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How can I stop attracting the wrong guys and getting heartbroken constantly?

21 Answers
Last Updated: 09/22/2020 at 3:07am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Trishna Monplaisir, LMSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

We are here to advocate, empower and provide compassion to individuals who need help.

Top Rated Answers
April 17th, 2015 5:36pm
I've learned from experience that we are more likely to attract guys that might leave us heartbroken if we have self-doubt, struggle with insecurities and low self-esteem. Only if we accept that we are worthy of being treated with respect, care and appreciation are we able to set up boundaries that will save us from having our hearts broken. We have to learn to say no to guys that are emotionally unavailable and unable to give us a committed and healthy relationship. We are worth of so much more and need to make ourselves aware of this.
July 8th, 2016 11:49pm
Love is a two-way street and remember that attraction changes from time to time, so cast a wide net. If you feel that you are attracted to folks who only pay you attention, then start seeing opportunities with those people you find attractive first, regardless of whether or not they're interested in you. Understand that not everyone you run into is the same, so balance the good with the bad, the new with the old. But first and foremost, start learning how to set boundaries so that you can protect your heart. Is there a particular situation that comes to mind? Let's set up a time to chat. I'm happy to see that you are here!
March 2nd, 2015 9:57pm
You have to set standards and boundaries and stick to them. We often attract what we feel, whether we know it or not, we are worth. When you're looking for a serious relationship, you have to decide what you want, what kind of person is worthy, and stick to that because you know that you're worth it. If you are attracting certain characteristics in people that don't seem to be compatible with you, you have to evaluate what in you is allowing that. Where are you finding people? Are you sticking to your conditions? Are you bending on what you feel is acceptable to you? Do you make excuses for them? You're worth what makes you happy, own that 😊
July 6th, 2015 7:20am
Learn the guy 1st don't just jump into the relationship. Get to know the person talk to the person for a while never jump into something.
April 7th, 2015 6:16am
It can be a great challenge getting to truly know someone in the beginning stages of meeting a guy. I myself have had times where I misjudged a persons character, always remember that there is more guys out there and you deserve the best. Once you find him, you will know
May 8th, 2015 4:01pm
In the midst of the way that society dictates how we should behave, we often forget that sometimes independence is important. If you feel like you are constantly getting your heart broken or meeting the wrong guys, sometimes it is best to step back and spend some time learning. This learning should be focused inward; learning to be intrinsically happy and motivated, not putting happiness in other people. As soon as you are secure with your own happiness, independence, and standards in life then you can begin to form a clearer idea of what you want in a partner.
October 26th, 2015 7:40am
you need to love yourself, feel confident in your own skin and the right guy will definitely sweep you off your feet. so smile, stay positive and be you. look approachable, guys are attracted to girls that look after themselves and have a positive mindset. you will attract guys that the right guys if you have this mindset.
December 8th, 2015 2:46am
find someone and get to know them really well before you go further into it
June 7th, 2016 10:32pm
Think about the kind of boys you're are attracting. What do they all have in common? Once you've identified a few of their bad qualities look for someone who exhibit the good qualities you need.
October 4th, 2016 2:55am
Get to know the guy first, find his personality. It usually helps in a lot of situations. It's always good to explore the man before jumping in.
October 23rd, 2018 4:22am
What are the common themes abou these guys that initially attracts you? Slight side note. What is your definition of the "Wrong guy". Are this guys jerks - emotionally, psychologically, physically mean? Unfaithful? Uninvested? Are these wrong guys just relationships that haven't worked out? The common factor in either circumstance is YOU. We can't change people or force life to always go how we want it to, but we can control ourselves. So the best we can do is reflect on how we contributed to our circumstances and change the behaviour in hopes we get a better outcome. An example might be taking note of where you tend to meet guys. Maybe you go to places where good guys don't tend to hang out. It's not uncommon for guys to behave themselves to woo the girl until they get what they want and their real personality shines through. It's a complex situation that requires self-reflection and understanding our role in attracting or picking the people that come into our lives.
April 9th, 2019 2:59am
We simply fall in love with the thought of love. Normally we don’t fall in love with the person the words are what grab our attentions. The guys that seem like they’ll be fun are typically the guys that do break your heart. Get to know the guy and create an opinion of the guy before going after them. If he isn’t the one for you and you do not have any sparks with him don’t go for him. You were created for a soul mate so getting rid of the guy is one step closer to your soulmate
April 19th, 2015 10:30pm
just take it easy dont rush things up.. if you like him or he lik you just take it calm and be just friends if things go right you can now go out.. nut thevthings you need look out is if he really loves you and respects you for who you are and also know if he is a cheater
August 17th, 2015 9:27pm
The key here is to set your standards and not lower it down nor go with someone only for their looks. Yes it the what makes us attracted with someone but in the long run, it is not important. Having a lot of things in common [from interest, values, beliefs] and personality are much more important than physical looks. It is also important both of you trust each other and can accept each other for who you are. I suggest to stop and reevaluate first what you are looking for in a man. From there, do not rush when someone would indeed enter your life because something that is rush will only lead to trouble and heartache. It takes love, commitment, trust and a lot of work.
October 26th, 2015 7:11am
What was your last relationship I would suggest to stay calm. Don't rush anything. Set out a goal plan for the next person.
November 17th, 2015 8:53am
First be friends for a while know that person well then think of being with him in relationship .. It will help you to attract wrong guys ..
December 28th, 2015 5:40pm
Take some time to really get to know the guy before you ever date. Ask friends, or even parents if they know them to see their honest opinion. This will help you decide whether it's good to date him or not.
December 29th, 2015 7:39am
The best thing I could say would be to be strong in yourself as a person. Know what you want and know that those things, you deserve them. Do not ever settle for less.
July 4th, 2016 12:51am
I believe attracting a guy takes a certain kind of Chemistry and for you two to have shared interests. As such, I believe that to attract the right guys, you should pursue the things you truly love, and not let yourself get influenced by people who might be causing you to behave in ways/ engage in activities you do not feel passionate about or interested in. Do something you love, and meet other people who love these things too.
July 5th, 2016 10:30am
I need to be stronger and choose the right people in life who could give me assurance on their love for me by proving it.
September 22nd, 2020 3:07am
Start by working on yourself. It’s a great way to attract what you want. When going into a relationship go slow, take your time and have clear communication. Trust is a risky thing, however without it a relationship will only end in heartbreak. Be serious about what you want out of your relationship with your s/o so you both are clear. Lastly, enjoy yourself, overthinking will only break you down. It’s a negative trait that can make or break a relationship. Focus less on the what if’s and more and the present time you have. If you see a possibility of a relationship be reasonable and understand the other person and their views. Enjoy!