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How can I be sure I am lonely?

142 Answers
Last Updated: 06/15/2022 at 2:45pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jill Kapil, PsyD

Psychologist

I have over 9 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.

Top Rated Answers
fantasticComfort99
September 5th, 2018 8:00pm
You are not alone. Know that there are people or someone special out there that love and care about you. You may think you are alone but look around and see that there are people that love and care about you. Know that theres someone out there that would give their everything for you. Your not alone. You have a family, if not, friends that love and support you. If you ever feel that you are alone just remember your friends, family, or people that care about you and everything that theyve done for you. Everything they've given up for you. Just know and never forget that youre not alone.
JHeartFlow
September 6th, 2018 3:49am
Loneliness is a feeling. Lonely describes the state of feeling loneliness. If you feel lonely, that means you are in this state of loneliness. A state of loneliness is just a state. The state may last for 5 seconds or it may last for months, just like any other state. A state of happiness, energy, or confidence likewise can last for 5 seconds or it may last for months. Someone else cannot come and define your state, only you can. They can suggest what they think your state might be based on their views of the outward expressions that you are sending them. However, they cannot truly know your state. At the same time, you might not be able to truly know your state at a given time if you are not focused on asking yourself what you are feeling. If you are asking such a question that means you are already considering what feeling you have, and means that you are lonely. 7 cups has trained listeners to help you while you are in a state of loneliness, and there are other resources people can provide that may help you get out of the state if you so desire.
SkylrOutlier
September 26th, 2018 9:27pm
Interesting question. In a sense, loneliness is just a label we put on a feeling. The word itself is arbitrary. If it's causing stress, there's really no need to put a label on the feeling. Generally, loneliness is characterized by wanting to be around people and being in distress because of that want. You may be lonely even if you have lots of friends if you don't feel that you connect with them deeply, for example. Or perhaps you have lots of great support systems in your life, but you just feel like you need more. Only you can feel what you feel. If you think you may be feeling lonely, you are. If you are unsure, you don't have to call it that.
Anonymous
November 7th, 2018 9:45am
Other contributing factors include situational variables, such as physical isolation, moving to a new location, and divorce. The death of someone significant in a person's life can also lead to feelings of loneliness. ... This can lead to isolation and chronic loneliness. Are you often on your own isolated alone you feel numb, try reaching out to someone be brave to speak out join clubs or attend events or find old friends be yourself don't hide be true to you, don't change to be someone you do not have faith and talk to someone who will understand u
Clarisse29
November 21st, 2018 7:50am
When at the end of the day you have loads to talk about but no one to listen to, you indeed are lonely then. It sucks, keeping things to ourselves, and it sucks even more when we are willing to share things with people but we have nobody to share them with. There’s a lack of compassion and love and all sorts of feelings when we are lonely. The amazing feeling of knowing someone is there for us, someone we can share our mind and thoughts with, it just feels amazing and then you feel there’s a lack of all these feelings, then indeed you’re lonely.
Anonymous
February 10th, 2019 10:03pm
you have none to turn to in difficult moments and you find your self alone most of the time. also you can feel you would bother others if you ask them about something maybe hang out or this kind of stuff. people who are lonely also tend to overthink about different stuff and exaggerate stuff. if you are alone you lose interest in a lot of everyday activities because they are not fun anymore as you dont actually share them with anyone and that is the true point about life. not what you do but whom do you do it with.
Anonymous
April 25th, 2019 11:03pm
"Sure" is a strong word, few people are "sure" and none of them i met, absolute words exclude diversity. There may be a few indicators for being lonely, these are just a few you might have your own or think of some: 1. Trauma, mental or physical or of any kind, an animal instinct is to hide away. 2. When you deliberately shunned your friends away or chose to be reclusive or you hae been shunned. 3. Hormonal. It is normal to feel "lonely" when our hormones are active. Never been a fan of castration or spaying even at times i wished, but nature calls and we cannot find parteners and there are hormonal imballances. Medical can be seeked or chust reach out to people. 4. There were a few experiments with the best survivors doing it alone. Each one of them said the lonelinesss was tge greatest burden and they wanted to return to their own whom they missed so much. They all had professional skills in surviving but loneliness got to them all. 5.Logical: you can be sure you are lonely when you have no friends, no contacts and no pets, when you start talking to yourself or get imaginary friends or worlds.
