Part III: Paddling Alongside Others

@GlenM

Questions 

These are the questions which you will find. Answering them after pausing on the relevant section they appear will be helpful. We do recommend trying to answer all of the questions, but if you would like, you can choose to answer any 3 publicly! 

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction? I found compassion from people who have taken time out of their busy day to help me. They sit and honestly listen and help me understand things that I may not be seeing 

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others? The one thing that hurt me is when some people do not think that I care and I do. I have used my listening skills learned here with my friends now. 

• Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? 

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you When my mom passed away in 2004. I wanted to give up hoppe but I accepted she was not hurting or in pain and used the wounded healer for myself. 

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

• What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part? De-escalating panic. I learn now how to use mindfulness and deep breathing to help me solve problems. I journal write things needing to be fixed and come up with ideas and solutions on how to calm down and proceed in my daily life. 

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter? My friend Bambi ( who has passed away ) use to drop her health issues let me come over to sit and help me. She always believed I was hard on myself and told me to stop being my worst enemy. She told me I needed to love and help myself before I can do that with others

Reflection answers.

·       When have you felt a person’s compassion change your direction?

My husband is extremely compassionate and he changes my direction daily through his acceptance of me as a person and his great sense of humor.

·       How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

If someone has a dilemma that resonates with something I have gone through, then I can empathize more deeply with the other person and try to draw out their strengths in dealing with the thing that is hurting them now.

·       Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? 

Honestly, I think reflecting on my own death is somewhat gory, though the idea is instructive, to reflect on what others might say about me. I don’t plan on going out easy. I’m surprised, Glen, you peg yourself at 85! I plan on at least 100, but then, I’m probably a great bit more stubborn and ornery – and perhaps even unpleasant --- than you. Please, take walks. My grandma did, along with her night-time brandy, and she lived to a hundred. She was the most giving person I ever knew. Also, in my papers, the funeral I plan for myself is so over the top, including a Viking Ship, a burning pyre, costume festival with singing and dancing, that perhaps people would prefer I just live on rather than having to spring for such a spectacle.

·       List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

For me, there were many unlucky events, but I would say, an equal or greater number of lucky events, thereby allowing me to still be alive by the grace of God.

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

·       What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

One nugget that stood out to me was the description of kintsugi, which I have tried myself, as recently as a couple of summers ago, when our pup broke a piece of pottery at a vacation home. I found it fun to do, and it goes right in line with the philosophy that broken, mended or repaired is still beautiful.

·       Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

I would have to say during one of my first job interviews, when I wasn’t feeling that great about myself, but I needed the job, and I had gone through many interviews, and that particular interviewer hired me “on the spot,” that remains as a pivotal moment when my luck began to turn around for the better. If that person was a chapter in my book, then the name would be Dianne, and she and her attitude towards teaching would take more than a chapter, she would take up a whole book with her big laugh, her benevolence towards others, and her acceptance and love of all the children in her care, also the singing, always, always the singing.

A few comments on slides:

Slide #10: We are not our mistakes. Other people are not their mistakes. I think this is confusing, since one of our jobs is also to make sure people are aware of their own agency within a particular situation. Yes, they made a mistake perhaps, but owning it and moving on from it, learning from it, is also powerful. If people can identify the role they played in their mistakes, then they can also take powerful action to either avoid making the same mistake again, or they can choose different actions. This is the power of the “now.” I do believe people need to take responsibility for their actions. Yes, the actions do not equal the person themselves, but if they do not mean anything, then, following that logic, even wrong actions are ok because the person is still fundamentally ok. They may have constructed an extremely delusional narrative. Which may be helpful to them in coping, but how functional is that? So, yes, I have difficulty with this one. I do think people’s actions and lack of actions does reflect on them as people, because I am cognizant that we/they have a choice. And, robbing us/them of the chance to change their ways is infantilizing them in a way, isn’t it?

