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I love two different people. What should I do?

178 Answers
Last Updated: 01/20/2022 at 12:49pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.

Top Rated Answers
July 17th, 2016 11:23pm
You can love two different people but not in the same degree. So ask yourself who do you love more.
July 7th, 2016 7:17pm
I have found in my personal experience that timing makes the biggest difference of all in choosing who to love. One person may suit you better right now but the other seems like someone you could spend the future with... the best advice I can give is to focus on the present. You are not guaranteed tomorrow, so spend today with who you love the most in this moment, not just who you see potential in.
October 25th, 2019 8:56am
That's impossible to love two person at the same time... It is not me who saying this.. Science and Buddha, and philosophers, Dating Experts are; There will always be one Who is more closer to you,. Who is more lovely, Who you love to talk, see, hear.. that's who They are! Spend a little more time with yourself! You will get your answer own by own, Please do not listen families, or friends or anyone.. It will just create confusion in head! 🍁
July 16th, 2016 3:11am
There's a big difference between love and in love. I would assess how both of them would be there for you in the long run. Who would stick things out when times get tough? Who do you fight with more? Who would you be more comfortable with meeting your family? Who would you be more comfortable having kids with? Even if these are things you never see happening, it's important to think about the future. Do your personalities clash? Do you have any reasons not to trust them? Just think about what the potential issues could be in the long run, basically weigh out the pros and cons of a long-term relationship with both of them. They can't be exactly the same, there's obviously a better match for you. Another thing to keep in mind is that if you really loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. However, I know you can't help the people that you love. Take your time, but think logically.
January 21st, 2017 9:17am
Be still, your heart will always guide you in the right direction if you listen closely. You must be facing some hard decisions in life right now, but if you take the time to reflect on yourself and work out your emotions I know you will find the right person.
August 23rd, 2017 4:31am
Hmm that is a tricky question! I understand that you can love multiple at one time and it can be for different reasons. Maybe you think you love someone but really you just care about them so much that it seems like love. It might be good to view things like this: If you fell in love with someone, do you think that you truly love them if you were able to fall in love with someone else? If you loved the first person enough, then the second person wouldnt have sparked these feelings in you. Its all about perspective! Maybe you do love both of them but if you do, its best if you are open and honest with them and dont lead anyone on because in the end, you dont want anyone to get hurt, including yourself.
November 9th, 2016 12:25pm
In answering this question I suppose it depends on what you want to happen. If your objective is to reduce these two people to one, take some time alone with your conscience to think about what is good and bad about both of these people. Write it down if it helps.Then base your decision on the positives.
February 12th, 2020 11:59am
It is important to understand what actually made you fall for both of 'em and why did you fell for the second one. Was it because you realized that your first love wasn't how you imagined them to be or is it something related to your own insecurities? Because if the latter is true then chances are that you might never be satisfied with whatever qualities you get in your partner since the problem needs to be solved inside of you and if you are unaware of the insecurities that might be another problem for you since you won't be able to understand as to what's actually wrong. It is very important that you connect to your inner-self to find the answers to these questions because obviously, this will not only help you to understand your need and yourself better but it will also save you from breaking someone's heart.
July 3rd, 2016 11:07pm
Wow that's a rough place to be in. There's no easy fix to that problem. But what I do know us that it's not right to not be honest with and to them both. Either cut one loose (it sucks and is hard I.know) OR tell them about each other. Honesty is key.
July 15th, 2016 12:05am
Take some time apart from both to see how you feel about each person separately. The one who loves you back the most is more worthy of your choice.
July 17th, 2016 12:14am
If you love two different people, odds are neither of them are for you. As cliched as it is - if you can't tell "the one" between the two, neither is the one. Find some new people, and be happier.
July 29th, 2016 9:34am
If both of them are aware of your feelings, then discuss with them individually about the idea of a polygamous relationship - monogamy is the majority's preference but it isn't the only choice. It is tough to navigate polygamous relationships but it isn't impossible if all the parties involved are well-informed and understanding. If polygamy is out of the question, then please do keep in mind that these two people are human beings who deserve to be respected and loved to the best of someone's ability, and if you're not capable of offering that then you shouldn't risk the chance of hurting either of them just because of personal indecisiveness. I'm not sure if you're bent on making a choice between these two people, but if you are, then maybe consider the long-run - perhaps at this moment these people might seem fitting for you, but what about your future aspirations, plans, and goals? Which of these two people might be best in helping you achieve that, while mutually being receptive to what you can offer them as well? Make that decision and that stick by it wholeheartedly.
