Dealing with aggressive people

Very crucial topic you have taken up... There is no escaping aggressive, mean and rude people in life. It's all the more difficult if they are close to you. Earlier they used to upset and hurt me a lot. Then the more intense my spiritual journey became the more equipped I became in dealing with such toxic people. Now I just maintain my distance and feel what must be going on inside them to make them behave in that manner. So now hurt and anger has been replaced by compassion and that has made a huge difference to me and to them as well.

@amiablePeace77

Do you believe you should always back up when someone becomes angry and aggressive? I try to stand aside and let their aggression disperse rather than stand there and absorb it

What are your skills and tactics to handle aggressive people? Do not react. Empathize and agree with them in part. Agree to disagree.

So thankful for this post. I have recently developed a weakness at handling confrontational situations or aggressive people. I think it stems from just escaping an abusive relationship. I get so triggered easily but even gets worse when I try to endure the situation but the person is persistent in expressing their aggression as if I’m the cause, just to show their extent of anger is why I think it’s done that way. So I distanced myself in most ways I can since we live together right now until I can get to my final safe home. I love this person because he’s family but he also has made it clear, it’s his home, his rules and doesn’t like to be told. So I don’t feel comfortable mediating with him about his set ways. So I avoid him and only leave space for essential interaction. I know he feels it, but I don’t want to deal with confrontation. I’m working on healing myself and rebuilding my strength inside and out, and I hope that in time and with my effort, I will be much better at handling these situations again.

Handling aggressive and confrontational people has always been a bit of struggle for me. It's especially hard dealing with aggressive and confrontational men (like when they raise their voice and yell--huge trigger from childhood trauma). I tend to want to book it out of there as soon as possible if I can. No matter if they were in the wrong, my anxiety goes through the roof! And, at rare times when my anxiety gives way, most of the time I end up feeling intense anger, which is of course NOT a very good start in properly handling aggressive people.

That said, I DO believe I have improved to some extent, particularly when someone is being rude/aggressive to people I care about. I find it a lot easier to tell the rude person off in ways that do not lead to more confrontation. Also, my time as a retail worker really does give me practise at handling rude people that come into the store. It really forces me to distance myself and my anxious side from the person, making it easier to not take things personally.

@amiablePeace77

Do you believe you should always back up when someone becomes angry and aggressive?....
This is actually an interesting check-in. I consider myself to be a firm believer in "Not playing the fool, Not being or putting myself in a position to allow someone to Walk over me" (or be a doormat)~.. So NO, I don't believe I should back up when someone else becomes angry or aggressive.

What are your skills and tactics to handle aggressive people?....
If I feel someone is angry or aggressive towards something else, then, I just tend to listen and hear them out and see if I can offer a solution.....
But... If the anger or aggression is towards "Me" personally, I can't really say I have any 'Skills or tactics" persay. But I will still hear them out, and if I don't agree with what they are saying or coming at me with, I will surely let them know that. And then also tell them why I feel that way. The outcome is to hopefully come to a place of meeting somewhere in the middle. But that may not always happen. But I believe in maintaining my integrity.

@amiablePeace77

Love this question, Ami I had to deal with a heated situation a few hours ago, so I'm grateful for such a relevant post!

Here is my strategy:

--S.T.O.P--

S = Stop

Stop what you are doing: Press the pause button on your thoughts and actions.

T = Take

Take a few deep breaths to center yourself and bring yourself fully into the present moment.

O = Observe

Observe what is going on with your:

Body
What physical sensations are you aware of (touch, sight, hearing, taste, smell)?

Emotions
What are you feeling right now?

Mind
What assumptions are your making about your feelings? What is the story you’re telling yourself about why you are having them?

P = Proceed

Proceed with whatever you were doing, making a conscious, intentional choice to incorporate what you just learned.

@amiablePeace77 hello ! <3

when someone becomes angry and aggressive, the way we handle the situation depends on how this person reacts <3 i believe that if the issue becomes too big and too much to handle for one person, the appropriate actions should be taken in order to keep everyone safe. it can be good to back up. however, sometimes, (especially when you know the person) it can be good to help calm the person down. they may just be having a rough day and need someone to talk to about it, but i would probably only do so if i knew the person so i can keep myself safe.

when people i know become aggressive, i handle the situation by speaking to them in a calm manner. i try my best not to get upset, and usually just asking if they're okay does the trick <3 however, if it is somebody i don't know, i still stay calm but normally back up from the situation and would let authorities know if necessary.

Do you believe you should always back up when someone becomes angry and aggressive? No, depends on person, situation, and their intent--which I have gotten pretty good at reading with lots of exerience in this

What are your skills and tactics to handle aggressive people? Aggressive, very violent people that have both the opportunity, means of doing harm to me and getting away with it: Try my best to get away from them safely

Aggressive people that are just being more of bullies and are mostly all talk and want to just make a "show" of themselves: I will walk right up to them, demonstrate that I will deal with them head on, and let them know that they are not all, "that." Or, if I am at a certain store, I will just go inside and tell the management and let them deal with them.

Do you believe you should always back up when someone becomes angry and aggressive?
I do think that when someone becomes angry and agressive it is important to back up and give them space.

What are your skills and tactics to handle aggressive people?
In my career field I often encounter people that seem "difficult" "resistant" "aggressive", not understanding what is going on. So things like de-escalation, empathy, active listening, validation are things that can help with those people and changing the environment and the situation.

@amiablePeace77

I don't like being around angry and aggressive people. It is very much horrible, and worse in life. It is even hard online. I cannot deal with any of this. I want to get away.