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Why am I so scared of coming out when I know my family fully supports LGBTQ rights?

41 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 12:34pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Myiesha Beard, LPC, NCC, CAMSII

Licensed Professional Counselor

I maintain a general practice providing services to children, adults, couples and families.

Top Rated Answers
thestarstoo
January 26th, 2015 4:51am
I think because it's one thing to know that they support LGBTQ people in a totally abstract sense, but another thing when you know it's you that they'll have to support. I think I was always afraid that I'd be letting my family down. That even if they were okay with it and supported me that they'd be somehow disappointed that I wasn't what they'd expected their child to be. It's a really hard thing to come out, but I'm so glad I did. My family absolutely loves and supports me and has gotten past the idea that I should've been something else. It's so nice to know that I have them on my side.
Talulah22
April 11th, 2015 5:26pm
Because coming out can be very scary! When you come out you are saying this is who I am, this is who I want to be and this is how you should see and accept me. It makes your sexuality true, it makes it something you can't deny anyome. Showing who you really are can be very scary.
Paradisecity84
June 6th, 2016 6:43pm
I think it's because you fear you will be thought of differently and maybe you think things will change
Anonymous
May 2nd, 2015 9:19pm
Because until now it has been your secret and you gave all to hide it. You're maybe afraid that anyone else (apart from your family) says something negative or that your family will suddenly stop being that tolerant. Sometimes really weird thoughts cross your mind so don't care, keep going and tell them. They will be proud you did!
Randy1
April 8th, 2015 3:49pm
Because you are a human being, and it is natural to fear rejection, even if you are fairly sure they will not reject you. I am straight and even though i know my parents would love me no matter what, it would still scare the heck out of me if I had to tell them I was homosexual or something like that, if only because they are my parents and I seek their approval, even as an adult. what you are experiencing is totally normal. Though it sure is nice that your parents already have open minds about the subject.
Thezenone
February 8th, 2016 9:31am
The quickest answer for that question is that you are scared of what it will mean to you and your family. Will they really accept you? Will you loose friends? all of those little questions make coming out a nightmare. Heres the truth of it. You won't just be coming out once. You will spend the rest of your life telling people over and over that you're gay. Some people will accept you and love you. Others will create a distance from you. It can be scary. Your feelings are very valid. However, I can tell you as an out gay male that once you do come out and you live your life openly and teach others that you are just expressing your love. You will be 1000 times happier than you would be hiding your truth in the closet. The people who matter in your life will need some time to reconcile their view of you. Some will just not understand. It took my brother a few years to come around. You live one life and you should do it openly and bring people into your life who know the true you and enjoy you for it. Thanks, Brian K
Anonymous
August 31st, 2015 11:42pm
I don't know. I'm scared too. But my parents are homophobic lol. I think it's cz you create this kind of bubble or world in which you are free to be yourself but your so used to it that it'd be weird to come out of it and tell the world who you are
Anonymous
August 25th, 2015 8:10pm
It will always be different when it comes to family. You're scared of what will change, how you will be treated or seen by your family. Maybe you're afraid of different expectations or pressure that will come once you tell them
Anonymous
August 22nd, 2017 8:45pm
It is okay to be scared of coming out, even if your family is very supportive of the LGBTQ community. Since coming out involves revealing ourselves in intimate ways to people, we can definitely feel scared and nervous about how they will react or view us after coming out. We might feel vulnerable after we come out because we might worry that our families will view our sexual orientations as our sole identifying factor. We might be scared that our family will "out" us to someone. We might feel nervous because we feel like we cannot take back our coming out conversations, meaning that we feel like the coming out conversations will leave permanent impressions upon our families regarding who we are. Whatever our reasons are, it's okay to be scared. I hope that this feeling passes for you, and that you experience joy and peace in who you are.
ItsButterflyLove
January 25th, 2016 1:55pm
Coming out is a personal process. It is in our nature to be with other people and we are scared of being alone. It makes us vulnerable. Coming out is a metal process. Do it when you are 100% sure and comfortable. Just know that we are always here to listen. And remember: You are beautiful the way you are ❤
HealingLotus
May 6th, 2015 2:31am
We live in a cruel world, there are a lot of harsh and closed minded people everywhere, people that want to hurt us. So being scared when these people exist is natural.
Aayla
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
July 8th, 2019 2:11pm
It could be an internalized fear: since you know that some things are not received well by everyone in society, you experience this fear, even though you know your family is open-minded. But socially internalized fears often diverge from logical reasoning, so it's normal to feel like this. It's also a delicate topic to face so it's normal to feel a bit uncomfortable. But if they are supportive, they will accept you for who you are! It can help you to keep telling this to yourself, sometimes trying to rationalize our fear can make a difference.