Slide #11: Love this, and I think there should be something called “narrative therapy” to help people construct the story of their lives. Perhaps there is already something like this. Being a hero or heroine does not have to involve a lot of fanfare. Moving away from a victim narrative can be extremely powerful. Look at Virginia Giuffre, with her exposé, through which maybe other survivors will be encouraged to tell their stories.

Slide #15: Xerox Parc? I had to look that up. I think the point was that Xerox Parc took off quickly. There are many books, materials on this theme, eg., Zero to One by Peter Thiel with Blake Masters. Other start up books, materials, include: The Lean Startup by Eric Ries, Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson, Purple Cow by Seth Godin, The Art of Agile Living by Helene Gidley and Thomas Meloche, Start with Why by Simon Sinek, and there are many more. Here’s a great link of these books if you want to go down that rabbit hole. https://startupsavant.com/best-startup-books

Kindly,

PatienceImpatiens

Glen, Thank you for this series, the thoughtful slides, and the unrolling day by day.

·       When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

People have pulled me out of a slump before. I remember a notable time. I was in a slump, but my co-worker thought it would be nice if we made a surprise for a front desk person who had just lost her son in a tragic accident. So, we put together a bouquet of balloons and made a huge card with handprints from all the children we could gather and presented it to her. It said something like, “You are loved.” Doing that small thing for another person who was suffering greatly in her grief had the positive impact of completely bringing me out of my slump, probably had something to do with shared humanity, agency, and re-writing a personal narrative. 

·       How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

I used to be easily offended, and that would affect me greatly. Now I understand most people don’t particularly wish to offend others, they are just “being themselves,” and they might not have particularly good social skills or understanding of how their words impact another person. So, I let a lot of things roll off my shoulders now. 

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

·       Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

I would say that a time someone truly believed in me was when my principal at our school gave me the project to commemorate the 30^th anniversary of our school. I collaborated with the School Guidance Counselor and we came up with a way to involve all the students by scouring yearbooks through the years to come up with historical nuggets to share for each year. The children learned to become miniature historians. Each child (five per grade level) delivered a nugget for their year, holding a balloon labelled with their year. The balloons were bright red, donated, but we hand-applied each individual year with sticky numbers. The children who presented wore special t-shirts a local company had donated. At the end, the children let all the balloons go. After the balloon release, a big fun, there was a band concert and cake and punch. Someway there was some expectation I didn’t know about ahead of time that a speech would be given, but everyone was calling for a speech. I fumbled through that, but it was ok, because the event spoke for itself. I would say that principal had a sort of “gift” of throwing ideas out that may or may not have worked, but it sure was fun. (I also learned to have little speech ready “just in case” for any future events.)

Love and Courage,

CalmRosebud

@GlenM 💧 When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

@GlenM

@CliffH

Here it is 🥰

@GlenM

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

  when we was young a family after our dad and mom quite going to church offered  then took us to church 2 times a week. their compassion changed our  direction very much. as for us most the time  church was a haven away from the abuse at home. if they not did this when we was young we feel we not overcame a lot of the abuse. also we might not even be alive today. so for us this one a very big one

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

  not sure we can list just one that hurt us but all the ones that hurt us. as we been on our healing journey. we see that the struggling  was not in vain. it very useful in helping walk beside others as they heal at times very give them hope they can overcome what is or was done to them. it about using what happened to you to help others by  relating to their pain and listening then helping them see that the old beliefs they have our not always truth

• 
  

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you

  the penny pinching of our dad at time felt like we was missing out on things others either had or did. now we see that it helped us as taught  us how to find discounts  also how to take care of needs before we took care of wants. this has helped us live on a very very low income. 

