Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

How do I know if I'm in a toxic relationship?

289 Answers
Last Updated: 04/20/2022 at 3:24pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Portugal
Moderated by

Jennifer Patterson, LMFT

Art Therapist

Life can be messy. Sometimes you need a little support to make your way through it. I love to help guide people through their challenges & to find the beauty in our messes.

Top Rated Answers
SMStar
July 13th, 2016 2:35pm
1. Passive aggression 2. Jealousy and the blame game 3. Criticism and contempt 4. Arguing without communicating 5. Negative energy 6. Avoiding each other 7. You’re not yourself 8. Feeling like there’s no point 9. You only think about making him or her happy 10. You can’t seem to do anything right You’re just not happy anymore
lonestar87
July 11th, 2016 4:31pm
You spend more time hurt than happy. You will find yourself making excuses for their behaviour. You start to lose confidence in yourself and distance yourself from your friends
Greatlistener87
July 8th, 2016 2:29am
If you are dreading the relationship and you are not happy being in it then you are definitely not in a good place in your relationship. The relationship becomes toxic when someone is cheating on the other, there is no trust and respect between both parties, abuse is in the relationship.
simplisticmoon
July 16th, 2016 4:01am
If the person isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated. If someone is taking advantage of you or your feelings, you are in a toxic relationship.
Anonymous
July 27th, 2016 1:54am
When you wouldn't treat yourself the way your partner treats you. That's when you have to reflect and see if you would want someone like that in your life.
Anonymous
February 3rd, 2018 11:36pm
There are questions to ask yourself and be brutally honest. For example : Am I walking on egg shells? Do we have separate lives including friends, hobbies, things we enjoy doing apart from our relationship? Does my partner allow me time to spend with friends, family? During arguments do you feel afraid for your safety or the safety of others around you (including pets in the house)? Do you feel like your partner is respectful of your boundaries (including saying no to sex)? Has your partner ever slapped, hit, punched, kicked, spit on, degraded, yelled at you or ever made you feel afraid? Toxic relationships literally suck the life out of a person. You can't see it but others can see the light inside you dim until it's finally gone. You look in the mirror one day and don't recognize who you have become.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2018 6:17pm
It's hard to see what's best for yourself when you're invested in a relationship. It's not always easy to remember who you are and what you want. You can start to lose yourself and forget to make yourself and your happiness a priority. There is a lot of sh*t we put up with because the pain certain relationships bring us is less intimidating than the pain of letting go of the person you love. There's nothing wrong with admitting a relationship has run its course. Even if you can't conceptualize your life without that person, with time and distance, you'll be able to see the relationship for what it was: toxic as hell. 1. Passive aggression The whole "I hate it when you do that, but I'm just gonna keep it to myself and throw you shady little side glances" thing is unnecessary. Once you're not comfortable being direct with your SO, you've lost that bond on which your relationship was initially built. 2. Jealousy and the blame game We're all only human, so jealousy will happen on some level. But, excessive jealousy is never okay. If you don't have trust in a relationship, you literally have nothing worth holding on to. 3. Criticism and contempt No one is perfect, and the closer you become with someone, the more conspicuous his or her imperfections will become. There is nothing wrong with criticism that comes from a positive place. When criticism is used as a channel to express contempt or disdain for someone else, it can make the other person feel unvalued and worthless. It's hard for a relationship to come back from that. 4. Arguing without communicating We all know that yelling over each other won't get you anywhere. It's natural to get upset and argue, but if there's no exchange of communication and neither party conveys why he or she feels how he or she does, nothing will be solved. 5. Negative energy Feeling uncomfortable or tense around someone is just your body reacting to the negative energy surrounding the two of you. Negativity can drain you mentally, physically and emotionally. We're forced to deal with this stuff, but your SO should be a reprieve from that type of stress. 6. Avoiding each other At the bare minimum, you should be able to tolerate your SO's presence. If you can't even bring yourself to be around him or her, you should really just call it quits. 7. You're not yourself Change will happen regardless. When you're in a relationship, even if you both change, you should be going in the same direction. If your relationship changes you, it should only make you a better version of yourself. If you feel like you're losing yourself or you don't recognize who you are anymore, it's not healthy. 8. Feeling like there's no point There is a difference between staying in a relationship because you're comfortable and staying because you truly want to be there. If you feel like your relationship isn't going anywhere, why waste the time? That's time you'll look back on with regret, but that you'll never be able to relive. 