Why do people look for rebound uncommitted relationships, and tell their previous relationship that they want them back and that they are the only one that they love?
Last Updated: 02/15/2021 at 9:44am
Lindsay Scheinerman, MA, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
My work with clients is to help them recognize and build on their strengths to find solutions for the conflicts presented in their lives.
Top Rated Answers
Chemicals. It is unfortunately the case that our biology dictates much of this. When you are with someone for a long time, you become mentally and physiologically used to having them around. The trope of "leaving a hole" when you break up with someone is very much a real thing. Hormones and neural connections that your brain and body expect (including the feeling of waking up next to someone, the urge to speak with them when you're upset, etc.) are suddenly denied, and it is a bit of a shock to the system. People try to fill that void with meaningless rebounds because they think the change and thrill will substitute for those chemical responses, but they rarely do.
Sometimes people think that these physical relationships or flings will make them feel better and all they can think about is feeling better but then after come to a realization that it didn't help and begin to think about the person they truly have feelings for. They sometimes fall into a cycle of it though
As cliche as this is, the heart is fickle. For some people, it takes a change, for example a rebound, to appreciate what they lost. They need to experience what they don't want to understand what it is that they do want.
Often times people become afraid of being alone when they break up with a significant other. They become afraid of moving on to another committed relationship in fear that they may never find one. Because of this they often have rebound uncommitted relationships to try and quell that fear as well as tell their previous relationship that they want them back out of fear that they may never find someone else. They use their previous relationship as a back-up plan to fall back to if they find they have no success moving forward.
After a comfortable long relationship a sudden breakup leaves you shocked, unbelievably lonely and ego wounded, rebound may seem a revengeful solution only to make more miserable and wanting your ex back, so that you can either get back at them or with them.
We look for rebounds in order to try to get over the hurt we have from a past relationship. Or we might do it in revenge. We tell exes we want them back because we still have those feelings for them.
you only know what you have once its gone so that is why when soneone leaves and the realises that you were the best thing for them they will try and come back
Because the pain of separation is real and deep. And these are ways to cope with that separation. In my experience, the separation (if objectively needed and necessary) is an opportunity for growth and maturity. Sometimes, one may not feel ready for it. And so it may be difficult to take that leap.
People who look for rebounds often are feeling lonely and want that security of someone who is attracted to them. Perhaps it feels affirming. Maybe their trying to fill the void (left from their ex) as quickly as possible, not really caring who. And if they want the previous relationship back, it means they're probably comparing the rebound one to the old one.. and feel unsatisfied
Because as humans we truly don't know what we want. We get comfortable and when the intial rush of freedom is gone they find themselves sad alone. So they run to the comfort and safety of what they think must be there one true love. But is simple just a fear of change.
Sometimes people think that they can have fun and explore a little before getting tied down in marriage. If you are not a strong believer of this do not date someone who is.
Sometimes (not in all cases) people use noncommittal relationships as a way to cope with being single, it gives a sense of being close to another, even though it isn't emotionally. Some people do this when they have a hard time getting over someone they love, as a temporary way to cope and fill up that gap without a person.
This is an innate response. We do not want to be alone. Humans were not created to be alone. We might very well still love the ones we were with, but since we cannot have them, we look for that with someone else, without committing because our hearts are not in it.
Because when you are In such a state of heartbreak, maybe you really need to feel validated thus commencing the rebound relationships. Maybe they really do feel loved by you but they are trying to numb the pain while they cannot have you with other people.
For some people, rebound uncommitted relationships are used as an unhealthy coping mechanism for getting over their previous partners. I personally do not recommend it, but people do it.
Firstly, some people are afraid to be alone. So, they think and feel like it is better to stay in abusive or uncommitted relationships where they are not loved and took care of. It is important to realize that there are other people around, like friends, family members, classmates, and colleagues. You can have fun with all of them and yourself too. However, it takes some time to come to such realization, and it takes some steps to make. For example, you can create a tight schedule of what you will do with your friends this weekends and what you want to do alone, like going to gym, yoga, or spa. Secondly, some people are more likely to create very strong bonds to their partners, than other people. It is essential to recognize that characteristic of personality and make at least very small steps towards ability to let partner go. Thirdly, there are some people who experienced trauma in childhood. So, their feelings are due to mental health problems, as they put themselves into position of victim, letting abuser to make them feel badly.
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