Anonymous
April 28th, 2019 5:26am
Being lonely is a feeling, more than what is happening around us. We might be surrounded by lots of people and still feel lonely, while we might be alone, and not feeling lonely. To make sure whether or not we are lonely, we could refer to our feelings! Though, there are things that we can examine, like "do I receive emotional support that I need?", "Do I have people around me with whom I feel safe enough to share my thoughts and emotions, without being concerned about getting judged or hurt?", "do we have people around us to have fun with?" Answering questions like this might help, considering that not all of us need these things in the same way and to the same amount, only we ourselves can answer these questions!
SerialThinker
May 19th, 2019 7:41pm
The most assuring source to prove if you are right or wrong, is within you. Think about how you feel. If you feel lonely, then you are lonely. Sometimes people are even surrounded by people and they still feel lonely, but the appearance can be very tricking. If someone feels lonely, then there is something missing in that person's relationships. Whether its massing in our relationship with ourselves or with others, the feeling can still be a good measure. Even there are people who enjoy times being alone, like introverts, but than again they can feel lonely as well at times.
Anonymous
May 26th, 2019 4:54pm
An interesting way to look at your question is to look at the events in your life that you examine and see it with clarity. What I mean is to look at it like a reporter covering a news story might observe it. It is a little challenging when you try to look at the facts rather than what you might feel. For example, perhaps you were at a get-together, and you felt left out of people's conversations and that maybe you feel a little lonely because of it. Maybe looking at it as a reporter looks at it, s/he might see you appearing a little distracted and not to seem interested in contributing to the conversation. In this particular instance, what you felt and what appeared to be what you were projecting were utterly different. You see clearly what you see, what you think, and what you amplify. Try it with your questions and see what you think. After all, it is what you think that matters in this instance.
Anonymous
May 31st, 2019 8:19pm
You know you are lonely when you feel like nobody is around to talk to and you feel like everybody around you is ignoring what you say and do. You see everybody else with friends and feel left out and out of place there. You will notice that you have even become anti-social at points because you feel out of place in any public places. You will feel upset when you realize you have no company around you to support you and just be there with you. At points you can even feel lonely when you are not far away.
Itsokay091
July 28th, 2019 8:43am
1-When we have supportive family and friends who make themselves available for us but still we feel uncomfortable sharing our thoughts with them, we feel lonely. 2-When people judge us for who we are when all we did was trusted them with our troubles and shared our heart with them but their judgements discourage us and we feel lonely. 3-Being all alone on our own also makes us feel lonely. 4- Our low self esteem and confidence that we are unworthy of love, appreciation and respect lead us to loneliness. Hope my answers helps you to figure out the cause of your loneliness and overcome it.
Anonymous
September 11th, 2020 9:09pm
You're lonely when you feel lonely. That's the only requirement. Even if you have a large circle of friends or family you hang out with all the time, if you feel lonely, you're lonely. So then, how do you know you -feel- lonely? I suppose you feel lonely when you're wishing you had someone to meaningfully share something with. Whether it's sharing physical contact, sharing ideas, or sharing the same room or space. This is why you can feel lonely even when there's people around you. They might be near you, but you might be unable to share the thing you want with them. Or perhaps you feel like they won't understand the message behind your act of sharing.
Anonymous
July 24th, 2016 1:08am
You're never lonely. You always have the availability to talk to someone caring and warm-hearted. Even if it's a parent or a sibling, you always have the availability to talk to someone.
