He said I was perfect for him, but he chose someone else?
Last Updated: 03/18/2021 at 12:27pm
Cynthia Stocker, LCSW,
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
My approach is direct, kind, honest & collaborative. My clients appreciate that I help them in a way that cuts through the jargon and gives clear explanations.
Top Rated Answers
You never know what's in the heart of someone... people make promises in the moment and forget about it after sometimes.. but you couldn't depend on someone's words.. you need to see their actions too.. because actions speak louder than words.. and if he has chosen someone else.. then he was never sincere and actually he doesn't deserve you. He is not perfect for you. Try to move on from someone who was never sincere with you.. and try to focus on yourself.. your dignity is more important than him and his choice.
Babe, you deserve way better than him. NO girl, and I mean NO girl deserves a guy who chooses someone else over you, especially when he chose you first. Maybe it wasn't meant to be or maybe he just didn't care. But you HAVE to move on love. You'll find your guy and when you find him, every thing will be worth it. But you have to move on. It'll hurt so much. I won't deny that. But I'm positive that you can and you will. You're so strong baby. If you ever want to talk, I'm always here for you. -Nikki
In a lot of cases people don't know what they want all the time. Maybe you were perfect because you filled a need he was missing, and once that need was filled he found someone else that filled a different need. So it's not that you aren't good enough, it's that he's missing something in his life that no one can fill for him.
He realized he wasn't perfect for you, that he will never match up to be the person you deserve to be with. He knows himself and realized that someone with an amazing heart like yours needs someone to mirror it. He would have been an barrier from letting you find that person that truly deserves you. It may sound unrealistic, but this is his gift to you - to find your unfulfilled potential that you wouldn't have been able to with him.
In the moment he probably meant it and truly believed in this, but sometimes things change and people change and there isn't anything we can do.
I'm so sorry to hear that someone you put your trust in has done that to you. It's hard to rationalise someone's motives when this happens to you so go easy on yourself and remember, the issue is his and not yours at this stage. When this happened to me I compared myself exhaustively to this other person, deeming them better than me and criticising myself non-stop, making sure I felt so worthless by the end of it that I could barely face getting up every morning. But this meant the only person that was being punished for something I could do nothing about was me. So be kind to you, you deserve to be with someone who says you are perfect for them and shows it in their actions too, and that's not what this person could offer you, so actually they weren't perfect for you! In time, as you get strong again, you will be able to look back at this experience and maybe even learn a few things to help you in future relationships, but for now just remember not to take responsibility for anything that's not in your control, recognise the amazing value of you and be kind to yourself!
You may have been perfect for him but maybe the relationship you had with each other, wasn't. It's not uncommon for love or a strong connection to not be enough to keep people together. Look back at your time together, was it really as good as you think now, in the wake of a break up and broken heart? You may find upon examination that actually, many aspects of the relationship didn't suit you either.
Many guys tend to be like this, in experience it's not easy to deal with a situation like this and tends to have quite a negative effect on how you see yourself. When a guy says "You're perfect for me" or "You're perfect to me" sometimes its just his way of keeping you until he's over whatever it is that you have together. It may give you a different perspective and make you think that all guys are the same etc, but in reality they aren't and there is someone out there making stupid memories that you'll hear about years from now and you'll think about everything you had gone through to get to that person in your life and laugh about it because you finally found someone who makes you happy and actually appreciates and values your worth.
He's not worth your time. Sometimes people don't realize how their actions may hurt other people and their wording isn't credible.
I wish I could tell you this will be the last time this happens, but the truth is people do this kind of stuff. All the time. And from personal experiences I could tell you, that you've got 2 options. You could stay at home being all sad, wondering what happened and thinking how yesterday you were perfect, but now you're not and someone else is...Or you could stay home and imagine what his face will be when he finds out that it was you, the one who was actually perfect for him. I bet some other guy will know how to treat you better than he did and he'll think you're perfect and actually mean it. I'm telling you for sure, this kind of things don't take place just in movies.