9. You only think about making him or her happy Once you hit your 20s, relationships are a trial run for marriage. You should be able to see potential in spending the rest of your life with your significant other because if not, what's the point? You should want to make your SO happy, but it should be a two-way street. Your happiness should mean his or her happiness and vice versa. If you're constantly trying to make them happy, but you're not getting anything in return, then something in the cycle is disjointed. Happiness should be mutual. 10. You can't seem to do anything right Once you get to the point where you feel like everything you do upsets him or annoys her, and you're tiptoeing around in your own relationship, you need to understand that you aren't the problem. There is something with which your significant other is unhappy and he or she isn't communicating that to you. Until he or she is honest with why he or she is really frustrated, nothing you do will seem to be enough. 11. Growth and change are seen as negatives Relationships have to evolve in order to last. The whole "why can't things just stay like this" mentality isn't conducive to a long-term relationship. At some point, someone will want more. That's not a bad thing, but both parties must be on the same page. There's nothing wrong with taking the next step; doing so is a sign of maturity. 12. Reminiscing on the beginning instead of looking toward the future Memories of the honeymoon phase are not enough to sustain you. You can't relive the past. Relationships develop, but not always for the better. Fantasizing about what used to be is not living in reality. 13. You're just not happy anymore What it really comes down to is happiness. You don't have to justify why you aren't happy anymore. It isn't realistic to expect to be happy in every moment of your relationship, but as a whole, this person should make you happier. He or she should make you feel supported and capable of doing whatever the hell it is you want to do. You should know that even though you don't have control of every aspect of your life and things will fall apart, this person gives you stability. He or she helps you rebuild and gives you hope that things can be the way you think they should be. If you don't have that, is it really worth it?
heartfulSmiles35
July 13th, 2016 9:24pm
Any relationship that does not make you (or the other person) happy to be in is an unhealthy relationship. The relationship is toxic when the one partner is "above" the other, and/or is causing negative feelings to the other.
HttpSprinkle
July 6th, 2016 2:36pm
You can tell if you are in a toxic relationship when you ask yourself: Am I being hurt or am I happy. Always remember that if you are not consentually being in that relationship then you need to call the police or a trusted adult.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2016 9:50pm
A healthy relationship will make you feel like you are safe and free to be yourself. You'll never feel trapped with your partner, and they won't ruin your chances at being happy. A toxic relationship will, however, give you bad self esteem, make you feel unsafe, misunderstood or caged.
Anonymous
July 8th, 2016 6:12pm
If you feel anxious or unsure about being around the person you are with, it probably is not making you happy. Any relationship where you cannot full trust the other person or where you do not feel happy or secure with that person could possibly be a toxic relationship. Also, if you are giving your all to the relationship and not getting as much back, try talking to that person about it.
AceVIILX
July 7th, 2016 1:13pm
Being in a toxic relationship is often a major blockade for us on our personal growth path. Often times we find ourselves in these relationships because we are good people, who want to see the best in others. And in doing so, we also need to understand that sometimes we can do better if we do good for ourselves as well, by staying out of a toxic relationship. You can easily tell if a relationship is toxic by asking yourself these questions, and answering honestly - You only have to answer to You, after all. 1: Am I enjoying my time with this person? 2: Do I feel like I want to avoid this person at times? 3: Does this person treat me the way I want to be treated? 4: Am I happy in this relationship and can I see myself being happy in the future? In the end, while it may be hard, you could very well find yourself in a toxic relationship. If you are, talk to someone you trust, and think about solutions to your predicament. And if you need to, you may feel like finding a new friend is the best solution. Never be afraid to remove yourself from a toxic relationship, and always remember to contact the proper authorities if you require their assistance.
Anonymous
July 20th, 2016 6:56pm
I think you can tell a relationship is toxic when the other is trying to turn into a person you're nt , or trying to get you do things you wouldn't usually do because you find it either way dangerous or stupid.
allnaturalUnicorns70
July 21st, 2016 3:48pm
Whenever you feel like the relationship is hurting you and not meeting your needs, that's probably a good first test at least.
Anonymous
March 2nd, 2019 5:01pm
Ways to know that you're in a toxic relationship, is that you feel like you are "walking on eggshells", you always have to be so careful in what you say or do. You feel like you're being taken away from your family and friends. He/she wants you all to themselves and will get jealous if they see you talking to someone of the opposite gender. You feel more drained even though you were just with that person. They can possibly make you turn away from friends and family. They make you believe that you are the problem, you don't know what's right or wrong anymore. You start to get a low self-esteem. Those are some ways that you can be in a toxic relationship.