Anonymous
May 25th, 2022 1:25am
You can be sure you are lonely when you distance yourself from other people. And what I mean by this is that you are not surrounding yourself with others or you just don't enjoy being around the individuals close to you. Also when the people around you don't communicate or reach out to you: in the sense that are people you know but still they do not open up a conversation with you. You can also be sure you are lonely when you stay by yourself a lot. Whether it's when you are at home or school.
Anonymous
May 11th, 2022 11:37am
Well, anything you feel is valid. If you feel lonely that is sad about being left out or alone even in a group full of people, its still means you’re feeling lonely. Loneliness doesn’t simply mean physical distance from people, it is how you feel on the inside. Like if you have this feeling that there’s no one you can go to and no one who will be there for you all the time, it’s still a feeling of loneliness and despite it having a negative connotation, it’s okay. Maybe you haven’t found your “people” yet and that’s what the universe is trying to show you because you deserve the best. The “ghost” of loneliness makes its presence felt, it’s up to you to validate then.
Anonymous
February 12th, 2022 4:24am
When I am feeling lonely, I know that i constantly feel tired all the time. I feel like a deflated balloon walking around with very little motivation. I don't feel like I have a best friend or anyone that I can really talk with. Even when I'm with others I feel like there is no deep connection and it's as if we weren't even "hanging out". I tend to participate in activities that don't include others such as binge watching television, or I spend a lot of time on social media instead of spending time with people in person.. I think I do that because seeing people on television or on social media makes it seem like I'm surrounded by people, but in the end I always still have that nagging feeling of tiredness. If you have any of these feelings, you are probably lonely.
naturalhelper6843
January 3rd, 2022 2:06pm
A wise man ounce told me that there is a difference between being alone and being lonely, and that we often get the two mixed up. the difference is that being alone is a state of being, but being lonely is a state of mind, a feeling. lonely is the feeling that you have nobody, that you don't have anybody who cares about you. The second way to tell if you feel lonely instead of just alone is if you have people but feel you do not, like you could be in a crowded room but still feel alone.
Anonymous
October 27th, 2021 10:16pm
To be sure you are lonely is when you feel like there is nothing and no one to see in life, it feels like you are the only person on this earth, and that can be extremely isolating even when you are in a room full of people. It is the inability or hardness to connect with others on deeper levels, and the fact that you do not have any close or best friends that you can come to if you need help, and the overwhelming feeling of isolation. It is the emotional exhausting when trying to speak with someone, and the negative feelings of worth and self-doubt.
Shwe31
October 22nd, 2021 5:59am
If you are mentally as well as physically isolated, you may be lonely. But this is not always the case. If you like spending time alone or in solitude that is a good attribute towards yourself , because then you can introspect yourself. You can deeply meditate upon your qualities, behaviour and true nature, how do you reflect on certain situations. These introspection helps you build your personality and overall well being and so lonliness is not always a negative thing. If you take loneliness positively you grow with it and help and heal yourself as well as others .
Anonymous
August 26th, 2021 10:02pm
Most people notice they are lonely when they feel the need to lean on somebody, but realize they have nobody to lean on to and some when they feel alone even in places packed full with people. Being lonely is something every person feels in a different way though, loneliness is an emotion, and sometimes emotions can not be translated into words. Being lonely is nothing to be ashamed of. Everybody was lonely at some point or another in their life, but nobody will stay lonely forever, it sometimes just takes more time for a person to find somebody they can lean on.
Anonymous
April 21st, 2021 5:04am
If you know someone who seems to spend a lot of time alone, it could be a sign that they are lonely. For example, if one of your colleagues always eats lunch alone or doesn’t join in with office banter, it could be because they are nervous about diving in and need someone else to initiate. 1. They spend a lot of time alone 2. They are unproductive 3. They get stuck on the negatives 4. They seem to be sick or ill frequently 5. They seem overly attached to their possessions or hobbies. When someone feels lonely they are more likely to try to distract themselves with the other things in their lives.
