I regret breaking up with my ex. What should I do?

174 Answers
Last Updated: 08/31/2019 at 1:53pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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Melissa Hudson, MS Ed, PhD(c), LMFT

Marriage & Family Therapist

I work with clients of diverse backgrounds on a multitude of concerns. My approach is, at times, directive, yet always curious, nonjudgmental, collaborative, and validating.

Top Rated Answers
SparklingStarbuck
June 29th, 2016 5:18pm
Breaking up, separating and again coming together is a real symbol of true love. I call this true love because when we separate our self form our love, that is the time when we realise the real worth of that person in our life and getting back together shows that both the people love each other have realised the importance of each other. So breaking up is a good thing in a case when the same people come together again. Breaking up happens a number of times. In today, it has become very frequent, may be due to the changing life styles of people or any other reason. The real problem comes into picture when we realise the worth of our ex and want to get back with them. I call this a problem because this is a point when ego comes in place. I am saying this on the basis of experience of my past chats on the topic of break up. People make a number of excuses like, “I want to get back with my love but will not initiate because he/she do not want their ex to think that they are desperate for them”, “I want him to initiate because I am a girl”, “Why should I talk to him/her first, it is not only me who loves him/her”. When I say to people that their ego is coming between their love life, people reject this straight forward. But my friends the real truth is, this is our ego which is holding us back. So, In case someone regrets breaking up with their ex and want to get them back, the best thing to do is to INITIATE. Just go and approach them and tell them your feelings. In case its real love they will accept, if not then you know what junk you got to clear off. Some times what happens is the other person might be waiting for us to INITIATE so be the INITIATOR and get your love back. May the joy be with you :-) !!!
piag860517
July 1st, 2016 9:45pm
regret? I belive that if a persone leaves you once is going to leave you again...I dont think you regret; i fell you though about it but now you feel lonely; just leave your ex alone.. you didnt choose to leave that persone in a second; you toke a decision; not because that decision is being hard you are able to get your ex back, you hurt that person; dont hurt her/him again because you dont feel someone is ther for you now.
Anonymous
October 23rd, 2016 1:36am
When that happened to me, I talked to him face to face and told him how I felt and apologized. It worked!
aestheticmind
June 30th, 2016 3:27pm
Mistakes happens. If she/ he truly loved you, they will understand your reasons and will come back to you.
Lovehealsallwounds
July 3rd, 2016 7:08pm
Well, personally I had the same issue, but now looking back I realise there was a reason I broke up with him and me going back to him just hurt me more when I left. him again. It's normal to regret breaking up with someone because you loved them and it can be lonely waiting for another person to love you, but if you broke up with them I'm sure there was a reason so just keep holding on strong!
electricOcean22
August 4th, 2016 11:53am
LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO REGRET. WHATEVER HAPPENED WAS FOR THE BEST AND IT IS NEVER TOO LATE TO REPAIR, IF NEED BE.
Andy206
July 15th, 2016 7:07am
You should start off with a series of questions to yourself. 1. Why did I decide to break out with said 'Ex' 2. Why is it that I wish to get back with them now. 3. Is there a possibility that by getting back together, change and improvement can occur? 4. Do you miss them because you're not used to having so much free time away from them? It is to your own benefit to honestly and objectively answer these questions. Pretend as if a close friend of yours was telling you about how they miss their ex and wish to get back with them. What advice would you give them?
JoaoOliveira
August 24th, 2016 11:11pm
When reflecting on a breakup with an ex, we tend to be going through a particularly rough period in our lives. As we're going through these rough periods, it is easy to look back on times where we were seemingly happy - such as a time where we with an ex, and assume that being back together with them makes things better. The sad reality of this is that it's not the case. When you think you've regretted breaking up with an ex, you should consider how you felt in the time that led to the breakup - regardless of which side (or any) made the decision to break up. Retrospective consideration is key to ensuring we do not make mistakes.
