How do I get over feeling that everyone is going to leave me?

133 Answers
Last Updated: 08/08/2019 at 1:01pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda Munroe, LCSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW), I have worked with individuals of all ages. My work with clients is supportive, interactive and nonjudgmental.

Top Rated Answers
Fundamentalthought
July 28th, 2016 2:15pm
I understand that you are anxious about everyone leaving you. Please help me understand why you are feeling this way.
Lizzycares082
July 30th, 2016 6:14pm
Feeling like everyone is going to leave you and you're going to be alone are common in a lot of people to prevent this be the source of your own happiness,don't fantasize about people (try not to daydream about them),don't be an open book to just anybody , Improve your self-confidence and self-efficacy
timetrack
August 3rd, 2016 10:33am
It is very difficult when you make the experience that suddenly you seem to be alone and no one is at your side anymore. That is very painful and scary. But: this is not the end. Don't block other people from reaching you - you will for sure find new, other, different people who you share a connection with! So don't cling and apply pressure to keep someone who wants to leave. Learn that there is pain and disappointment when you discover that feelings are not mutual anymore and there is no investment from the other side. But don't let that make you hard and close your heart. Understand that this happens and look for people who are willing to join you in friendship. There are many wonderful people you can connect with out there! Give them a chance to find you and to get to know you!
HopieRemi
August 7th, 2016 3:51am
I am sorry to hear that you constantly have the feeling that everyone is going to leave you. It can be very harsh to live like that. Have you tried talking to the people in your life? How do you feel about professional help on trying to get to the bottom of why you fear this?
madelynmarlow
August 17th, 2016 3:12pm
Take a deep breath. Remember that these thoughts are irrational and that you are loved. You have so many people who care about you and who will never ever leave you.
insightfulfriend1
July 31st, 2016 10:05am
I take a pen and paper and write about all the good qualities I have within me and whenever I feel this way I check it out and remind myself that I've got something within me from which people can get benefit from and people can come to a mutual agreement and become friends
Anonymous
August 17th, 2016 10:46am
As hard as it can be, you have to believe that those around you, the people who care and who are by your side every day, chose to be with you. They don't necessarily have to stay with you; they do it because they appreciate you, and genuinely want to be there. You have to trust that those who love you won't leave your side, because they decided that they wanted to be here.
LeonMcLion
September 10th, 2016 1:07am
Low self-esteem and lack of self confidence are probably one of the reasons why, but don't worry since this is very common for a human being to feel this way because it is one of our fundamental needs to have another human companion. However, overthinking about this might actually affect the quality of your relationship with someone and eventually your fears might come true. Think about the good characteristics you have, grow from it and benefit from it.
mintybunny
July 28th, 2016 10:14am
Ask yourself how rational that feeling is. It would be near impossible for everyone in your life to leave you, particularly if you have done nothing wrong. Ask yourself why you think they would leave you. You may realize is because you have low self esteem or crave more time with your friends and family, but no one is angry at you.
hopefulPower94
April 1st, 2017 10:05pm
Being close to someone and fearing them leaving us is really difficult to handle. It is understandable that you don't want people to leave you. I have found mindfulness to be helpful. By that I mean, staying in the moment where you feel that fear coming and noticing your emotions. Notice your urges to leave them or the situation(or what your emotions are telling you to do.) Check the facts of the situation. What's really going on? Is the person truly likely to leave you, or is it your fear getting the best of you? If it is the fear, remind yourself of that. Also understand that even if someone were to leave you, you would be okay. You would get through it. Reach out to a therapist and get some support if you need it. I'll also link a video of a licensed therapist who goes into more detail of how to cope with fear of abandonment. She is a licensed therapist. I hope this helps! :-)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3TeWmn4DnWM
uniquecreature41
October 27th, 2016 10:54am
Feeling like this is a huge sign of insecurity. It's this kind of emotion that can cripple personal relationships, wanting to address it is a very healthy step in the right direction! Next time that feeling arises, instead of leaning into it and reacting accordingly, stop; ask yourself 'is she really not interested anymore or was she genuinely too busy that day?'. Try applying 2 things; objectivity and self reliance. Chasing friends or lovers all over town will likely push them away and you deserve peace of mind with good people in your life. Worry less about social media response times or cancelled plans and start concentrating on what makes you happy.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2016 2:04pm
Try to talk to people about it, tell them how you feel and ask if they've planned to leave you anytime soon, if they're real friends their answer is probably no :)
isaetoilerina
May 10th, 2018 12:19am
Take a breathe. Surround yourself. The present is the prevalent time. People come and go, but those who's love and support are deeply rooted within you will forever have an impact.
