Limiting Beliefs
I've been thinking a lot about limiting beliefs recently - like when we tell ourselves "oh, I'm really bad at X," or "I have never been good at Y." It's interesting how much these beliefs can make it harder for us to grow!
The Inner Development Goals course mentions that Optimism is a skill that can be developed for enabling change. It describes Optimism as: "the ability to maintain and convey a sense of hope, a positive attitude, and confidence in the potential for meaningful change."
Something interesting that I think could help with this is the understanding that what we believe about ourselves can either reinforce our bad habits or make behaviour change easier. Our brain is wired to work harder to maintain habits that match our self-image.
As an example, let's look at some possible self-talk that someone who wants to start working out 4x a week could have:
- "I can just never stick to a workout schedule" --> this is a limiting belief that ties our identity to being bad at working out consistently, so we are less likely to achieve this goal.
- "I'm going to try sticking to a workout schedule" --> this is not a limiting belief about ourselves, but it frames working out consistently as something external to us, rather than tying it to who we are. It's more helpful, but we can do better!
- "I'm someone who prioritizes my health and takes the time to exercise regularly" --> this ties the habit we want to develop to our identity, so our brain will work with us to maintain this habit!
It's not about lying to ourselves, but it's about reframing our thoughts to get our brain to work with us as we work to change our behaviour. We all have the capacity to grow and can shape who we are over time. Like Dr. Tracey Marks says, "You're choosing a version of yourself to grow into, and you're reinforcing it with small, consistent actions." (YouTube Video: WhySome People Build Better Habits (and How You Can Too))
So what's one of your limiting beliefs, and what could you tell yourself instead? 🌻
@SilverWhiteWinters
I think my limiting belief is I used to work out more had an app where you could do virtual challenges and it was discontinued without that motivation i feel into some procrastination regarding exercise.
so i think i limit myself by believing it won't be the same instead of finding new motivations and habits.
i think many procrastinate by assuming things will be harder to do alone.
@toughTiger6481
Thank you for sharing this! 🌻 It can definitely be easy to lose motivation for exercise when something changes, like the app getting discontinued. It can feel so discouraging, and you have a good point about assuming things will be harder to do alone! It's very cool you have identified a limiting belief around tying your ability to work out more to something external (the app), rather than believing YOU are a person who can maintain an exercise habit, because of who you are. After all - even though you were following an app before (and apps can certainly make things easier with a structure and reminders etc), it was YOU who made the choice to show up to your exercise sessions and move your body, the app could never force you to do that. So even if you need to find a new structure and method, that ability to maintain a workout routine comes from within you ✨ I believe in you!
@SilverWhiteWinters
One of my limiting beliefs is “I’m just not a disciplined person.” Instead, I could tell myself, “I’m someone who is learning to build discipline through small daily actions.” That feels a lot more encouraging and true to where I am right now.
@Mariam973
I love that! That sounds like a great reframe for you. I actually have the same limiting belief but am trying to reframe it too, so we're in this together! Here's to being disciplined people ✨
@Mariam973 I absolutely love this and am going to adopt this way of thinking. I have had absolutely NO motivation to do anything lately—from “normal” daily tasks such as showering or putting on clean clothes more often to things that I absolutely NEED to be doing right now in order to move forward and re build a life for my girls and me. I want and need to achieve independence so badly. But many days, my get-up-n-go got up and went!!
@SilverWhiteWinters
Thanks for the post! One of my belief is "I'm not doing good enough." I should tell myself, "I am worthy."🌟
@JaniceWang
Thank you for sharing this with us! It can be so easy to slip into measuring our worth in our performance, and telling yourself 'I am worthy' is such a good reframe to tackle that limiting belief. You most definitely are worthy, because you're the special and wonderful you 🌞 no other reasons are needed!
@SilverWhiteWinters
A lot of my limiting beliefs stem from my low self-esteem, especially when it comes to wanting to form relationships with others. For instance, one of them would be "They are way too good for me. They are up here and I am way down here."
I can reframe it by telling myself "Everyone has strengths and weaknesses, but that is not tied to your worth as a person."
Or something like that...😅
@cafedaydreams
Thank you for sharing this! I love your self-awareness in this area, and it can be so easy to feel not good enough when we start comparing ourselves to others or viewing them as better than us. You're so right that even if we lack a strength that someone else has, or have a weakness that another person doesn't have, we are still inherently worthy and that other person will have their own strengths and weaknesses too. That reframe is a great truth to remember. Also, to relate that truth directly to your identity: you are good enough, just as you are. You are a special, valuable, interesting, and unique individual on your own path in life, and no matter how different that path looks to others' paths, you are always an equal 🌻
@SilverWhiteWinters
That is true, they are mental barriers, I mostly experienced this in the gym and while running, with weights, even really light, if you think lift it, even with insane physique you would still struggle, the key is to not place limitations in anything
@ritish12
Thank you for your response - that is an awesome example. Our beliefs can be so influential on the outcomes of things, and we can almost always do more than we think we can! 🌻
@SilverWhiteWinters One of my limiting beliefs is thinking, “I just can’t say sorry.” I’ve always struggled with it, especially being the one to apologize first. Part of me feels like if I say sorry, I’m admitting I was wrong, and I usually believe I’m right. It’s a pride thing, honestly.
