Is it normal to dislike my father?
Last Updated: 10/31/2018 at 6:19pm
Parvathy Venugopal, MSc in Clinical psychology
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People do not earn the right to your love by being your biological parents. Liking, and loving your parents, comes from you and from them, from your interactions with each other, the level of trust you have in each other, the level of respect you have for each other. There is no norm, there's you, and your own private feeling. Parents do not earn their kid's love by being their procreator, they do by being their parents, and offering them love first.
Growing up, I would very often witness my father's short temper and the way he would direct this at my mother. He also had a lot of pride and would never admit he was wrong. This really made me infuriate inside but I was too afraid to confront him because I knew that would only make him more angry. If I invited friends over to my house, I would dread them having to see that side of him too as it was very embarrassing. Although I wasn't fully aware of it, I had built up resentment towards my father throughout my childhood and into my early adulthood. This was why I found it difficult to be affectionate towards him and to ever tell him I loved him. However, I recently read something that brought this resentment to my awareness and inspired me to do something about it. I made a list of all the reasons why I resent my father, another list of all the things I love and appreciate him for and another list of what I'd like to apologize for. The aim of this was to forgive him, for my sake, so that I could release this resentment. This was such a powerful process for me that it brought me to tears. I was suddenly able to see how much my father loved me and cared for me and I realised how hard it must have been for him to have a daughter who didn’t open her heart to him. I should have understood that my father is not a perfect human being, just as I am not a perfect human being. I should have been honest, thankful and loving towards him. The real challenge was then to tell my father all the reasons why I loved and appreciated him and what I wanted to apologize for. At first, I thought this would be impossible. But the next morning, I decided it would be for the best. I couldn’t stop the tears as soon as I started reading out all my reasons. My father was pretty surprised at all this, but we hugged for a long time afterwards. I felt a weight was lifted and a connection was reborn. Later that day, my father apologized to me for ever having caused me to feel as though I couldn’t express myself. This was a big and very unexpected turning point in my life and I believe it plays a key part in the transformation I have made since then with regards to my confidence, openness, patience, acceptance and ability to be loving in relationships. It was actually a year later when I decided to tell my father why I had done that, and about the resentment I had felt. He was extremely humble and apologetic; he admitted he has a short temper but that he's really working on it and that he's sorry for not having been a better father. I now feel closer than ever to him :)
You're human, there will always be people you dislike even if they're your own family. Perhaps you don't feel a connection with him, or you don't feel comfortable around him. If you dislike his actions, words or personality it's only natural to dislike him. And that is perfectly fine. All you have to do is maintain peace within the home.
I wouldn't call it 'normal' but it's more common than you might think. Has he given you any reason in the past to dislike him?
The answer depends on your age, gender and how much you dislike him. However I will not be to specific
Yeah it is normal to dislike your father, just because you're related to someone,doesn't mean that you're obliged to like or love them so don't feel bad if you don't like your father.
Yes, it is completely normal. Mainly if your father has done something or has been distant from you, or the things you have heard about him. The other parent could have a huge impact on how you feel about your father because of the things that they have said about him which would make him seem like he has wronged people many times. Or, if you have a distant relationship with him, this can also affect your relationship with him because you would feel like he was never there for you to see you growing up and / or he was never really concerned.
"Normal" is a terrible word. Who or what is dictating normalcy? What is your father like? Is it normal for you to dislike people who are like that? For example, if my mother is emotionally abusive, it would be normal for me to dislike her, just like it would be normal for me to dislike somenoe who throws rocks at me. It is harder emotionally because these people are your parents, but the emotional signals you get from your brain remain true and real: you dislike your father. That's okay. Maybe something can change to where you like your father more. Maybe not. What matters is whether you like yourself and how you can continue being the best person you can be.
Like everyone else is saying, it does depend on your situation. In my personal situation, I dislike my father. He rarely talked to me or acknowledged me while growing up. As a kid, I thought that his detachment and distant nature from me was normal but I realised that it wasn't be seeing how my friend's dads interacted with them. My father didn't like buying me toys, clothes, or even food. My mom mainly raised me and my brother growing up. He was very emotionally abusive to my mom. It gave me a twisted view of how men should treat me. He always favoured my cousins over me. He just provided a house for us, which is still something important, I know; but he is selling the house now and splitting the money up with his siblings. My mom, my brother, and I get no part in it. Legally. I never had a dad. I think it is reasonable and normal for me to dislike him. I don't think just because they are biologically related to you means you should love them. They don't deserve it.
Depends on what you don't like about him. If he's treating you badly/unfairly or something he does is a pet peeve of yours, then that's normal.
It is normal to experience feelings like this, as a person you are not expected to love everyone all of the time. It is however important to identify why you feel this way.
What was the cause of dislike against to your father ? Normally , You could have gotten a horror story with him about dislike .
I would not call it normal, but depending on your upbringing you may feel that way. The main thing is not to feel guilty if you feel this way because chances are, it is not your fault.
Normally its not but its depends on the way your fathers behavior. you are the only person knows it . Let me tell you one thing always try to find something good about your father instead of dislike try to like him.
Yes. We all go through times in life when we wish we had a different father or wish that he could act this way or that way. Especially when he embarrasses us.
Yes, it is. Most people don't have a father to dislike. It is only temporary, but it is never worth holding something against him especially if he has an important influence in your life.
Yeah it is normal to dislike your own father because it depends on what it may be, because if you ask me if I like my father well its in my middle of like and dislike. Also like I said it really depends and it could gp for personal purposes as well..
Its normal to have uneasy feelings towards family members. However, I would speak to a professional along side your father to see if matters can be made better.
It would depend on your age - and the reason why you dislike him. But kids will often dislike their fathers when they find them to be to strict. So yes this can be normal.
No, its normal. But due to certain reasons, it is a possibility. But, with little happy, you can change the feelings again.
Absolutely. You can love a person to bits and still dislike them a lot. It's a human experience. But do no harm.
Yes, sometimes I loathed my dad more then loved them especially in the teen years, I remember feeling like my father was trying to hold me back being over protective and no fun and doesn't want me to go anywhere or do anything
It is totally normal; depends on the level of dislike we wouldn't want you hating your father or mother. It is okay because parents can get very annoying at times; also very demanding. What you need to do is find a way to deal with it and also if you can talk to your dad about what you dislike about him or even to a family member that can help you.
It's normal to not like somebody but maybe it might be good to figure out why you feel this way and see if you can repair the relationship ? Was it something he did that earned your dislike? Is it possible to forgive him and move on? A dad is a really important figure in our lives and it might help to really have him there to be able to lean on if you ever need it.
Yes, it's normal to dislike anyone you wish. Even a stranger you just walked past by. Although it's normal to dislike your dad, if he deserves, you should respect him.
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