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How do I come out to my parents?

264 Answers
Last Updated: 06/20/2020 at 11:23pm
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Terrence Sawyer, MS Counseling Psychology

Drug & Alcohol Counselor

Social disorders counseling social psychology, substance use disorder counsel

Top Rated Answers
May 29th, 2016 1:50am
Be straight forward and honest about it. Ask them to tell you their feelings about your coming out as well. They're your parents. They'll love you no matter what.
June 1st, 2016 4:30am
When I came out to my dad, I just repeated what I was going to tell him before I got the courage to go up to him and tell him. When I got a girlfriend, maybe a year later, I was scared to tell him. So I wrote him a letter and put it where I knew he would see it. We had a discussion about it and it turned out fine. Just breathe, and tell your parents when you are ready.
June 1st, 2016 8:01pm
Just try and do it, don't feel scared. They are your parents, and they love you. They will do their best to help and support you.
June 3rd, 2016 12:32pm
You can simply say something like this... "mom, dad, ect. I know this is kinda unexpected and you may be shocked when you hear this but I'm gay."
June 4th, 2016 2:36pm
It is important to wait for the right time when you will be ready. Also, if you think there might be negative reactions, it would be preferable you wait till you become independent.
June 5th, 2016 10:45pm
you should make sure that you are in a safe environment and not in danger of your parents reacting in a bad way. Some parents could be understanding and calm which can make you feel more relaxed and feel better. Make sure you are alone with them if you are planning to come out in person. If you are doing it over the phone just make sure to tell you love them and you are still their daughter/son.
June 8th, 2016 12:32am
Try to talk to your friends first for support. I'm sure if you're parents love you they won't care if you're gay, a lesbian, or trans.
June 8th, 2016 12:37am
Fuck the whole idea of coming out. Why should we "come out" straight people don't come out. If they don't except who you are then they can go to he'll.
June 8th, 2016 10:52am
It's very hard. If you want to be accepted, look for signs if they're homophobic. Unless you want them to treat you like crap, you'd unfortunately wouldn't be able to tell them. If they aren't, great! You can come out to them whichever way you want to.
June 8th, 2016 3:36pm
Gather your parents in one location, so you don't have to do it again, take a deep breath and just say it. Be prepared for many different reactions. Knowing your parents you will most likely know how they'll react, but just be prepared.
June 9th, 2016 2:17pm
Be as honest as possible and try not to go into it with too many expectations. Remember that your parents are individual people and their reactions might not be predictable. If you can, tell someone when you plan on having the conversation, so they can check in on you after. And remember, you can always reach out for help from the many resources available to you!
June 10th, 2016 5:10pm
Personally, it would be best to write a letter explaining everything and put it somewhere they will find it. Be somewhere safe when they read it.
June 11th, 2016 11:51pm
Come out to your parents. Be yourself. Be honest to yourself. Tell them how you feel.. Keep in mind they love you no matter what. Sometimes it takes time for some parents to assimilate a new reality for them but they will eventually do it.
June 12th, 2016 1:35am
It can depend on your family's stance on LGBTQIA+ individuals and the community.. If they are open and accepting, then, congratulations: now's the time to think up a way to come out to them! you could sit them down, and tell them seriously, make a surprise party, bring it up casually in conversation, or be really creative about it! My personal favourite is to bake a cake with rainbow on the inside, cover it with plain white icing and write in black writing icing, "Surprise!" or "I have something to tell you..." And then get them to cut the cake! *cue confetti canons* ;) Whatever you decide to do, make sure that you will be safe once it happens and if you are unsure of how they feel, always have a backup plan, like somewhere to stay or someone who will support you, just in case things don't go as well as planned... Good luck!
June 12th, 2016 4:57am
Coming out to family can be a very difficult or a surprisingly easy process. It just depends on the people you're telling. With parents, however, just be careful that you're not still dependant on them if you think they will react badly when you tell them. But otherwise, just be honest with your parents, tell them all you think they need to know about your sexuality! Good luck!
June 14th, 2016 2:58am
If you're afraid of coming out to your parents, a good first step is to talk to close friends you're comfortable with first. Maybe practice some things you'd like to say. It's scary at first but the weight off your chest is definitely worth it.
June 15th, 2016 6:28am
Sit your parents down and calmly chat with them. If you know your parents are against lgbt then try to make then understand. The major problem with coming out is that many people are already conditioned from birth to act a certain way during situations. Explaining it to them and having understanding is the best way to go.
June 19th, 2016 12:30pm
I wrote a letter to mine. I found it was too awkward to talk to them in person, as I was only just starting to come out. Educate them as best you can so they can be supportive and understanding.
June 25th, 2016 5:59pm
You can come out anyway you want. The way I came out to my parents was first asking them their opinion on LGBTQ+ issues, so I could judge whether they would accept me or not.
June 30th, 2016 8:19am
Coming out is hard, espacially to parents. You don't know how they will react. You just need to pick up a calm situation, and just introduce slowly what you want to tell them
July 1st, 2016 7:32am
Tell them: "This is who I am and if you think you can stop me then you need to think again." Be who you are no matter where the opposition comes from. Be Garnet (Steven Universe reference)!!
July 2nd, 2016 3:14am
there are many different ways to come out, but before you do any thing you have to make sure that you are safe. This is very important to you and them and you should feel ready!
July 3rd, 2016 5:39am
There are lots of ways to do it. If your parents are the more accepting type, try something fun like baking a cake in the colours of your pride flag! If they're on the less accepting side, try sitting them down for a talk. Be prepared to answer any questions they have. And just because they don't automatically respond greatly, doesn't mean they won't soon. If you don't want to do it in person, try writing a letter explaining everything. Remember: If coming out may put you in danger, it's best to hold off until it's safe to do so!
July 6th, 2016 3:17pm
Coming out is a deeply personal journey. There is no right or wrong answer, some people choose to do something fun, and light, like making a rainbow cake, some decide to just bring home a date, or some sit their parents down and have a conversation with them. There are a million ways to come out, and what ever you want to do, it's up to you!
July 6th, 2016 5:43pm
There is never going to be the "right time". You will, though, find a time where you can sit down with your parents together and come out. Tell them how you really feel, and tell them how you have felt that way for a long time. Understand whether or not they approve, but remember that you can't change who you are and that they will have to learn to accept it now or later.
July 9th, 2016 9:57pm
When and only when your ready that is the most important part and also when you are most comfortable with you sexuality :)
July 13th, 2016 5:08am
I know it's hard to come out. Trust me. I've been there. But, first find out if it'll be safe. Find out if they're homophobic, against the LGBTQA+ community, Transphobic, or anything like that. If it's not safe to come out, PLEASE. DO NOT COME OUT. If it's not safe, I suggest you come out once you're in a place where you can take care of yourself and they cannot throw you out of the house. If it IS safe, then you can bring it up in a car ride, at dinner, or just bring home a lover of the same sex (if you have any sexuality related to dating the same sex. Ex: Bisexual, Pansexual, Homosexual)
July 15th, 2016 7:20am
Be gentle, and firm. They might not like it at first, or at all, but, you should always try. Stand your ground, and don't be upset if they don't react how you want them to.
July 24th, 2016 7:17am
Stay calm and get them together and sit at a table, coming out is very simple and easy if you just stay calm and tell them.
July 24th, 2016 6:44pm
When I came out to my mum, i simply sat her down and told her that i was bisexual and liked both men and women. I suppose it sometimes isn't as easy as that but you just have to be true to yourself and say it how it is. It is who you are.