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Whats the best way to forget painful memories and a person who hurt me?

35 Answers
Last Updated: 04/24/2021 at 5:44pm
Whats the best way to forget painful memories and a person who hurt me?
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Johanna Liasides, MSc


I work with youth and young adults to help them improve depressive symptoms and self-esteem as well as effectively address family, relationship and peer conflicts.

Top Rated Answers
- Expert in Forgiveness
May 2nd, 2015 1:58am
The first step is acceptance of what happenned. If you shut yourself down and what you're feeling, you won't be able to move on. Forgetting memories can be though and it won't happen overnight but it is possible to overcome the pain the this person inflicted on you. If you need further help, you can always message me, I'll do my best to help.
- Expert in Forgiveness
December 17th, 2014 7:54pm
Sever contact with them. No checking their Facebook or Twitter posts. No calling or texting them. No Googling them. Don't give them the time of day. Put your energy and thoughts into other things and worthwhile activities. Let yourself grieve and cope a little. Deal with in a healthy way- writing, talking, painting, drawing, exercise, etc., and then do your best every day to move on. Create new, happy, positive memories in your life that will hopefully start to replace or overpower those painful ones.
- Expert in Forgiveness
October 3rd, 2016 9:15am
Whats the best way to forget....? People tend to think that, there has to be a certain method or technique for doing something especially when it comes to emotions and what we feel inside. We try to, lets say, ''fix'' this problem by doing something in the physical world. We are trying to tighten a screw on the outside when the ''fixing'' needs to be done on the inside. There are no screws on the inside. We do not forget, we instead move on from the horrible experience that happened to us. The problem comes when we think. We start exaggerating the thoughts, and these thoughts begin to manifest the more you think, and the worst part is that you start creating feelings and emotions based on these thoughts that you have created which feels real. Does the situation exist? Is it real? Or is it the past? Is it something that has happened to you but you keep remembering it consciously? Everything that has happened to us should not be forgotten, instead should be realised that these are experiences, from which many people go through their own problems. These things that happen, whether good or bad, are out of control. Can you control when something good or bad will happen to you? can you? The only thing in control on this planet and even universe is You. You can react in a certain way and feel a certain way simply by being conscious of yourself and aware of your surroundings. Accepting that everything outside you is out of your control is key, it is, so to say, the first step to moving on. Forgiving the person who has done the harm to you, whether physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually is the process of letting go. Now many people say: ''There is no way I can forgive him after what he has done to me!''. But people do not understand that, forgiveness has nothing to do about the other person. Does it? Does forgiveness affect the other person in any way? Forgiveness is setting yourself free from the burden that the other person carries, you do it because you want to move on. You hold onto the memory(which is the past, it does not exist anymore) of the pain and manifest it into reality because you were hurt and do not understand why. Do you know how your thyroid gland works? Will your thyroid gland stop working if you dont understand it? I sure hope it doesnt because that would be a disaster. Your understanding of something does not change how it works. Your thyroid gland does not work any better than a doctors. Understanding is not important because, understanding - why this - or -why that- will not solve the situation. Your intentions within yourself and willingness to move on from the pain does, and forgiveness is important because you set yourself free from the pain which has happened and being continuously remembered. After all, it is the problems that make you grow into a stronger person, not the easy ones. So learn from these experiences and let go of all suffering. Joy is a natural phenomenon. Misery is your creation.
December 22nd, 2014 11:55am
You have to consider the possibility there’s a greater sense of happiness in completely releasing your story.That you’d feel better than you can even imagine if you’d stop letting your pain define you. If you want to feel and be peaceful and happy, start by identifying what that looks like—what you think about, what you feel, what you do, how you interact with people.
December 8th, 2014 4:24pm
I write about it in my journal. Expressing it in words as a letter, poem or even a short story helps me release suppressed feelings.
Anonymous - Expert in Forgiveness
December 28th, 2014 6:04pm
From personal experience I believe the best way to forget painful memories and the person who hurt you is to learn how to focus and live in the present. These painful memories are only hurtful because they remind us of the past and what cannot be changed. So live in the present!
- Expert in Forgiveness
February 23rd, 2016 6:19am
Just because they've hurt you and you've had painful memories together, doesn't mean that you deserve to be hurt and treated badly. No one deserves to be treated as someone less than a human. If he/she doesn't love you like how you should be love, remember that you still have family and friends to love and nurture you. Learn to love yourself by staying busy and keeping your life organised, full of little rewarding things (like going out for tea, going shopping, picking up a new hobby). You will never truly "forget" the hurtful days, but there will be one day when you'll shine through the dark days and not be dragged down by them. Learn from the past and be thankful -- it's the best you can do.
November 27th, 2014 1:31pm
It might take a long time to accomplish that but in the end you will have to forgive them and move on
December 7th, 2014 3:25am
Create new memories! I had a bad experience with an ex boyfriend and I found myself struggling for many months to move on. But after a while I embraced new friends, tried new things and soon I had so many great new memories, the pain faded away!
