How do I come out to my family that completely hates the LGBTQ+ community or should I just not tell them?

3 Answers
Last Updated: 06/24/2019 at 11:40pm
How do I come out to my family that completely hates the LGBTQ+ community or should I just not tell them?
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United States
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Cassandra Coleman-Heppler, LCSW, LICSW

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

I believe that problems are separate from the person having them and that our own stories and how we look at our own stories directly influences how we perceive those problems

Top Rated Answers
March 26th, 2019 4:44am
Coming out is an incredibly difficult thing to do and I admire you for your strength in even considering it, especially if the environment around you is not supportive or understanding of the LGBTQ+ community. The most important thing to remember is safety. If by coming out you would create a dangerous environment for yourself that you could not escape, I would recommend you not do so, at least not to the family members who you feel might truly hurt you. IF you're feeling like some members of your family might be able to accept your sexuality (regardless of if they may never understand it), you may feel comfortable coming out to these family members in a controlled setting (possibly a semi-public setting such as a park or small diner so that the intensity of reactions is controlled but conversation can still be private). Coming out is about you - It is your ultimately your decision to inform others about part of who YOU are. You are the priority, and as such, my only true words of advice are to keep YOURSELF safe: evaluate your personal situation and the truly likely outcomes, and make a plan from there. I wish you the absolute best of luck. You will get through this, I know it.
April 16th, 2019 8:10pm
This would not be a wise idea. Unless you want to live on the streets or you love sleeping on concrete or you love the taste of garbage food or you love the smell of stink skin. You said that your family hates the LGBTQ+ community, so I'm assuming they are simple minded individuals. Why are you going to put yourself at risk? I honestly can't understand. I have seen first hand, parents disowning and kicking their own children from there homes for things they simply can't control. I would recommend waiting until you are fully independent. Or not telling them at all. There are people in this world who would just walk up and kill people from the LGBTQ+ community for no reason at all. You're putting yourself at risk. You would be surprised at how fast romurs and gossip spread. Soon, your whole village will know, some would be happy, some simply wouldn't care and some would try to hurt you. You said that your family hates people from the LGBTQ+ community, what makes you so different from the others? Why wouldn't they despise and hate you? Because you're family? If you have very understanding parents, Which I highly doubt, then I would recommend telling them as you would prevent carrying all this weight on your shoulders. I know you might feel very alone. Please know you are not alone, you are not alone. I want you to look for more understanding people to "come out" to first. Maybe good, trustworthy friends or LGBTQ+ support groups. I'm sorry for being so harsh, but I'm not here to encourage you to come out to people who hate the LGBTQ+ community, I'm here to give you sound advice to keep you safe.
June 24th, 2019 11:40pm
think of your safety. assess the costs and benefits of your family knowing, and the potential ramifications. if you think you have a chance at coming out safely, or might be able to come out in future, (sometimes family softens over time) start probing them by taking note of their reactions to lgbtq+ content as it appears, and other innocuous things that wouldn’t implicate you. coming out is a slow process that requires a lot of renewing work, so take your time and read about others’ stories and safety tips before implementing a careful plan to come out and how to address every possible outcome.