What's the best way to deal with family members who disapprove of the parenting decisions you make?
Last Updated: 10/27/2020 at 8:54pm
Halayma Khatun, M.A Theology(U.K, UAE), Diploma With Distinction in Counseling, Certification trauma abandonment
Compassionate, patient, experienced depression counselor. I use Psychodynamic counseling techniques. My counseling experience is +8 years, I counsel women.
Top Rated Answers
Listen & discuss respective point of view's with the intention to learn from each other keeping in view that it is about the child and not just you.
Show them your point of view, and why you've made those decisions. Its best to tell them in a calm manner, so their less likely to start an argument with you. If you struggle with speaking them, you could write it down in a letter and give/send it to them.
By telling them you are doing the best to your ability. I know it will hurt but constrive critistim is a way of life.
Tell them that you appreciate their parenting critiques but that you know what is best for your children.
The best and the simplest way to deal is to talk. Just have a glass of wine or juice or something and sit together to talk about your decision. It is possible that they have a better sight of the world. On the other hand, it is also possible that your decision is right and they are unable to see it that way.
First of all, acknowledge that even the harshest judgement and criticism can be based on a caring desire to help, especially when it comes from family or friends. That can be really hard when we feel attacked or criticized. Sometimes a simple, "Thank you," and a smile is enough to shut down unwanted advice (even if you have no intention of following it. If you want to go a bit further and challenge it, something that acknowledges their desire to help can make someone feel listened to and respected: "I appreciate that you're trying to help when you say... but it makes me feel (judged / belittled / hurt / uncomfortable)... even if that's not what you intended." I find that most people back off immediately if you are that straightforward with them, or they will at least try to explain themselves if they think they've offended or hurt you.
you respectfully acknowledge their opinions but firmly remind them that this is you problem and that you will deal with it how you see fit.
Remind them that while you value them and their opinion you aren't always going to do things the way they think they should be done. You have to do what works best for you and your child.
I would tell the family members that the last time I checked, I'm the parent of my child. My child is not in danger and is healthy and happy. I would then tell them if they have a problem then it is not my concern. Back off.
In these circumstances it is always important to be tactful but firm. Regardless of what other might think, parenting is a very personal thing and while advice is often useful, judgement is not. I think the best way to deal with your situation would be to set your family members aside and have a heart to heart conversation. In this conversation cover the reasoning behind your parenting style, make sure they understand that although advice is appreciated, decisions are ultimately up to you, and end up by letting them know that judgement is unnecessary and not appreciated. The one thing to remember during this is that in order to be effective but not offensive one must be direct but tactful.
Tell them that everybody is different and that they may have done good with their kids but these are your kids and you need to learn for yourself.
the best thing to do is to try to talk to them a lot of times, if it s not going then you should tell them that is ok that they have their opinion and that you should stay friends
Their opinion is nothing more than that. You can parent your children the way you like, they can't change that but maybe you can listen to what concerns they're raising about your parenting - you might be doing something that isn't right but if it's simply them trying to take control and want things to go one way, then you'll have to ignore them. Communication is usually the answer though.
Understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion and some people like to voice theirs more openly than others. The most important thing is that you don't change the way you are for anyone and continue parenting the way you feel is right, just keep doing what feels right.
You're the parent and it's your decision. At the end of the day, you're responsible for the child/children.
I think the best way is to sit down and talk things through. It's very easy for others to suggest ways for us to do things but we all have to find our own way in life and parenting is no exception. Sometimes the advice is given because people care for us and want to make life easier. Sitting down and explaining how grateful you are to have their input and you'll always take things on board, but that you need to find your own way as a parent, even if that means making a few mistakes along the way. If the disapproval is ongoing, perhaps a level of acceptance is needed to get through the situation.
At the end of the day you're the parent and you will do what you think is right for your child, they either respect that or they don't. Best to ignore them if they're not being constructive or supportive in my opinion.
Tell them the time has changed. What might have worked 30 years ago, might not be working now aand again what is working working for you might not work 20 yrs after.
Ignore them. It's your child. No one, and that means absolutely no one knows your child better than you. They don't have to agree with you, they do, however, have to respect you as the parent.
You are the parent and you don't need assurance on what you should do for your kid. All parent bring up their kids differently depending on how they know. Yes we are all not perfect parents and we all make mistakes. But no one knows your kid better than you do. So trust your instincts and do what you know is right.
I tend to acknowledge it with a “thanks for your concern.” You aren’t obligated to engage with them about how you parent your child at all. It’s always worth evaluating yourself, but that’s much different than feeling pressured to succumb to somebody else’s opinion. Best of luck to you!
People just love to force their decisions and to pose themselves to be having control over virtually everything and everyone around them. The best way to deal with such personalities is to let them know that you are the parent and hence the authority to make decisions about your children rests with you. Show them that their opinions are welcomed (even if they actually aren't), but of course, exercise your authority at the end.
The best way to deal with the family member is to try to calmly speak to them about the decision. Explain that its hurtful that they do not approve of your decisions, when you have your children best interest at heart. Tell them how much you love them and your children and would love to have their support. If they can not accept that, then know you are doing the best you can for you and your children, and at the end of the day, you are the only one raising your children. You have to be confident you are doing the right thing.
I feel the best way to deal with an issues like this would be to speak to the family members about why they feel this way. Every parent as the right to teach their children and essentially parent them the way them feel works best for them and their children. Not every child is the same, therefore some parenting techniques won't work for some children. Maybe the family members who don't agree with what your are doing as a parent doesn't fit with what they did for their children. I had a hard time with this issue with my son with how to get him to sleep at night. Some of my family was against the method I chose to use, but after I spoke with them about why i chose the method I did, they came around. What also helped me is the reassurance that I new my decisions were safe and affective, making me feel better about my decisions, as well as not letting others opinions get to me.
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