Just Turned 38. Help!
I just turned 38 recently and am at a total loss and looking for help around how to navigate when life is something no longer to live but to endure.
The exciting and taken-for-granted growth years have been replaced with a vast stretch of nothingness. Dreams and hopes are now dust and ash in my mouth.
Any insights or information about how to navigate this time is appreciated. I could just be in a slump but it seems to have been going on for years.
@communicativePond1728
I feel similarly much of the time. I need to change careers, but have absolutely no interest in any career fields. It all looks like the same BS, just in a different package. Of course, some of it pays more.
I see a therapist regularly, but it doesn't seem to helping this feeling. He says I should find joy, to seek to live fully in spite of the horrible things.
I have thought about just going to the gym constantly. Doing that seems like some sort of progress, even if it's only to better health.
You're not alone in this, and I wish I had a solution.
@hematite43
Hey, nice to see you again.
Glad I'm not alone, especially when it comes to seeing 'career' choices as the same old canned B.S. 🥫💩
You're right some paths pay more but contrary to what I thought when I was younger (Was brainwashed into thinking, more like.) that's not even a real creator of happiness at all.
I'd rather be around good people doing what I love instead of being dead inside with all the money in the world, but thanks to trauma and a broken system it's like nope!
It's especially with the holidays when everywhere you turn it's 'buy this, be that, why are you such a loser with your broke self?'
It all reminds me of that 'can I just please get a waffle' meme.
https://youtu.be/z7fT6PdBptU?si=rlcLzv6J02pvp0GY
@hematite43 I'm sorry for my last reply; it was pretty cringe.
Do you know what your therapist is talking about at all when they say this joy stuff?
Because I've been talking to people, counsellors, outreach and support workers, social workers, and reading books and researching, they might all be saying the same thing.
Talking about forgiveness and boundaries, closure and self worth, energy and power, time and healing.
But to me they're all just giving pieces of a puzzle.
I'm thankful, but also sometimes shameful because I don't see the bigger picture.
And I often go nuts trying to put it together.
@communicativePond1728
No worries! We're all trying to figure things out, and it's not easy at times.
My therapist and I were discussing joy because it's something I've been missing from my life. I don't expect to feel joyful 24/7, but I want to find moments of joy, appreciate the good things that happen, and not filter my entire existence through the negativity and pessimism that has characterized my life for the past several years. It would also be good if I could identify a new career path that I would find meaningful, but I don't know if that's possible. Maybe the only meaning is just in doing the best I can and taking home a salary.
Right now, I'm not looking for anything bigger or more meaningful than those things.
@hematite43
Hey, sorry for the latest reply ever...my internet went down mid-December and couldn't be fixed until yesterday, crazily enough.
Anyway. Yeah, I see what you mean about just going to the gym all the time and how that could connect one with joy or whatever, haha. I went to the gym a couple days ago and that high is so awesome. I felt like a professional athlete and unicorn all rolled into one, all hopping around and doing squats WILLINGLY without any hesitation or over-intellectualizing. Usually I have to perform an exorcism just to get out of bed in the morning. I bought a trucker hat and new socks to wear to the gym I was so stoked.
I'll be 37 in January.. For the last 10 years, birthdays had turn into depressing times.. before, it used to be a week before and after my birthday, now, it's up to more than a month earlier that I'm starting to feel depressed and sad.. Mainly because the more I get older, and realizing why I'm still single.. makes my future look gloomy..
This year, I have something to look forward to.. somewhat, as I'm working towards a career change.. will send out my Cover Letter and Resume early January and hope for the best. I need a change in work environment, change in life, change in social circle, change (geographically).. as the place I'm sending it out is to a company overseas.. Hopefully they accept my job offer (as it's not posted), but I've written the Cover Letter tailored to the company's potential needs and given them a solution (which is to hire me). Now, I can't wait until January.
With the changes in work over the next 2 years, I need a way out.. follow my own dreams, hence this career change that I'm finally going to try and make it happen.
@communicativePond1728
@Jaeteuk
Yeah, there's a difference for sure from younger and older birthdays.
And you're onto something there about it being due to 'stinking thinking'...especially in regards to singledom for me too.
As much as I want to be just all falalala laaa all the way home, I'm still pretty judgemental about who I am, where I'm at and honestly about a lot else.
I've been working hard to carve a new career path myself and figure out how to do that in a world that still sees women as less than equal half the time, on top of trans-generational trauma, grief and loss and other big changes.
