"Exploring effects of bullying": Take the Path and Earn a Badge!

@Heather225

What a brilliant idea, will definitely give it a go 💖💜 thank you 🥰

@Heather225 This is wonderful! I have switched over to this growth path. I will check back here on the 6th day. 😀 

@AnnaSilverberg Thank you so much for your time and dedication making this growth path to cover this very important, worth talking about topic! You're amazing 👏! 

@Heather225 thank youu heatherrrrr

@Heather225

I would work through the workbook but two points.

1. If I had a safe person I wouldn't have to endure years of chronic abuse. People didn't stand by me which eventually made me even more vulnerable.

2. I often can't determine what is okay or not. Because the thing they're doing is okay on the surface. My nephew has been sitting at the sofa for years and it was okay. I never felt unsafe. But suddenly whenever they come to the sofa I can't breathe. Suddenly the wind changed and I couldn't figure out what to say to them, because on the surface it doesn't look like they're doing anything wrong. It was absolutely subtle and I couldn't believe in what a dire position I have fallen in. It's so subtle and so lonely, especially when people push you to tell them with firm voice, "That is not okay". It's further isolating.
Walking away- that too. Walking away was hard for me due to chronic pain. I was pretty much room bound for chronic pain and this is the opportunity they took. I did walk away a lot but it ended up almost a year of non-productivity and constant pain. I didn't even recognize myself and I couldn't remember what I was working on before. My routine got completely disrupted.
So these kinds of defense skills only further isolates me. I have a feeling there's a severe lack of empathy and compassion from the people outside- I just can't figure it out. One day I might get out of the situation, and I would clearly understand. But it's heartbreaking regardless.

Thank you Heather225!!

@Heather225

@AnnaSilverberg

Hi H and Anna! 😊  ❤️

I really cannot thank you both enough! 😊 ❤️ This truly is a needful thing here on 7 cups! 

Not sure if anyone here on the thread ever watches the show "The Big Bang Theory"? Funny quote "Three infractions and you have to take my class" - Sheldon. 

In all seriousness, perhaps making this path as a requirement could be a part of our behavioral points system if one is found to be doing such a thing to others here on the platform? I'd love nothing more than to see that happen. People that behave this way clearly don't understand the impact of their negative behaviors or simply could care less. Sometimes, they have gotten away with it for so very long, the behavior has become highly ingrained and simply becomes a way in which they operate on the daily. 

Are they ever sorry for what they did or are they just sorry they got caught? Perhaps taking a path such as this could be a teachable moment to help them understand that what it is that they do is wrong. 

It's very difficult to witness it being done to teammates as well as so very hurtful when it's been done to you for many, many years. As someone that has really been highly invested in listener retention, I have seen many a great listener and leader simply leave the platform as they couldn't take it anymore. It's heartbreaking to see us lose such good talent, those that care and try hard and leave because of the strange behaviors, unmet "needs" from real life, and unresolved personal issues of others that really aren't allowed here anyway while in the listener role. Others sometimes simply have their own agenda, either never understood our original purpose for being here or lost their way over time. 

One of the 7 cups core values is *showing grit*! To me that means standing strong in the face of adversity and it's only but for so long one can cling to that. If nothing changes, then nothing changes and one can only find the change in themselves to drop roles, avoid the person that is doing these things to them. At some point, self preservation has to come front and center. It's not worth the mental and emotional abuse. There is cognitive dissonance involved when one drops a role and or avoids certain places/visits there less, here on the platform even though they loved that role, care deeply about their teammates and have done nothing wrong. It's guilt inducing as you know you aren't in a position to help in the ways that you used to. 

I can only hope that this amazing path can be implemented in such a way as to help habitual offenders to somehow reconsider their behaviors. I am truly, so very grateful! ❤️

*high fives* 😊 *hugs* ❤️ and keep rockin the house!!!!!!!!!!  

Thank you for this H, I will be checking it out!!

i just want say that you did a beautiful job on the path anna, seriously it was so well put together and helpful and so appreciated thanks for all you do <3

@Heather225 

First, I want to say thank you bringing this to us, and to @AnnaSilverberg for creating the path! 

I have one experience in my life that deeply hurt me because this person was my best friend in elementary school. Something went weird (don't remember what it was) and she started in with the bullying. I don't know if it was a grab for attention from other people, a hurt in her life, jealousy, I'm not sure. But it was painful for years. She involved so many people. Most of them telling me what was happening, but a few believed her. 

I wrote this just now, thinking back to that. I fully worked through this in trauma therapy, so I have no feelings regarding it. However, TW: bullying 

This is called Angie J.

When I think back to the way she treated me
I think of all of the pain in my heart and in the pain of my stomach. 
I couldn't hurt my Mom by telling her what was wrong. 
I kept myself going, hiding the mean notes, being ignored 
by a teacher who played favorites 
not listening to the rumors she started, pretending the rumors
she started didn't exist, even when others would ask. 

Many years later, she found me on social media.
I swallowed my fear, opened my heart in anticipation of 
speaking as adults. 

The first thing she said was, "Do you remember when you told everyone (rumor she started)?"
I said, "No, but I remember you telling people that. Sarah told me. Jessica told me. 
It was a lie about me you created. 
And before I blocked her, I finished with "I see you have 3 children. I pray they aren't
bullied the way you bullied me."

I wrote her name on a rock and threw it into a river. 
And that's where that moment in my life stays. 
At the bottom of a river, where it won't hurt anyone again.

@Heather225

thank you for the post, H and Anna! i wanted to raise some points regarding the path and generally what has been on my mind

firstly, i think we usually pay more attention to physical bullying, or at least how many of us might picture bullying as a child. unaware of the social aspects of it. and even as an adult, we sometimes forget that social bullying counts too. being mindful of our words, the kinds of jokes we use and our tone matters a lot. 
next point that stands out for me is resilience. the definition of resilience as said in the path isn't to be perfect. it's about solely trying your best, and even sometimes setbacks. they're always intertwined, the only thing we can do is try and enjoy the ride. as i read somewhere, you're alive and breathing. and that means you had 100 percent survival rate till this moment, that itself counts as something very big!!💚
learning to walk away from some situations are important too. we can't force to convince or fix people, and sometimes that means protecting your own peace of mind by not saying any combat cuss words you can think of😄
i also wanted to raise the point of inclusivity in rooms, with this topic, we can all try to be more and more inclusive and welcoming to newcomers, let's remember we were all a newbie once! 
and for my final words, it's really not your fault❤