Evolution of Values: Embracing Change

@SoulfullyAButterfly

You always have such thought-provoking posts, Butterfly. Thanks for sharing this one. Hoefully what I say will make sense. It's a little hard to fully put into words....

I think a value I have now that "younger me" lacked was empathy. I have always tried to be a sincere person, but life brings on a lot of experience that shapes us. I used to be unable to connect emotionally with people because I really didn't spend much time trying to understand how other people processed their emotions or experiences. I don't always say the right things when I respond to the pain of others. I'll be learning lessons until I draw my final breath. But I do hope that when I connect with others, they don't feel judged or pitied. If I unintentionally say something and discover it had negative impact, accountability is necessary, to acknowledge the other person's reaction right away. Being defensive is rarely productive, and I hope that empathy is the stronger truth felt. It's important that I am genuine as I build connections with the humans I care about. A recent lesson I have learned as that words mean more to some than others. And the emotional impact as we write words can be interpreted very differently by those who read them. We must be mindful of intent, and that takes follow-up. We can't simply say something and assume the other person will receive the message as intended. It requires empathy to work through those moments. Luckily I am blessed to interact with some wonderful humans who help me understand more about myself and are gentle and tolerant as I continue to grow in empathy.

Thank you so much soul for this wonderful post - it’s well/put together . I value I’ve grown to accept is it’s ok to be assertive through loss and it’s not selfish to ask for what you want when you feel low as I was taught.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

A top value I used to have that I've seemed to have replaced with another is honestly.

I used to be honest about pretty much anything. I was pretty unfiltered, in the way children and youth are. It was important to me.

As I got older I found humour took a top spot beside love and kindness. If people ask outright, I may be honest, but I choose to mind my own business, if that makes sense.

@SoulfullyAButterfly While I have always believed in monogamy, when I was single I had this mindset... A dating/relationship and marriage are 2 very different things. If the parties are not married then it does not require commitment and people can "see" whoever else they like. You can up and leave at any given time. No ifs, ands, or buts. Marriage, on the other hand, is forever. While I believe in the values of truly committing yourself to your partner and being loyal and faithful, I now believe that not everyone is meant to be married nor do they have to be married to share and show their love for one another. So even in a committed relationship without being married, I believe that being monogamous is important. No more of the "I am a free agent mindset." 

Wonderful post. These values to be formed and reformed again require some good incidents apparently. Some volcanoes and tsunamis later, prioritising myself suddenly started to feel a bit normal. Boundaries are my tools: saying no to anything gives me so much pleasure and relief finally. Well, I am just flirting with the idea now, will need lots of practice to master any well sounded "no". That's something though. I am just wondering why have I even bothered to behave any different in the past? The answer is usual: safety related control issues and people pleasing attempts due to some childhood traumas. That being said, perfectionism is next thing to work on. Let's see what happens. Happy metamorphosis everyone 🖖

@SoulfullyAButterfly and @hope

The biggest value that I have now that I didn’t have in the past is spirituality.  Growing up it was just something I HAD to do.  I HAD to go to church.  Now my relationship with a higher power is a relationship and I have it because I want it.

@SoulfullyAButterfly What a great post! Thanks a lot for sharing❤️

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Earlier in life, my focus was often directed towards external achievements and goals. The idea of mindfulness, being fully present in the moment, was not a priority. However, a series of life experiences, particularly moments of stress and burnout, prompted a reevaluation of my values.

The catalyst for this change was a period of intense work-related pressure and personal challenges. I found myself constantly chasing future goals, neglecting the importance of the present moment. The toll on my mental and emotional well-being became evident, leading to a realization — the pursuit of external success should not come at the expense of internal harmony.

This realization marked a turning point, prompting me to explore mindfulness practices. Engaging in activities like meditation, deep breathing, and conscious awareness became integral to my daily routine. The shift in value from external achievement to internal well-being has brought about a profound positive change.

Now, the value of mindfulness shapes my approach to life. It influences the way I navigate challenges, engage with others, and prioritize self-care. Instead of being solely focused on future outcomes, there's a conscious effort to savor the present, finding joy and fulfillment in the journey itself.