I'm lucky my parents haven't rushed me to get married and have kids.. as I decided long ago that I don't want kids.. but, I know I do want to have a partner/husband.. but meeting him is one thing, and from where? The first boyfriend I had, I met him in University.. then, I dropped out (that also ended the relationship, as I went back to my hometown) and started working, and haven't met anyone since..
@communicativePond1728
@Jaeteuk
Yeah. My parents have been pretty chill about that too. I met people through work or at gatherings, but even though they'll always be in my heart, nothing has stuck. Now I wonder sometimes if it'll ever happen. 👍 😉 🙏 😅🧐
Omgad Simon Burch took some dark turns. I had blocked that out but not too much because I'd actually stopped the video before all the most intense stuff happened. I realize I have some built in protective device...only I'm still not that good at using it and pretty judgemental about it.
I did manage to finish it over the weekend though. And I'm gearing up to watch the second episode of the first Chinese drama you recommended. It has lots of good comments and I agree with them...good acting and casting.
I'm needing something a bit more lol these days though I think. Some kind of comedy now to balance the drama and sadness.
If you want something funny.. try this one: "Love between Fairy and Devil".. I laughed a lot with this drama.. YouTube should have all episodes.
@communicativePond1728
@Jaeteuk
Thanks 👍
@Jaeteuk
Cripes I'm really blown away by these Chinese dramas. The storylines, and quality...I don't feel worthy 😔
What makes you feel not worthy with these dramas?
that is the issue, opportunities arise ar young age. if you don't find your partner then, it is more difficult later. Especially nowadays that people stay home in front of the TV or having hobbies. jobs are also stressful so people don't want to meet anyone. So you will have to have no expectations. if you meet that man, it is fine and if not, you will have to learn to stay alone. but still better than marries to the wrong person. Nowadays, society wants single people. And people also don't have patience with others due to bad experience.
@Jaeteuk
And that sounds like an okay plan about the career change because that's my timeline too and I need to choose something doable - a one or two year diploma, degree or certification in something☕ maybe hairdressing or dental hygienist.
As far as meeting someone...I'm pretty new where I live and am not sure how to make friends.
Someone talked about energy and thoughts and beliefs and how I need to remember to be constructive with them, and take care of my body and health and mind.
I'm just not sure how to do that.
This is a way! This is a solution. In a few words, clarifying our dreams can be the fuel to experience and have new feelings of accomplishment…
@communicativePond1728you just put words to my am feeling..
@communicativePond1728 I'm the same age as you and I feel similar. Like does my work have any meaning, does my life have any meaning? I'm just trying to get on with each day and the time flies so fast.
Could it be some middle-age crisis or something like that?
@mish3l yeah, exactly. I figure I can't be having a midlife crisis already but then boom turned out middle age is already technically behind me. So my life is 1/3 gone and I have messed it all up and now what...now what the heck do I do now that I'm set in my messy way? 👽
@communicativePond1728 oh you can, it might come sooner or later it might be individual. But I remember my boss having it around at that age and my husband too. Some of my colleagues in retrospective might have been the same. The age when you start to doubt everything, want to change the job, do something completely different. Feeling like nothing makes any sense and your work has no effect on anything. That your life is a big failure.
But it's also positive. It's the time of life changes. I made a few and it turned out to affect my life positively.
@mish3l wow, thanks for saying all that - was a bit scary (Like to read, not your writing or anything.) but overall that was very good to hear. Makes so much sense and I must not be alone in what I'm experiencing!
@mish3l
Someone I talked to today said that I need to ignore what Google or the internet says because sometimes it's not an accurate reflection and to make sure my thoughts are constructive and not destructive.
But I'm not sure if I know how to do that or if I can learn, because there's so many moving parts and challenges.
@communicativePond1728 I totally get you. It's hard. We'll get through this, it's a process.
Yes, to learn to think constructively instead of destructively is very challenging and it's not gonna happen in one day.
@Hope was doing this series about mind distortions, maybe you could have a look, it might help. I learned a lot reading about them :)
@mish3l ooohhhh yaaah I saw that, that was really good! I need to look at it again I think. And it's true; it won't turn around overnight. Gosh why is that so hard to remember lol and why is it so hard to wait for 😱
@communicativePond1728 sending hugs Pond, you are not alone in this ❤️❤️❤️
I am turning 39 now and I discovered suddenly what I want to do in my life career wise - it was just a coincidence that I though “hmm maybe this position actually suits” offocurse I’m not planning to become a nasa astronaut :) but I believe it’s possible to change and now I’m learning and making mini courses on the internet and looking for jobs . Also I am just getting used to how my face is changing slowly but I don’t give up on little things I like doing always/ anyways it’s always easy to preach others so sorry for that but I wish you find some moment of inspiration to change your life 🙏🙏🙏
@Meymoonah that's a good dose of hope there for me moonah, thank you!!! 😊 🌺
@communicativePond1728
I'm 38 and I feel that way sometimes. Less now days though...honestly it comes and goes because there are things in life that you look back on and think to yourself "man I should have" or "why didn't I". The good thing is that there is plenty time to accomplish some things.
