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My family always makes decisions for me, what can I do about that?

27 Answers
Last Updated: 11/09/2021 at 10:57pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jennifer Fritz, LMSW, PhD

Clinical Social Work/Therapist

Day to day life can be stressful and overwhelming and my strength is assisting my clients in a supportive, empowering and practical manner.

Top Rated Answers
October 22nd, 2014 11:19pm
You should tell them this is your own life. You will grow up to be successful and have a job of your dreams if you listen to yourself
July 19th, 2016 10:41pm
Well, when I was younger, my family made decisions for me too. In some cases, it's impossible to make them listen (and I hope that isn't in your case). If you can make them listen, tell them how it makes you feel; if too many decisions are made for you, how can that prepare you for once you live on your own? If you keep quiet, it will impact you badly. Don't become indecisive, it makes you question every decision you make when you finally do things for yourself. Tell them that if they don't stop, they will act as a crutch instead of helping you learn to walk. Hope this helps! -Alex
October 30th, 2014 8:20am
You first can acknowledge your family doesn't always make decisions because there are situations in your life that you were able to decide what you wanted to do. Most family makes decisions for you because they may want what's best for you, but you can disagree with their opinions. You can first appreciate what they are trying to do and understand that they're caring for you. After you express the gratitude, you then explain your feelings about it. Your thoughts and feelings matter.
September 14th, 2014 12:45am
Let them know how you feel. Good communication is a necessary first step to changing your relationship to others.
November 6th, 2014 6:10pm
I think the best thing to do, is to be honest about this with your family - tell them that you are upset/unhappy about them making decisions for you, and that because it is YOUR life, you want to involved in making those decisions for YOU.
November 11th, 2014 9:07pm
Have you perhaps tried telling them that you would like to make a few choices yourself? Perhaps they're trying to help you. Try talking to them about it. :)
March 7th, 2016 11:41pm
If you want to make more of your own decisions, talk to your parents about it, and let them know that you are mature enough to handle your own responsibilities.
December 13th, 2016 6:02pm
Talk to them, communication. If you express how you feel and talk it out with them you might be able to get down to the bottom of it. Sometimes people can be overprotective or overbearing and not mean it.
August 21st, 2017 10:59pm
If your family is always making decisions for you then I would suggest talking to them about it and acting in a more mature responsible way. If they see that you are responsible and can handle making decisions then they will respect you as well.
October 14th, 2014 3:52pm
For starters, tell them how you feel. Your family's response is not guaranteed to be positive or negative, but honesty is key. Secondly, actions speak louder than words - show your family that you take your responsibilities seriously. If you treat your responsibilities with high importance, others can trust that you will do the same with theirs. On another but less acknowledged note, make sure to have your family hold you accountable for your decisions. The point is, someone needs to have your back in accountability and if your family is the current social group that holds your personal decisions for you they may be willing to have your back even if it's at a lower step. Having a key to hold you accountable is not something that your family may always have, but it is a step to leading you towards independence. We all need someone to have our backs, and family is a tie that sticks with us inevitably.
October 23rd, 2014 8:17pm
Explain to them that you are of whatever age and that you would like to make your own decisions.
October 25th, 2014 9:25pm
Talk to them, they have to realise you're not their ''puppet'', and if talking doesn't work, prove to them you're capable of making your own decisions.
October 30th, 2014 5:40pm
Take a stand for you. Do what makes you happy, not others. Gain ground and become independent. Show them you don't need them to be the person you are.
October 24th, 2014 2:08am
Do not be afraid to talk to them. They might not realize that they are imposing on your life. Sit them down and explain to them that it is your life, and they need to trust you with whatever decision you decide to make.
October 24th, 2014 4:03pm
if you dont like the decision tel them its your life you ive it the way you want so you are happy with what your doing
October 28th, 2014 7:55am
talk to them about it. you need to make them understand that you don't like them and that you are old enough to make you own decisions :)
November 12th, 2014 5:00pm
My family has always been controlling since I can remember and,in my personal experience, if you want them to back off a little, you need to sit down with them and talk it out. Getting angry doesn't help, as they will think you childish and not able to be responsible for yourself, which will in turn worsen the nagging. Writing down what you want to say to them can be very helpful to keep your thoughts organised and, in turn, have a better chance of convincing them.
November 16th, 2014 9:04pm
You could sit them down and tell them how you feel about it. You can tell them that you want to be in charge of you.
November 19th, 2014 1:32am
Oh, this is a really tough situation, but I think you might be able to handle it! Have you tried speaking to your family and giving your input on these decisions? Sometimes the best thing you can do is sit down and have open communication. Unless you speak up, they will never know.
June 29th, 2015 6:59am
if my family decides for me. Well, I should let them if that's for my own good but if its not, I will tell them what i want to do to make me a better person.
November 2nd, 2015 4:05am
You are your own person and your family is important to you. Choose which events are particularly important to your family like birthdays, deaths, gatherings. Those should be attended. All others consider the suggestions from family members as that, suggestions. Ultimately the decision is yours. Your family may not always agree with your choices, but it is you who must be happy with what happens once the decision is made.
January 28th, 2019 2:09am
Try to tell them how you feel. I know that's going to seem so hard at first, but once you do it you will feel so much better. It's probably best to tell them in person but if you're scared to do that or worried that you'll react wrong, you can always tell them through text or email while you out of the house or you can write them a letter and leave it somewhere (maybe their pillow?) where they will eventually see it. It's really hard to feel like you don't have a say in your own life and this is a good first step to being able to make those choices on your own. Hope this helped! xx
November 4th, 2014 5:43pm
Talk with your family about other possible ideas, and include why you feel a certain decision feels best for you.
November 12th, 2014 7:29pm
Sometimes they have to realize that this is your life, and i is up to you to make your own decisions personally.
November 12th, 2014 7:38pm
Understand that they are trying to help you within your best interest. However, since you are your own person with your own opinions and feelings, let them know how it's making you feel and ask for them to consider your opinion as well as you would consider theirs for an all round mutual understanding.
March 7th, 2016 5:44pm
Try telling them that you'd like to make decisions on your own.. And that if they always make decisions for you you cant really learn anything by yourself
November 9th, 2021 10:57pm
The best thing you can do about it is tell your family how its making you feel. Tell them how its effecting you. Tell them that you would rather like to get an opinion than them making the decision for you. Give them ultimatums tell them that you want to be responsible for your own decisions, and if you ate seeking help with making a decision that you will go to your family and ask them for help when its needed. Tell them how you feel and that it is making you unhappy, and talk about it together work on it together