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How do I cope with knowing that my old friends say bad things about me?

24 Answers
Last Updated: 07/09/2019 at 6:03pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Lisa Meighan, MSc Psychology


Hello, I am Lisa and I work in a person-centred approach mixed with cognitive behavioural therapy. I believe we all have the potential to be the best we can be.

Top Rated Answers
August 25th, 2015 7:43pm
Gossip will always be out of our control. Do you believe what they're saying to be true? It's going to be tough because you trusted them, but if you know you're not what they say, then let their words bounce off. You don't need friends who bring you down. But if some of what they're saying is true, then talk it out with them. Maybe there's something you need to change for the better. Maybe you just need a current friend to talk to, ask if those bad things said have some truth. Good luck
March 16th, 2015 2:22pm
In my personal opinion, you don't have to care about what ANYONE says about you, unless it comes from a good place and is meant to correct your mistakes. I once lived with the dogma of people saying things about me but later on I realized that if you keep living with that dogma you will only stress yourself, make yourself depressed, and achieve nothing. But once you step out of the fear of being talked about you will achieve great things in life. For example, people also commented about my appearance and how "fat" I was when I was in middle school. Once I was in high school I lost the weight and became more confident than ever. Looking back, I just think "who was that person? So insecure and sad." The same people who commented about my appearance in middle school suddenly were nice to me (shows how much everyone only cares about your appearance) but I stuck to my non-judgmental friends. If your old "friends" say bad things about you, don't bother cause they're not truly your friends. If you think you won't meet someone who doesn't say bad things about you, trust me, you will :) And those friends are worth treasuring forever.
August 1st, 2016 10:40pm
Make new friends who wont say such things...who are actually real...every one has a past but dealings with it have grown since then just let them be and fly into the present
July 6th, 2015 5:02am
This is some of the hardest things to deal with. Maybe It's best to confront them and burn some old bridges so you won't have to worry about them anymore. And make sure they don't have to worry about you either!
May 23rd, 2015 2:14pm
ignore them, i have lots of people who were my friends before and well they're saying bad things about me and im ignoring it, it hurt before but now i dont really care. learn not to care
March 24th, 2015 12:48pm
I understand this, if you're coping badly with this, talk to your other friends about it. Just remember that regardless of what they say, the only person who can judge you is yourself. They're saying bad things because you're not friends anymore, and they know where your weakness is. Don't let them get to you.
May 14th, 2015 8:30pm
I run away from friends and friendship. I always leave people in my rear view mirror when I move on to another section of my life. I can't care about what they say if I'm running away.
December 15th, 2015 3:58pm
I would not let it get to you, you are a strong person and the things they say are not true. Just keep your head up high and be yourself because you are amazing and special in your own way. Nobody is perfect.
April 1st, 2015 4:14pm
Move on, they obviously care about you if they talk about you behind your back. they are the sort of friends that need to stay aaway from you.
July 20th, 2015 6:36pm
I personally won't think much about it. If I offended them in some way, I would try to apologize just to make them know that I regretted what I did to them until they said bad things about me. But after that, I wouldn't mind anymore. I have apologized and admitted things I did wrong. I am in the right position and they are in the wrong one. That goes the same if I did nothing wrong with them
July 21st, 2015 5:42pm
The brilliant thing about old friends, is they don't matter. The only people that matter are your close friends, and your close friends would know whats true, and whats not. If you leave them to it, they would soon get bored of no response. Thats how bullies work.
April 12th, 2016 2:41pm
Don't worry about those who talk behind your back. They are behind you for a good reason. New and better friends are out there!
July 9th, 2019 6:03pm
Work hard to focus on being the best human you can be. There will be times where people will not like you "just because". I believe "other peoples opinions of me are not my business", I work to be the best me I can be on a daily and that is the best I can do. You will not be like by everyone and that is okay too. If this bothers you a lot and it is someone close, I would speak to my friends and let them know how it made me feel. It is okay to feel upset or saddened by this as well.
March 25th, 2015 2:21pm
It's not easy feeling like our so called friends have betrayed us. However, this can be considered a type of bullying. Tell someone of authority, like a parent, trusted adult, or someone else what is happening. And know that what they are doing is wrong and you don't have to be a victim.
May 17th, 2015 8:51am
The way out of this is to confront them directly. Know about the root cause of their problems with you. Ask them what the matter is and in the most courteous way possible, tell them that next time they notice a bad habit of yours, they should tell you directly for the sake of the friendship you once had.
May 17th, 2015 8:18pm
If they say bad things about you and you know about it, they obviously aren't worthwhile. You should approach them about it and tell them how it makes you feel, if they still continue, dump them and find some friends that are nicer than them.
May 30th, 2015 3:31am
Just know that these hurtful things that this person might have said to you are not who you really are! You know they are not true and this person also knows that they are not true either
August 25th, 2015 4:25pm
Well, they aren't really true friends if they are talking about you. If they are, don't listen to what they say because they are not worth your time. They don't deserve you if they are talking behind your back.
January 18th, 2016 1:50am
They're your old friends. What they say doesn't matter. If they talk about you behind your back, you know what, they're behind you for a reason. Don't let them get to you.
March 15th, 2016 11:08pm
You just ignore what they say and move on from the negativity that they said toward you during that time.
March 21st, 2016 3:37am
I know is hard,but just know that what they say doesn't mean a think because you are amazing. :)....
November 14th, 2017 5:29am
I think it's safe to say they are old friends for a reason. While it is really hurtful, remember that these types are not true friends nor do you need them in your life. You deserve positive, supportive friendships :)
November 16th, 2017 5:34pm
Right now my friends hate me and I know I am to blame, but it doesn't hurt any less. They've spread rumours around the whole school. But I've found it as a really good time to find out who my real friends are and I now know that the people I surround myself with are good people. It's hard but it does wear down
July 2nd, 2018 2:30pm
Just try not to let it bother you, people like that are just rude and you shouldn't worry about them. I hope now you have better kinder friends that you can go to for support.