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How to get closure from my ex? I feel I need it.

176 Answers
Last Updated: 12/23/2021 at 3:59am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Brenda King, PsyD


I treat life changes, women’s issues, and issues of aging using evidence-based treatments with healthy doses of warmth, empathy and humor to enhance healing and growth.

Top Rated Answers
July 1st, 2016 8:13pm
Forgive, but don't forget. FORGIVE them for whatever drove you both toward break up. Don't hold on to the negative things that happened between y'all in the past. Instead, remember the good and blissful memories that you once shared. The only thing holding onto negative feelings will do to you is keep you from enjoying your next relationship. If the break up wasn't messy, then a talk is surely the right way to go for the closure you need. If it wasn't pretty, still forgive even if it wasn't their fault. You need to be at peace; not only in your mind, but your heart as well. You can do it, but patience will be the key factor.
June 29th, 2016 2:04am
Have you tried asking him? If yes and he is not cooperative then you will just have to seek closure by knowing that whatever it is you are not part of it anymore and you can move on.
July 30th, 2016 1:59pm
In my own experience with exes, knowing what the both of you feels about the situation through talking it out like civilized people is the most efficient way to get closure. I know it's scary but, if both parties know the sides and opinions of each other, it will lead to understanding and eventually, closure.
May 24th, 2018 3:55pm
What I have learned about getting closure from an ex is this... You can not rely on the other person to provide that closure for you. Forgive yourself and don't be hard on yourself. The closure will not fix what you are feeling. The best thing to do is forgive yourself and use that as your closure. It will get better.
September 2nd, 2016 6:11pm
Sometimes, looking for closure could end up hurting you and your former partner even more than the breakup did, And really whether closure is the right the right thing for you is dependent on how the relationship was ended. Finding closure also shouldn't happen right away after a break up. It takes time to settle all the depression and pain that came with the breakup. A clear and open mind is needed to properly handle closure so further damage is prevented. Mutual breakups tend to be easier to receive closure than ones that end on really bad terms.
August 7th, 2016 12:33am
I have been in your place before and I can say closure is a good choice after a breakup I suggest that you sit down and talk to your ex and settle any problems.
August 28th, 2016 4:02pm
The first step is you. Do you even want to move on? Or do you want to stay stuck in the moment, hoping he'll come back? Once you find your determination to move on, it's easier from there onwards.
July 24th, 2016 12:19pm
I am not sure if its closure but I have certainly moved forward , I had to keep in mind all the bad times instead of the good , also talked threw the break up with a councillor, it took a while and it was painfull but the more I talked the less painfull it was ,the other important thing is to find something that I liked doin to take my mind of her all the time ,Today I hardly think about it and if I do its not for very long , I have acknowledged that we spent part of our lifes together and have some fond memories but that was only part of my life not it all ,and am quite ok being alone as it gives me a chance of meeting the right person for me
June 26th, 2019 10:00am
Just talk to them; it's easier said than done, but it is the most important component of a relationship-even if it is to end it. Talking to your partner can help set expectations, and clarify any past actions or words from either party. Text them, let them know that it's over, but you need closure, and talk about whatever is on your mind. Don't be shy, or hesitant when it comes to this; if they talk, you'll be at peace, and if they don't, you know what the relationship means to them, and they're not worth your time, and you're still at peace. It's a win-win! Hope this helps :)
August 3rd, 2016 6:04pm
Allow yourself to feel each and every emotion, if you want to cry then cry, scream or laugh then do so. If you stop yourself your only postponing the emotion otherwise and not stopping it. Once you've cried as hard as you can and truly felt the emotion the next time you revisit that emotion it will become easier and quicker to move forward each and every time you go there.
July 9th, 2016 7:26pm
Depending on the situation, if an ex continues to contact you, either hear them out or ignore them. If they ex broke up with you because they decided to pursue another relationship, I would suggest not picking up the phone. Chances are they are only talking to you because they are no longer happy with the relationship they left you for. If you broke up on mutual feelings and nothing has negatively escalated in your relationship, then I say hear them out. But it all depends on your understanding of the relationship.
August 24th, 2016 4:30pm
Find some reasons to talk to him, then invite him for a drink. Talk to him nicely and show your kindness, your changes and so on
July 19th, 2016 1:07am
Look forward. That's the best thing you can do. Look to other people for the comfort your ex once gave you. You don't necessarily have to forgive your ex, just make sure you're not hateful.
July 16th, 2017 2:19am