selfconfidentAvocado8054
November 8th, 2017 2:28am
I'm not a very open person when it comes to my feelings, so the idea of telling them something so big and vulnerable about myself scares me so much.
Raspberrycheesecake
June 4th, 2018 9:15am
It can be a scary thing to do, even when your family fully supports LGBTQ rights. It can be scary because you don't know fully what their reaction will be, or how they will take it. But all-in-all everything should be okay if they fully support LGBTQ rights.
Nighttlight
August 25th, 2015 7:06am
In my personal experience coming out meant choosing an orientation. I personally worried that if I came out as Lesbians If I'd be mocked for realizing I was bi. After coming out this exact situation happened except not with a bad outcome. I was accepted and while I cannot say that I am in the same situation as you I understand how that can be scary and you should know it's okay to be scared.
friendlyMoment33
December 28th, 2015 6:30am
I think it is because you may not be fully ready yet yourself, everyone has a different time when the feel it appropriate to come out. It's okay if you aren't ready, I know exactly what you're going through and that's okay.
dreamVision89
June 29th, 2015 4:29pm
I think it's more that you're coming out as you - as opposed to coming out as LGBTQ. It's great that your parents are supportive of LGBTQ rights. It shows that they care :-) Maybe it's that you're afraid of admitting and accepting this to yourself? When I was getting ready to come out, that was something that I really struggled with too. I had to be brave and just accept me for me.
TheTumblrGirl
August 1st, 2016 12:36am
I think it's because you're not sure how they'd react exactly, even though you know they support LGBTQ+ rights... personally for me, I was a little nervous to tell my family, even when I knew they were very supportive. It's just the idea and the anticipation of what they'd say, because I'm not who they thought I was. You don't want to be rejected by your family, but honestly, coming out to your family is the best thing for it, because they love you no matter what, because you're still the same person, just with different preferences. They're not going to label you.
enlightenedFireworks92
June 27th, 2016 6:13pm
It could be that you're scared that even though you know they support people like you, it might be harder for them to accept it from someone so close to them. But you know them best - and it's perfectly normal to be afraid about coming out, so go with whatever feels right for you
RainbowTrie
February 23rd, 2016 2:50pm
It's valid to feel scared about revealing a newfound identity to the people who are closest to you. Even though you know they're views, you might be nervous because you don't know what their reaction will be. You might even be afraid they'll think differently of you after you come out. It's a big leap to take but their support of LGBTQ rights is a good sign. Best of luck with your journey!
ashbradbury42
February 22nd, 2016 7:04am
Because it's a huge secret, and anything like that is going to be difficult to tell the people that matter most. But you got this :)
therandomhyperone
April 18th, 2015 8:24pm
because coming out is a very daunting thing but if you know your family support lgbtq rights you don't have to worry about it as much. it will go fine.
Anonymous
October 18th, 2016 10:09pm
It is just the anticipation and what other people have experienced when they came out. If you're gay or bisexual or whatever, then just come home with a girlfriend or boyfriend and see what your family says.
Anonymous
May 21st, 2018 7:27am
Because it's your family, and you don't want to let them feel like they missed something by never knew, maybe because you don't want them to put their nose in your sexuality ? But the most important is, don't be scared, it's gonna be okay, don't worry, just breath and when you think it's time tell them.
Anonymous
February 20th, 2018 5:33pm
Revealing something to people close to you is terrifying, given that the fact is they might not accept you, although to give you a direct answer, it's just human nature to be scared.
Oblivion5
January 25th, 2015 11:50pm
Your scared of others opinions of your orientation. Your afraid they will treat you differently, reject it.
Anonymous
September 16th, 2017 10:25am
I know they would support me but when it comes to my friends and my school, people use the words gay or lesbian and stuff as if its something gross or weird. I just feel like if I come out I might get bullied or every friend I have would leave me. I am either Bi or Lesbian and I really find it impossible to think about a life I could live with everyone knowing who I am and what my sexuality is. It scares me that some of my relatives seem like they don't like LGBTQ+ and I don't want to be hated by the ones that I always love and care for.
Anonymous
June 28th, 2021 12:34pm
Unfortunately, not everyone's family supports the LGBTQ community so you've probably heard some stories of children being rejected or disowned for coming out. This can have a really negative effect on how we view the process of coming out to our families and even if we are certain that they will support us, there might still be a little nagging voice of 'what if'. This is a completely normal reaction and it's okay to feel like that. But you know you're family best, if you believe they are accepting they probably will be. Don't let the experiences of others shape your own experiences.
wishfulVision96
July 24th, 2018 11:25pm
Maybe because you feel like even though they fully support them, they might not support your decision.
Anonymous
September 7th, 2015 2:24am
It could be a personal fear. Even though you know they support LGBTQ, there's a difference between knowing, and believing it.