August 4th, 2016 10:39pm
You should always follow your gut instinct. Even if your head is telling you something different. Your instinct is always right.
April 18th, 2017 4:13pm
Write down a list of traits that you like from each of them. Then write down what you dislike about each of them. From there, see which one will be more beneficial to you and your relationship.
May 13th, 2017 12:03am
First of all, take a deep breath because I have been there and it can be exhausting. So much contemplation and wonder and excitement at times, and shame at times. I guess the ideal approach would be honesty...with yourself. Is it really love? Totally truly? What do you do for each of these people? Now be practical. Sorry but fairy tales don't exist and soon someone will be hurting. Take care, make a decision and rest knowing that no matter what you will always wonder 'what if', can't avoid it. Clear your conscious and your mind, make a move. Love is a decision, believe it or not. It's a commitment. Not an arrow that pierces its victims. It's a choice, a commitment.
July 16th, 2016 4:43am
Personally, this has happened to me. In my situation, I really had to sit down and think about who was better for me. Who could I learn most from? Do I feel more comfortable with this person or that one? It wasn't easy, but I listened to myself and used my intuition. Do what feels right :)
July 17th, 2016 5:14pm
You know the best who of them is better for you. Try to keep in touch with them, go out for a date for example, let the time choose which one is better.
July 17th, 2016 11:54pm
Don't 'do' anything! Just wait!! You'll soon enough see who you really honestly truely love more xxx
July 24th, 2016 11:13pm
I can't tell you which option to make. You have four options. Be loyal to the first person you got into a relationship with. Choose the second person you loved as if the first person was suffice you wouldn't need another. Have an open relationship with the two people or realise that you don't love either one enough. If you did, you wouldn't be in love with two people.
July 29th, 2016 11:54am
I think you should choose one because I don't think it's possible going on with life with two people plus there is a huge chance you will be hurting one of them, so why? better to spare the pain right?
July 31st, 2016 2:46pm
It's important that you're honest with both people, but also be honest with yourself. Give yourself time to think deeply about all of your feelings. What would you like in life? Would you like a relationship with one of these people, or would you prefer to stay single? Once you understand your own feelings, you can speak to them and work from there.
August 1st, 2016 8:47am
Don't think that you are one and only. There many people experiencing that dilemma. I know the feeling. But maybe -if you cannot find your way out- you can create a chart and write what you like and dislike about them. I think this is considerable.
August 3rd, 2016 1:47pm
hmmm ... have fun! Do not be afraid to want to be loved and appreciated. Sometimes what is good for us - we do not want and that's human nature. Sometimes we do choose the wrong thing because it is not important to be right its important to be happy
August 12th, 2016 7:11pm
I was there... It's really difficult situation, but you need to find a way to understand which one you like more - maybe by spending time with both of them and looking which day you liked more or maybe making a list with plus and minus. I know it's hard but you must choose one, because if you are not choosing you are hurting both of them.
August 13th, 2016 6:44am
I believe that love should not be defined by a singular person, as I love my family. But I also believe that love should come from the heart, not persuasion.
August 14th, 2016 4:13am
Choose the one you feel in love with the second twice. If you truly loved the first one then you wouldn't love the other one.
August 14th, 2016 2:43pm
Well perhaps you see character traits in both people that you like, and that's okay, but for yourself, maybe try and take a step back and re-evaluate. Perhaps it isn't about the character traits but the history of one person. Or maybe just leave it, and take some time for yourself up until someone else shows up
August 25th, 2016 1:47am
You need to think the positive and negatives of both and see what one is more suited for you. Deep down only you know what you want and how you feel so take your time and the right decision will come to you good luck x
August 25th, 2016 10:10am
As great people have said ' If you really loved the first person so much you wouldnt fall for someone else'
August 25th, 2016 6:35pm
you need to follow your heart you need to see who treats you better and makes you feel amazing everyday .