Can or should I ask my significant other to stop talking and to not associate with his ex? If so, how?

136 Answers
Last Updated: 08/17/2019 at 5:26am
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Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
June 22nd, 2017 12:38am
You should have a talk with them let them know but ONLY if it bothers you not because you're jealous or have trust issues.
Anonymous
August 10th, 2016 5:42pm
Yes ! You should definitely talk to them about it , the person is an EX for a reason meaning its EXpired and if your partner is not willing to stop associating with the ex they probably still have a little feelings for the them.
smilinEyes
August 13th, 2016 10:00am
I think it depends on your motive for asking. Are you asking out of insecurity or are you asking because your significant other is behaving inappropriately with his ex? I don't believe there is black-and-white answer for this - some exes can remain good friends after they break up, some cannot, and some continue being more than just friends. You really have to look at the behaviour and intentions of everyone involved.
victoriadestiny
February 2nd, 2018 5:45pm
If it's making you uncomfortable with it then yes, of course. Never put yourself in a position where you may not be happy just so someone else can be. If he has a problem with how you feel then ask yourself how much he really respects you.
HelpWisely
July 29th, 2016 9:33am
That isn't for you to decide because it's his choice and freedom if he wants to talk with his ex or not. All you can do is be supporting and understanding and to be patient.
MessengerOfPeace01
January 6th, 2017 3:00pm
If you are in a serious relationship (engagement, marriage) then yes you can ask for that. Such a serious relationship should be built on love and trust, either of you should be willing to do anything and give up anything, for the other. You on the other hand also have a responsibility to understand the actions of the other and assess whether it really is bad or no.
MoonlitHaze
July 14th, 2016 9:06pm
Yes, you CAN ask them not to associate with their ex, but there is a difference between asking and demanding. Let your significant other know that it bothers you and why. It really depends on how you go about it. If you lean towards forcing them not to talk with their ex, then it shows that you do not trust your partner and may only lead to further disputes between the two of you. It should be up to them if they stop talking, and if it TRULY bothers you, then hopefully they will respect your wishes, but at the same time it's unreasonable to expect people to completely cut off ties with people because we want them to. If the relationship with the ex seems a little too "close", then maybe just share your concerns. If not, then your partner may just take it as you not trusting them.
Anonymous
November 15th, 2017 8:49pm
So I'm in this situation. I'm not comfortable at all but my partner tells me he wants to gently remove her from his life because she has a mental health issue and does not want push her further. I agreed with this until I found out one of 2 things recently. 1. She wants him back after a year. She constantly checks to see if he and I are happy. Constantly messages to ask if he's ok because 'she felt a vibe' and is using social media to get his attention. And 2. We were looking at a business and he informed me he would have to check with her to see what she thought. If she thought yes then we could if she thought no then we would not. That's my boundary. Absolutely not will I tolerate that. I knew a while ago that this contact was not going to end well but stayed because I believed his initial reasoning. Absolutely not does anyone have the right to tell someone they can't be friends with another person. But if your reasons for that are valid and not just out of jealousy then you have the absolute right to decide not to be ok with that and leave. If you're honest with your reasons and your partner can see it hurts you then he/she should take that in to consideration. You should always be the priority to your partner, not the ex and if you're not then it's on you to decide whether you stay or go.
Melissame
May 26th, 2018 8:13pm
Before you make any decision, talk to your partner about how this makes you feel and discuss it from there. What are your reasons for not being ok with it? How exactly do you feel? Make sure you have the answers beforehand. He may become cross so make sure to do it in a way where you are both calm, sit him down and talk calmly. Instead of saying 'dont talk to your ex' try 'when you speak to your ex i feel .........'
Greatlistener87
July 15th, 2016 2:26am
yes you can tell ur partner to stop connecting too much with his ex, but u will need to explain to your partner as to why u would want him to do so. Let your partner know why u think so and how it makes u feel.
simplisticmoon
July 16th, 2016 4:15am
if you are uncomfortable or feel that the relationship could be jeopardized in any way, you have the right to ask them. Tell them you feel uncomfortable and if they love you, they will understand.
Anonymous
January 21st, 2018 2:25am
When in a relationship it's a good idea, early on, to establish "boundaries": what's expected from each other, what are the no-no(s), what's preferred, and what should be limited to the minimum. Dating is about getting to know someone, getting to know ourselves, and see if this someone and this relationship is something we want for longer time; therefore a good relationship is between 2 compatible and like-minded people. If there are behaviors/needs that one has and are not compatible with the other.. it's a sign of incompatibility. Small issues can be negotiated or overlooked, larger issues... are a clear sign that the relationship is not meant to be (for the long term). Best to get things out in the open, clear and unequivocally early on, than leave things unsaid that, sooner or later, will come up with disastrous effects.
