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How do I come out to my parents?

289 Answers
Last Updated: 01/16/2022 at 1:23am
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
May 17th, 2016 6:56pm
Just sit them down and be calm during the time. They will be maybe shocked or angry for a while but I assure you that they'll come around. They love you for who you are but you've got to guve them time to get used to the newly provided information.
May 18th, 2016 4:33pm
Tell your parents that there is something you want to tell them, and that you would like to sit down and talk. Take your time, there is no need to rush yourself. Tell them that you are still the same person, and that you just want them to understand this aspect of your personality. Good luck.
May 18th, 2016 9:26pm
I came out to my parents in two ways. The first was by writing them a letter and leaving it somewhere they could find it and read it whilst I was away on a trip with friends. The second was when I decided I needed to talk to them face to face. My best friend was there with me and that really helped. We never really know what their response will be but at least you will have done your part in opening up a space for both sides to explore one of the many aspects of your self that they had not known before. That's a bold step to take.
May 18th, 2016 10:14pm
When I came out to my mother, I sat down with her and told her... Just getting it off my chest brightened my world.
May 19th, 2016 2:17pm
There are many ways you can come out. First of all, you need to establish if it's safe. Do you have somewhere to go if they react badly? One of the ways you can do it is sit them down and tell them you need to talk. Turn off all distractions such as your TV. Explain to them that what you're about to say is important to you and you're not sure how they're going to react. Take a moment to breathe. This is going to be scary. Start by telling them straight up. "Mum, dad I'm _____". Go into detail about how you're feeling. The next way is a letter. Address the letter to your parents. "Dear Mum and Dad." then go into detail, start to explain why you're writing to them rather than saying it to their face. Once you've explained, it's time to write about your sexuality/gender. Say what you are and explain what that means. The mroe detail the more they'll understand. Personally, I came out in a Facebook message as Pansexual. I explained that it was too hard to say it to my mum's face, then went on to say I'm Pansexual. I explained what it means and how i feel. When I came out for the second time, I came out as transgender. I didn't even message my mum personally about this. I simply wrote a Facebook status. I don't recommend this way as it can come as a shock. Explain that it's extremely hard to be writing this, but you're fed up of hiding who you are. Go into detail about your sexuality/gender and say what it means to you. NEVER COME OUT IF IT IS UNSAFE!!!!
May 19th, 2016 9:39pm
If your parents aren't homophobic, I would just tell them. I spent a lot of time trying to find a good way to tell them, but they were all too extreme for me, so I would just tell them.
May 20th, 2016 12:46pm
It's often difficult to come out to your parents about things like your sexualitly. just believe that they love you and accept you
May 20th, 2016 6:09pm
First of all you need to make sure that you are 100% ready and are safe if anything goes bad. It is probably best to get them alone in a room (not just blurt it out in the shops/a public place) because it may take them a bit of time to process it. Then when you say it just say what your heart is telling you to say :)
May 21st, 2016 8:50am
Just say that the decision and feelings you have are uncontrollable and you are happy with being you
May 22nd, 2016 10:09am
Maybe try slipping it in to conversation like "so what would you say if i had a partner of the samesex" and take it from there. At the end of the day you can't change the way they are so the need to embrace it
May 25th, 2016 11:10pm
It all depends with what you fee comfortable with. You can talk to them in person, write a note or send them a text. It doesn't matter how you do it, just do what you feel happy with.
May 26th, 2016 3:03pm
there are many different ways to come out, but before you do any thing you have to make sure that you are safe.
May 28th, 2016 4:33pm
It's best to do it when you are ready, have a stable ground and understand yourself beforehand. It will be easier to understand their point of view when you understand yours.
May 28th, 2016 7:26pm
I just came out after a lot of thinking, I was tired of hiding my true self. Of course my parents were upset but over time they came to except me for who I am.
May 29th, 2016 1:50am
Be straight forward and honest about it. Ask them to tell you their feelings about your coming out as well. They're your parents. They'll love you no matter what.
June 1st, 2016 4:30am
When I came out to my dad, I just repeated what I was going to tell him before I got the courage to go up to him and tell him. When I got a girlfriend, maybe a year later, I was scared to tell him. So I wrote him a letter and put it where I knew he would see it. We had a discussion about it and it turned out fine. Just breathe, and tell your parents when you are ready.
June 1st, 2016 8:01pm
Just try and do it, don't feel scared. They are your parents, and they love you. They will do their best to help and support you.
June 3rd, 2016 12:32pm
You can simply say something like this... "mom, dad, ect. I know this is kinda unexpected and you may be shocked when you hear this but I'm gay."
June 4th, 2016 2:36pm
It is important to wait for the right time when you will be ready. Also, if you think there might be negative reactions, it would be preferable you wait till you become independent.
June 5th, 2016 10:45pm
you should make sure that you are in a safe environment and not in danger of your parents reacting in a bad way. Some parents could be understanding and calm which can make you feel more relaxed and feel better. Make sure you are alone with them if you are planning to come out in person. If you are doing it over the phone just make sure to tell you love them and you are still their daughter/son.
June 8th, 2016 12:32am
Try to talk to your friends first for support. I'm sure if you're parents love you they won't care if you're gay, a lesbian, or trans.
June 8th, 2016 12:37am
Fuck the whole idea of coming out. Why should we "come out" straight people don't come out. If they don't except who you are then they can go to he'll.
June 8th, 2016 10:52am
It's very hard. If you want to be accepted, look for signs if they're homophobic. Unless you want them to treat you like crap, you'd unfortunately wouldn't be able to tell them. If they aren't, great! You can come out to them whichever way you want to.
June 8th, 2016 3:36pm
Gather your parents in one location, so you don't have to do it again, take a deep breath and just say it. Be prepared for many different reactions. Knowing your parents you will most likely know how they'll react, but just be prepared.
June 9th, 2016 2:17pm
Be as honest as possible and try not to go into it with too many expectations. Remember that your parents are individual people and their reactions might not be predictable. If you can, tell someone when you plan on having the conversation, so they can check in on you after. And remember, you can always reach out for help from the many resources available to you!
June 10th, 2016 5:10pm
Personally, it would be best to write a letter explaining everything and put it somewhere they will find it. Be somewhere safe when they read it.
June 11th, 2016 11:51pm
Come out to your parents. Be yourself. Be honest to yourself. Tell them how you feel.. Keep in mind they love you no matter what. Sometimes it takes time for some parents to assimilate a new reality for them but they will eventually do it.
June 12th, 2016 4:57am
Coming out to family can be a very difficult or a surprisingly easy process. It just depends on the people you're telling. With parents, however, just be careful that you're not still dependant on them if you think they will react badly when you tell them. But otherwise, just be honest with your parents, tell them all you think they need to know about your sexuality! Good luck!
June 14th, 2016 2:58am
If you're afraid of coming out to your parents, a good first step is to talk to close friends you're comfortable with first. Maybe practice some things you'd like to say. It's scary at first but the weight off your chest is definitely worth it.
June 15th, 2016 6:28am
Sit your parents down and calmly chat with them. If you know your parents are against lgbt then try to make then understand. The major problem with coming out is that many people are already conditioned from birth to act a certain way during situations. Explaining it to them and having understanding is the best way to go.