Why can't I just simply relax? Why can't i just simply take a deep breath and say to myself "there's nothing to worry about"?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 06/11/2018 at 8:35pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
March 24th, 2015 11:14pm
Being anxious is a huge part of my life. What helps a lot is finding things that calm one down, little things. For me tea helps, or having some physical feeling, like spiky plastic balls. It's important to not let the panic take control, even though it may be hard.
Anonymous
April 7th, 2015 2:38pm
I am one of the old non mental health professionals out here, being 46 and a continual work in progress. My main issue that can be triggered is severe anxiety. I have had decades to analyze my issues and have come to the following conclusion. My trigger is I must be able to either control a situation or trust 100% the person that is controlling the situation. If neither of those two issues are confirmed, I will be a wreck. I used to worry horribly about stuff out of my control like weather, or if something may or may not happen, but I have long since worked through that part of my anxiety. Blow up my car or house, it's not a problem, but just be honest. But just put me in a situation where someone I know I cannot trust; someone that has lied to me or I know is currently lying to me, and I will be in a really bad way. So I have had opportunities in the past where many other people could move on and I have had to move away simply because the dishonesty and lack of integrity was incredibly unhealthy for me, keeping me awake at night and causing me to panic. That is why, after 5 years, my wife simply had to give up on adopting a teen out of foster care. When the so called professionals that are managing the process lie and neglect their job as easily as they breathe, well, I simply, for my own good, had no other choice. Probably my biggest regret is we never got it done. We gave up having a baby (we easily could have) so we could bring a foster teen into our family.
KathyTheHealer
May 19th, 2015 10:17am
There is no such thing. You feel insecured because you don't have happiness and security. Work to have happiness (people you love , love you back ) and security ( earn money to buy things when needed) . The worry will fade away automatically.
Anonymous
June 2nd, 2015 11:23am
When you say "Why can't I" you are in a way perclusing the alternative "Of course I can" or " yeah, its worth trying". Our notion of what we can or cannot do is a conversation in our mind . If we are aware of it we can start to listen to ourselves and change the direction of our thinking. U sually the things in life we worry about don't go away. You really don't want them to go away. They are at the core of your engagement with living. What you are realy looking for is away to let go of the burden of thinking about them. A sort of temporary letting go, so you can relax and rejuvenate. Once u accept that, you can compartmentalise your time and attention. Relaxation becomes one phase, and constructive worrying or thinking about issues and choices becomes another phase. Then it becomes easy and natural for you to say, this is the time to relax, Yes of course I can.
Anonymous
August 11th, 2015 5:06am
everything is on your mind basically so when you say to your self nothing to worry about you should fully believe that nothing worry
KintsugiLady
September 1st, 2015 11:19am
Because your stress is real. Your brain senses the trigger as a very real danger, so you can't make it stop reacting to it in such a simple way. It's true that many times we can see that it's not that big an issue, but deep down, something in our psyche is telling all of our alert mechanisms that it IS a big issue, and those mechanisms are responding, creating all the anxiety symptoms. The trick is in convincing your brain that it is safe again, so it can stop sending alert signals all over the place. Breathe deep, focus on something else, take a sip of water, wash your face... Take your time, and in the end you'll relax again.
Alicat711
September 15th, 2015 4:53am
One word: anxiety. Anxiety is usually irrational and irritating. I have generalized anxiety disorder and feel this way all the time! You just have to learn to cope with the anxiety. Medication and counseling can be a great way to keep anxiety at bay and to be able to relax.
Anonymous
September 21st, 2015 4:24pm
That's happening because you have persuaded yourself that you simply can't do it. I think that you will be able to accomplish what you want if you trully believe that you can do it.
exquisiteHoney89
December 8th, 2015 4:37pm
If it were that simple no person would have difficulties with anxiety. Deep breaths can help, but they alone are not enough.
cherryblossom78
February 16th, 2016 12:28am
Because you're thinking about it and not actively doing it. You can do this by practicing meditation, which is getting rid of the noise in your head by focusing on your breath. It will clean up your mind and worries so you can relax better or even focus on the things you'd like to.
positiveWhisper24
February 22nd, 2016 10:54am
For the same reason people with diabetes can't "just make enough insulin" and people with asthma can't "just breathe properly." You can use strategies that can help, but ultimately anxiety is in your body.
Alexisheretohelpyou2
July 18th, 2016 10:27pm
Well, thats different for eveeyone. To me, i just pray to God or talk to someone. Youre welcome to talk.
Anonymous
July 26th, 2016 2:47am
I think there's a difference between thinking something and believing it. If what you believe and think aren't aligned you won't be able to relax .
peacefulMusic8
July 26th, 2016 11:14pm
Relaxation does not come easy to everyone, myself included. I have tried lots of things to try to be able to say that. What i have found most helpful is just trying to be mindful. You can always find something to worry about, but if you change "worry" to "love", lots changes. Instead of finding something to worry about, try finding something to cherish or love about your surroundings or where you are in your life.
Anonymous
September 26th, 2016 8:44pm
Sometimes relaxing is an hard thing to do when you are stressed. Even though you are unaware of the stress, you may have a hard time relaxing. Things such as school, work, and social events may be causing you to have a hard time relaxing. Try using a stress ball when laying down, or listening to music to help calm your mind.
Anonymous
November 13th, 2017 4:27pm
Because my mind will never be in a state where it won't have nothing to worry about. Ill always find something to stress about, even if its just my appearance, if there is nothing else to worry about.
guslover74
December 12th, 2017 3:24am
It’s possible your mind might be too full to allow anything else to happen, even if it’s not doing anything but relax. The best thing to do is slowly unpack at smaller problems until you can reach the large stuff and once that has been cleared you may feel much better
Anonymous
January 22nd, 2018 8:03pm
You will always feel stressed about something even if it's only a little thing, it would be bad if you felt completely relaxed all the time. If you are concerned try different relaxation techniques or remember that if in five years you wouldn't be bothered with what you're worrying about right now, then just try to relax
Melissame
January 30th, 2018 11:50am
Being able to relax is a skill and takes time to master believe me. Mindfulness is a great way to relax and with practice and help from the 7 cups techniques, it can make a huge difference.
endearingLion70
March 19th, 2018 12:10pm
You can. There are many ways to teach yourself how to relax from meditation, to breathing exercises to different types of sport. Also music, reading, TV. Have to find what works for you.
Anonymous
June 11th, 2018 8:35pm
You can! You need to believe in yourself first though. Your thoughts influence your actions so much! I suggest you start making affirmations and believe in yourself. Constantly tell yourself "There's nothing to worry about, I'm relaxed, everything's okay..." And eventually you'll start to believe it and feel it!