Phillyx
October 23rd, 2016 11:52am
If your ex mistreated you or took you for granted, then honey there's no reason for you to regret your decision. You don't deserve to be mistreated 💖
Anonymous
June 29th, 2016 11:24pm
Try to talk to them. Remember to give a proper apologize and a convincing truth why you regret breaking up with them. If they're not ready to talk, give some time and try again.
Anonymous
June 29th, 2016 5:01pm
You should think of the reasons why you regret this decision. If they are good reasons then i say you should pursue your ex again. But normally when we break up with people it is for a good reason so you shouldn't regret it.
Aphroditann
June 29th, 2016 9:38pm
Talking to someone straightforward always is the best solution since that way you avoid any misunderstandings. You should in order to clear up the situation say exactly how you feel, why you regret it and show that you are being serious because words are not enough if not put into actions. Think positively and dont forget that if you dont get back together there are plenty people that might appreciate you even more.
DavidPortugal
July 5th, 2016 11:41am
Apologise, of course and then you'll see how it goes. But when you reckon you did something wrong, you shall always apologise, regardless of what comes next.
prads5
April 12th, 2017 7:12am
If you broke up recently, then it is quite common due to possibly feeling alone, a sudden change in relations and activities, jealousy, regret etc. Making new friends, having a new hobby or continuing your old hobbies which you might have left off, might help you forget about this sudden changes in life. Of course you have that person all the time to talk, hang out and enjoy some time. But it doesn't mean only this person is the reason for that. You need to evaluate and make a list of what all the things that made you to break up. Keep remembering this list, whenever you feel you regret breaking up. If you make yourself busy in other activities, it would greatly help you. Have you tried working towards your ambitions and goals in life? Have you thought about improving your career? Also, it's good to start seeing someone instead. That could also help. If you have broke up a long time ago, then either you might have been lonely all this time or possibly felt that you might never find a better person again. In such case, of course sometimes going back to the same person might help, if it really works. But remember that you broke up for a reason. If both of you could work back on that reason and try to make each other happy, then it's definitely good. But if the other person, doesn't like coming back to you, it's good to leave them and avoid troubling or stalking them. Let them have their space and if they want you they would come back, of course. But as pointed earlier, make a list of reasons you broke up and remember them whenever the regret comes to mind. You don't want to get back to the relation, have the same problem again and regret again in life having multiple break ups with the same person. Instead give yourself some time and work on your goals, hobbies etc. Some things to do: # Make new friends # Start spending more time with your family # Organize your lifestyle and maintain schedule and standards in your life # Plan about your career and work on your goals and ambitions # Take some immediate remedies like going on a trip, hanging out with your single friends (single friends only), playing an instrument, making new hobbies. # It would also be good to take sometime and then start seeing someone. Do not immediately see someone, as this one would make you regret more because you obviously might have choose this second person due to feeling lonely or anxiety and this relation might not help in future. # As always, keep things under control, trick your depression or loneliness with some other chores, and be a master of your own life.
AnnieAnne
September 16th, 2016 10:55pm
You should try to remember why did you guys broke up in the first place. Try not to regret about anything you did and focus on how much you grew and what the relatioship thaught you. If you guys were such a good match you would probably still be together. Sometimes people change and follow different paths, and that's ok. If you regret it because you feel lonely, try to surround yourself with positive people and do something you love. You don't need a relationship to be happy. If you regret because you still love him/her, consider that sometimes we will always love a person, but that doesn't mean that you should be together. It shows that you're a good person and life has a different plan for you. After all, if you still regret it, consider if the relationship can still be saved.
Anonymous
December 27th, 2017 11:28pm
Regret or guilt is the ugliest feeling ever because it makes you unavailable at the present moment. I want you to trust your guts that made you make that decision. Maybe you don't regret it, maybe you just think of how it would be if you did not break up, but in each case, you must accept that it happened. If you don't have the chance to talk with your ex and make it work again then be gentle with yourself and don't regret anything you did. What's in front of you is much greater than what was behind you!
softKoala37
July 23rd, 2016 11:00pm
Get up the courage to tell him or her whatever you're feeling and see if maybe they feel the same way. If they don't then understand you're still a wonderful person no matter what. They might be understanding.
