Things People Who are Transgender Wish You Knew
If this is part of your life story, please share your insights! What would you like the rest of us to learn? What should we know about people in this community? How would you like people to interact with you? Should people ask questions? What’s the best way for people to learn about this? Do you have any resources (books, movies, YT videos, etc) that will give us greater understanding and empathy and kindness toward people who experience the same things you do?
If you’re not on this journey, please share insights you’ve learned while interacting with those who are, whether family, friends, or anyone else. Share things you’ve read, and ask if they’re true. Share beliefs that you have, ask questions, and more! This is a safe space where you can learn about things you’ve never experienced. <3
Let’s have a gentle, fun, friendly conversation among friends! As a song in one of the Land Before Time movies says, “It takes all sorts to make a world!” <3
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I’m adding a taglist to start, but this post is open to absolutely everyone! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 thanks for the tag
@jesusredeemedme2425 looking forward for this thread ð¥°
I'm closeted trans but I wish people knew just how strong the fear of transitioning is and how strong the depression can be. Feeling like you're living a fake life. That even if people don't choose to transition the mental part of feeling like the opposite gender doesn't go away. It really feels like you're trapped or in a cage. Also I think a lot of bigots think it's mainly a sexual thing when it really isn't. I hate how society treats me as a man, I hate that I'm not cute or pretty. I hate that I've spent so much of my life ashamed. I hate how it feels like my entire thought process and experience as a human being is societys punching bag and how it feels like trans woman are just objects even more than biological women in society, but that's just how I feel as someone who hasn't transitioned physically so idk
Also just how dangerous and prone trans women are to violence and harassment.
Does closeted trans (besides people not knowing) mean that you also haven’t begun transitioning?
Not yet. I want to talk to a psychologist about it. It's hard because there's so much self hatred for a lot of us and growing up I was told a lot of stuff that hurt me and pushed me further in on myself. A lot of people at the church I grew up in use religion as an excuse to be horrible and homophobic and racist and a lot of my family are the same. It's pushed my faith away and I don't know how to have a relationship with God again. I've been more hopeful that my immediate family wouldn't disown me but I know most other people would. I live in a very accepting place compared to a lot of places but I'm still really afraid about it and I've accepted and push that part of myself away again like ten times through out the years and it's made me really depressed. It feels like I'm getting stabbed repeatedly in the back of my neck and when someone says something about women or makes a joke about me being a guy it really hurts because I would do anything to live an hour as a woman
If you have any other questions I'd be really happy to answer them
What are some parts about being a woman that you dream of?
Have you been accepted by anyone?
I've always wanted to look in the mirror and see someone beautiful and soft staring back at me. I've thought so much on how I can't form friendships with women the way I want. I used to have a lot of friends who were girls as a kid and it felt totally normal to compliment them and hang out with them and enjoy the same things as them, but now I feel like a lot of people just view me as weird for liking those things or I'm trying to hit on them or there's an underlying feeling that they think I want something. I have always been viewed as a weak man with men because it already feels kinda like how girl describe their relationships with men and I've always liked girly things anyway. I feel like I don't fit anywhere. I want to wear pretty clothes. I want to feel happy. I want to learn makeup because it seems fun. I would enjoy not being socially treated like a guy because people expect you to be super strong and show no emotion a lot of the time and I'm really emotional. I don't want to have to use the mens bathroom to be completely honest though I'm sure using the bathroom as a trans person will feel worse but I have always hated using the mens bathroom and I've had traumatic experiences in their before. Also girls are just cool AF. I envy them. I want to be them.
My mom wants to know, when was that moment that you thought that something went wrong when you were born, that you were born as the wrong sex? What was that aha moment?
I totally get the feeling of wanting to relate to the opposite sex better. I greatly prefer having guys as best friends, but it can also get misconstrued when attempting to be their friends.
I wish toxic masculinity weren’t a thing. Super strong and not emotional isn’t even healthy.
I’ve never understood why urinals are a thing. Lol
Makeup and nail polish isn’t fun for me lol. Mail polish removal is a beast. XD
For me it wasn't really one moment more like a punch of small things that piled up until I realized "Oh... Do other people really yearn like they're burning to be a girl or is it just me" I first started that feeling really strong around 12-13. I didn't realize that it was gender dysphoria I was feeling until I started becoming suicidal because of it. And yeah I don't really think those things define being a girl just things I would really enjoy doing as a girl. I don't think a lot of women realize just how repressed a lot of men are because we are basically grown up taught that any expression of gender like that makes you gay and into a punching bag for everyone else. I guess a lot of it is also just hard to explain like wanting my body to be completely different in apparence and experiencing a lot physical things that only women really experience. It more so just every single detail of being a woman that I want to feel.
When one is trans, do they still have the yearning for the opposite gender? I feel like I’m not saying this right, but you know what I mean. If you’re FTM, are you still attracted to men, or is it to women because you’re a man? How does that work?
Why did it make you suicidal?
What kind of physical things?
What’s the Trevor hotline?
Would you ever talk to your mom about it again? Does anyone else in your life know?
I'm born a man want to be a female... I get what you mean though and no it doesn't affect who you're attracted to or at least not in my experience. It's not something that happens to you... It's always who you are. I didn't wake up one day wanting to be a girl randomly... I've always wanted to be a girl as long as I can remember. I'm personally Bi and don't really care about peoples gender but I've also never been in a relationship and have really bad trauma so it'd take a really special person for me to feel even comfortable with romanticly. I hope I can experience romance some day but I'm not accepting it anytime soon.
It made me suicidal because my family would tell me really dehumanizing things about trans people before I realized I was and it made me feel sick and a really deep pain I can't even describe. Also a lot of trans people including me grow up with suicidal thoughts... I started having them at like age 9. I remember feeling like there was no hope of ever being happy or the person I want to and that everyday was my last.
The life expectancy for trans people in the US is only 35... Not because of medical stuff which is a misconception and not true but because of violence and high suicide rates. I've had trans friends online who killed themselves and I've never known of a trans person who didn't struggle with depression and suicidal thoughts. It's tough because society is very against trans people and basic rights and they're safety and even saying you feel that way is very dangerous and can open you up to be beaten or harassed and assaulted even by your own family members.
By physical things I mean everything good and bad. Like periods and everything...