This change in values has not only enhanced my mental and emotional resilience but has also positively influenced my relationships, work, and overall life satisfaction. The evolution towards valuing mindfulness serves as a constant reminder to appreciate the beauty of each moment and foster a sense of inner peace amid life's complexities.

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Greetings, Butterfly. I hope that you're doing well. I completely agree that values are deeply held beliefs and principles that shape our attitudes, behaviors, and choices. They play a major role in shaping our identities and influencing the way that we interact with the world. 

Think of a value that you have now that you did not used to have, or one that has become more important to you. What life experiences led to this value changing? How does this change affect you now?

Throughout my own journey, I remember feeling intense pressure to conform to certain expectations and fit into a particular mold that was perceived as being academically successful. There was a time when I placed a great deal of importance on external validation and meeting the standards set by my teachers. I felt compelled to present myself in a way that would gain their approval and recognition. As a result, I often found myself hiding certain aspects of my true personality, suppressing my unique interests and perspectives, all in an effort to meet those expectations. 

However, over time, I began to realize that this approach was not sustainable nor fulfilling. It led me to question the authenticity of the validation that I sought and the impact it had on my overall well-being. 

This realization served as a precipitant for a significant shift in my values. I started placing greater importance on authenticity, embracing my true self, and pursuing my passions with genuine enthusiasm. I recognized that my true worth and fulfillment should not solely depend on external validation, but rather on honoring my own values, interests, and aspirations.

This change in values has had a profound impact on my life. I now prioritize personal growth, self-expression, and pursuing endeavors that align with my true passions. I was able to discover a greater sense of fulfillment, inner peace, and a stronger connection to my own identity, and it's all because I embraced my true personality.

Conclusion 🌹✨

While the journey of shedding the mask and seeking validation from within is ongoing, I have learned to appreciate the importance of being true to myself. I have found that when I honor my values and embrace my true personality, I am better able to engage with the world in a meaningful and authentic way.

Thank you! 💗🌸

~ Xaverie ♡

@SoulfullyAButterfly

Thank you for this great question.

One value that I have now that I did not used to have, or that has become more important to me, is compassion. Compassion is the ability to feel and show empathy and kindness towards ourselves and others, especially those who are suffering or in need¹. I used to be more numb since childhood, being an only child with helicopter parents and having an emotionally neglected childhood by parents and then growing up in a Military based school environment where being a “crybaby” is not an option and was made fun of. Seeing my parents worry about every little thing concerning me but shutting me down or not validating my concerns has made me think that I shouldn't feel too much, make them worry and that emotions are useless, so I learned to numb my emotions. and I did not care much about the feelings and needs of others. Instead I used to be annoyed and get uncomfortable seeing anyone cry or expressing their needs or emotions. I thought that everyone was responsible for their own happiness and problems, and that I did not have to help anyone since my parents have always modeled the overly independent lifestyle to me.

However, my value of compassion changed when I Joined the internet when I turned 13 and was exposed to the world outside of my own bubble, then since 2022 started to chat with members on 7 Cups. I realized that there are many people who are going through difficult and painful situations, and who need someone to listen and support them. I learned to listen and understand their perspectives and emotions, and to empathize with their struggles and hopes. I also learned to be more compassionate towards myself, and to accept and appreciate my own feelings and needs. I discovered that compassion is not a weakness, but a strength, and that it can make a positive difference in the world.

This change in my value of compassion affects me now in many ways. It helps me to be more open and caring towards others, and to build more meaningful and trusting relationships. It also helps me to be more resilient and optimistic, and to cope better with stress and challenges. It motivates me to help others in any way I can, and to contribute to the well-being of myself and others. It also inspires me to learn and grow as a person, and to cultivate other values that are related to compassion, such as gratitude, forgiveness, and generosity.

Thanks to everyone here for sharing your thoughts and experiences on how your values have evolved. Reading the posts under this thread has helped me learn so many things and learning through your experience and perspective was enlightening.