September 1st, 2015 12:38pm
Accepting them and letting them go through you completely. Without resistance.Sometimes forgiving the person who let it happen.
February 15th, 2016 9:20am
Focus on present and cherish the people you have at present.. give all the love and care you hold to the people you have in your life..
September 11th, 2017 4:17am
The best way to forget painful memories is to think of the happy memories you've made together with that person.
January 7th, 2015 7:17am
I've found that the best way to do this is to distract yourself by doing something you're interested in. That way, you spend lesser time thinking about these painful occurrences. Practicing various relaxation techniques helps remain calm as well. Talking to someone about the experiences helps relieve some of the emotional burden and having some support helps the healing process. In the end, it's just time and a gradual acceptance of what has happened. If it seems like this is causing a lot of distress and interfering with daily life, it's advisable to see a counselor.
April 27th, 2015 12:37pm
First, accept the situation. It already happened and we can do nothing about it. Always fill your thoughts with positive things. Be with company that makes you happy and those who helps you forget about the past.
April 26th, 2016 5:39pm
Make new memories and find someone who heals you
April 16th, 2018 3:34pm
Not to let that person dictate your future, to prove to them that there control over you is no longer present. Truth is the memories will always be a part of who we are and we should take those memories and try and become stronger, use them to create something new and beautiful. By doing this we can take something negative and make it positive and profound. This is how you turn a painful memory into something else.
April 13th, 2020 2:34pm
The best way to forget painful memories and the person who hurt you is to focus on yourself. Get a new hobby, do things that make you feel good about yourself! When doing that, you will not only forget about the painful memories or that person, but also make new ones that make you smile! Another thing you can do is talk it out with someone. Whether it be a family member, friend or even here, on 7 cups! We're all here to listen and comfort you! Talking it out with another person will not only make you feel better but also take a load off your mind and chest. I hope this helps! Have a great day :-)
November 24th, 2014 7:28pm
Start seeing beauty in the things you have in life and appreciate what you have and the people you have in your life who still care for you.
September 18th, 2015 10:11am
I am going through this right now; and the way I am coping is taking it a day at a time... Also, remembering the good times...when I am angry- before I used to find fault in myself and hate myself...but now I am slowly realising that he really does NOT deserve this love I have for him...I also take note that I am not the only person who is so unfortunate; even some celebs and people who seem to have it all are sometimes unlucky in love... Even sharing these feelings seems to be helping me... =)
- Expert in Forgiveness
March 22nd, 2016 4:05am
The best way is to let go of what you can't change and move forward knowing that u learnt something out of the situation and have become wiser.
May 15th, 2018 4:56pm
Do things, have fun and live an exciting life. It is hard to care about things from the past if you are busy having fun and making things happen in the present moment. If you need to talk about it with a listener here to let it go, go ahead. But after that, just go on with life as normal. Life goes on.
November 25th, 2014 9:58pm
Writing down your memories, addressing those memories and try turning that hurt around into a positive that you know someone won't be able to hurt you like that again due to the life experience you have gained through that person you have learnt how to better yourself. Then take those memories and put them in a bin and try to let go.
January 9th, 2018 2:08am
It is hard to forget traumatic incidents that stay with us, and in our struggle to forget them, we can actually make those memories even more painful or poignant. As backwards as it might sound now, awareness and acceptance of what happened can actually help us heal and cope better. If memories are intrusive and out of your control, you have options; there are distraction techniques, breathing techniques, and ground techniques which can temporarily put the memory back where it belongs. We have a wonderful Traumatic Experiences Community here if you're interested in finding more resources and people with similar experiences and more resources, but no pressure! Good luck!
