Part II: Navigating Your Own Kayak

@GlenM really excited to see everyone's reflections here and in our closed group! 

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Please note that the previous Part 2 is now Part 5 so some of you have already read that closing summary post and may like to review it again at the end of the series.

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@GlenM 🌊 Part 2 Reflection — Navigating My Own Kayak

Right now, my river feels calm but quietly restless — like it’s whispering that change is near. There’s a gentle rhythm in the flow, yet every ripple reminds me that stillness and movement can coexist.

My rock → My teacher: Uncertainty → Trust.
The unknown used to feel like chaos, but now I see it as a current guiding me somewhere I can’t yet see. I didn’t plan for certain chapters to end, but they taught me how to breathe even when the water gets rough.

When I tried the forgiveness ladder, I found a younger version of myself — small, scared, waiting for reassurance. I told her, “You’re safe now. You can let go.” That moment softened something in me I didn’t realize had grown hard.

Life leveled me up the day I stopped forcing the current and started flowing with it. I’m learning that surrender isn’t weakness — it’s the highest form of strength.

Today I’m grateful for the current that carried me through fear, into a deeper kind of faith — the kind that doesn’t need to see the shore to know it’s there.

✨ Key insight: Every rock I hit teaches me balance. Every rapid humbles me. And every calm reminds me that I’m still afloat — still learning, still becoming.

@GlenM

My answers are:

1.

• Where are you on the river right now - calm waters or rapids? Rapid waters because I have been past experiences with friends. It feel like the water is choppy and not smooth. I find myself trying to come back to solid calm waters.
• 2. Write one sentence that starts with “I didn’t plan for ___, but it taught me ___ - I did not plan for these feelings to over power me and take away my happiness but it taught me to be carfeful who I trust in life
• 3. 
• Fill this sentence: “Today I’m grateful for the current that carried me through ___.” - I am grateful for the current which is helping me to calmer waters. I need to learn how my trust issues on others can affect me in life. 
• What was one key insight that stood out to you in this part? How can understanding it impact your life for the better?How to overcome hurdles we did not choose and how to grasp our life to be who we are
• What’s one “rock” or challenge you’re choosing to see as your teacher this week? one rock challenge to over ride the wave of despair and overcome any opsticles i may face 

@GlenM

• 1) Name the feeling. ----> Resentment.
• 2) Recall the earliest memory it connects to. ----> Day of betrayal.
• 3) Write one line of compassion for your younger self. ----> "Just forgive, Desiree. Just forgive."

• Where are you on the river right now - calm waters or rapids? Calm water here.
• What kind of “rocks” or challenges have been showing up lately? “Stuck” in my writing
• Checkin: Right now, my river feels like…
• Think of a recent challenge. What might it be trying to teach you? I need to break the tasks down more and give myself rewards at the end of each task, talk with a listener

• What would it look like to trust the current a little more this week? Not being so hard on myself about deadlines
• “My rock: __Procrastination_____ → My teacher: ____Patience___.”
• What “Mr. 8” moment has recently interrupted your plans? Need to take care of some family issues before getting back to writing.

 "The problem is the path?" Perhaps if you consider viewing the path as a perpetually daunting challenge, then the entirety of the path would seem to be a problem.

When relating to my own experience, the biggest problems have occurred when I've tried to avoid the path. Problems can be thought of as obstructions, frustrations, instruments, teachers, challenges, calls to grace, empathy and opportunities to share love, including with ourselves.

When it comes to trusting the current, it does call for discernment. After all, if the current leads to a 300 foot waterfall, it might be wise to change direction. There are many who trust the current, as in "going with the flow," often believing that when traveling becomes easy, it's the universe is rewarding them for being so nice and wise for having chosen that direction.

I just thought about a story that Harry Nilsson wrote about a fabled kingdom called "the Land of Point." In this land, everything and everyone had to have a point, hence even the people had points on the tops of their heads. Even the dog belonging to the protagonist had a pointed head. The guy's name was Oblio, and the dog's name was Arrow. The two of them were walking on a path, and came to an intersection that was a convergence of several paths. There was a signpost, with arrows pointing every which way. Oblio made the observation, "Gee, a point in every direction is as good as no point at all."