Anonymous
August 7th, 2016 5:57am
I feel like that feeling never goes away. Ways of coping with that situation are the best option I think.
sarahsarahsarah
September 1st, 2016 8:13am
As overwhelming as that feeling is, it's important to keep telling yourself that it isn't true. It takes a long time to get over that feeling or fear. But what I've noticed, is that the more love you have for yourself and the more secure you are in yourself, the less you will have that feeling. Believing that you are amazing and perfect the way you are is the key. Be strong in who you are and be proud, and that will attract the right people! The right people will never leave you, and loving yourself FIRST will help you see that. :)
2cupsofteaa
September 22nd, 2016 5:59pm
Feelings like that are hard to vanquish completely. We all at some point in our lives fear that we will be left alone or abandoned. I think the best way to deal with such an emotion is to accept it and embrace it. When you feel that way, it's your fear and vulnerability arising - and it's okay to feel that way because nobody wants to lose those that they love. What you should though on top of accepting this emotion is to question why you feel that way. Just because you feel that everyone is going to leave you does not mean that this is actually happening, or will ever happen. Your feelings do not equate to real life; they arise from irrational fears and thoughts!
Anonymous
March 28th, 2018 11:43am
Hmmm....I understand because I have kinda been through this feeling and it is very hard....it makes us scared of how wrecked we would feel when people we care about leave us...but if you feel like that I guess you are battling some self esteem issues just know that you are awesome spend time with yourself and pamper yourself if you know that you will be happy with yourself this feeling will start fading away.....and at the end of the day we all should know that every person on this earth is fighting for his or her survival it might sound harsh but it is the truth we expect a lot from people sometimes and those expectations when are not fulfilled make us feel very bad and frustrated....won’t life be easy if we stopped caring about all that but it’s really hard to do that....but love yourself and be independent this will help a lot and yeah remember if a person leaves you and does not come back maybe he or she was never meant to stay sooner or later this had to happen so stop screwing yourself over for that..
Anonymous
August 12th, 2016 4:25pm
You can start by understanding that every person has positive and negative aspects; there is no one with solely positive or solely negative characteristics. That means that it's totally normal for you to not be perfect, and that it isn't a reason for your friends and family to abandon you. Then, you could write down the things you love about your self, and you think that your friends love them too. That will make you feel more confident, and grateful about the best assets of yourself.
IntuitiveDrops
August 31st, 2016 9:44am
If you think like that, you´re probably swallowing a lot of negative emotions towards others just to please them. The problem here is that they usually grow bigger over time, and when you spill them finally out, that can really destroy a relationship. It would be better to just accept that loving and hating someone at the same time is possible and that you can´t control how others relate to you.
Anonymous
September 1st, 2016 2:52pm
Talk to them, think about the times you felt loved, try to think about something else and distract yourself.
RobRH
September 7th, 2016 7:01pm
Understand the emotional connections you have with people. Frequently engage in conversation with your friends and family to understand the support they can give
h3idi
September 27th, 2016 3:50am
look at the people who haven't. look at your supports and appreciate the good that's come out of your relationships with others
Anonymous
October 13th, 2016 12:47am
That's quite a distressing thought, and it's okay to feel worried but they won't leave you, I'm sure it's just anxiety , your a good person :)
CityDove3791
November 24th, 2017 11:56pm
Establish a strong ground of self appreciation first, you must realize how amazing and unique you are!
Anonymous
August 4th, 2016 4:43pm
Take a deep breath, and relax. It's never easy to sit with the feeling that everyone's going to leave you, but if you really think about it you know that the people close to you love you. Remember that.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2016 6:43pm
I wish I knew the answer to this, if I did, then maybe i wouldn't have such issues with forming bonds or attatchments to people. I might be able to trust people more easily as well
Ophie
August 21st, 2016 6:43pm
I hope I interpreted this question correctly! What do you offer to other people that makes them enjoy your presence? If they are around you, then there is obviously something that attracts them. If you were someone else, would you want to be your friend? Does the fear of having everyone leave you come from a sense of insecurity of having something to offer them? Look for the people who matter the most - which are the ones who are willing to stay by your side and spend time with you even if you don't have much to offer. Above all, have faith in your own strength and be confident that even if someone does leave you're strong enough to wait for the next person to come.
Anonymous
August 26th, 2016 11:24am
Well you need to learn to just trust pistols and know that they aren't like that...... Some people do leave and it's life but it's okay
LibraScorpioCapricorn
August 26th, 2016 7:31pm
I had to learn to accept the fact that sometimes, people will leave me because circumstances change all the time. I just have to remember that I can never abandon myself.
Anonymous
August 31st, 2016 12:40am
Try communicating your insecurities to your loved ones. Explain how you have been feeling so that they can reassure you and help you realize that your feeling about being left is unmerited.