Confrontation is a good process to get closure, when you face the person you once loved and loved you back and see everything's different it can immediately make you realise that nothing is the same way and accept that you have to move on. Sadly your ex won't always accept a meeting, in that case you can still ask for a breakup letter where he/she will share its feelings about your past relationship and the breakup. If you're ex chose to burn bridges then you will have to find it yourself, it might be harder, writing will help a lot, going back on what you wrote 3 days before, or 2 weeks before, will make you realise that this (your past relationship, the breakup) does not have such an important place in your thoughts.
September 24th, 2017 6:06pm
i would write them a nice message nothing mean. or do the blame game. let them know the good times and bad times you shared with them, and thank for them everything you shared with them. let them know you wish them all the best, and that you also feel happy now, and that you feel like your getting things off your chest. and once you feel like you've said everything you had too say. walk away because it's true closure
July 24th, 2016 10:14pm
If you need closure, you need to firstly figure out what answer you are looking for and secondly what you will do when you get the closure you need.
August 2nd, 2016 9:36am
Sit down and have a talk, just go through memories you once shared and have a good laugh about them. Breakups shouldn't be sad and heartbreaking, you take them and make them into something better which later you'll be happy you did.
August 14th, 2016 4:26pm
Focus on you, do your own thing and most of all learn to find and love yourself again. Another important thing, is to block your ex from all your social media accounts as well to help gain even more closure.
September 24th, 2016 7:25am
Once we know someone and hopelessly fall for that person, we can never go back to that not-knowing state. The person becomes a part of who you are. But we do move on with our lives and it always takes its due time. Try to distract yourself by indulging into different activities and meet new people, specially. Those excruciating memories fade when someone new completely takes over your mind. Find that person.
September 29th, 2017 9:58am
I'm guessing your partner left you hanging which is why you feel stuck about closure. At any rate, assessing whether the breakup happened for the best or not would give you a sense of closure because I'm sure there must have been plenty of reasons leading up to the breakup. All you got to do is ask yourself whether the positives outweigh the negatives as far as your relationship ending is concerned.
February 24th, 2018 5:28am
If you haven't received closure by now since the time you guys have broken up, chances are you're looking for something you're truly never going to get. It'll be hard but you need to cut all ties from the person and focus on yourself. Keep yourself as occupied as possible and away from them. Time will heal you.
March 8th, 2018 3:12pm
Just tell her/he how you feel and if they don't feel the same way they just lost someone very special.
July 24th, 2016 10:13pm
Closure is something that we often want, but sometimes don't get it even if we need it, but if you would like to try get in touch with your ex and ask if you can have a face to face conversation because you need closure in order to move on from them and/or the relationship itself.
August 19th, 2016 1:22am
You're one heartbreak less from a happily ever after. If they can't see the beauty in you, they don't deserve you
November 6th, 2016 1:12pm
Sometimes it can get really hard to get closure from an ex, especially since most times you are not still in communication with them. The best way to get closure, is to find it within yourself. Think about it all, and try to think about their side too. Sometimes writing a letter (and never sending it) can help, just getting the closure within yourself and letting them go. While it helps some, it doesn't help everyone.
March 15th, 2017 8:49pm
Sometimes getting closure is by talking to them and sometimes not talking to them. If you try to talk to them and make things better or what have you, and they don't want anything, then you sit there and tell them everything you think needs to be said and you leave it at that and later in life you gain your closure that way.
August 4th, 2016 11:20am
You should realize he was not worth you. And it was better to leave them than be in such a relationship
May 4th, 2017 8:22am
Oh goodness this one hits me hard because i was with a guy 3 years. we had known each other seven things ended with abuse of every kind towards me and then he left me for an underaged girl. this resulted in alot of legal actions and hes behind bars i never got my answers as to why things went bad and to this day i wonder why itall happened. Today im engaged, running a charity, two businesses and im on my way to getting a deree. these things are way more inportant to me than knowing why i was a punching bag or why i wasnt good enough in general so my answer to you is that you need to focus on bettering yourself and moving forward with your life. Sometimes life doesnt give us the answers to everything and thats alright becuase its better to let it go and close that door than it is to wallow in sadness over something that in the long run is just something small.
June 30th, 2017 2:06pm
Sometimes simply talking to your ex may help to bring closure. It is also important to try to help yourself understand the circumstances that led to the breakup. Understanding why you broke up is the first step in achieving closure.
March 7th, 2018 10:19pm
You can try writing down your feelings in a form of a letter to him. Instead of mailing it, after writing down your feelings, destroy the letter.