The Trevor hotline is a hotline for LGBT youth and is legitimately the only chat line that I'd personally promote. Most other ones I've tried either put you on hold for hours or the people they have have terrible advice but the wait time for Trevor is usually less and every person I've talked to so friendly and seem like they genuinely care. It's much better than rainn especially who put you in front of like 24 people waiting to talk to someone.
Probably not. I was a kid than and had less of a chance getting kicked out but maybe eventually when I know I can survive on my own. I more so am looking forward to and hoping to talking to a psychologist about it and possibly seeing if I can explore my gender a little more in private. And no one else knows besides a friend I had online for like 4 months but I don't really talk to her anymore because we both realized we were just making each other more depressed and lived in different countries so we had like 0 chance of ever being in each others life but yeah that's it besides her
I was just using FTM as an example lol. I know you’re MTF. <3
Relationships suck sometimes… Don’t rush into it. I’ve had a lot of trauma and PTSD with men myself, but I want to date, so I’m on the fence about whether I want to date.
Dehumanizing how?
What caused them when you were 9?
People are so hate-filled… :(
I accept you. <3
Heh. Periods are NOT fun… Imagine getting kicked in the stomach for days on end once a month.
Do you have a therapist?
You should get involved in the LGBTQ+ section here <3
By dehumanizing I mean like... The most vile disgusting things you could possibly think to say about another human being. I've heard my family say slurs all the time and think a lot of crazy things about trans people that hurt to hear.
I honestly don't remember. I just remembered the thought and starting to hurt myself. I did go through a lot of trauma at that age so idk.
Thank you for being so kind and I have a sister so I know about the period thing and that it sucks but I honestly want to experience everything about womanhood good and bad and that's what I was trying to get at.
People are so cruel.
Wow :(
I hope I don’t sound like I’m lessening your desires or making fun of you or anything. I was just sharing my experiences as a girl not enjoying my periods. I totally understand where you’re coming from, and I absolutely respect and love you for who you are <3
Do you have an IRL community that you can interact with and learn from?
Do you want to take hormones? Have the surgeries?
How would you ideally like us to talk to and interact with you? If someone met you on the street and it was noticeable that you were transitioning (clothes, etc), how would you like them to treat you?
I hope you never experience the catcalling and harassment that we go through… I have PTSD from that. I wish men would just treat us as equals…
No, you're ok! You didn't make me feel lesser at all, I know that you're just curious and trying to understand and yeah I'm sure I wouldn't like it. I'm really enjoying talking about this and it's actually the longest conversation I've ever had about it because the other people I've talked to online about it didn't really ask that many questions.
No I don't have a community. I don't really have any friends right now. I cut off every Friend I as a teen and I've been very hesitant to trust people in my life. There's some coworkers I'm friendly with but we aren't really friends.
And I don't really know yet. I've been thinking about it a lot. I guess there's a fear with me and a lot of other people that it would either take a long time to pass or I just wouldn't. I honestly have bottled this up for so long and even though I've always known that I felt this way I only recently accepted that that's a big part of why my mental health is really bad. I just want to take small steps in exploring my identity and talking to a professional about it and maybe eventually. I am really interested in hormones even if I don't fully transition. There's some surgeries that I've just thought about with really any actual intention of doing it at least for now, and honestly the surgery part of it very permanent and expensive and I'd really like to spend sometime living as a woman before I'd actually go through with any of them. But there's other that I probably wouldn't get.
I just want people to completely ignore it lol. I've heard a lot of people misgender trans people and sometimes it just comes from a legit place of not knowing but I think if you're not sure what to call someone by they should just say they/them pronouns because those are very universal. I personally would rather be called by she/her pronouns but I understand that it won't happen for a long time because right now I look like a guy. Also just being normal to us and treating us like humans is all I think we want.
Also would definitely probably go through catcalling and harassment. I'm not an idiot and most of the friends I've had are women so I've had conversations about it and just existing in public I've seen it happen. Sadly though even as a guy I've been harassed by people. Men just suck so much... Not all of them. I've met some really great guys but honestly even the best guys I've ever met seem to have very misogynistic views even in a more liberal area. Being trans would probably make it worse definitely since I know that a lot of people fetishize it and people aren't usually very respectful if they know someone is trans... Not everyone but a lot of people.
I'm really sorry for what you've been through ❤️ just wanted to let you know if you don't already that you're experiences are valid.
I absolutely want to learn more and understand better <3 I hope our conversation helps other people to love and accept trans people, because it will help them understand that life better <3
I hope you feel that I made this post with absolute love in mind… not “other-ing” people who are trans. I don’t intend that at all… I just want to help break stereotypes and help people accept people <3
Have you heard of the pink tax? Lol
Do you like being asked questions?
I’m really enjoying talking about this, too. I feel like… there’s not a lot of dialogue between different groups of people. People with no disabilities talking with people with disabilities. People who are straight conversing with people who are gay or lesbian. People who are artists discussing life with people who are engineers . You know what I mean? There are so many assumptions and not enough understanding. Just a single question might change your entire view and perspective about other people. People need to ask questions more <3
Are you involved in the LGBTQ+ community here on 7Cups?
Why did you cut off your friends? Because they rejected you?
What would take a long time to pass?
Does talking about it here help with your mental health?
What small steps would you like to try?
What do hormones do?
I wonder if the surgeries have a long recovery, or leave lingering pain.
I know someone (who I’m not close to, but friendly with). They have a name that matches a specific gender, but visually (and their voice), are very androgynous. I don’t know them well enough to ask, and I don’t ask anyone else what their pronouns are (I don’t think I’ve ever asked anyone about their pronouns), so that would just be awkward on my part, asking only them. I don’t want to misgender them, but I also don’t want to offend them (they could be the gender I assume they are). What are your thoughts?
I just exist, and I get harassed. :(
People harass guys the same way? I thought it was just girls being targeted. I guess I’ve never witnessed it happening to men.
I wish people wouldn’t fetishize people with different lifestyles than theirs.
Awww thank you <3 It’s sometimes scary being female. Very dehumanizing and demoralizing…
I'll try to do the best answering all your questions! And yeah I got where you were coming from. I wouldn't word this the same or ask as many questions to someone in real life unless you know them really well but I guess that's why we're talking online. And I'm really enjoying our conversation and that you're trying to educate yourself.
Yeah I know what the pink tax is.
