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How do I come out to my parents?

284 Answers
Last Updated: 11/19/2021 at 5:51am
How do I come out to my parents?
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Lauren Abasheva, LMHC

Licensed Professional Counselor

A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
December 6th, 2017 12:15am
It depends. If you're coming out as a sexual orientation, just tell them that you like [whatever gender(s)]. For people coming out with gender identity, maybe introduce the topic lightly, saying so-in-so came out as trans, and say you feel like [whatever gender].
December 22nd, 2017 7:32pm
It is important to know you are safe, try asking your parents lgbt related questions and check if they are comfortable with the topic. If they're accepting, write a note or tell them verbally. But don't feel that you are forced to come out. You're not keeping a secret from anyone! Stay safe.
December 27th, 2017 1:32am
Depending on how open you are, I can give you two propositions. The first and most obvious one is to arrange a moment when you sit down with either of them and explain everything. However, if you don't feel confident enough with this way, I'd recommend just blurbing it out spontaneously when you're out doing something so you have an excuse if you panick or the reaction doesn't go as expected. In my case, I used the second option when shopping for some clothes. I just said a quick sentence when picking a shirt so it sounded like I was commenting on the design. My mom caught the message and gave me a very nice, supportive speech. I'm really happy with the way it went.
January 4th, 2018 8:01pm
First, make sure that your parents will be supportive and you will be safe if you come out to them (you can try casually mentioning LGBTQ+ people and seeing what their reactions are to try to gage whether they are supportive or not. If you decide that you're safe, it just depends on how you want to come out. I usually come out to people for the sake of jokes, but that's just me. You could sit them down and tell them, or give them a card, or really do anything.
January 20th, 2018 3:17pm
Make sure that you are all in a comfortable environment - this could be the living room for example. Everyone should be in a decent mood (trying to come out after a family row is generally not a good idea!). Ensure that there is plenty of time for you to discuss this with your parents - ideally, a weekend day when no one is going to work or an event. Be open and honest, and tell them how you feel, as well as how important you feel that their support will be going forward. I think it's important to understand that not everyone will be receptive to this, and they will ask questions - be honest with your responses, and ensure you let them know that nothing else about you is any different. Ideally, parents will want to support and look after their child, but this is not always the case. If a parent does not accept this, then ask that you simply be civil about it - arguing does not change your sexuality!
January 26th, 2018 1:33am
Coming out to your parents can be tricky, and it's different for everyone. When I came out, I had to ask myself a few questions, such as how accepting were my parents and was I ready. Before you even think about coming out to your parents, you have to come out to yourself. Once you've accepted yourself for who you are, figure out how. If you are afraid they're going to hurt you, do it in a public place. You can make it a Big Thing or simply say it.
January 28th, 2018 5:28pm
Hey! I would love to discuss this with you! Chat with me @BlissfulNathalie24 .. but my short answer is that you make a plan. Imagine the best case scenario and the worst case scenario. How do they both make you feel? Now practice coming out to a friend. How did that go? Is there something else you want to add next time? Write this down. Now decide when and where you would like to come out. One parent first? Both at the dinner table at once?
February 1st, 2018 12:36pm
Parents are the best person who can help you deal with when you feel they might scold you. Just gather the logic, benefit and need behind the thing. And you're done!
February 2nd, 2018 10:31pm
By sitting them down and letting them know that there is something you wish to let them know. Take a few deep breaths before speaking in order to make nervousness go away- if there is any.
February 9th, 2018 6:51pm
Sit them down. Lay an emphasis to how you have been feeling, having to hide a very important aspect of your being to someone so close to you. Tell them that despite what is, you are still the same person.
February 14th, 2018 4:03pm
The first thing you have to consider, is: Are you in a safe situation? What do you think the reaction of your parents will be? If you're sure you're safe, do it at a calm moment. Take your time to tell them.
February 15th, 2018 12:47am
You have to find the right time, go for a time when there is nothing else really going on, no stressful situations. Then, you can explain to them how you feel in a way that best suits you or them. For example, you could talk to them in person, you could write a letter, you can even call them. Stay calm when you do it, and if you have a hard time talking then definitely go over what you want to say beforehand. Keep it simple, but also make sure you say all you need to say, and if they have questions, calmly answer them. However, only come out if you feel it is safe to do so, or if it won't cause any situation to get worse or a new problem so show up.
March 2nd, 2018 12:04pm
you make them sit down. Make sure they aren't in a bad mood and nor are they stressed out. you tell them without beating around the bush. but while you do so, make sure you do not take names of your lover or friends, as if your parents are against it, they will assume it is your friends fault, and you wouldn't want that. explain it to them from the very start and don't be annoyed or offended by their reactions. it is a big news for them to take in too. give them time to understand and process it all.
March 4th, 2018 11:40pm
Assuming it will be safe to come out to your parents, any way you feel most comfortable. You know your parents and yourself best, so if you feel most comfortable with sending a text then do so! Be prepared if they would like a face to face chat though and remember that there are always people who will support you through coming out. Find a way you communicate best, for example a phone call, a letter or art etc. and use that as a means of coming out.