Anonymous
February 26th, 2017 2:14am
Explain to them how you feel, maybe things will work out in your favor! You never know what will happen until you talk to them.
Anonymous
August 27th, 2016 8:12pm
every things happens for a good reason. think positive rest will follow. Try to not feel negative & start believing in you & you decisions
Snowkittens8228
September 1st, 2016 7:49am
Talk to a family member or a friend or even your ex about it. Your family and friends may have more experience over breakups then you do. Your ex may even feel the same way.
amazingEnergy99
August 17th, 2017 1:09pm
Find the reasons for it and check whether you have taken that decision in frustration or angry mood. If not then list out the thing why you missing him/her. Then think are you doing justice to yourself and taking right decision. Always remember your happiness comes first but respect the feelings of other.
Anonymous
June 30th, 2016 2:22am
Call your ex and tell them how you really feel. If that fails, they weren't worth the try and there are more fish in the sea.
HazelGreenEyez
September 7th, 2016 3:55am
Think first about the reasons you did break up with him and that you don't still stand behind them. If you still miss your ex and want to reconcile things, take small careful steps to talk to them, tell them how you feel and if it's a mutual feeling of wanting to get back together, get back into the relationship slowly. When starting over always take into consideration the relationship's prior struggles and pitfalls to work on or avoid them this go around.
Anonymous
September 10th, 2016 1:38am
Writing a letter always helps for you or if you consider sharing it with him / others. It is important to let everything out.
Anonymous
April 27th, 2017 10:29pm
If you broke up with your ex due to a negative reason (i.e. cheating on you, abusing you, etc..) then you most definitely should not regret breaking up with your ex. If there wasn't really a particular reason, then you should just try to talk things out with your ex.
AnnickaJean
August 16th, 2017 6:46pm
First I would take a step back and go over the reasons you are feeling this regret. What are the things you are regretting? Are you missing and regretting for the right reasons or is it more of a loneliness and the missing the companionship?? Also, try to remember the reasons for the break up in the first place. IF you can come to the conclusion that you are truly missing your ex and you feel like maybe breaking up was in haste, perhaps you should try contacting your ex to see how they are feeling about the break up? Be prepared though, a break up is hurtful and they might not be receptive to the thought of reconciling. You may be faced with the harsh realization that the relationship is over. However, they might be missing you too. If you feel like the break up was not in the best interest of you both, then reach out and give it a shot.
cylll
November 16th, 2017 3:41pm
They say everything happens for a reason. You might regret it now but it might be a blessing in disguise in the future. If you have a solid reason why you broke up with your ex in the past then trust your past self's decision and try to move on and better yourself.
Anonymous
July 9th, 2016 7:48pm
if your decision was true for leaving him, then you should know that there is on earth who deserves you more than him .. don't regret it :)
paperCrane15
July 15th, 2016 12:22am
Depends on the entire history of your relationship. I think it is better to talk to someone about it.
Tsol7Wolfeu
July 29th, 2016 9:05pm
If it was a harsh break-up/unstable relationship - anything involving cheating or constant arguments or any type of abuse or where the two of you were just not happy, I'd say accept and acknowledge your regret and try to move on. What has been done is done and you can't really go back to that moment. If it was a stable relationship, first see if you truly do miss your 'ex' or if you are just yearning for affection/attention. Don't be making a second mistake. If you do miss your 'ex' truly, then confront them about how you feel (calmly and respectively). Do not yell/lash-out or constantly be apologizing. Explain to them about what you miss and how it has been on you. But don't forget to listen to your partner too. Relationships require mutual consent. If they don't want to get back together with you after you have tried talking/persuading them, then it means you should let go. Pretty much, if it was an unstable or unhealthy relationship. Don't go back to it. If it was a stable and healthy relationship. Communicate with each other calmly to hear what you both feel or have to say. I wish you the best of luck for your future days.