June 26th, 2020 11:03am
Opening yourself for a new circle of your life. Accepting what has happened and knowing that you deserve better. I know that is not easy like talking, but why not give a chance for a new beginning? There is no need for data to renew. There are certain moments in life that are the same markers of truth that signal or close a cycle, whether acceptable or not. We need to develop our “inner listening” and through our capacity for understanding, lucidity and sensitivity to accept that something is already deteriorating. From this perception, it is possible to reposition and readapt to welcome the "new", with its infinite possibilities. Often, life does not invite, but changes are requested for our own progress, sending signals that we often refuse to admit and that have a bigger request: move on to a next step. We are not aware of these environmental readings or simply as ignored, as we are not interested in getting out of our comfort zone, in our comfort zone, even if deteriorated. We are here, attached at any cost. We need to deviate from what is deteriorating, move on and trust in the generosity of life. When life signals that a cycle is closing, accept the fact and take the opportunity to renew your hopes, giving yourself the opportunity to create new purposes and life projects. Readaptation is not always an easy process, as we expend a lot of emotional energy in reorganizing internal “chaos”. On the other hand, this is also a rich time to start the precious movement of self-assessment and to revalidate the place that we occupy or that we wish to occupy in the world. When a cycle closes, it is because we need to do some learning in that context, to move on to the next stage. The transitory processes of life are not exactly ephemeral, but are potentially creative stages. Life is flow, it is movement; it is the denial of the stagnation of our archaic beliefs and perceptions as absolute truths that have fallen to the ground. Nothing is definitive, much less our property. We believe that things and people are ours. There are no guarantees in life or expiration dates. With the advent of a new phase, new opportunities begin. In contact with contingencies that now provide the flowering of a new consciousness, we will be allowed a greater clarity of facts. All of this will give us the opportunity to create the reality that we so desire and that we are directly responsible for. This creative movement allows us to have true and profound reflections that lead us to give new meanings to our existence, if we give up what is gone and welcome the new possibilities. Our life today is a consequence of attitudes, actions, words and thoughts from the past. Therefore, let us assert a different reality today through a different posture now. We need to eliminate aspects, things and attitudes that do not provide us with growth, that add nothing to us and that can even create obstacles. It is necessary to recycle our emotional garbage, transmute negative feelings and learn to better deal with our concerns and limitations in order to be lighter in a new life cycle. In order for there to be real renewal, from the inside out, it is essential to reevaluate our perception of the facts, but the main thing for any first step is to accept ourselves as we are, this moment of "insights" for any real change, because from the self-acceptance, we can promote the changes that are necessary. So, undress inside, remove your masks, look yourself in the face. Sometimes we need to change routes and trajectories, resulting from our reevaluations of what no longer serves us. But nothing has been lost at all: we have become more lived, more capable and improved. At each stage of life we ​​bet on that reality and invest the best we can in it. When we are faced with some circumstances, we see how now everything that has been lived does not make sense anymore: at this moment we realize that we are in a new stage of life. Our greatest achievement is to transmute life itself in a constant process of evolution and recreation of ourselves, putting into practice the values ​​we need to nurture, improving us in all perspectives and mainly learning from the mistakes of the past. We are itinerant beings in the trajectory of life and we are here to learn, to evolve. We can only be reborn to a new reality if we have the symbolic capacity to strip ourselves of the past, accept the symbolic deaths of the cycles that is the very wisdom of life. Recreate yourself. Reborn. reinvent itself. Overcome yourself. We, eternal individuals of becoming, are always in the process of reflecting on our experiences to obtain the wisdom we need and which in this world is never enough. The reflections must be continuous as a preventive means so as not to be faced with crises that could be avoided, when we try in some way to cling to something that is already gone. The closing of a cycle gives us the opportunity to review, reframe and give a new feeling gone into life itself, putting into practice a new project according to our reality and needs. Staying in a cycle that has already closed is highly exhausting, in addition to paying a high price for this. Being open, available and receptive to new opportunities and experiences is what life proposes to us at the end of each stage. We are often not living, but experiencing survival, and this is not what we want. We want to have a full and quality life, so letting go of what is already eaten is not a sign of cowardice, but of courage. Courage to take a new step. Courage to continue to have faith in life, despite everything.
April 5th, 2016 1:10am
Its very very hard to, and I speak from experience. they keep cropping up at the worst times, like a jumpscare in a movie, making you cringe. Try and think of other things, try and forget about it
November 29th, 2014 8:47pm
Meet new people who are willing to help you out and also bring you joy whenever you hang out with them! In addition, you can find an activity/hobby that you enjoy doing (drawing, a sport, playing an instrument, etc.) and really focus on it, which will take your mind off of these painful memories.
May 8th, 2015 7:06pm
in my own experience, moving on has always been difficult however finding someone to replace that person or finding a new hobbie can really help
October 29th, 2018 12:57pm
When we go through traumatic experiences, we find ourselves in positions where we can fixate on the hurt caused by such experiences. Remember - if you are not already seeing a therapist - see if your insurance covers therapy. Focus your mind on thoughts that are not painful. Calm yourself through meditation, yoga, music (or musical instruments), and other activities. Go for a walk daily, visit the beach or somewhere you think is beautiful or especially calming. Consider going out with friends, watching movies, and taking on new hobbies like painting or dancing. Remember, always think positive. When you feel upset, think of something that makes you happy. Never feed into bad thoughts or habits. You are so much more than the ties that bind you. While these activities do not guarantee to cure your ailment, they will distract you from painful memories and will reinforce the path you take to heal. When I was very young, I was sexually and physically abused. It's not an uncommon experience for women: approximately 1 in 4 of us will share a similar experience. But through therapy and healthy behaviors, thoughts, and actions, we can better the quality of our lives.
April 23rd, 2015 11:35pm
Figure out ways to make yourself happy or even content a hobby or a new interest. I found out that drawing or listening to music find my happy place where I feel calm. If you make new memories try to find something you truly can enjoy. understanding who you are as a person can be difficult but once I learned more about myself I began to actually cope better.
October 26th, 2015 7:43am
the best way is to make your self busy, create new fun memories with your friends, even try and make some new friends. try out new things and surely those negative memories will turn into experiences not pain.