I like being asked questions online, not really as much in person.
I agree to a point. I know people who have mental disabilities or other impairments and honestly they just want to be treated like everyone else. I've known people who get completely ignored by a lot of society because they have autism and are hard to understand and I find the best ways to interact with someone is to just slow down and have a conversation with them and take your time to try to understand. Or some people I've met with cerebral palsy. They don't really want a million questions about their problems just to be treated as normal and not be ignored or like an outsider. Same thing applies for gay people and trans people. I think a lot of people lack empathy and struggle putting themselves in others shoes or are just straight up ignorant and I don't really think it's the duty of anyone else but them to change that. I do wish more people would do research into things they don't know or understand like you are. As a side note I'm an artist! I play music, write poetry, sketch, do photography, and other things too. When I hear people say they don't get abstract art or that it takes zero skill I kinda feel that way, I've made plenty of abstract pieces even though I don't focus on making abstract art and I know that that's not necessary true and most people don't understand. Kinda like Yoko Ono how a lot of people didn't understand her art and blame for breaking up the Beatles when they were already fighting all the time and were all not very good people. The people talk about Yoko Ono is really ***.
A little... I'm still a little new to this app but I want to be a little more involved.
There's multiple reasons why I did. Honestly all my friends were all girls and I actually like a girl around them. People started to question my sexuality or assume I was attracted to them or wanted to flirt with them and I guess it really confused me and also made me feel terrible.
So transitioning isn't an over night thing and it takes a long time to start being more woman like. For many reasons, part of it is that hormones take a while to change your body. Also changing your voice, losing muscle mass, and learning to change your body language all take time. Everyones different but most trans people want to pass and a big part of that is because we want to be procevied as the opposite gender but also a big part of it is that life is much easier if people can't tell your trans.
And yes talking about it here helps a lot and makes it feel like I'm not alone or that everyone hates me.
I'm taking baby steps rn just to feel more comfortable in my skin. I've been very scared because I'm surrounded by a lot of toxic masculinity and men with very, very, insecure fragile ideas of masculinity. Im trying to grow out my hair and I've been shaving recently. I want to take bigger steps to feel happy, it's not all about transitioning for me now but just trying to be happy and feel like I'm not living a lie or fighting what I want all the time. I really want to shave my body because I hate body hair and I'm really hairy. My family would definitely notice and I'm sure if I really want to deal with them making comments about it. I also really want to buy a dress and start dressing how I want in private but I'm afraid my family would find my clothes and if they did it would be really embarrassing and might turn into something I'm not ready to deal with yet.
I actually haven't looked into surgeries to much. Right now that seems really far off and something I'm not sure if I want. I'm much more interested in hormones than anything but if I got to the point where I was seeking out trying to be accepted as a woman by society I might. There's one surgery in particular FFS which seems really gross to me and something I personally wouldn't want. I would consider top surgery maybe but most of the changes I want can be achieved by taking estrogen.
If you don't know someone's pronouns, you could use they them pronouns because those are universal or if you want you could ask "What pronouns do you want me to call you by" though if you ask it in the wrong way they might feel like if they are trying to transition that they might not be doing a very good job. I'd just try to be respectful and avoid using pronouns if you can until you learn them.
Yes and no with the harassment thing. It depends on who you are. Of course anyone can get harassed but some are definitely more susceptible to it than others and men don't usually experience it day to day the way women do in terms of being hit on all the time or being treated like they aren't equal. I have been harassed plenty of times. I think it's partly because I have a softer look/voice than a lot of guys. My voice is just naturally higher pitched and the way I act is a little more feminine. Sadly I've been harassed even by a few family members. I've been sexually harassed, assaulted, and also just have had a lot of comments about my apparence. People are perverts. It's really sad.
It's like society has no need to respect others as people especially when people who are viewed as soft. I've been infantilize a lot in my life and people will tell jokes and assume I don't get them or just assume that I don't swear and live a really pure life without even talking to me before just based off the way I look. It's not completely wrong because I don't drink or enjoy partying or anything but I struggle mentally a lot and I'm not a complete idiot just because I don't because I look younger or I guess more girly than a lot of people.
I know... I've been around girls my whole life and it's very frustrating to see how they get treated. I hope you realize even if you get treated that way that it doesn't define who you are and you deserve to be treated with respect. Sorry that society is so messed up. Thank you for responding with so many questions. If you have any more questions please ask! This app seems to randomly cut out words at the end of paragraphs. Just something I noticed like glitch or something idk why lol.
I’m thankful we’re able to have an amazing, respectful conversation. I know others are reading this and learning as well <3
It sucks having pads cost exorbitant amounts of money. Just because of the way I was born. Not fair!
I totally understand. I’m autistic and I’d prefer to be seen as just human rather than autistic only. But I also LOVE answering questions! I like breaking stereotypes and opening discussions <3
Doing research only gets you so far tho… It doesn’t give you the relating of personal experiences like this post does.
I’m an artist too! I love drawing <3
I didn’t know Yoko Ono was an artist. Or you mean like music artist?
You should write on more posts! Check the icebreaker ones especially, those are fun <3
Do you want to make new friends who only know you as female, so you feel more comfortable?
We definitely don’t hate you! <3
I’ve always heard that shaving makes hair grow back stiffer or something. I wonder if that’s true, or if it’s an old wives’ tale. I tried shaving a small part of my arm when I was younger, but nothing happened. Maybe it’s just a myth lol
Do you live with your family?
I wonder how much the surgeries cost.
I’ve always been curious about how the surgeries work. Like, are there nerve endings attached? Does everything work as if you had been born as the opposite gender? (I’m not trying to be REMOTELY inappropriate. I’m merely wondering how advanced surgical procedures have become over the years.)
I hesitate to say “they” too, because, what if they’re just one gender who appears to be the other? And I offend them? There’s this guy on Building the Band who looks more effeminate, and has a higher voice (an AMAZING voice, btw!). He said that he’s spent his whole life being misgendered. I don’t want to be one of those people…
I tend to ask other people that I trust what someone’s gender/pronouns are. It’s easier because then nothing is weird between me and that person, and the third party usually knows the answer. What are your thoughts on this technique? It feels sneaky, but I’m trying to be respectful by not making it weird, yk?
