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Why am I so scared of coming out when I know my family fully supports LGBTQ rights?

41 Answers
Last Updated: 06/28/2021 at 12:34pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.

Top Rated Answers
January 26th, 2015 4:51am
I think because it's one thing to know that they support LGBTQ people in a totally abstract sense, but another thing when you know it's you that they'll have to support. I think I was always afraid that I'd be letting my family down. That even if they were okay with it and supported me that they'd be somehow disappointed that I wasn't what they'd expected their child to be. It's a really hard thing to come out, but I'm so glad I did. My family absolutely loves and supports me and has gotten past the idea that I should've been something else. It's so nice to know that I have them on my side.
April 11th, 2015 5:26pm
Because coming out can be very scary! When you come out you are saying this is who I am, this is who I want to be and this is how you should see and accept me. It makes your sexuality true, it makes it something you can't deny anyome. Showing who you really are can be very scary.
June 6th, 2016 6:43pm
I think it's because you fear you will be thought of differently and maybe you think things will change
May 2nd, 2015 9:19pm
Because until now it has been your secret and you gave all to hide it. You're maybe afraid that anyone else (apart from your family) says something negative or that your family will suddenly stop being that tolerant. Sometimes really weird thoughts cross your mind so don't care, keep going and tell them. They will be proud you did!
April 8th, 2015 3:49pm
Because you are a human being, and it is natural to fear rejection, even if you are fairly sure they will not reject you. I am straight and even though i know my parents would love me no matter what, it would still scare the heck out of me if I had to tell them I was homosexual or something like that, if only because they are my parents and I seek their approval, even as an adult. what you are experiencing is totally normal. Though it sure is nice that your parents already have open minds about the subject.
February 8th, 2016 9:31am
The quickest answer for that question is that you are scared of what it will mean to you and your family. Will they really accept you? Will you loose friends? all of those little questions make coming out a nightmare. Heres the truth of it. You won't just be coming out once. You will spend the rest of your life telling people over and over that you're gay. Some people will accept you and love you. Others will create a distance from you. It can be scary. Your feelings are very valid. However, I can tell you as an out gay male that once you do come out and you live your life openly and teach others that you are just expressing your love. You will be 1000 times happier than you would be hiding your truth in the closet. The people who matter in your life will need some time to reconcile their view of you. Some will just not understand. It took my brother a few years to come around. You live one life and you should do it openly and bring people into your life who know the true you and enjoy you for it. Thanks, Brian K
August 25th, 2015 8:10pm
It will always be different when it comes to family. You're scared of what will change, how you will be treated or seen by your family. Maybe you're afraid of different expectations or pressure that will come once you tell them
August 31st, 2015 11:42pm
I don't know. I'm scared too. But my parents are homophobic lol. I think it's cz you create this kind of bubble or world in which you are free to be yourself but your so used to it that it'd be weird to come out of it and tell the world who you are
August 22nd, 2017 8:45pm
It is okay to be scared of coming out, even if your family is very supportive of the LGBTQ community. Since coming out involves revealing ourselves in intimate ways to people, we can definitely feel scared and nervous about how they will react or view us after coming out. We might feel vulnerable after we come out because we might worry that our families will view our sexual orientations as our sole identifying factor. We might be scared that our family will "out" us to someone. We might feel nervous because we feel like we cannot take back our coming out conversations, meaning that we feel like the coming out conversations will leave permanent impressions upon our families regarding who we are. Whatever our reasons are, it's okay to be scared. I hope that this feeling passes for you, and that you experience joy and peace in who you are.
May 6th, 2015 2:31am
We live in a cruel world, there are a lot of harsh and closed minded people everywhere, people that want to hurt us. So being scared when these people exist is natural.
January 25th, 2016 1:55pm
Coming out is a personal process. It is in our nature to be with other people and we are scared of being alone. It makes us vulnerable. Coming out is a metal process. Do it when you are 100% sure and comfortable. Just know that we are always here to listen. And remember: You are beautiful the way you are ❤
August 25th, 2015 7:06am
In my personal experience coming out meant choosing an orientation. I personally worried that if I came out as Lesbians If I'd be mocked for realizing I was bi. After coming out this exact situation happened except not with a bad outcome. I was accepted and while I cannot say that I am in the same situation as you I understand how that can be scary and you should know it's okay to be scared.
