What's the best way of dealing with your parents getting a divorce?

27 Answers
Last Updated: 10/08/2018 at 5:41am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology

Drug & Alcohol Counselor

Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous
December 5th, 2014 4:44am
Parents are very special to us and when they are separating, it’s a huge stress on their children. Parents brought us into this world, nurtured us, and love us. Definitely their separation may come as a shock. I am sharing few tips to deal with parents' divorce. Acknowledge your feelings and thoughts: It is important to identify and acknowledge your feelings related to your parents’ separation. You can write your feelings/emotions/ thoughts. It will help you feel light and think objectively. Find someone close to talk to: Talk about your feelings someone close may be your friend, or one of the parent. Share what you feel about it. You may seek counselor’s help if you need. Don’t worry about the future: Talk to your parents about your concerns. If you are worried that their divorce might ruin your future plans, let them know about it, and together you can come up with appropriate solution. Relax: Take time in the day to quietly relax and remove negative thoughts from your head. Go for a walk, cycling, do some exercise, write a journal or engage in any constructive activities. These activities will keep you away from negative feelings and thoughts. Be fair to both parents: Do not “take sides” and if your parents are persuading you to pick their side, tell them you do not want to. You need to be able to openly talk to or be with a parent without the other getting angry or jealous. Decide whom you want to spend more time with: You may need to choose between parents. This is very stressful situation. Both parents may want you to be with them and both of them claiming you. Recognize who can provide unconditional support, love, positive regards, and resources for your growth. Discuss your needs and expectations to each of your parents. Be calm, realistic and respectful to parents while interacting with them. Keep living your life: Sometimes a divorce can make you feel like you have to put your life on hold to deal with your parents’ problems – but you need to live your life. Do what you love to do and if you need support, lean on your friends, other family members, and trusted adults. If there is too much tension at home, see if you can stay with a close friend or relative until things get straightened out. Change your perspective: Do not feel guilty about parents’ separation. Understand that whatever is happening between your parents is your fault. Sometimes, despite the best intentions and efforts, two people just cannot make things work. It’s a circumstance that they come to a realization that it cannot work. There is nothing you could have done to change the situation and you can't change their minds either. Develop positive perspective: Focus on positive perspective on parents’ divorce. Parents separate because they are not happy with each other anymore. The divorce might mean that your parents are happier. Deal the tough circumstances with positive mindset and attitude. This will make you stronger and will help you later in life. Hope this helps you! Provide your feedback on this and share your personal experience.
safesecrets79
December 5th, 2014 8:25pm
Always keep in mind that the divorce is not your fault. Sometimes adults grow apart, but it doesn't mean that they hate each other it just mean that they have changed into a different person, like a butterfly, and this brings on many changes that may not be fit for the other partner. However, the love remains the same. The partner that leaves the nest still love the kids and even still love the other parent. You guys are family and are linked for life, like a gift box wrapped tightly and no one can tear it apart!!!! :)
enaira12
December 5th, 2014 3:44pm
The first thing that I would do is to talk to my parents and try to understand their side of the stories.
Anonymous
January 2nd, 2015 1:22am
Accept it - we are all humans and make mistakes. It can be as a child to accept this but be with whom you want to be instead of your parents' let decide whom they want. You have right whom to choose.
Anonymous
December 5th, 2014 4:01am
Find the good in both of them. Refuse to get in the middle of their dispute or to let them use you as a pawn against each other. Stay neutral with both of them about the divorce and their reasons for it, if you want to avoid drama. It has nothing to do with you anyway, so why involve yourself? Think about your needs as well. If you are feeling down by your parents arguing in front of you, let them know. Respectfully.
kristinshere
December 6th, 2014 4:43pm
know its not your fault and make sure your able to see both of them and try putting yourself in their shoes. if you were married and unhappy would you want to stay with that person. They love you that all that matters
SleepyLion58
December 20th, 2014 8:16am
Understanding that their divorce has nothing to to with you or their love for you and that you can still love both of your parents. You don't have to choose a side.
RobynCares
December 22nd, 2014 2:22am
The best way of dealing with your parents getting a divorce is to find ways to cope with in inevitable stress, and reminding yourself that you are not to blame.
Anonymous
December 24th, 2014 10:47pm
to remind yourself that it is between them and that anything that happened was not your fault. It is really important to remember not to beat yourself up for something you do not have control of
AlwaysUpFromHere
January 8th, 2015 6:18pm