GothicCarebear
February 16th, 2018 12:10am
Communication is key to every relationship. If it makes you uncomfortable yes you need to tell your significant other that it bothers you. It should be when its quite and then ask can you talk to them.
wonderousSugar31
July 22nd, 2016 2:02pm
What you want to say to your partner is ultimately upto yourself, however if they broke up in friendly terms they may want to continue a friendship.
ppigeokppigeok
April 14th, 2018 3:49pm
Once I had a boyfriend who didn't allow me to keep in touch with my ex (with whom I have a very good friend relationship), but I never told him to stop talking to his former girlfriends. I would say that, unless your significant other's ex had a very toxic behavior, you shouldn't ask him/her to end a healthy friendship with his/her ex
Anonymous
May 20th, 2018 11:31am
Confront them about it and state that it's making you quite uncomfortable, then politely ask them to stop.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2016 1:55am
I would have a talk with him in a calm setting, and explain how it makes you feel. Unfortunately we cannot control others' actions, and there is not a guaranteed method to prevent our significant others from talking to certain people. But like the other person said, if he cares and loves you, he will let you know that there is nothing to worry about. Trust comes with time:)
Anonymous
July 30th, 2016 6:58pm
Tell them you love them a lot and you love them so much it makes you jealous to see them talking to their old girldriend/boyfriend and you want them to be devoted to you. Say it in a cute sexy way. Or just tell them upfront about it showing your sincere feelings.
Spectacularlistner355
August 12th, 2016 6:26pm
You can ask and depending on him/hers reaction take it from there,it could mean that the person is not over his or her ex yet but just dont be agressive over it
annakx
July 20th, 2016 2:35pm
If you feel like it is affecting you then yes. Just be calm and reasonable. Have a couple of hours for yourselves and talk about it. Explain how talking to their ex makes you feel and make them see you are not being jealous, but asking for consideration. If your partner was a friend with their ex before they started dating, this might be a reason. Just talk it through. Good luck x
Anonymous
April 16th, 2017 11:40am
Yes. You can ask that to your significant other. BUT. You can do it in non judgmental way, You can if why is he/she talking with his/her ex. Tell him/her what you feel about it (her/him talking to his/her ex). How? There are different ways. If you think you cannot do it in a verbal manner and could mess things up then you could write it. Make sure you must give the letter haha
Anonymous
March 28th, 2018 8:48am
Yes as long as its done in the correct manner speak calmy to your partner make them understand where your coming from
Anonymous
April 3rd, 2018 7:59pm
Let your significant other know how you feel about it. Don't demand anything, just say "hey this makes me feel uncomfortable", nobody likes feeling compared. Your significant other should understand.
shepppie
April 6th, 2018 7:09pm
That's understandable if that's something you'd want, considering your s.o once loved this person and obviously still has a connection if they're talking to their ex. I believe just bringing it up bluntly and telling them how you feel about them talking to their ex, and how it affects/hurts you is the best way to go about it.
blindMelon21
April 8th, 2018 9:54am
That's so hard to tell. I think you have to find the root. Maybe your partner has an emotional problem with that, like hidden or unshown emotions, or unsolved issues, like being abused by his/her ex. I mean you can't fight him/her at first, maybe there is another solution to this. But be careful, if there are any significant pieces of evidence that she/he is going to cheat on you, dump you, or she has serious feelings for her/his ex. I can explain this more if it's needed. Take care...
Kyra004
April 25th, 2018 10:37am
If his/her ex is toxic. Yes you can. You can tell him/her how it affects the relationship between You both.
OneMomentInHerPresence
April 27th, 2018 12:57am
If you are worried that your significant other has feelings for his ex or will develop them, you should talk about this with them. I would explain how you feel and see how they feel about it, too.
Helpfulspace
June 13th, 2018 3:40pm
If you don’t trust your partner talking to his ex then speak up about it. You have every right to ask him or discuss it with him. Approach it by telling him how it makes you feel. Be honest and if he really does care about your feelings then he will do whatever to make you happy. Talking about it with him will give you peace of mind and reassurance.
amazingSea87
June 14th, 2018 3:28am
If your partner has no children or shared business with their ex, you should ask that they close the door of the past and stay here in the present. Sometimes your significant other has unresolved feelings about their prior relationshiops. In this case, your partner should be actively involved in working through their issues with a therapist, mentor, or trusted spiritual-advisor. If not, unresolved emotional baggage may be affecting their present life in undesirable ways.
RyGuyListener10
July 12th, 2018 12:37pm
If contact with their Ex has an impact on your feelings, it's important to express that to your significant other. Be respectful in your approach. Once you have been understood, you will know based on their actions what you truly mean to them. Exes are exes for a reason.