People are gross. I’m so sorry… :’(
If people do not fit into people’s “box”, society treats them as outcasts. Dare I say, subhuman. That’s why I really want to change how people view and engage with others who are different from them…
I’ve given up on love. I’m just a plaything apparently. Not worth loving.
I didn’t notice a glitch lol
Hmmm… more questions. Let’s see…
When you’re trans, what happens on legal documents? Do they go by assigned sex or actual sex? (What are the real phrases for these??? Lol)
Is there any specific group of people that make you feel welcomed?
Do you know of any good movies or shows that discuss being trans? You should watch “You Can’t Ask That”, which has conversations like this with people of many subgroups and cultures <3
Yoko was John Lennon's second wife. She is an artist, singer, and helped write a lot of John Lennons later work. She has been blamed for breaking up the Beatles for years and it's really sad because most people only know her for her experimental noise music from the 60's and say she had no talent, was crazy, stuff like that. She's made a lot of great music people don't know about and her performance art especially her work "Cut price" is amazing and says a lot about society.
I will think about writing.
Yeah maybe eventually... Honestly I'm probably not going to be out for awhile and I'm just trying to accept myself and get therapy for gender dysphoria right now before anything else. I still really haven't made up my mind how to deal with this.
Shaving supposedly makes hair thicker but I never really noticed while shaving my face.
Yeah I live with my family 😔
Probably a lot and I've heard that insurance company's don't really like to cover them I think.
And I haven't really looked into surgeries enough to know about nerve endings and stuff. I mean I think a lot of changes are caused by taking hormones, like fat redistribution and stuff like that. In terms of bottom surgery and stuff I know that obviously you wouldn't be able to have kids and stuff like that or have a womb or working ovaries. I know some more graphic details but I don't know how to make it appropriate so I won't talk about.
I don't think people would get offended by they/them pronouns. They're pretty universal and can kinda be used to describe any gender or at least that's how I've always viewed it though I don't know if that changes based on your location but if I don't know someones gender I usually just say they/them or just use their name and don't use pronouns at all.
Don't over think it... Just spend time to get to know them... And when it feels appropriate you could ask politely.
Yeah people suck sometimes.
Sadly some people don't care or are so stuck in their ways they wouldn't change their ignorant beliefs no matter how much sense you try to put into them. I mean racism is still alive and well in 2026 in the US after everything that has happened to stop it or make people see people who just have a slightly different skin pigmentation as human. A lot of people are just dumb and born into a system that rewards racist and homophobic behavior.
Maybes it's just me idk
I don't actually know that part either... I think it depends on which state you're in if you're in the US but I haven't gone that far in the process and I guess that's not something I'm that worried about yet.
No... I haven't accepted these feelings till recently... I always knew but I hated it so much and thought that I could make it go away somehow which didn't happen lol. I tried...
Not really honestly... I know Hunter Schafer is trans but euphoria (the show) is really weird and I wouldnt recommend it and I don't think she's in anything else I can think of... And besides that not really. I know a lot of trans musicians like Eithal Cain who write music about being trans. The matrix was made by two trans women and is an allegory for being trans. Ghost in the shell and Princess Kaguya feel a little trans to me but that's just me applying my own experiences to good movies and has nothing to do with the actual contents of the movie or what was meant by it.
Silent Hill 2 feels how I feel everyday but that also doesn't have anything to do with trans people.
I’ve never been into the Beatles lol, I prefer classic rock, if we’re going oldies <3 Journey and Queen <3
I’m glad you found a safe place here to tlak things out <3
Do hormones make your beard and mustache disappear?
I wonder if they’re considered cosmetic surgeries and not essential.
Fat redistribution, like creating breasts?
Yeah, that’s what I was worried about, wanting to ask but not wanting to make it sound inappropriate. I’m just genuinely curious about this stuff!
I just try to avoid using pronouns lol
I’m too worried that they’d get offended lol
Yeah, it’s like we’re trained to be racist and shy away from people who are different :(
Why do you hate the feelings?
How did you try?
The Matrix was an allegory for being trans??? Wha??? Ok. Technically I haven’t seen it. But still. I had no idea lol
I’ve heard about Silent Hill but idk what it is.
Also, you’re an artist, right??? Got any art suggestions? I draw <3
I think for some people it does but I know that a lot of people get hair removal procedures done so I think it depends on the individual.
I think so.
No... Fat redistribution changes the shape of your body and moves where your fat is stored more to the hips and thighs if your on hrt. I think it also will start to form breast but every one reacts to it differently and I think it usually doesn't do much for the chest area.
I was taught that being trans was gross and I don't honestly feel like talking about how I tried...
I don't know about art suggestions. I like to do these things that I've never seen anyone do before that I like to think of as stream of continuous drawings where I'll go into drawing an abstract shape with no real goal and will fill the whole page up with things that look super trippy. I also like drawing animals a lot and girls crying lol
Waxing is painful but it works <3
What’s HRT?
Wow :( I’m sorry they were so hateful :(
So it’s like art therapy?
I like drawing dragons <3
Girls crying… I wonder if it’s subconsciously related to being trans.
It's a female hormone.
Yeah. I wish people weren't so terrible all the time.
I guess it's art therapy idk... I mostly focus on song writing right now.
Dragon are cool!
Probably yeah... I draw sad girls a lot lol...
It’s Heart! <3
What do you wish people knew about you, besides seeing the trans thing? Like, you as a person, not as a stereotype? Who is Skies? <3
Ooh that sounds cool! Written anything fun lately?
Right???
Aww <3
I mean no one sees the trans things because I'm in the closet and I never really expressed it. I just know it's the cause of my depression and anxiety being as bad as it is and that if I don't address it soon I'm literally going to end up dying. I actually told my brother I'm not straight today lol and he didn't care though he is kinda a victim of my parents being neglectful and he feels really down on himself. I scheduled a meeting with a counselor where hopefully I'll at least be able to explore my feelings in a safe way with someone. Talking about it here gives me hope that at least someone might accept the real authentic version of me even if it doesn't end up being my family.
If you want to know who I am, I'm honestly a talkative person who tries really hard to fit in and puts others over myself. I don't care much about myself or well being at home, work or anywhere else. I've been extremely depressed and have been neglecting my needs to make others happy, not just identity wise but also medical things that I need to take care of that I've been ignoring. I'm a really insecure person. I love nature, music, and stuff. I self isolation a lot and I'm sick of hiding myself from the world because no one outside of family and coworkers even know I exist. I feel like I don't deserve attention and I hate being the center of attention.
