option would be to try to get over your feelings for her. You can tell her about it if you feel like that would not damage your friendship, but you are under no obligation to do so.
Tell her and see how it turns up it is the best thing you can do.
If you're in love with your best friend the best thing to do is to simply tell her, If your best friend loves you for you and values your friendship, she'll respond positively to let you know that she can't be in a relationship with you for her own reasons instead of negatively.
If you have expressed these feelings to your best friend and she has told you shes straight, there's not much you can do sadly.
You tell her what you feel and see what she thinks. It will only hurt you in the long run if you keep it in.
Well love comes in all shapes and figures but like we never choses who we love they don't either. If there is love there is hope
There's no way to make her feel the same way about you, whether you want that or not. There comes a point where you need to realize you feel a certain way and she does too, and both of your feelings are valid. Not everything works out, and it may be sad and tough in the beginning, but with time it will get better. It takes time, but moving on is your only option.
Have a conversation with her about my feelings even if it might go in a bad direction. There can be so many reasons for why this person might be in my life. Direct candor might be a good way to gain clarity because the frustration can be hard to live with. This is just what I would do but if someone feels okay with those feelings and enjoy the mystery of not knowing, the situation might not even be a problem. It depends on personal taste.
It really depends on what you want, and how you think your friend would react. Chances are, if she's straight, she probably won't be romantically interested. If you feel like it wouldn't put a strain on your friendship, you can certainly tell her, but be prepared for the backlash. Sometimes, people don't know how to react in that situation. If her friendship means a lot to you, keep that in your priorities. Friendship should come first.
I would try to we how she feels about it and have a talk with her about best friends liking best friends but in a way she doesn't feel uncomfortable or know that I'm speaking about her So I would give a scenario about two completely different persons
I feel this on a personal level, my friend. I fell in love with my best friend my first year of college and she is straight. We talked it out and she said she loves me, but in more of a platonic way. Sometimes, even though it may be scary, the best thing to do is talk it out.
Don't keep your feelings to yourself. Just tell her, so she's aware of how you feel. She should accept you for who you are, and shouldn't have a problem with it!
Try to set a time when you can talk to her and express what you've been feeling. Make sure she knows that it will not change anything on your end. But know, that their may be a period of time in the friendship that feels a little off after. That is okay and normal. You want to respect her space, but you also don't want to friendship to disappear. Be honest and make sure she knows that your friendship is the most important thing. Good luck to you!
There are a few paths you can take - when I was in this situation I explained to her my feelings and we worked together to figure out what path we can take to preserve our friendship. I you aren't comfortable with that you could also keep it to yourself and work on managing your feelings alone.
Related Questions: I'm love with my best friend, but she's straight. What do I do?
How do I come out as nonbinary?I've just come to terms with being transgender. How do I come out to my girlfriend of many years?How do I tell my boyfriend that I'm transgender?Is there any chats/groups/forums specifically for Transgender teens 18 and under?What does it mean to be Queer? How do I come out to my parents?How to deal with falling in love for your best (and straight) friend?How can I explain homosexuality to my parents?Hi. I’ve had trouble with my family lately. My mom says she supports me-being an enby but won’t call me by my pronouns. And got angry at me now I’m in trouble. Please help?How do I come out if I don’t even know if I am coming out as gay or bi or pan?