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Hello, everyone! I hope you’re doing well, and that you’re having a great day 🌞
This post hasn’t been an easy one for me to write, because it has so many negative feelings associated with it; shame, anxiety, embarrassment, even a little bit of fear. But, with a lot of encouragement, I’ve decided that it’s best to share with you all my personal experiences with offsite contact, both via 7 Cups and off 7 Cups.
Yes, you read that correctly. Back when I was a young teen listener (I’d been a listener for no more than 2-3 months), I connected offsite with a member. It was very, very stupid, and quite frankly, it was downright dangerous. Not to mention against the rules! This isn’t my only experience with offsite contact/dangerous activity online generally, and I will get to this very soon.
I know what you may be thinking. I’m a safety leader - an ambassador, nonetheless - and I broke one of the most important rules relating to safety. I’ve thought about this a lot (with help from others), and I’ve come to the conclusion that my previous actions have influenced me to care so much about safety. I have lived through what could happen as a result of offsite contact, and that is why I can be so pugnacious when it comes to the safety of users, especially teens. I am not my past mistakes.
Written below are my experiences with offsite contact and dangerous actions online.
7 Cups
I had no idea of the rules regarding offsite contact. I didn’t know that it was prohibited (even though I have more than 1 brain cell, so it should have been obvious). Thankfully, I was safe during this interaction (as was the member), but other users have definitely not been as fortunate.
As soon as I was made aware of the rules, I removed the user from my social media, and sent them a message on 7 Cups stating that it was highly inappropriate of me to engage in offsite contact with them, and that it was best for all communication to be had on the site. I had no intention of breaking any rules.
Back when I used to have profile pictures of art that I had drawn, one member was able to find me on a site where you can write stories. As soon as I noticed the connection, I removed all followers who I did not personally know and changed the username/profile pictures, both on that site and on 7 Cups. Even if you don’t share offsite contact explicitly, some users may find you because of similar usernames or profile pictures.
You may trust a person you meet online. You may really like their personality, and click with them in so many ways. You may feel like they’re a friend. Your friend. They may feel the same way, and they may even actually be the person you think they are. But so many things are possible when we share our details. For example;
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The person could be dangerous
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The person could be looking to harm you
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The person could attempt to blackmail you
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The person could attempt to locate you/invade your privacy
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The person could be ‘catfishing’ you, i.e., pretending to be someone and acting as this person, sometimes with or without photos, only to be completely different
Yes, we make friends on the site, and that’s great! But that’s where it needs to end -- the site. It should not ever, ever go any further than chatting in the rooms (or PMs, if with a listener), because it can be (and is) dangerous. People aren’t always who they say they are online; I know this from my own personal experiences, which are detailed below.
Games
I remember being a very small Rebekah, I think I was around 7 or 8 years old. Still using my brother’s 1990s acorn computer, I started playing a game (which I won’t name). It was aimed for children 6+ (though anyone could play it, feasibly). I remember another user asked me for my name and where I lived. They told me they lived just a few miles away from my very small Welsh town (exceptionally unlikely), and that their name was very similar to mine. This made my small child brain happy -- this user then asked if I wanted to marry him, and what did I say? I said, “no, thank you, because I want to change my surname when I get married.” This is such an innocent, childlike thing to say, exactly because I was a child! This user was clearly an older person looking to cause harm to me. It’s terrifying when you really think about it.
In the same game, when I was older, I connected with a user on Skype. We had a video call, and they refused to show their face or speak into the phone. This is a major red flag that I couldn’t see as a young 13-14 bambino. He told me to find some alcohol in my house, and to drink it. He took a screenshot of me doing this, and said he was going to post it on his social media. I don’t think he did this, but I will never know. He asked me lots of personal questions that I don’t quite remember. I can only see how blatantly predatory this is now that I am an adult.
In a different game, I made friends with someone who eventually started to beg me to come and live with them in their country. I was no more than 8. I asked them to stop, and they wouldn’t, so I told my mum what was happening. She told me to block them and to come off the game, which I did.
Games are fun, and we can make friends on them. But, they need to stay as game-friends. Just like how 7 Cups friends need to stay as 7 Cups-friends.
Social Media
When I was 11, I created an account on a popular social media platform. I was obsessed with Monster High, particularly one of the characters. I would follow any and all accounts that were related to this character, and that involved one that was something like, “charactername_official”. The ‘official’ part to me made me think, ooooooo, they must like the character as much as me! So, I ‘followed’ them.
What came after this was nothing short of completely predatory behaviour, that I only realised when I was around 17 or 18. I don't remember how old they said they were (they were definitely over the age of 18). They told me they lived in a spacious flat in Florida, and mapped out their location to me, with a red line going from where he lived to my country. He told me that I should come and visit him at some point. He sent me a photo that he said was himself, but I now know that it 100% was not. It was heavily pixelated and looked like a model. Even if it was him, the picture he had sent me was inappropriate as it was a shirtless photo. I’ve tried searching for the photo on Google, but I’ve not found it. That random man had/has pictures of 11 year old me, and that’s absolutely terrifying.
Conclusion and Key Points
Here are the key points from this post;
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Sharing your details online is not safe, under any circumstances
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People are not who they say are
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You are NOT your past mistakes
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Photos are never completely erased from cyberspace
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If you are catfished, targeted by older people, or hurt in any sort of way, it is NOT your fault
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Learning is growing, and growing is important so that we can be the best version of ourselves
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If you meet someone on 7 Cups, STAY on 7 Cups
I’ve made mistakes, and I have learned from them. I am the best version of myself. It’s okay to make mistakes -- this is something that I have been taught from a young age, but only really began to understand recently.
If there’s only one thing I want to make known from this post, it’s this: if you are currently in contact with someone offsite, please remove them. I know it sounds mean or even unfair, but please, listen to/read everything I’ve said and really think about it. Not only is it against the rules, it can impede your safety.
I’d like to give a special thank you to @Heather225, who has encouraged me to create this post. I wouldn’t have been able to do this without you, and I’m grateful for all that you’ve done, not just for me, but for the greater community.
Resources
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7 Cups Community Guidelines [https://www.7cups.com/community-guidelines/]
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7 Cups Teen-Specific Guidelines [https://www.7cups.com/community-guidelines/Teen-Community-Guidelines-3be96c58c238418e8a2584592941d794]
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7 Cups Safety/Reporting Guidelines [https://www.7cups.com/community-guidelines/Safety-Reporting-c97e53621f924398b1db1088c9def307]
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‘Catfishing’ Support [https://www.cybersmile.org/what-we-do/advice-help/catfishing]
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Cyberbullying Support [https://www.internetmatters.org/issues/cyberbullying/resources/]
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Online Grooming Support [https://www.internetmatters.org/issues/online-grooming/resources/]
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Sharing Explicit Material - Don’t Do It! [https://alert-ab.ca/butt-out-creeps/]
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Staying Safe Online Pt. 1 [https://www.bbc.com/ownit/the-basics/8-tips-for-staying-safe-online]
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Staying Safe Online Pt. 2 [https://staysafe.org/cyber-safety-tips-for-adults/]