Not really, most of my music is really draining to write and depressing. I think I'm a good writer and I want to show more people my stuff but I don't even understand why I play or write anymore and it feels kinda pointless
I want to do fun things but I'm so full of anxiety and self hatred that I feel like I will never get to. I feel like my life is pointless and I'm wasting away for nothing at all. I work and go home and that's it. I'm starting to realize that my family is mentally abusive and I can't handle it anymore. Being around them hurts so much and I'm afraid I'll become them
I think it’s time to separate yourself from these toxic people. Are you in a financial place where you can move out? At the very least, start focusing on making new friends who will accept you for who you are <3
I should... I've been trying to save but I have anxiety built up around it... I don't have a career... I do have a decent job with the possibility of moving up but it probably won't happen for awhile and I don't see myself moving up in the department I'm currently in because I don't think it's really suited for me in the long term. You're right... I'm going through an emotional rollercoaster. I also don't have a reliable to get transportation because I have a problem with my eye and can't drive. Usually my family drives me.... I could try to move into the two where my job is but it might be difficult... I have really bad anxiety and it makes it hard
I understand. It’s a big step and there are a lot of obstacles. I have things like that in my life as well.
Please don’t harm yourself…
I’m glad your brother was supportive <3 And that you’re going to talk to a counselor <3
I accept you. <3
What do you do for fun when you have a few free minutes?
Have you thought about joining our One Percent Better Challenge? I’ll tag you in it if I remember <3 It’ll help you get motivated <3
I self isolate a lot, too. It’s too people-y out there. Hehe
I think it’s time to put yourself out there. Maybe find a group that’s accepting of trans people. Have you thought about Meetup? Maybe hikes with LGBTQ+ people are in your future. <3
You definitely deserve attention and love and care <3
Maybe post some online? Maybe Red Dit? (The algorithm might censor it if I don’t write it that way lol
Also, would you like me to add me to my taglist? No pressure to say yes, just thought I’d offer <3
I don't really have fun. I play music and do art but it doesn't feel that fun recently. I want to start a band but I'm scared of sharing my music or anything about myself with others.
I don't know what a one percent better challenge is but maybe
I'm still so scared... It's like I know I feel like this but the thought of being openly queer is terrifying
Thank you so much for this conversation. You don't understand how meaningful it has been for me.
Im trying to stay strong
Have you thought about Spotify?
Maybe you should start by watching Building the Band. It’s SO good, and it will likely inspire you <3
You’ll see. I’ll tag you in it <3
It’s a hard world to live in. I understand the fear. :(
You are so welcome! I want you to have a warm space where you can feel welcome and accepted… I hope you feel that here <3
You ARE strong. I can tell just by your posts. <3
Yay! I’ll add you <3 I’m making several new posts tonight, so you’ll have lots to read and engage with <3
I put some stuff on Bandcamp but I'm not really proud of any of it and I want to be more social with my music and actually show people it and play live for people.
Thanks for tagging me!
I feel very welcomed here.
Thanks for being so nice you have no idea how much your post have meant to me
❤️❤️❤️
Sorry, never saw this!
What’s Bandcamp?
What’s stopping you? ;)
You’re welcome <3
I’m glad! You ARE welcome here <3
You are so welcome! Thank you for teaching me, and allowing me into some of the most painful and precious and delicate parts of your life <3 hugs <3
It's okay 😊
Bandcamp is a free music streaming platform that is mostly meant for independent musicians and doesn't allow AI. It also allows people to pay what ever they want for your music or buy merch and stuff though nobody buying my stuff lol.
You're awesome! ❤️
Why aren’t you proud of your music?
What’s your music style?
I am???
It just never sounds the way I want it to
I don't have I particularly style. I guess it kinda folk mixed with jazz and a lot of African influences though I've always wanted a band so I could make folk rock music
And yeah you're awesome and a big part of the community on 7cups.
Why not?
Ooh African influences? How so? <3
Awww thank you <3 So are you! <3
I don't know why it just always disappoints me. I have high expectations and my music isn't bad but I don't want to make music that's just ok. I want to make life changing music which maybe is to much pressure to put on myself but I don't understand how artist do it. Like I really like Geese, Car Seat Headrest, Nina Simone, Leonard Cohen and a lot of others, and even artists like Taylor Swift and Billie Ellish and they all write these songs that are so well done and thought through and I listen to my music and it never feels like me or well put together or thought through, production wise or lyrically. I guess the part that is really bothering is that my songs are actually pretty good but they aren't excellent and that really bothers me.
I really like the way African musicians play their instruments and structure songs, I also play a couple African instruments and I kinda associate it with water which I've always strived to make my music feel more watery. I don't know if that makes any sense.
I also have some Indian and classical influences and use sitar on my songs a lot
❤️🩹
You REALLY should watch Building the Band <3 It would absolutely inspire you! Their takes on existing songs are AMAZING <3
Which African instruments?
It makes sense, like flowy and bubbly?
Oh that sounds like the Beatles yeah?
Kilamba and bongos. I have a banjo ukulele which is like half African also I guess and a steal tounge drum which is inspired by African instruments though it isn't technically an African instrument
It's kinda like the Beatles but nobodies really made music like me to my knowledge so I can't really compare it to anything. I have an album in my mind that I want to make someday but it would require at the very least 60 instruments and I don't have the space or money for that right now.
I will try to check out building the band if I have the time or remember.
And yes you can add me to your tag list
Also no. Besides the Trevor hotline lol... I've never told anyone. I came close to telling my mom a couple of times but I was very vague and said I got over it and that it started years after it actually did and those were both lies. I honestly don't know if she even remembers because I told her like 3 years ago and she's never brought it up again
@agreeableSkies9889 You're not weird 🤍 Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us 🥰 Sending you lots of love and *Big hugs* 🐾💕
@agreeableSkies9889
Hey sweetie <3 (/^-^(^ ^*)/ i read all of this... I'm so glad u shared this with us 💓 my heart goes for u. i Understand the struggle n at the same time I really amazed by ur strength n courage ❤️ my respect 🙌 you're loved here, you're not alone... we got ur back 😁💕
Sending infinite love n embrace ur way 😊💓 Hugs u closer to my heart 🤗
Thank you so much. You don't know what to hat means to me ❤️ I don't feel very strong right now but I'm trying
@agreeableSkies9889 ❤️❤️
@agreeableSkies9889 Reading your story has stirred so many different emotions in me and I want to thank you so much for your candor here. I am so sorry for the hateful and the hurtful things that you have had to endure and that you feel like a stranger is looking back from the mirror. As a woman who always yearned to be pretty myself, I have a guess how that feels when the reflection isn't soft or feminine as you wish to be. I am inspired by your insights and feel like if we knew each other we would be friends :) I thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing with us--I feel like I learned a lot from you and I respect your willingness to educate those of us who do not know. You may not feel strong, but you ARE strong. Thankyou again for sharing my sister.