I added the above paragraph because I plan to make what may be thought of as a counterpoint to the point above. I'm talking about when the hard way turns out to be the easier way. For example, it may be easier to skip oil changes on your car, but it's only easier in the moment, but ultimately, you have chosen the hard way, as it is much more costly and difficult to replace an engine. It may seem like the easy way to ignore health maintenance, but clearly, it is not.

Perhaps the best way of looking at it is, the easiest and most beneficial path can be identified most readily by looking ahead as far as possible.

Procrastination is very easy for me, but with the exception of a very few rare circumstances, it has meant that I had chosen to accomplish many things in the most difficult way possible.

I think if I go kayaking, I might consider carrying binoculars with me.

Reflection:

At the moment, my river is calm and comforting.

My rock: an intimidating construction project.

My teacher: the project is patiently waiting for me to take the first step, in order to reward me with a sense of accomplishment, which will encourage me to take further steps.

Reflection, Mr 8:

In my working life, and often in my personal life, there has been a Mr. 8, Mr. 9, through Mr. 99. That's only a minor exaggeration. It could be said that my path has been paved with interruptions. So, Mr. 8 - 99 has taught me that the interruptions are the path. They are rungs on the letter of ascension.

"Sometimes the wrong current takes you to the right place."

I identify that process as "Divine disorder." However, there can be linearity to some plans. For example, maintaining a commitment to have an open and compassionate heart.

Releasing past weight to navigate the rapids

I still sense a bit of reactivity as a result of early childhood traumas. Going with the kayak analogy, I would say that I sometimes feel the rocks as I pass over them, but they no longer impair my travel. Fortunately, forgiveness is a decision. Triggers may elicit anger, pain, and anxiety, but there is a common assumption that as long as those feelings are present, forgiveness isn't possible. Triggers activate a part of the brain that makes little distinction between the past, even the distant past, and what is happening in the present. That's why upsetting memories can re-upset us. If a person believes that re-experiencing negative emotions when thinking about a past event, considers those emotions to be evidence of inability to forgive, the weight in your kayak can make progress impossible.

That's why it's important to realize that forgiveness is in fact, a decision, rather than something you have to feel when a triggering memory or event occurs. In my experience, even when I experience triggers related to something that occurred in the past, having chosen to forgive, really does seem to lessen the impact of the trigger.

I really like the Transdiagnostic Model, because I think we all move up and down that continuum on a regular basis. Hopefully, we remain in the green range most of the time. I think the Hawkins model might benefit from being presented as a similar continuum.

I really like the "Power Versus Force" model. I found myself imagining a large crystal clear glass bottle. In it, there is a dark brown murky fluid. This fluid contains a mixture of the elements of force, as described in the slide. Then someone comes along with a tiny bottle and dropper. They put a few drops of that liquid into the bottle, and the liquid becomes crystal clear, but radiating light at the same time.

What do you think that bottle may contain?

Reflection: Leveling up

I suppose thinking about my childhood and triggers, brought my mind to that period in which I first started leveling up, although I certainly wouldn't have defined it that way at the time. My family was really really poor, dysfunctional and toxic. We were also evicted several times.

My "level up" was to think of each move, although progressively worse in environment, I chose to look upon it as a chance to start over. I focused on the element of adventure, rather than loss. I discovered new things, met new people, and even saw it as an opportunity for me to make positive changes.

Overall, my childhood was not happy, but those new experiences sustained my hope.

Reflection:

"What would it look like to trust the current a little more this week?"

Maybe it's because of my age, but I feel completely at ease with the current at this time.

Fill this sentence:

Today I'm grateful that a potentially difficult financial negotiation had a good outcome.

Wrapping up part two:

One key thing:

Because I spent so much time supporting the process of making the kayak lighter, the opportunity to write about my philosophy of forgiveness, helped to clarify my thoughts, and perhaps gain a bit more talent when it comes to expressing them.

"What's one rock…"

I still have that construction project going, and it's going to require some creativity to stabilize a building's foundation. That is my teacher!