How do I know if I'm the one causing problems?
Last Updated: 07/20/2020 at 9:27pm
Jill Kapil, PsyD
I have over 8 years of clinical experience, specialize in anxiety, and am passionate about my work. My approach is collaborative, empathic, supportive, and goal-oriented.
Top Rated Answers
you know that your the one thats causing problems when you continue to be apart of something and it just keeps getting worse .
You ask how you know you are the one causing problems. Let me tell you that if there are problems between you and others, you are not the only one causing problems. It's never just one persons fault.
How we know if we're the ones causing the problem, that is a good question. I do think it helps to talk to someone who isn't involved and who can give an unbiased perspective along with your thoughts and view situation from the outside looking in. Because when we're emotionally attached, it can be hard to view the picture as a whole and so a different outlook is always helpful as well as an open mind.
If you realize that whenever you are around instead of solving the issue at hand it gets out of hand.
This is actually a great question. Accountability is something many people don’t take the time to learn. BUT! It’s a delicate balance between accepting fault where it’s due, and submissively allowing people to place the fault in your hands relentlessly in situations where it “took 2” to happen. It’s all about being aware of your behavior and how it impacts others. Even with good intentions, we can still harm others without realizing. Everybody is unique. It’s not enough to just have good intentions- it’s about being mindful of how your actions and words influence others. Nobody is all bad, and nobody is all good- but we can always do our best to make sure we’re positively impacting others, and not only apologizing when necessary, but making sure we learn something new about that experience moving forward.
I can see it when multiple people start telling me that I am causing the same problem multiple times
In whatever situation you find yourself in throughout life, it started with a choice. Somewhere down the line, YOU made a certain choice that put you in the position you are in now. Problems arise, with or without your doing. Take a step out of the situation mentally and summarize the pattern leading up to the specific problem, evaluate and conclude. That is how you know if you are the problem or if something else is.
I know that i'm one the causing problems if i take a defensive stance towards that person, i then regroup and collect my self and listen to their problems
It can be really hard to determine if you're contributing to a negative situation. Most of the time, all parties involved have a hand in a situation, though there are some cases of direct abuse where one person is a clear victim. It can be helpful to talk to trusted support systems about what's going on so you can make an objective assessment of the situation and decide what energy you're bringing to the situation and what others are. It is helpful to have an open mind. Doing this work when you're in a good place to take criticism is also important.
Even the fact you're questioning yourself on the matter is a sign you're on the right path. I would say listening to other people and trying considering many points of views is the key to know if something's wrong with the way you see stuff. Even if we don't mean any harm, some of our behaviour can result being toxic and it's a very good idea to ask if it's the case to the ones whe love, and if it reveals to be, there's absolutely nothing wrong with seeking help to better ourselves. The difference between a toxic person and a toxic behaviour is questioning oneself and you're already doing that. :)
I will search for assurance by asking others, 2-3 persons will do. If they're saying that I am the cause, then I should take time for me to reflect.
when everyone is looking bad at me,because they will start to push me away like if i am not wanted here
Go with your gut feeling, as it is usually right. If you feel that you are being treated poorly by someone, then reassure yourself and go with your emotions. Ask the person who you are having problems with what their feelings are. This will give you a better understanding on their thoughts and feelings and can help to correct the problem.
That depends heavily on the problem, and how it has played out. thinking about the problem and why it has happened can help you to answer that question
Ask! Communication is so important. You won't know if you ask. Say you're feeling icky about a particular situation and you're not sure what's up. It may be hard to do, but just asking and being sincere never hurt anyone.
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