He was careless and said you were perfect because he wanted you to stay with him while he went with someone else. I'm sorry that he chose someone else. It's not your fault.
He is just an idiot. Maybe he thinks you are too perfect for him that he decided to let you go OR he was just playing with your feelings.
You can be strong without him, it's worthless to suffer for person who is even worthless.
You are perfect on your own. You do not need someone else's validation for your own perfection. You are perfect.
That's okay. I might be perfect for him but he wasn't for me. We should fall in love for someone who love us back more. And moreover I may be perfect for many but the one and only one will be perfect for me.
As hard as it is, if he chose someone else, then you weren't perfect for him. Or rather, he wasn't perfect for you. Try to remember that everything happens for a reason. You deserve to be with someone who will not only express that you're the one for him, but will stay with you. He may be with someone else now, but that doesn't define you. If someone is stupid enough to leave you, you have to be smart enough to let them go. You deserve so much better. Stay strong.
Maybe he thought you were perfect at one time but lost feelings, maybe he thought the other person was more perfect. Either way it doesn't seem like he was right for you, and you can find someone better for yourself that will choose you over everyone else.
Honey, I just had the same thing done to me. You may have been perfect for him, like I was "perfect" for him... but you never know what is going on inside someones head and sometimes things like this doesn't make any sense at all. You ask yourself 'what went wrong?' or 'did I do something'. But at the end of the day he's just opening you up to other possibilities and even though at the time he might have been perfect for you... I guarantee you will find someone who only has eyes for you and doesn't have to look for someone else.
Take a deep breath and know that you can do better than him. It's not the end of the world. Time will help you get over him and then you will be able to move on and get a batter guy than him that will care a whole ton!
Sometimes even if someone is perfect, the love isn't there. You can't help who you fall in love with, and he might have fallen for someone else... You can't force love or feelings even if in theory someone is perfect for you.
You should give up and move on because he wasn't perfect for you by doing that. His act just doesn't reflect what he says.
Some people say what we want to hear. Some people say what they mean and change their minds or become afraid so they choose to run instead of fight. We can never truly know why people say those things to us and do the exact opposite. It's normal to want to understand, the need to understand why. But sometimes we don't get answers, sometimes we have to accept what has been done to us, forgive them however we can and move on with our lives. Make sure the next time is better
I am sorry that happened to you, but let me tell you something: Don't mistake salt for sugar if he wants to be with you he will it's that simple. When you are broken and he has left you do not question whether you were enough the problem was you were so enough he was not able to carry it. You were a dragon long before he came around and said you could fly you will remain a dragon long after he's left. You will find someone who's going to treat you like the entire world that you are. If he said you were perfect and left for someone, then I guess you are just too perfect for him. Just love yourself more than anything, you will be okay.
If he ever did chose somebody else now, maybe it would because they have similar religion, hobbies, and field of study.
Then too bad for him ! You don't need him focus on loving yourself because you're the one who deserves it the most ! :)
Actions speak louder than words. If he didn't choose you, either he didn't mean what he said or he felt it was better you two not be together. Whatever his reasons, move on. You deserve someone who will choose you.
This was a statement about him, not about you. Your value is not changed. Only you can determine your true value. Once this is established, the perceptions of others are nothing more than that - perceptions. Listen to your inner voice, you'll know this to be true.
Boys are immature and indecisive. If he said one thing and did another its not a big shock because boys go through women like kids go through candy once they are tired of one they move onto another. I cannot explain why but they just do. Some do but you have to look for the ones that stick with you no matter what.
Just because he chose someone else does not mean you are not perfect, if he let you go that is his fault, and he will be missing out.
I understand that this is a hard thing, you may feel that you're not good enough for example. In my experience, it's always best to put yourself first; it's important to recognise that you a worth more no matter how flawed you think you are.
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