Wow this is such a nice message!!!
@agreeableSkies9889 Well, you left a series of really nice messages for the rest of us and I wanted to let you know how grateful I am to you for that--you are awesome😊so thank you for that
@agreeableSkies9889
HI! I was reading your threads (in a not creepy way-I promise haha). But okay, so I swear to you I am NOT trying to be a horrible person when I ask this. But I've grown up in a conservative family, very republican in my house hold, however, my aunts are democrats, we just can't vote because we aren't Americans.
Anyways. With me growing up republican, I do have the same views as my family. But I am open!
I want to know about transgender things to fully understand. I try to stay kind to everyone, I really want to know when and *** how you knew. How do those thoughts start? My cousin (not in the US) is Trans. They're transitioning from a female to a male...but I think they are actually de-transitioning a bit. Not 100 percent sure.
Anyways, I am a Christian and in the bible it says there are only 2 genders. And that if you were born with certain chromosomes and parts, thats just who you are, you can't change it.
*** I dont know if I am making sense. I think I'm just searching for a sense of understanding and clarity.
What makes you think they're detransitioning?
Also first and foremost trans people are people and we're all different. Gender dysphoria isn't something you can turn off or change. I'm not non binary but the way I view gender is that it's on a spectrum. Some men are more feminine and some women are more masculine and though they're a small part of the population people are born woman with xy chromosomes and men with xx chromosomes and intersex people also exist. Gender dysphoria can cause a lot of mental issues, it's really hard to live with and transitioning has been proven to greatly improve the quality of life for people struggling with it. Regardless of what religion you believe I don't think it's right what Republicans are doing in this country currently. I've never felt very political until this current administration because they just seem so evil and hateful to me. Also I grew up and currently live in a very conservative Christian household and have read the Bible all the way through. I have no problem with other people's opinions but also it shouldn't affect laws or how you treat others. There's a lot of conversations and discourse between biblical scholars about stuff in the Bible. I'm not here to have a theological debate or political debate. I've been pretty open and honest about things on this thread. I don't really know what you really want to know? Just view trans people as human and don't take away our rights or tell us how disgusting we are. That's all I want
@agreeableSkies9889
HI. I'm sorry, if I came off badly. I am just curious of how Trans. People think. If you know what I mean. Like, how and when do you know that you are meant to be a different gender? And what does it feel like, to think that way?
I have so many questions...can I ask more?
It's okay.
@beakiebelly
It's cool that you want to learn more! I've already answered a lot of questions in this thread you can read if you haven't. I think it's so cool that you want to know more. I don't want to repeat myself too much. I honestly don't know if I was "meant to be another gender" but I don't know if I could be happy any other way or ever like my body. I think a lot of people who are ignorant on subjects hear things and run with them like the whole "define a woman" thing. I think it's a little redundant. Like obviously I was born a male but I can't stand it and it's caused me to develop eating problems, extreme anxiety, depression, and disassociate from reality, I've gone through psychosis before caused by depression and ingeneral I just don't know if I can handle the weight of it anymore. I'm currently a cis male and I have started therapy recently to explore these feelings more. I couldn't fully explain the pain of it. It really is horrific and believe me if I could make it stop I would. I look in the mirror every day and feel horrible. I'm in good shape and I'm not ugly but I hate that I am a man. If you have questions that haven't been asked yet I'd love to answer them but again I don't really care to repeat things I've already said that are public and easily viewable.
@beakiebelly
It's okay to ask questions! I just want to point out two things:
- You might not get an answer. We're human, and sometimes questions can be triggering, or we might not have the answers. If you don't, I would suggest...
- Check out other resources. This post has gotten huge, and that's largely because several of us have answered a bunch of questions already. I would also suggest doing your own research, or asking questions in other places too.
Speaking for myself, I like being asked questions. What I don't like is feeling like someone is studying me or people like me. It's a fine line, and if someone says they're uncomfortable with a question you ask, or maybe they start seeming uncomfortable, that's the best time to apologize and move on.
The constant legal yo-yo effect regarding trans people is the cruelest form of mental abuse which overflows the river of hatred and ignorance which then boils into violence and verbal abuse. For those who have "come out " it is overly traumatic . For those who have stayed quiet and "in the closet" it can be 100 times worse.
To build up the courage to open that closet door can take a lifetime to accomplish, or it can be numerous times throughout the years that the door starts to open. And every time that the door begins to open (legalities, and acceptance programs, communities vocalizing support are just a few things that help build up the courage) , then as they begin to step out of the dark, laws change, hate speech and rhetoric amplified. Slamming the door shut with trembling hands, the shadow of fear blanketing around them . The self loathing, self hatred, causing them to attempting to live as a stranger in public and never having the opportunity to grow and learn to live as their true self...whoever that may be.
Even after decades of experiencing this , the shell surrounding and protecting the true emotional side is easily cracked by simple words of ignorance and hate. Even if it is not directed at them.
Just overhearing the hateful conversations and comments, the judgement lacking any basis in reality can shatter them.
In reality, my experience has shown me that most people know much if anything about the people living in the immediate vicinity of them. So, if you smile and wave at me in passing for years, never any arguments or issues in daily life, then you get a hint that I am trans, I become someone worse than the worst of criminals. Why Is that? Being trans in no way effects your day to day life , other than the fear and ignorance of something you are to stubborn to learn about and accept us in your mind .
I don't spend my life obsessing with things that don't affect my day to day. It's your life to live as you wish, within legal and ethical boundaries of course. Just as it's my life to live mine.