June 4th, 2018 9:15am
It can be a scary thing to do, even when your family fully supports LGBTQ rights. It can be scary because you don't know fully what their reaction will be, or how they will take it. But all-in-all everything should be okay if they fully support LGBTQ rights.
- Expert in LGBTQ+ Issues
July 8th, 2019 2:11pm
It could be an internalized fear: since you know that some things are not received well by everyone in society, you experience this fear, even though you know your family is open-minded. But socially internalized fears often diverge from logical reasoning, so it's normal to feel like this. It's also a delicate topic to face so it's normal to feel a bit uncomfortable. But if they are supportive, they will accept you for who you are! It can help you to keep telling this to yourself, sometimes trying to rationalize our fear can make a difference.
February 23rd, 2016 2:50pm
It's valid to feel scared about revealing a newfound identity to the people who are closest to you. Even though you know they're views, you might be nervous because you don't know what their reaction will be. You might even be afraid they'll think differently of you after you come out. It's a big leap to take but their support of LGBTQ rights is a good sign. Best of luck with your journey!
November 8th, 2017 2:28am
I'm not a very open person when it comes to my feelings, so the idea of telling them something so big and vulnerable about myself scares me so much.
January 25th, 2015 11:50pm
Your scared of others opinions of your orientation. Your afraid they will treat you differently, reject it.
April 18th, 2015 8:24pm
because coming out is a very daunting thing but if you know your family support lgbtq rights you don't have to worry about it as much. it will go fine.
June 29th, 2015 4:29pm
I think it's more that you're coming out as you - as opposed to coming out as LGBTQ. It's great that your parents are supportive of LGBTQ rights. It shows that they care :-) Maybe it's that you're afraid of admitting and accepting this to yourself? When I was getting ready to come out, that was something that I really struggled with too. I had to be brave and just accept me for me.
December 28th, 2015 6:30am
I think it is because you may not be fully ready yet yourself, everyone has a different time when the feel it appropriate to come out. It's okay if you aren't ready, I know exactly what you're going through and that's okay.
February 22nd, 2016 7:04am
Because it's a huge secret, and anything like that is going to be difficult to tell the people that matter most. But you got this :)
June 27th, 2016 6:13pm
It could be that you're scared that even though you know they support people like you, it might be harder for them to accept it from someone so close to them. But you know them best - and it's perfectly normal to be afraid about coming out, so go with whatever feels right for you
August 1st, 2016 12:36am
I think it's because you're not sure how they'd react exactly, even though you know they support LGBTQ+ rights... personally for me, I was a little nervous to tell my family, even when I knew they were very supportive. It's just the idea and the anticipation of what they'd say, because I'm not who they thought I was. You don't want to be rejected by your family, but honestly, coming out to your family is the best thing for it, because they love you no matter what, because you're still the same person, just with different preferences. They're not going to label you.
September 7th, 2015 2:24am
It could be a personal fear. Even though you know they support LGBTQ, there's a difference between knowing, and believing it.
September 15th, 2015 11:14am
It's totally normal to be afraid to come out, may the family be to a very supportive or totally against it. I think the fear of telling your parents that you're not what they thought you once were can be very frightening, or being afraid to let them down and disappoint them. Though since your family is supportive of the LGBTQ community, maybe that is a small comfort, knowing that they already accept it even though you're not out yet:)
September 17th, 2015 9:14pm
Sometimes it's very scary to be vulnerable about who you are to anyone, even if you know they will be accepting. If you don't feel ready yet, that's fine. Take your time, you will be you for the rest of your life! The most important thing is that you are comfortable sharing that part of yourself with your family, on your time!
September 22nd, 2015 8:24am
its ok to be scared, nobody's journey of self discovery is easy especially when we reveal vulnerable aspects of our self to other people as well as the degrading homophobic influence that we experience from certain people , but you can take comfort In knowing that your family fully supports LGBTQ rights, take your time, be brave, and learn to accept yourself because if you cant how do you expect others to accept you. all the best :)
November 3rd, 2015 3:58am
Just knowing others haven't been fully supported leaves the same thought in your mind whether or not you know your family supports LGBTQ rights.
April 12th, 2016 3:22am
Because it is a huge change, nevertheless. The thought of them still changing the way they look at you, will always be present, even if you know they'd love you the same. It's kind of a change in our life, that we now need to let others know about, and accept.
July 4th, 2016 6:20am
Maybe you doubt something or someone. Good for you to be ready before u fully come out and to know that yoou choose what u wanna be and you are happy and thats all that matters.