But I’ve started telling myself, “I’m someone who values the relationship more than being right.” That doesn’t mean I’m backing down or letting people walk over me. It just means I’m choosing to act like the bigger person when it matters. Saying sorry doesn’t make you weak, it just means you’re in control of your ego. That shift in mindset is helping me stop turning every disagreement into a battle.
@jollyshortcake22
Thank you so much for sharing this, I absolutely love the mindset shift here! Apologizing can be a hard and humbling thing to do, but you're so right that apologizing isn't weak but shows a lot of strength. It takes a lot of personal power, or control over your ego like you said, to be able to take responsibility and apologize when needed. And I love how you've noticed that thinking this way is helping you stop turning every disagreement into a battle too - you're doing amazing work! 🌻
@SilverWhiteWinters
Im not a good writer. I always feel like if it isn’t perfect from the start then it’s not good enough but Im trying to learn that editing is part of making masterpieces and I can’t get it person my 1st try
Thank you for your post! Perfectionism can be so hard to deal with, but those sound like great reminders for yourself - and you're so right that creating a masterpiece takes time! I did a creative writing course at University, and for writing short stories, the lecturer recommended closing yourself away in a room and writing the first draft in one go with no revisions along the way. Of course this may be different for different types/lengths of stories, but she encouraged us to accept that the first draft will be messy and all over the place, but embracing the messy allows you to get all of your ideas out, see it as a whole, and then edit it into something beautiful 🌻 I love your courage in striving to move through those feelings of 'not good enough' to remind yourself of those truths and embrace the process
@SilverWhiteWinters I agree with you that our thoughts stop us from doing something, not that we can't do it. We can do anything; it's just a matter of how we orient ourselves and where we go. The examples you gave are very real and relevant to today's times. It's us, not anyone else, that are holding us back. There are so many limiting beliefs that we can't count. For example, I don't dare to speak in front of a crowd, but I will practice gradually. If someone laughs, I'm still normal with them and continue my way. Cause I'm practicing to overcome my fear of public speaking, not doing anything to harm them.
@HealingwithMinionn
That's so true - I think we can often do much more than we believe we can! 🌻 Thank you so much for sharing the example of working to overcome your fear of public speaking! That's so awesome, and your courage is inspiring. That gradual practice sounds like a fantastic approach to help your brain and body learn and believe that you can do it, and that you're safe speaking in front of a crowd 🌞
@SilverWhiteWinters For me, I would say, even when I am firm in my belief that I can do something in life, even with all the setbacks, it would always be those little comments from my loved ones, such as my mother, that make it absolutely discouraging. But I am learning how not to take those to heart.
@Adrestia You're so right - other people's limiting beliefs about us can impact us so much as well. I'm sorry to hear that you're experiencing comments from loved ones that make you doubt yourself. But it sounds like you also have a lot of resilience, to be the type of person that believes in yourself firmly even after setbacks. That is a beautiful thing. And I wish you well in your journey of learning how to let the comments of others wash off you - you're the only one who can define who you are, and who knows what you can do! And with your resilience and growth mindset, I believe that you can get closer and closer to that place where other's words won't discourage you 🌞 You got this!
@SilverWhiteWinters Growing up everyone was so hard on me and I kind of started to associate success with certain things such as perfectionism and always being on point. This has caused me to be extremely hard on myself. My limiting belief is that I’m failing. That I’m fallling too far behind in life. However, when I really think about it I am not! I am a student about to get my degree in the spring. I am a great volleyball coach. I am wonderful friend to others. There is no way I can think of myself as a failure.
Thank you for sharing this @Xaiyaa5!
I'm sorry that people were so hard on you growing up that they taught you to become hard on yourself. Perfectionism can be so brutal, as can internalizing those messages that we aren't good enough without success. Society likes to send that message too, but it's so untrue. We're good enough as we are, without any conditions 💛 believing that is the hard part (something I'm working on too!). It's beautiful that you can identify so many things that prove your limiting belief wrong. Congratulations on being close to graduating 🥳 what an amazing achievement! Being a wonderful volleyball coach and friend are also amazing things to be. You're also a human being on your own unique journey in life, constantly growing in areas that are important to you. That's something I'm reminding myself of too at the moment; our paths aren't comparable to others', they're our own. In that way, it's impossible to be behind; there's beauty in the progress, growth, and learning 🌟