Anonymous
February 24th, 2021 7:36am
Sometimes we can struggle with loneliness, doubt or self doubt, feeling misunderstood. I know how hard it can be and I'm so sorry you have to deal with it on your own. Well, I'm sure that deep down you're not lonely. There will always be people who care and are affected by your life! Most times that's just how you percieve the world or in this case people around you. Anyway, that's not a good pretest to deny your emotions though. A big step is recognizing how you're feeling (in this case, lonely) and try to talk about it. Please, don't keep in inside, or else it will soon become a belief! I'm always here if you need me to prove you that you're not lonely!
Anonymous
January 13th, 2021 2:30pm
First of all being lonely and being alone are very different. You feel alone when you are physically alone. Loneliness however is a feeling you can have all the time. It is having friends, but no one to talk to. Not knowing where to go in the school break. Being in a room full of people but feeling like you are alone in the world, almost lost. It is being stuck in a situation and you can't talk about it or get out. Knowing that whatever happens, you will have to figure it out on your own, without the help of anybody on this entire planet.
Stopthinkact
January 2nd, 2021 12:42am
When you feel that you want to talk about something private and you dont find someone you feel relieved to talk to or when you want to do something and you have anyone who can be with you. You could be lonely if you spend alot of your time alone, people dont reach out to you, when you spend time doing things just for the sake of passing time. When you feel hollow inside and feel that you want to cry and you like to sleep alot so your day is over. Maybe other stuff also that make you feel away from the world
Anonymous
December 9th, 2020 5:58am
When you have something( even its happy or sadness ) to talk/express and you feel no one really there to express, when you feel the love/care that y0u kept on others and the same person doesn't recognize that. Even when you were surrounded by hundreds, still not having anyone to standup with you.
Anonymous
November 28th, 2020 1:39pm
You know that you are lonely when you feel like you cannot to connect with others on a deeper, more intimate level, when you have no close friends or 'best' friends, when you have an overwhelming feeling of isolation regardless of where you are and who's around, when you have negative feelings of self-doubt and self-worth, when you feel like you don't have anyone to talk to, you find yourself taking really long and hot showers, you can't stop binge-watching shows, etc... Hope this helped a little.
HelenaxForever
November 1st, 2020 11:45am
You are never lonely, this is only a feeling we have in ourselves. Be alone doesn't mean you are lonely. You are surrounded by millions of different life forms around you that you can connect and communicate with. A pet, tree, even plants. flowers in and outside your home. We are too focused on humans only. You can feel lonely in a big city but feel the total opposite in a wooden cabin in a forest. These days we also have internet, multiplayer games, chat forums social media. Even music or a movie can you let yourself feel connected.
CaringSharon
October 29th, 2020 11:54pm
There's a difference between alone and lonely. Being lonely leans towards feeling badly about being apart from everyone and disconnected from everyone. Lonely feels like a longing to be with someone. Being alone feels like you are choosing to be alone. I think of it as being ok about being alone. I call it Sanctuary time. For each person, a specific amount of alone time is required. Some people never want to be alone. Some people can handle days and weeks alone. There's no right about of alone time needed for each person. Lonely is a state of mind that you are not in alignment with being alone. You are noticing you are being alone and you long to be connected to someone. Pick up a phone and call a friend, or go out and change the scenery. Maybe that's all you need.
WendinCaring
January 16th, 2020 5:48pm
Almost everyone feels lonely once in a while. One telltale sign of being lonely - you are longing to connect with others. If you talk with old people who live alone. You will find out they can't stop chatting with strangers. It is like they have an itch for chatting. If you have the itch, probably you am lonely. Sometimes loneliness can be a chronic condition. Some people may tell you, "I have not talked with someone for a while. Now I don't know how to talk properly." Well, being alone for too long makes you harder to open up about anything. That is loneliness.