March 8th, 2018 1:22pm
It is, believe it or not, better to do so in public. That way they don't lash out, there are other people there. Ask them how they feel about it, first. If they don't like it, keep quite. If they are ok, tell them you asked because you are that gender/sexaulity.
March 14th, 2018 2:14am
I believe the best way to do this is honestly, with respect to the feelings they might experience. Treat the encounter with the love and respect you'd like in return. Sit down somewhere neutral and comfortable, and tell your story. Let them know you're still the same person, you just want to be more open with your experiences and identity now that you're growing and maturing. Answer questions honestly and without judgement. If you're scared or nervous, be honest about that too - they're your parents, and they care about your feelings.
March 24th, 2018 9:01am
If you're not sure that it will be safe to, don't risk your safety. Gage their reaction perhaps by mentioning LGBTQ+ celebrities or even friends, if you think that's appropriate. Evaluate why you want to come out to them.
March 28th, 2018 1:52am
Everyone has their own way of coming out. No matter how you do it, make sure you’re safe. It’s best to know if your parents support the lgbtq+ community, and would be fine having their child be a part of it. Try to come out when your parents are in a good mood, and not in the middle of something important. I wish you the best of luck!
April 6th, 2018 3:54am
Coming out to your parents is always a tough decisions. A good way to start is to bring up the topic of LGBTQ+ with your parents to see how they respond. If they show that they are homophobic or anti-LGBTQ+, it might be a better idea to stay in the hypothetical closet. But ideally, they are supportive and you would come out some time during the conversation about the LGBTQ+ community. And be willing to answer any questions they might have about what you are coming out as.
April 11th, 2018 3:32pm
Make sure that they aren’t angry when you come out to them. Then just make sure you all are comfortable and then you just tell them. Their response may vary, but if they are amazing parents they will accept you for who you are.
April 13th, 2018 2:22pm
There are lots of different ways you could come out to them. If you feel comfortable with it, simply sitting down with them and talking it through may help. If you don't feel comfortable doing it face to face, you can always try doing it over the phone, message or even writing it down. Whatever you feel comfortable with is best.
April 13th, 2018 10:02pm
There are many, many, many ways to come out to your parents. Some people choose to come out in a creative way, such as putting “I’m [insert sexual orientation, romantic oroentation, gender, etc.]!” in icing on the top of a cake or (specifically for ftm or mtf transgender people) giving their parents an “it’s a [boy/girl]!” balloon and changing “it’s” to “i’m”. Some people choose to simply sit their parents down to dinner and tell them. There are so many ways to come out, but, for your safety, coming out in a safe environment is highly recommended. The number one most important thing to remember is to be honest (emphasis on honest). And if anything goes wrong, it is best to still think of it as an accomplishment. You came out! That is such an amazing accomplishment! Coming out can be a really hard thing to do, and, personally, I am so proud of you for that! Even if you haven’t came out or don’t plan to, you still know who you are and have chose to embrace it! That’s the most beautiful thing. If you are planning to come out, I wish you the best of luck!
April 18th, 2018 12:07am
Find the right time to tell Them, let Them Ask questions, just let Them take their time. And just tell Them How it is.
April 26th, 2018 12:31pm
This is a hard thing to do, because you're worried about how they will react and how they'll make you feel. The best thing to do, is practise how you're going to break the news. Perhaps tell the parent you feel more trust towards and see how they take it. It is a struggle, but it's an important step in your life and your parents will love you unconditionally either way. We're always struck by the negatives in these situations, but they are your parents, they are the people who have raised you and loved you from the moment you've vomitted on them, screamed at them and so much more. They'll not change how much they love you, if anything, they'll be proud of you for coming out as the real you.
April 26th, 2018 2:17pm
Make sure you are comfortable in your environment, and make sure your parents are calm. Don't do it during a crisis, it could make them overreact. Just let the words flow. If you don't feel safe coming out to them, you don't have to. You don't owe your parents anything, it is completely your choice.
April 29th, 2018 5:21pm
There are a lot of options. Of course you can just talk to them. But if you have trouble speaking to them, you could write a letter. Sometimes it's easier to write and you don't have to be in the same room while they are reading it.
May 3rd, 2018 8:33pm
Do it once you're ready. Never do it out of the blue, try doing it during a dinner or sit them down in the living room,
May 5th, 2018 12:42pm
The best way is the simplest way. When you're ready and certain that they'll accept you, just tell them that you have something to say and say it. They are your parents and will love you no matter what. But if you know that they won't accept who you are then that's more complicated situation 😐
May 12th, 2018 8:16am
I completely understand. If you believe you are in a safe environment to come out then go for it! Get your parents to sit down comfortably. Ask your parents if you can have an important and serious talk. Slowly get to the point and let them know how you feel, ensure that nothing has changed and that you are just ready to continue in life as yourself. Allow them to respond/ask them questions to see how they feel. All in all, it is your choice and just know that it will be good in the long run for you
May 23rd, 2018 5:32am
Well only do it when you feel safe and not pressured. Sit them down and make sure they have your full attention. And once you are calm and have all your thoughts in line tell them.