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Why does it sometimes feel that unconditional love does not exist?

18 Answers
Last Updated: 04/05/2021 at 2:01pm
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Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst

Licensed Psychoanalyst

I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.

Top Rated Answers
November 3rd, 2015 7:51pm
A short response to this is that we are a fallen world. We are all broken, struggling and in a way, cannot unconditionally love each ohter no matter how hard we try. Everyone has their shortcomings that can hinder how well we love each other however unconditional love is something that can be found through spiritual activities such as praying. You may find unconditonal love in a partner or family member however the love is not necessarily unconditional because there will always be times when that love is challenged and at times the boundary is tested, frayed and repaired again. Try seeking support through association with a higher power than yourself (whether that is God or another preference). It also may help if you begin to love yourself. It is easier to accept love from others when you value yourself and see how much impact you can make in someone else's life through your own actions.
December 1st, 2015 12:28am
Because unconditional love is something rare and hard to achieve, it's the top hierarchy of kinds of love. Unconditional love is almost spiritual and asks nothing in return (but in a way that you don't put someone above you, you don't subject yourself to anyone else). It's like what people do for charity, what parents feel for their children, what someone feels when they save/are saved by other. It's not intended to be the love of lovers, when in a couple, it's more romantic, but also beautiful (it can become unconditional with the years, although). But it indeed exists! Much love~ :D
September 20th, 2016 6:24pm
the only people who will love you unconditionally are your parents, thats one if you feel like it does not exist, maybe your parents are not around..
March 4th, 2015 10:13am
The world is full of ups and downs, and sometimes in the chaos we forget to pause and remember the good. Love gets lost this way. All we have to do is find our way back to gratitude to find that it still exists. As someone wise once said, be the change we wish to see in the world.
March 8th, 2015 7:59am
I think it's because we all have expectations of the people around us, in some way or another. It's not necessarily intended to make relationships more difficult, but we all sort of make assumptions about what people are capable of and who people are and when those assumptions are challenged it can result in a shift in the relationship. We place conditions around people based on our understanding of who they are, and we're never 100% right, because we can't ever really know everything about another person. But, if there is love there, then the relationship will adapt. It's not that unconditional love doesn't exist, I think, it's just that unconditional love is more of conditional-love-that-can-adapt more than anything else. It might take time, it might be challenging, but that love does exist and it does work out, in my experience.
April 7th, 2015 2:13am
Seems to me that love isn't serious to anyone anymore because of how the new generation take it as unimportant as it should be. Its just something they must go along with to impress their friends or other people. I wish it wasn't this way either but its just how it is now
June 2nd, 2015 4:35am
our minds trick us into thinking that people just don't care. this is perfectly natural. part off the reason is that human nature makes us WANT to give people things in order to make them love us. whether this is material things, sexual intimacy, or any other thing. And after that, we feel that they only love us when we give them stuff. They don't love us for who we are, but what we have to offer them. but the truth is that they do! its just that they outwardly show it more as a response to our kind gift to them. but that's all it is. is an OUTWARD expression. on the inside they love you no matter what you do for them. so, in a lot of ways, we set ourselves up, because we feel it is necessary to pay people back in exchange for their love, while they don't feel the same way. it has roots in human nature, and social dependence. but never doubt that it is there. unconditional love, or agape, is real.
June 4th, 2015 11:40pm
In reality, there is no such thing as unconditional love. People say that some don't mind their partners flaws etc but there's a difference between accepting flaws and just not saying anything negative or at all about them. I strongly believe that there is love that comes close to unconditional but I do believe there is not such thing as 100% unconditional love. Instead of looking for unconditional love, look for someone who treats you with respect and loves you for who you are. The best person you'll ever find in your life is the one who treats you like they should. It also helps not to have too high expectations. We're only human and not a single person on this planet is perfect and no one will be able to say they love someone unconditionally.
July 6th, 2015 3:55am
It only takes one bad experience with love to ruin it for some people. The bad experiences with love can make you feel as though you aren't worth it and you will not never find it.
August 25th, 2015 11:34am
Because we need to find the person that will provide us this love. Unconditional love does exist, but I believe that you can only get it from one person and that is your one true love. One day you'll find this person, and you will see that it does exist.
August 31st, 2015 12:59am
Everyone is human! Sometimes we can be pushed a little to far even by the ones we love so much and "unconditionally" but over time we can forgive the ones we love and that is unconditional love.. But its normally to instantly feel hurt or angry and have resentment for some time if we are pushed too far, after all .. We are all human! Hope this helps xxx
November 20th, 2015 6:56pm
I think that "unconditional love" is an active choice in every moment. One may choose to love unconditionally by listening deeply, recognizing their own shortcomings and humanity, and celebrating all the parts of those around them (the ones that they are proud of and the ones that they are not). Often, I feel like people get lost inside of themselves and forget that this is possible when they do not realize how big, wonderful, and infinitely interesting they are as an individual. The best way to receive unconditional love is to spread it; when people feel listened to and respected, they will know it is possible to share that gift with others. Show love, and you will spread love, and you will live in love, too
April 4th, 2016 2:01pm
Do you feel like you can't give unconditional love, or like you can't find it? In the first case, you should give the love you're prepared do give in that moment. In a nurturing and equal relationship, that should increase as the trust and friendship become more solid. In the second case, I would say that we get the love we think we deserve, so it takes at least some introspection to be "prepared" for unconditional love. In any case, I don't think love should be unconditional per se. It can become so, but it takes effort and trust from both parts, and it can be built :)
July 25th, 2016 9:14am
I'm going paraphrase what I heard from a speech. People do not know what unconditional love is. If you stop stimulating an individual or you change to be a character they do not like or know. They may forget about you and not love you anymore as you are no longer the person they loved/ fell in love with.
June 13th, 2017 5:57pm
Well mostly because we dont tend to believe things we can't see or to be quite to the point, things we 'don't' see. There's unconditional love right there in your family, between you and your mum, between a lot of others. If you're talking about unconditional love between a man and a woman, well thats rare but it does exist. It's just is too silent too come under the spotlight.
October 17th, 2017 9:25am
You might feel that way because you don't personally love yourself, so you make your mind believe that as well. It's sad, but mostly true. I've experienced it first hand. Because I never used to like myself, I doubted the love of others. Now I realise that's wrong and want others to know this too.
March 25th, 2019 5:46am
Because it doesn't exist... At least, not to my knowledge. In fact, pouring your all and everything into other people can sometimes leave you with nothing left to give. It might just be impossible to consistently love someone without a few minor or major bumps in the road. And that's ok. Love may not be unconditional, but it is abundant and it can be durable if you work for it. The goal shouldn't be for unconditional love that takes too much of you or the other person in the relationship, whether platonic or romantic. A polite suggestion would be to instead invest your time and work into yourself and a relationship, so that you and a partner can withstand any obstacles that threaten the relationship. Unconditional is also unrealistic. And I think it would be a most wonderful and beneficial thing to have a real kind of love in life.
April 5th, 2021 2:01pm
Sometimes it can feel like unconditional love does not exist because you haven't felt that feeling yet. Or maybe you have, and the feeling has left between you and the other person. Either way, it is completely okay to feel what you need to feel. If you feel that unconditional love doesn't exist. Feel it. Embrace it if you need to. But just know that if you want unconditional love, it will come to you. So don't loose hope. Because you are destined to meet someone and have those feelings for them. And you will keep them close forever, and just hold them close to your heart. Because it happens to everyone. Even you. Because YOU matter.