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I love two different people. What should I do?

185 Answers
Last Updated: 05/22/2022 at 6:12am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
July 17th, 2016 11:23pm
You can love two different people but not in the same degree. So ask yourself who do you love more.
Peyton17
July 7th, 2016 7:17pm
I have found in my personal experience that timing makes the biggest difference of all in choosing who to love. One person may suit you better right now but the other seems like someone you could spend the future with... the best advice I can give is to focus on the present. You are not guaranteed tomorrow, so spend today with who you love the most in this moment, not just who you see potential in.
Anonymous
October 25th, 2019 8:56am
That's impossible to love two person at the same time... It is not me who saying this.. Science and Buddha, and philosophers, Dating Experts are; There will always be one Who is more closer to you,. Who is more lovely, Who you love to talk, see, hear.. that's who They are! Spend a little more time with yourself! You will get your answer own by own, Please do not listen families, or friends or anyone.. It will just create confusion in head! 🍁
Anonymous
July 16th, 2016 3:11am
There's a big difference between love and in love. I would assess how both of them would be there for you in the long run. Who would stick things out when times get tough? Who do you fight with more? Who would you be more comfortable with meeting your family? Who would you be more comfortable having kids with? Even if these are things you never see happening, it's important to think about the future. Do your personalities clash? Do you have any reasons not to trust them? Just think about what the potential issues could be in the long run, basically weigh out the pros and cons of a long-term relationship with both of them. They can't be exactly the same, there's obviously a better match for you. Another thing to keep in mind is that if you really loved the first, you wouldn't have fallen for the second. However, I know you can't help the people that you love. Take your time, but think logically.
kvo8
August 23rd, 2017 4:31am
Hmm that is a tricky question! I understand that you can love multiple at one time and it can be for different reasons. Maybe you think you love someone but really you just care about them so much that it seems like love. It might be good to view things like this: If you fell in love with someone, do you think that you truly love them if you were able to fall in love with someone else? If you loved the first person enough, then the second person wouldnt have sparked these feelings in you. Its all about perspective! Maybe you do love both of them but if you do, its best if you are open and honest with them and dont lead anyone on because in the end, you dont want anyone to get hurt, including yourself.
courageousFaith58
January 21st, 2017 9:17am
Be still, your heart will always guide you in the right direction if you listen closely. You must be facing some hard decisions in life right now, but if you take the time to reflect on yourself and work out your emotions I know you will find the right person.
Anonymous
February 12th, 2020 11:59am
It is important to understand what actually made you fall for both of 'em and why did you fell for the second one. Was it because you realized that your first love wasn't how you imagined them to be or is it something related to your own insecurities? Because if the latter is true then chances are that you might never be satisfied with whatever qualities you get in your partner since the problem needs to be solved inside of you and if you are unaware of the insecurities that might be another problem for you since you won't be able to understand as to what's actually wrong. It is very important that you connect to your inner-self to find the answers to these questions because obviously, this will not only help you to understand your need and yourself better but it will also save you from breaking someone's heart.
paul1982
November 9th, 2016 12:25pm
In answering this question I suppose it depends on what you want to happen. If your objective is to reduce these two people to one, take some time alone with your conscience to think about what is good and bad about both of these people. Write it down if it helps.Then base your decision on the positives.
Anonymous
July 3rd, 2016 11:07pm
Wow that's a rough place to be in. There's no easy fix to that problem. But what I do know us that it's not right to not be honest with and to them both. Either cut one loose (it sucks and is hard I.know) OR tell them about each other. Honesty is key.
Aibrea
April 18th, 2017 4:13pm
Write down a list of traits that you like from each of them. Then write down what you dislike about each of them. From there, see which one will be more beneficial to you and your relationship.
gigantEars69
May 13th, 2017 12:03am
First of all, take a deep breath because I have been there and it can be exhausting. So much contemplation and wonder and excitement at times, and shame at times. I guess the ideal approach would be honesty...with yourself. Is it really love? Totally truly? What do you do for each of these people? Now be practical. Sorry but fairy tales don't exist and soon someone will be hurting. Take care, make a decision and rest knowing that no matter what you will always wonder 'what if', can't avoid it. Clear your conscious and your mind, make a move. Love is a decision, believe it or not. It's a commitment. Not an arrow that pierces its victims. It's a choice, a commitment.