I did a lot of partying in my teens and twenties, but looking back on things I am glad that I waited till now to go back to school. Why? The world as a whole technologically was at a different place back then for EVERYONE.
What I am getting at is whatever your planning or trying to do NOW is more so probably the best time. Technology has come a long way so people do their jobs a lot differently.
What I would suggest is continue to use this platform for therapy and socializing. I prefer this than *** or *** (Too many shallow people)
Next...I would suggest thinking about that career field that you would really like to pursue and researching it if your are not already in it or researching it.
The next thing I would suggest is budgeting your money to take a couple classes each semester that way you will be able to balance school and work life.
Those steps should surely lead to some sort of motivation.
Last but not least, practice gratitude and remember no one is perfect!
Im rooting for you!
@amicableox0685 thanks so much for the thoughtful and soothing reply. And I think those are some good suggestions!
@communicativePond1728
I'm realizing this post may be just too much fodder for serious mansplaining and might have it taken down.
It's up to you.
@Jaeteuk so far so good! Hope you're doing well ❤️
Wow I feel the same way
@communicativePond1728 Thank you for sharing. i noticed this is an older thread that you recently replied to, please forgive my late arrival, I so much relate to and understand your point of view, being only a couple of years ahead of you, and I feel compelled to share my personal opinion on the matter. It's going to take lots of words to express my response, so I will try my best to get straight to the point.
I believe it's very common for anyone who lives in a material-consumer-based society to feel empty or disappointed by life once they reach 40. Some of us will feel it approaching a couple of years before, like yourself and like I experienced when I turned your age. It's easy to get caught up in the pursuit of possessions and achievements and feel that they are not valuable without validation from the people around us. However, I've come to realize that true fulfillment doesn't come from the things we own or the successes we achieve, nor from being cheered and praised by others or by friends and family. Rather, it comes from within—from the way we perceive and experience the world around us.
Please forgive me if I sound like I'm making assumptions about what's going on in your life, but from personal experience, this is the common perspective that makes navigating life and fulfilling one's ambitions very difficult.
On the other hand, I believe that life is not just a series of milestones to be reached or possessions to be acquired. It's a journey—an incredible, awe-inspiring journey filled with experiences, emotions, and connections. And while it's natural to desire certain comforts and conveniences, placing too much emphasis on material wealth and social acceptance can leave us feeling empty and unfulfilled.
Instead, true happiness and fulfillment come from nurturing our spiritual selves—from cultivating gratitude, compassion, and kindness, and from finding meaning and purpose in the everyday moments of life. It's about shifting our perspective from what we have to how we feel, from external validation to internal contentment.
There is so much that can be discussed about the basic human emotional and spiritual needs to navigate a true path of a fulfilled human soul. There are also so many aspects of life that can be improved once we learn how to turn our emptiness and disappointments into inspiration and amazing practices such as creating art or writing life-changing texts. I believe our struggles and suffering can be a blessing and true catalysts to bring out our true beautiful selves, to give meaning to the final chapters of this short and wonderful experience we call life.
I encourage you to take some time to reflect on what truly touches your beautiful soul, what brings you joy and fulfillment beyond the material realm. Connect with your inner self, with nature, with loved ones, and with the beauty that surrounds us. Embrace the journey of self-discovery and growth, and remember that you are not alone on this path.
I'm here to support you in any way I can, whether it's through lending an ear, sharing experiences, or simply offering a word of encouragement. Together, we can navigate through these feelings of doubt and uncertainty and rediscover the beauty and wonder that life has to offer."
Age is just a number my dear friend. We age with finess , getting wiser, Learning from our past experiences. We don't want to impress people but cherish the chosen few relationships for lifetime. Invest these years in urself it could be your hobby, the time you couldn't give yourself over years by keeping yourself fit, eat healthy . Go for long walks, learn a hobby or do something of your bucket list.. Practice yoga that helps keeping mind and soul intact.
I guess enough to keep you going for a year or two till you find newer goals in your life!!
Much love ❤️ take care and stay happy! :) and most importantly you are very much young still if you follow the above!! ;)