Why do my parents always seem to get so angry with me, even when I am working hard and trying to do the right thing?
Last Updated: 09/03/2019 at 6:23pm
Sandra Butler, AOD, DV counselor
Drug & Alcohol Counselor
Experienced in understanding how emotions and feelings affect our lifes in every aspect of interacting, not just with others, but how we process those emotions. I can help you
Top Rated Answers
I think your parents have very high expectations about you. They want the best for you. I completely understand how it feels since I have parents like that. I used to deal with the same issue and think exactly like you. I studied really hard and I was already busy with trying to get my life together and deal with depression when all they did was getting angry at me. I know how hard it is, but you just got to adapt yourself and try to talk to them. I told them honestly, I understand they wantted the best for me but sometimes I feel very pressured. I hope the best for you and if you have any questions, feel free to message me! :)
I believe its because they are losing their control over me. I am an adult and can make my own decisions and work hard for what I want.
Sometimes parents don't acknowledge how hard you are working because they are consumed by the stresses of their own lives. Maybe you could make it obvious to them how hard you are working, maybe by showing them a piece of work that you are especially proud of. Communication is key!
I live with my grandparents but I know exactly want you are talking about. I'm only 18 and graduated high school early, and planning to head to a University in the fall of 2016. You would think it would be a pretty huge thing for my family since I will be the first family member to attend college. But it wasn't and they have been even harder on me about my life and the choices I make. I also have a job and work full time since I am out of school. But I still feel like I'm disappointing them. I try to do the right thing to but never seems to be enough. I learnt that sometimes you can't make everyone happy. It's sad because you want to see pride in their face when they look at you and talk about you accomplishments and how hard you worked for it. Talk to them, address the situation if you still can't figure out ignore them. They are your parents so respect them but if they put you down after you work your butt off than learn to ignore their comments. And tell them straight up that you bust your butt everyday to do the right thing and work hard let them know how you feel. Hope this helps you can always message me if you want to talk or want advice.
Most parents want to see their child excel and a lot of parents feel like the only way to do that is to push you harder even when you are at your greatest.
Parents are sometimes having a hard time as well and they just don't share their worries with you. They think that by keeping it inside they are doing it a favour. Unfortunately, they just lash out in the most inappropriate moments at you, instead of at the main reason that is causing it. The key is to understanding this. Moreover, they might also want to push you to become even better. Sometimes they don't realise that it may be harmful to you instead.
They just want you to be better then what they ever were, they have high hopes for you and want you to succeed in life.
Your parents just want whats best for you and may get frustrated when you want or what you're doing doesn't match what they had envisioned for you.
Sometimes parents appear to be angry with you or their children when they are stressed out. They are not actually angry at you and I am sure they are proud you are working hard. Sometimes the best why to understand is take a look through their eyes and ask; Are they behind on bills? Is there something broken? Are they having troubles at work? Parents get stressed out just as easily as their kids can. If they seem angry at you, don't fuel it by talking back or such. As that will cause both of you to get stressed out. Just stop for a moment and remind your parents that you love them. Even say things will be okay to them.
No one will ever be able to fully understand who you are and what you are intending to do. Sometimes our own ideas of what should happen block our reality of what is happening. With these both thoughts in mind it is clear that they may be confused and in the dark about your intentions and effort while also projecting their own wants and expectations on you (which may or may not be realistic).
Family dynamics can be very frusterating. Sometimes parents get anxious and worried, which causes them to try and control their children in an attempt to protect them. They might be worried that you will make the same mistakes that t g eyes might have experienced and are trying to keep you from that pain.
I believe that parents seem to get so angry with children even when they are trying to do the right thing, is because they want the best for their kids. They push for their kids to do, and be the best they can be. And sometimes that can come of as anger. And sometimes it IS anger. But you have to understand they are probably trying to express the way the actually feel, and as a parent that can be very hard.
They believe that you can do better in life and not end up how they did. They have goals set for you in life and feel like you should meet everyone they come up with . Like the others have said talk to them and show off what has made you really happy and proud.
Because somehow they are feeling powerless anyways. It may not be within your power to prevent it. You are responsible for your own emotions, and no one else's. Note that other people may get angry even when you do the right thing. You may want to consider reading the book Boundaries, and the book Mercury's Child, because often people that get angry at others and seem to want to make it other people's job to prevent or to control their anger often act like the children that the book Mercury's Child is meant to work for. If getting angry gets them what they want, I don't see why wouldn't they get angry. So anytime that they want something, and they are not getting it, why not get angry? Now, if only kindness and politeness will work, then there is reason for change. Even if the request is reasonable, anger must not work.
As long as you are content with your efforts and what you are doing you are doing your best. Have you explained to them what you are doing and how hard you are working? Maybe, if they understood what you do, they'd appreciate the result a lot more? A bit like a painting. If you see what goes into the masterpiece, all the brushstrokes and colour blends, you start to see so much more detail in the final piece and it becomes so much more fascinating and brilliant? Hang in there, you can do it!
You can try sitting your parents down and talking to them to ask them why. It could be because of unresolved issues or simply issues at work that are brought home.
It's hard to understand the struggles a parent goes through until you are put in their shoes. The anger may not be directed at you but is just let out towards you. It's always good to remember that it is extremely difficult having the responsibility of a family and more times than often, a parent does not show the full extent of their problems
They are projecting their ego onto you. You are their child therefore their desires are also built-in into you hence when you work hard, they don't see themselves as it. They don't see you as who you are. When you try to do the right thing they think you are shattering their projections hence they get angry with you. This is how they are supposed to care for you.
Because they are your parents. They want whats best for you, even if it seems sometimes they are bullying you in a sort of way. When you get older and (might) have kids you will do the same for them. Without even realizing it.
Well, try to talk them and tell them that you are feeling pressured. Your parents want the best of you, they want you to be successful in your life. Parents are in this world to protect us and help us so they want you to be successful in your life
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