Anonymous
August 4th, 2016 10:39pm
You should always follow your gut instinct. Even if your head is telling you something different. Your instinct is always right.
aturquoisezebra
July 29th, 2016 9:34am
If both of them are aware of your feelings, then discuss with them individually about the idea of a polygamous relationship - monogamy is the majority's preference but it isn't the only choice. It is tough to navigate polygamous relationships but it isn't impossible if all the parties involved are well-informed and understanding. If polygamy is out of the question, then please do keep in mind that these two people are human beings who deserve to be respected and loved to the best of someone's ability, and if you're not capable of offering that then you shouldn't risk the chance of hurting either of them just because of personal indecisiveness. I'm not sure if you're bent on making a choice between these two people, but if you are, then maybe consider the long-run - perhaps at this moment these people might seem fitting for you, but what about your future aspirations, plans, and goals? Which of these two people might be best in helping you achieve that, while mutually being receptive to what you can offer them as well? Make that decision and that stick by it wholeheartedly.
Anonymous
July 15th, 2016 12:05am
Take some time apart from both to see how you feel about each person separately. The one who loves you back the most is more worthy of your choice.
uniqueMango45
July 17th, 2016 12:14am
If you love two different people, odds are neither of them are for you. As cliched as it is - if you can't tell "the one" between the two, neither is the one. Find some new people, and be happier.
Anonymous
May 22nd, 2019 1:10pm
You can't love two equally at the same time, look for something that is only unique to one of them and you're likely to be more compatible with in the long run, and in the end you don't regret choosing that person over the other one, no matter how many hardships you have to face but you know that you'll get through them together. . Think who you are more grateful for being in your life and who loves you the way you are. If you sit down and really think about it rationally weighing all the pros and cons, you will find your answer.
Gracegiveshelp
April 19th, 2019 8:19pm
This must be so hard for you. Think about the person that makes you feel happy, truly happy. Think about the person you could see yourself with in the future; think of the kindest person. If you really loved the first, you wouldn’t have fell in love with the second. Also think; is it puppy love? Or true love? You will 100% work this problem out soon, and I understand how difficult you are finding your situation. Please make sure you address this with both of these people, as it would be unfair to lead both on. I hope you find a solution to your problem very soon!
Anonymous
May 26th, 2019 5:10am
Hi, this question is something close to my heart. currently, I am in love with a guy who says he loves both his girlfriend and me. And I can't quite understand it, to be honest, I don't believe it is possible to love two different people at the same time equally. but I think, a person can be confused about what he wants or does not really know what he is looking for & you might like some qualities from one person and other qualities from the other person. but none of them are what you are looking for. if you love someone enough, if your love is right then your heart should know. but if you have to ask other people on what to do you are insulting the people you claim to love.
CherryBlossom360
June 14th, 2019 4:08pm
» First of all you need to get to know each deeper. You should’ve already known to do this but better late than never. Make sure you really, really know each of them at their core. I’m not talking about knowing their favorite colors or their favorite foods. Know what they’d grab if their house caught fire. Know the one thing they hate most in the entire world. In other words, you should have a really deep sense of knowing each of them because only then can you fairly choose the right person. »» The next thing you must do is pretty straightforward: Notice your personality around each of them. Does your personality change with one person but not the other? Are you able to be more of yourself around one of them? If so, then that’s the person you should be with. In other words, pick the person that brings the best out in you. »»» You need to know where both people stand on serious issues. You need to know if your morals and values line up. If they don’t, you clearly can’t be with them because you’ll have major issues down the line. »»»» The next thing you need to do is assess how you feel before seeing each person. Who are you most excited to see? Pay attention to your mood and excitement levels for a little while and see if there’s a trend. Obviously, the person you anticipate seeing more is the person you care about more. - I really hope that this helps: If you want to hear more or if you simply want to talk then feel free to shoot me a quick message. :)
peacefulLight8704
October 17th, 2019 1:27am
Only you can decide what to do! I get that this is hard, I've been through it, and I bet a ton of other people have too. But nobody can tell you who to choose. My advice would be to try not to feel rushed to choose one or the other in haste; I would take things slow and steady. Maybe think about who's more compatible with you, and who you have the best chance of a lasting relationship with. Think about each persons availability. If one has a partner who they are monogamous with, that would be a dealbreaker for example. But overall, you have to think about yourself and each of the people you love.
Anonymous
November 14th, 2019 9:12pm
I think it is important to take time for yourself and think about what you want. The first thing to think about in this situation isn't what to "do," but how you are feeling and the ways that you can start to cope with and understand your feelings. Overall, you are the person who knows what is best for you, so taking that time to think about yourself and your feelings is crucial in being able to come to conclusions about your life. All in all, just understand that feelings are an extremely complicated thing and you are not a bad person for loving two different people.