This topic is very important, and I have strong beliefs that have been quashed down for a long time. This is just one itsy bitsy thing. There are so many things that need to be discussed on this topic, and obviously I am not a good one to do so .
Hopefully people here will join in and help with true acceptance, without judgement. Open minded discussions like this are one of the biggest ways to close the gap
I am sorry, I will abandon my soapbox .
I’m not trans and I’m a believer. I believe that this post is sincere, caring, and well- intentioned. Yet I’m going to provide some push back to your approach.
On the positive, I again, believe your approach is rooted in wanting to love and generate discussion- which are so positive and I love that.
At the same time, this post has a vibe that conveys that trans people are some strange species of creature that you see in the wild and don’t know how to approach. I don’t think you’ve presented things in a manner that positions them as equals. Rather it emphasizes how different they are.
I think it’s best to just see them as people. Don’t force an interaction and don’t approach it as you’re taking field notes. Treat each trans person as an individual rather than part of some group you have a fascination with.
Take a more humble, servant-like approach if you love them. Meet them where they are instead of putting on your research hat and inviting them to illuminate you.
Kinda got that vibe too lol. I think they're genuinely trying to understand it and are interested and that alone I think is great. I just hope that coming away from this thread they'll learn to treat trans people similarly in real life. Nobody wants to be treated differently for who they are. Or like they're a book for someone to pick up and read without any interest in who they are.
That’s what I’m hoping this thread does… That it helps people to understand people who are trans, and hopefully lessen the stigma and hate toward them. <3 I would love a world where people who don’t fit stereotypes and pigeonholes and such, are embraced and loved and accepted <3 I hope that comes across, and that everyone knows I mean no harm, just love <3
The thing is: each trans person is an individual. Maybe do something nice for someone who is trans and try to get to know them as a person and once trust is built, you can ask for their take? Maybe get to know some people in their community before trying to be an ambassador.
I tried to do a similar thing that you’re doing with good intentions and it backfired. I apparently caused harm because of how tone deaf I was.
So that’s kinda where I’m coming from.
I appreciate your heart. God bless.
I understand where you’re coming from. My way of thinking was, getting people to understand how other people think and feel, so there are no snap judgements, less hate. Do you have any ideas of how I could continue these conversations without creating offense? I really love the conversations, but I don’t want to hurt or offend anyone… Please let me know your thoughts. <3
It's not really the post it's self but I think to some people your questions feel a little assuming or like your trying to speak for them. Not saying that's how you mean it or that I personally take offense. I know you're just not very educated and are just interested.
Can you please give me some examples?
Just some of your questions came off like you were assuming I hadn't thought about the bad parts of being a woman or that I don't understand that or that I haven't been harassed as a man or things like that. Or like you were jumping to conclusions that I feel a certain way. Not saying that's what you meant by them. And again I didn't personally take offense and I was enjoying our conversation but just for future reference try to leave questions more open ended but also I realize that we live completely different lives and that you're just trying to understand
Ohhhh ok let me fix this. Miscommunication on my end <3
I was honestly just griping about my own painful periods. They’re sometimes so bad that they make me feel like doubling over in pain. It was more me talking about myself, not you. Does that make sense? It wasn’t a dig at you or anything like that. <3
Also, I never seem to see men being harassed, just in my personal experience. Nothing to do with you at all, just what I’ve personally observed in my own life <3
Does this make sense?
Yeah... With men it's usually more hidden but it definitely happens.
Oh ok. Thank you for informing me <3
Oh, that wasn’t my intention at all! Just for some really good discussion and learning to relate to people better. I apologize if that’s how it sounded. What should I change? I’m open to feedback <3 Thank you for telling me *hugs*
Now I’m wondering if I should continue to make these posts… I don’t want to offend anyone…
@jesusredeemedme2425
Words are a powerful and confusing thing to use Kiara, as I am sure you are aware. People say one thing and mean another, or a single sentence can have opposite meaning or messages depending on who reads them, especially when they bring their own conceptions to it. I personally have seen the love and care each of the posts are made with. And the desire to give people a place to discuss, and see how we are all different but the same, all human, and real, all genuine, all unique.
It's a extremely brave thing to do Kiara, as people always disagree somewhere with something, and the more a person talks, discusses, and makes space for others, the more opportunities that person has to have friction with someone.
I don't know what you should do Kiara. I don't know if my words helped or made things more confusing. But I hope that just some friction and discussion doesn't stop you from creating places to learn and talk whether your format or series changes I hope you can stay brave, and know we love you and what you do for us. And I hope we can do the same for you 🩵 hugs
Please don't stop making these posts 🙏 The only thing I'd say is to maybe change the wording a bit. You're all good though and I think you're post are really helpful or at least this one is to me
How should I change it? I was trying to write something that could be used for multiple posts (I have carpal tunnel and typing hurts). What should I write instead?
Again I don't think the post you have is the problem. Just try to be open and not assume things. I know that wording things is really hard for me too and is for a lot of people so don't worry about it too much
I apologize for any negative way I came across. I mean only love. I promise. <3
No you didn't. Just hoping you can learn more about trans people and happy you're taking the time to
I’m trying <3 I think everyone should learn about everyone else. It’ll make a better world <3
That makes you a better person than most ❤️
Awww thank you <3
As a regularly confused human bear, who has major dislike for the English language despite it being their first and only spoken language, I would like to politely ask some questions that I just didn't understand what people mean cuz languages are arbitrary.
What all is considered trans? Like is agender and genderfluid, trans or are they their own section?
“Regularly confused human bear.” Can I add this to my list of quoteable quotes on my bio and tag you?? Hehe it would be funny XD (You don’t have to say yes lol, I just think it’s funny hehe)
@jesusredeemedme2425
Of course! I think that would be hilariously fun! ;)
Done hehe
"Trans" (short for "transgender") is an umbrella term. Lots of different categories fall under that term: agender, non-binary, genderfluid, genderfae, and things like that.
I think you've got the right idea. I tend to call myself transfemme (or just femme) to most people, but to be more specific I identify as genderfae.
What’s genderfae???? (BRO. My phone wanted to autocorrect that to GENDER FART. I thought that was hilarious!!!) XD
Is transfemme like MTF?
(I apologize, I need to learn more words so I can understand better! Thank you for your patience with me <3)
Transfemme is MTF, yes. Genderfae, for me anyway, means I'm non-binary, but my expression is almost entirely femme.