I have never been through it myself, but I would say just to remember that they both love you in their own ways and it's NOT your fault! They're relationship succeeding or ending is not in any way because of you. You can make it through this divorce.
Cerebralreflections1
March 31st, 2015 2:30am
Process it. Feel every emotion. Know that they both love you.
Anonymous
July 28th, 2015 9:54am
Do not bottle things up - the best kind of therapy is having the ability to talk things out. Keep a healthy and consistent relationship with your parents and those around you. Create a support network you can depend on.
nyehJames89
January 26th, 2016 2:40am
Reading books and going outside to see the world helps a lot of people with stress or depression (Or in your case).
Anonymous
April 19th, 2016 5:51am
Understanding that its not your fault. And that your parents need their own space to deal with their feelings, their relationship. Many times, being apart helps each person to grow.
Anonymous
July 11th, 2016 3:32am
I think the best way is to forgive them and accept that it happened and as their child give them your loveour parent was once a child too that still need love
HopieRemi
July 11th, 2016 6:55pm
There's no best way on dealing with your parents getting a divorce. Depending on how civil their divorce, it can range from stressful to just a small inconvenience on your life. You can talk to them and make sure that nothing is going to change with how they treat you. Make sure you let them know how you feel. Good luck.
bountifulSun10
July 18th, 2016 8:43pm
Empathy. Love. Love your parents no matter what, as they love you, forgive them, as they forgive you.
Greatlistener87
July 19th, 2016 1:39am
Your parents are adults and they have made a decision, maybe try to understand why they are getting the divorce in the 1st place and take it one step at a time.
thoughtfulPomegranate86
September 5th, 2016 11:06pm
Understanding that your parents are making a decision to make themselves happier and it is not your fault :) Try to use the situation to strengthen you relationship with each parent individually, after all they could use your support now more than ever!
softUnicorns54
October 3rd, 2016 2:24pm
Talk to both parents about it, ask them if they know how you feel, and you might have to choose a parent to live with but just compromise on it and think if this is the best thing for them
RobinAureliaMae
November 14th, 2016 7:35pm
Don't act as a go between, and don't let them talk badly about each other to you. It isn't appropriate or healthy. However, if you feel comfortable doing so you can emotionally support them by spending quality time with them, helping them if they are struggling, or by making sure they know you love them. Remember relationships end sometimes, and with time harmful feelings heal. Remember it is never your fault, and taking care of your parents should be a choice, not an obligation.
gongoozlersoup19
December 1st, 2016 9:51am
Grieve the loss. Identify where you stand in the relationship (i.e. are you the child or another parent?) and be careful of being part of their relationship. And most of all, take good care of yourself. It will be a bumpy ride.
nonethelessjess
March 28th, 2017 11:56pm
When my parents first got a divorce I somehow always thought it was my fault. I had to remind myself that I did nothing wrong, my parents just simply were not right for each other.
fireflylove
October 24th, 2017 4:47pm
I think the best way to deal with your parents getting divorced is being vocal about how you feel and making yourself heard. If you are unhappy with the divorce, tell them. The best way to deal with anything is open and honest communication. Of course, if that is not possible, the 7 cups community is always there for you to vocalize your feelings, rant or vent. I hope this helps. Take care.
Anonymous
May 15th, 2018 9:39am
Try not to be mad at either of your parents. Be with both of them as much as you can and remember that even though they broke up they are not any less wise and you can still talk to them about anything. Try to understand that everything they do is just what they believe is best for everyone around them and embrace the pain that comes from their decisions without letting that pain linger longer then it should.
Openheart87
September 17th, 2018 12:25am
1. Know that it is not your fault (If your parents are getting divorced, it's because of issues between the two of them, not because of anything you did. Most of the time, parents choose to get divorced because they fight with each other, because their feelings about one another have changed, or because of a serious issue in the relationship, like infidelity or substance abuse. There's no reason for you to feel guilty at all!) 2. Accept your feelings as normal 3. Talk to friends and family 4. Don't be afraid to talk to your parents and let them know how you feel 5. Seek professional help (social worker/psychologist) 6. Don't suppress your emotions 7. Find new ways of dealing with stress (journaling, physical activities)
CompassionKat194
October 8th, 2018 5:41am
I personally have dealt with this. I handled it by spending more time in things I love, which is my friends and music. I realized i need to put myself first. My mental state and self need to be my main priority before anything else in life. I also spent more time outside the house. One way to escape my problems and not think about them even for a weekend was to go with a friend to their house or even just get out for a little and just have fun. During this time i also had a therapist who helped me a lot. Talking to her always made my struggles easier.