KennethZ
August 25th, 2016 2:01pm
Try to take a step back and look at the relationship from the outside. Is there a healthy amount of compromise? are both partners having there needs met by the other? Or is the relationship very onsided? One person is doing all of the compromising and the other isn't giving any ground. A healthy relationship is founded on honesty, trust and sharing.
holdonloveneverends
July 31st, 2016 4:51pm
When you two are together, you will have unexpected negative thoughts about that person and feel unhappy and uncomfortable with him/her.
Darcee
August 3rd, 2016 7:50pm
If you find yourself asking, am I in a toxic relationship, the chances are quite high, you are in one. Trust your instincts. We intuitively know when things are bad for us mentally or spiritually. Listen to yourself.
HopieRemi
July 7th, 2016 7:04am
Your partner controls who your friends are and where you can go. Your partner controls all of the money. Your partner can get violent and might hit you. Your partner doesn't let you out of their site. This are just one of the many things that you might see in a toxic relationship. If you're scared of your partner, then your relationship might be toxic.
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2018 2:04pm
How do you mostly feel in their company? How do you feel after you go back home after you spend a day with them? Positive and cheerful? Or stressed out? If its the latter then you're probably in a toxic relationship
100rabh
August 21st, 2016 2:26pm
If you ever feel that you are not being your original self for your s.o. and they fail to recognize the effort then you may be in a toxic relationship
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 6:35am
Does your partner make you feel bad about yourself? Are they purposely putting you down? Do they even attempt to apologize after doing so? When in a relationship you should always respect the other person, if they are treating you poorly and making you feel less of yourself then you're most likely in one.
Anonymous
July 31st, 2016 2:14pm
If you feel they're hurting you on purpose in any way, they might be toxic and you should try to talk to them about it. If they keep acting that way you should break up with them.
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 6:54pm
He/she is using you: asks you for things a slave would do. He/she uses you and shows off with you in front of others.
Anonymous
July 10th, 2016 6:19am
Where you feel you're no longer be yourself and you feel lack of love. And when you feel you're better when you're not in that relationship,it's time for you to realize you're in toxic relationship
Baileybug
July 27th, 2016 2:13am
You always know when something isn't right for you, you just have to take the time to really sit down and notice it.
Anonymous
September 25th, 2019 11:03pm
The biggest indicator to me that I am in a toxic relationship is when there is not a healthy growth or reciprocity going on. If I am always giving and nothing is being returned, to me, that is a warning sign. Also, if the other person does not have my best interests at heart, that also does not seem conducive to a healthy relationship. Then there are other signs like being manipulated or treated with low regard or being treated as less than equal. The easiest way for me to tell is usually to compare the relationship to the good ones that I enjoy. Ones where both people advocate for each other, listen to each other and encourage each other to be the best person that they can be.
Teddster
September 14th, 2019 6:44pm
There are a few signs for that. If you don't enjoy spending time with your significant other for example, you may be in a toxic relationship. If you find yourself going out of your way to please someone you may be in a toxic relationship (especially if they show no sign of wanting to reciprocate). It's normal to do things for the people we love, it's all a matter of appreciation. If the person you love doesn't appreciate the things you do for them but instead expects you to do them anyway then it's probably a toxic relationship and you should end it sooner than later.
kitty54
September 22nd, 2019 4:02pm
If you cannot cope alone, do not have your own life outside your relationship. If your angry at the other person for no reason. If you smile outside in public but are angry at home. If you are not happy with successes of your partner. If you continually judge others faults thus ignoring your own. If you feel jealous of your partner. If you dont' trust your partner for no reason. basically anything that is not supportive, treating both persons as independent people who love spending time together and laughing together, where you compliment each other not feed of each other.
Anonymous
October 10th, 2019 10:53am
If you are questioning if your relationship is toxic, then maybe there is some insight to your self awareness. How does your relationship make you feel presently? Are there any red flags that you have noticed that made you question if the relationship is toxic? Do you have more negative days than positive days in the relationship? What frustrates you in the relationship? If your friend questioned their relationship to be toxic, then what advice would you give to that friend? What steps can you do to discover the type of relationship you are in presently?