How to I get my friend to stop self harming without telling on her?
Last Updated: 11/15/2021 at 1:24am
Tim Van Rheenen, M.A., LMFT
Marriage & Family Therapist
I will work to help you get unstuck. Together we will apply methodologies that work to find freedom from trauma, sexually addictive behaviors, and relational problems.
Top Rated Answers
Remind her of things she has forgotten. Randomly call her to tell her you care. Accompany her on nights when the world feels like it's been turned upside down. Spend time with her whether it's watching movies or eating or just staring into space. Never forget to tell her of her importance in this world. Make her feel without letting a cut slice through her skin by making her feel as if the emptiness was a temporary thing that'll leave soon enough.
I think there are several ways to help her. One could be helping her find alternative ways to distract herself from self-harming. I personally like this one because it has helped me before: http://pretentiousfacade.wordpress.com/2013/02/18/alternatives-a-good-read/
No one can force someone to stop harming. Even in the safest places - like inpatient wards - people can harm themselves. However, there are many ways you can support your friend. You might let her know you care, offer to talk with her or keep her company if she wants that and you are comfortable with that, and you can help her find resources. There are online sites, lists of distractions, and many other types of coping skills. I would advise looking into a DBT style workbook or information. However, if your friend is at risk of killing herself (either suicidal, or harming in ways that require medical attention) and no one knows, it might be time to heavily encourage her to talk with a medical professional and/or tell her parents (depending on her age).
When I myself self harmed the worst thing was to have somebody try to stop me. I would recommend making yourself available to your friend at all times when they feel like harming and rather than stop them, offer to talk to them instead, as sometimes a distraction can help the moment pass.
Reassure her on how much she is loved and needed. That she does have a purpose and she is beautiful
Talk to your friend about resources she can seek out to get the help and support she needs from a professional
You can't make anyone do anything but you can offer support. If you're comfortable to, you can offer to be a source of support in those moments where she feels the urge. It can be useful for people who are self harming to know there is someone they can reach out to without judgement and can potentially provide a distraction to cope with the feelings causing the impulse. Perhaps you can engage in different activities to do with her, or things that she can do alone as an alternative. Of course you can't be her only support as that's a huge ask, so it could be useful to suggest that she seeks some further support from a professional who can help her through such things.
Support your friend through this rough time, make sure she knows you are there for her. Recommend that she see's someone, a counseller, or get her to talk to her family about her issues. Tell her that she always come on here and chat to one of the listeners if she needs to let it out.
My friend made me throw my blades away and I felt so much better. They were right on the phone comforting me through it all. I really think the best thing to do is encourage, guide, and comfort them.
Probably talk to her and express having challenges with what to do given that you know about her self harming. Explore options together and what you intend to do. Transparency with your concerns and helping them seek professional support can go a long way!
You can get her to stop by being there for her and letting her know that you're only there to make her feel better. Your support may better if she knows you aren't plotting against her.
Tell her that there are better ways than self harming to express your feelings and make sure she understands that you are always there for her and support her. Do not get angry with her...
This is a very difficult one. If it were me (remember I can offer advice because what could help me could make things worse for you) I would ask her why she was doing it. Listen to her and offer your help as a friend and as someone to talk to. Reassure your friend. Let them know that things will turn out to be ok and encourage them to go to their doctor, and that you will be with them every step of the way, without judging them or telling anybody else. Sometimes, people harm themselves because they feel isolated. If you help to ease that isolation, maybe the self harming will reduce and eventually stop. After all, you never know until you try. Make sure you keep gently encouraging your friend to get confidential help
Then it's up to you. Sometimes the only thing you can do is to tell on her because in the end, it's all to help her.
Explain to her that you care about her and what she is doing is hurting her, and you, and others around her. Tell her that you understand what she is going through and tell her that you are here if she needs someone to talk with. There are therapists and counselors she can talk to about self harm. Maybe try to convince her to talk to a school counselor. If she still doesn't want the help or seem to stop, I think it is best to tell someone else so they can help. She may not like you for it. But when she gets better she will thank you in the long run because you are only doing it to help her because you care about her.
First of all, talking to him/her about it. The reasons behind it, if they think it really helps them or not. If yes, why do they think so. They probably have emotional issues so trying to get them talk to you about it and showing them emotional support is also very important. Talk to them. But most likely, only one conversation will not be enough so be patient.
This is a hard one. Firstly, it's important to remember that we can never expect ourselves to "fix" another's behavior. That said, it's equally important to sit with the person and allow them to know how difficultly it's affecting you watching them suffer. To expect them to "stop," may be a far-fetched goal, but support is more manageable. That may look like encouraging them to seek professional help, or encouraging them to communicate with you or someone else when they feel like engaging in these behaviors. However, it's crucial to find balance to take care of yourself while you're trying to assist them.
Appeal to her in a way she might understand. Tell her that you care for her and that she doesn't have to suffer in silence. She needs a friend. As long as she is with someone, she will know someone cares for her.
How old is your friend? If you're in school, most schools have a "safe to tell" program that you can use to submit your concerns anonymously. If you're comfortable with it, please provide more details so I can route you appropriately.
You can ask them to get on 7 cups, or you could yell a counselor at school and make it anonymous, it's hard to do, but I have done it b4 and you can ask me about it.
tell her you are there for her make sure no matter what she does she knows she can relly on you to be there because most of the time self harm is caused by the feeling of no one caring. Also get her to give you anything she could possibly hurt her self with, another way i have seen is having her let you check for new cuts each week.
You could try to find out what causes her to self-harm without directly asking her, but be careful. If you manage to find that out you might be able to help her with it.
Try your best to help her realize what she is doing. Telling on her will only get more people involved and may cause her to feel even more singled out. Best thing is to be there for her, show her you care.
Remember that 'telling on her' might just turn out to be saving her from herself. Helping her recover is a better thing, even if you get in a fight on the way. But it's understandable if you still don't want to say anything to anyone else. The best thing you can do for her is to be a kind distraction from her struggles, be there for her, be kind to her, and be there when she needs to talk to someone.
No one can stop someone from self harming other than the person who is doing it.. just try to talk to her and better understand the triggers or reasons as to why she is self harming.. Try to help her, and help her figure out coping skills and alternatives besides self harm itself.. other than that just try to be there for her as much as possible.
in the end, it is probably out of your control and the best thing you can do for her safety is inform an adult that can manage the situation.
Self harm is a mechanism for coping over certain problems. It is good that you care about your friend, if you were to tell on her, it wouldn't stop her from self harming. Self harming is addictive, so try to help her by being the kind, and caring person you are. Another thing that helps people stop self harming, is drawing on their self. Drawing on ones self is something that isn't permanent or harmful. Ask your friend to talk to someone about it, or you need to talk to your friend. I wish I would have had someone to talk to during my self harming days.
Speak to her. It might seem like an awkward conversation but I am sure there is most likely a reason for her to self-harm she probably just needs a friend to talk to.
By sticking by her side. Keeping her busy and reaching out to her by texting her or calling her more often. Send her positive things and make her laugh. If you're able to hang out with her more often do so. Have really good and deep conversations with her open up to her so she opens up to you. If she talks more about what bothers her it takes away from the pressure that makes her harm herself. The more she's busy and the more she opens up and the more she expresses her thoughts and feelings, the less she'd feel like hurting herself
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