Fae makes me think of fairies, something ethereal.
Does femme expression mean clothing only, or things like body language, or more?
Is there a masculine version?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Check out this wiki
https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/genderfae
That should help with understanding. You should poke around the entire wiki too! The number of terms just under the non-binary umbrella is MARVELOUS
@HappySpecter
What does this mean? I have never heard these phrases...
@beakiebelly
Check out this wiki
https://nonbinary.wiki/wiki/genderfae
That should help with understanding. You should poke around the entire wiki too! The number of terms just under the non-binary umbrella is MARVELOUS
@jesusredeemedme2425 If you aren’t trans, please don’t speak for trans people. Well intentioned as it may be. From a trans man
I came to realise I'm trans woman about 4 years ago now. While I do think I've not had it as bad as some people, I do think the dysphoria is quite bad at times.
I've not spoken to a therapist yet, as Im still not ready for that. But from what I've gathered, at some point in childhood I began to suppress a large part of myself. It led to me growing up not allowing myself to care about my appearance and put barriers up to prevent me from having pretty clothes, jewellery and other feminine things.
I have been drawn to female characters and voices for maaaaany years. I think this was some way of my Inner girl coming out without me consciously knowing it.
When I look back, there is a long line of things that seem to connect to female (interest in female TV shows, books, anime and manga, playing as female characters in games)
As I said, I put barriers up such as "fashion/jewelry/perfume/taking an interest in your appearance... That's for girls.....I'm not a girl" .. I always wore the same clothes, I didn't care about having messy hair, didn't bathe enough, didn't care what I was wearing.
Then in my twenties I began to wonder "what would I look like if I was female?" I kept asking myself that for about 10 years until I finally answered it. I bought some female clothes... And that's how I started to let my inner girl out. I finally allowed myself to take an interest in myself, to wear jewellery and have nicer clothes. After a while, and realizing that I wanted breasts... I realised that there is a girl inside me.
I haven't come out to family, or friends. I do go out with my now longer hair in a ponytail and wearing some bracelets. But only at home can I fully go full fem.
The one thing I think I'd want people who aren't trans to realise. This isn't something we can just turn off. It keeps coming back, it plays the long game. It's not a choice. I don't think anyone would choose to go though this. And knowing that society wants us to vanish.... Well, that's not nice... To put it politely.
Anyway, I can try and answer any questions. If anyone has any. but, I can only answer from my own experience.
Hard on the it always comes back part lol... You're not alone.
❤️🩹
Do you think your family would accept you or nah? Also I'm thinking about talking to someone about it too. It's scary but I wish you luck
@agreeableSkies9889
I think we all experience dysphoria in our own way, circumstances differ etc.. but the underlying discomfort that keeps coming back is something we all can agree on....and wish would go away lol
How do you feel with the pain? Do you have any comfort things you do? (If you feel comfortable talking about it) I find watching anime with female characters can help me feel a little better.... though at times it makes it both better and worse at the same time (I have no idea why)
To be honest....I don't know if my family would accept me as female. Though I tend to lean toward "probably not". I'm.more concerned about arguments that could happen and the consequences of them. So I prefer to stay in the closet for now.
I've felt mentally drained and confused for a long time. I've attempted suicide before and have struggled with eating, self harm, and high anxiety. I really enjoy music, writing, playing instruments, making art, being in nature, watching YouTube, playing video games with female characters, journaling. If you like music I could recommend some artists that helped me get through hard times. I also enjoy talking to people online about it lol.
Same with the family probably not accepting me thing. I'm still really confused. I want to talk to a professional and I hope I can make an appointment soon though I'm terrified of telling the truth to someone. You're not alone to me and if it makes you feel better you're a girl in my eyes ❤️
If you want to talk more about it I'm here and will respond when I can.
Sending hugs
Thanks for the response.
What games with female characters in do you like to play? I've been playing Pokémon ZA and running around the city collecting pretty outfits for my character to wear.
Yes please, you can recommend some artists.
I also joined this place so I can talk about all of this dysphoria stuff. Since I don't have any other safe spaces to talk in yet, other than chatGPT.
I agree. It's all very confusing as we can't fully explain why all of this is happening to us. I hope you can talk to a professional when you feel ready, I'm also hoping to speak to one once I feel ok too. I know I'm going to cry a lot to start with so talking over the phone feels impersonal to me. But in person requires travelling there...and my eyes will probably be very red afterwards.
Thank you for the kind words. I send you a big hug!
@generousPineapple6613
I didn't see this till now...
I played cyberpunk as a girl character. I like the old star wars Knights of the old Republic game and I played as a girl. Alien isolation is low-key how I feel around my family and you play as a girl there. I honestly need to get back into gaming because it's been awhile.
So some artists I really like are Eithal Cain, Rainbow Kitty Surprise, Geese, Car Seat Headrest, Sophie, Patti Smith, Will Rodriguez was taken, Alice Coltrane, Annahsasia, Big Theif, Nina Simone, Weyes Blood, Ghost daughter, Jane Remover, Nick Drake, The Alabama shakes, Shallowater, Weather day, and there's like a million others lol
I started therapy the today ❤️🩹
@jesusredeemedme2425 I've always had thoughts of transitioning or desiring to be born female. Like when I was around six or seven years old I remember telling my mom I wanted to be female cause girls get to have babies. It makes me laugh every time I think about it. It's like a good feeling, yet also can be draining and exhausting. Something I love about writing stories is being able to step into those thoughts and roles of my characters and play things out through their thoughts and experiences. I hate the idea that people only want to transition cause of sex or stuff like that. Like that might be a part of it, yet it's not the whole reason someone wants to transition. I'm so happy for people who do transition and enjoy it cause it's not something to be afraid of nor looked down at. God loves us 100 percent. I remember praying to God a few years ago and saying ok God I think I might be trans and ever since that day I've just felt free and alive.
I never thought about wanting to bear children until I started to transition. It's funny but I think that's the only negative thing to come from my journey: realizing I'm jealous that I couldn't have birthed my own kids.
@HappySpecter Hey there. That's understandable. Like I mentioned to a friend of mine the other day I'm glad she got to experience girlhood, growing up into a woman and all that stuff. I might not have gotten to experience that myself, yet I'm grateful for those who have.