Anonymous
December 28th, 2019 8:52am
If you're married, I guess this would be a question to yourself. If not, then give yourself and the other two people you love, time. Maybe be honest with both of them. Perhaps the answer will become clear to you by the reactions you get. Are you having other problems in your life? Would it help to speak to a professional / guidance councilor? Is there a way you can remove yourself from the situation, take a holiday, reflect and give yourself space? Time out to go off and find something you really enjoy doing might help you make a decision.
MJayDe
January 5th, 2020 1:45am
If you love two different people find out who treats you best, and who makes you feel better. Ask your self if you could live without one of them. Remember you don’t have to chose one right away, take time to do what feels best. Based on personal experience, I would advise finding out if they also love you, as that might influence your decision. It might also help to start a diary to help you get better in touch with your feelings.
enchantingSky79
January 15th, 2020 2:55pm
Think about the qualities and bad traits of each one and make a list. Then ask yourself which one of them has the most qualities that I am looking for? You might also love one more like a friend or lust over them rather than love them. Look up the definition of love, lust or friendship love. You might realize you see one as more of a friend than a lover because you enjoy talking to them but don’t want them in a romantic way. If you care about one more than the other that is love more than lust. Lust is when we are attracted physically to that person but we don’t care about them. Love is when we care about them. Romantic love is when we are attracted to them and also care about them. Ask yourself which one of them are you closer emotionally? If you had a problem, to which one of them would go to or ask for advice? If you needed to tell one of them a secret, which one would you trust more with that secret?
Aylin12
April 3rd, 2020 9:53pm
I must say, that's quite a difficult situation! Maybe you could try envisioning a future with each of them. Who do you see yourself with? And ask yourself, who is more likely to make you happy in the long run? What is it that you love about them? Who is actually good for you, who brings out the best in you, your best qualities? Compare them based on questions like these. But don't stress too much about making the decision, life has a funny way of sorting things out. I wish you all the best and good luck in finding out!
annegray2018
April 26th, 2020 1:42pm
Figure out who you have a deeper meaningful connection with that is beyond physical attraction. Look at common interests and goals. Look into if their common purpose aligns with yours. Are they people who can be able to help you achieve when you set to work together to achieve a common goal. Look at the character when deciding between two people. Put love aside and look into how they react to different situations aor respond to certain issues you will be able to gauge how they think and behave towards issues. Above all listen to your intuition you can never go wrong with it.
Chellemedina444
May 9th, 2022 12:00am
This can feel like a very tricky situation and it’s important to recognize how you feel firstly. If you genuinely believe you are torn, it’s best to not consider either as a potential partner. If you commit to one, t your whole relationship will be you imagining what a relationship with the other person would have been like which becomes harmful for all parties. It’s a difficult situation, so if you choose to choose something else I would suggest thinking about both people critically, like the pros and cons in order to make a proper decision based on login and reasoning.
luxvision
April 19th, 2020 3:00pm
Being in a relationship with someone else doesn’t make you exempt from feeling something another person, unplanned or otherwise. You can be passionately in love with someone while you’re in a relationship with another, relationship is a logical choice. Falling in love is involuntary. It’s an arrow to the heart, you can’t help it. This often happens when your relationship has become more of a friendship, so you fall in love with someone who re-ignites the dormant passion within you. Oftentimes, a long-term relationship can become more like a sibling relationship, and the sexual connection fades if the couple don’t know how to keep it alive,
AnastasiaSmi
April 5th, 2020 7:59pm
You should take a moment (a long moment) to sit down. And think about your situation. Think about who you loved first and why you fell in love with them. Compare them to the other. Notice anything different you fell in love with. If this is an "I can only choose 1" situation. Choose who makes you happier as a person. Not who you don't want to hurt the most. You should focus on how these people make you feel instead of how much you don't want to hurt them or ruin a relationship. You can always offer to remain friends.
Anonymous
March 14th, 2020 2:22pm
You know people say if you love the second, then go for the second because if you really loved the first then there might not have been a second. But i don't think that's how it works, you know. What if you don't know who you loved first? Or what if you really are sure that you love both of them equally? You know i read in a book where this guy loved two girls too and I remember that i found his way of figuring his actual love out good. He said that he really looked at the girls and tried to find out the things that the other girl didn't have. He imagined himself leaving without the girls and their unique traits and he asked himself if he could live without it? It was then he figured out what girl he could never really let go no matter what. I read this another quote you can say on instagram. It said imagine yourself totally drunk in a room with all your exe's, almost's and past crushes. You can put the people you love in here. And ask yourself who would you go to when you will be drunk and not in your right state. Honey,deep down you already know the answer. I knew my answer the moment I read the quote. You just have to accept your choice.