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

  in grade school a special   ED teacher believed in us she always told us we could do anything we set our mind to in life. she truly  believed in us and how smart we really was when most around us was saying we was stupid  and even that we never finish school. she made us feel we could over  come things. learn new ways to do things  we had a hard time doing this made us feel like we was not stupid that we was worth a lot when we was being told we was worthless it later was a big part of us going to collage  at age 41 and getting a degree at age 44yr old. this early having one that believed in us even today impacts  our life.

  cool thing was after we got degree this same teacher was retired but working at walmart as a door greeter we was able to tell her we got the degree. her words back to us  was i know you could do even that and you did. so she until we moved 8yrs ago was still believing in us. no one at time we got degree in family  really supported us going back to school even when got degree tthey did not say well done or anything positive  this part hurt us but her believing in us was like being held in her heart even after many years of not seeing her.

  chapter in our life as a child wound be call one in a 100 who truly believed in us.

  chapter after we met her again in adult life would  be called- still believing in us after years of not being in our life

I appreciated the exercises in this part and how they prompted me to reflect on where I've been and how even my darkest times have served the greater good of today!

When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?
My partner on countless occasions. When I begin to struggle with disenchanting thoughts and doubt my path, he adjusts my compass, realigning the needle towards true north. He helps me check my perspective and inspires me through his own compassion. Our community constantly reminds me of the power of compassion at work, too, unfailingly restoring my faith in humanity.

How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?
I was neglected as a child. I had no one to guide my development as a teen and help me evolve into a functioning adult. I had to learn so much on my own, the hard way. I never want anyone to go through what I did, and to go without support. I use my knowledge and my wisdom now to empower others and give them hope.

Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel?
It was enlightening, to say the least. It really put the mirror on me to see what I am projecting onto others, and by extension, the world.

Imagining how those closest to me perceive me gives me insight into what I can do better.

List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you
The loss of a job is one of the most stressful life events, and it sent my world into a tailspin. But it also impelled me to widen my net and explore. My job had made me a bit too comfortable and, as a result, I had stagnated. Sometimes the universe forces you into action because it's time for an evolutionary change.

What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?
"We can only take people as far as we have gone. That's why our continued healing and maturation is so important. The state of our mind and heart impacts all of our work."

Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?
Someone I know saw my potential and helped me realize it. I felt truly invested in. I'd call the chapter, "Trial by Fire."

@GlenM

Questions 

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?

  I often think about a moment when someone’s softness or understanding shifted something in me — even a little. It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Compassion frequently changes direction in small, quiet ways. Here are a few examples that resonate with me:

  • When someone listened without judging me.

  Maybe a friend, my sister, or even someone online made me feel seen instead of “too much.” That alone can change how I keep moving.

  • When someone reminded me that struggling doesn’t make me a failure.

  Hearing that from someone who truly meant it can loosen the grip of self-doubt.

  • When someone stayed during a moment when I expected them to leave.

  That kind of compassion teaches me I am not as unlovable as my fears say.

  • When a teacher, mentor, or supporter encouraged me even when I was convinced I’d messed everything up.

  Sometimes a one kind sentence can shift my whole perspective.

  
  

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?

  Often, the things that once cut the deepest end up becoming the exact experiences that make me more understanding, more patient, and more able to show up for others.

  Here’s a way this might be true for me:

  I’ve been through pressure, fear of not being enough, emotional overwhelm, and moments where I felt alone in my pain. Because I’ve lived those things, I can recognize them in others without them having to explain much. I notice slight shifts in someone’s tone, little signs of stress, or the way someone shuts down — and I respond with softness instead of judgment.

  What once hurt me has become part of my empathy.

  It helps me to reassure people who feel the same way I once did. It helps me speak gently to someone scared. It helps me encourage someone who thinks they’re failing. It helps me to show warmth to someone who, like me, is trying their best while carrying invisible heaviness.

  My past pain didn’t make me weaker — it made me into someone who can understand others on a level most people can’t.

  
  

• Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel?

  This exercise actually terrified me. I have a real condition called necrophobia. Imagining death regardless of its form scares me.

• Could you list one event that looked unlucky but later helped you?

  Not doing well on a goal — it pushed me to slow down, rethink how I study that goal, and learn how to ask for help instead of drowning in silence.

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

• What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?

  One nugget that really stands out from this part is:

  “Some things that once felt like failures or bad luck were actually turning points that taught me how to take care of myself better.”

  Why it matters:

  When I see painful moments as turning points instead of punishments, I stop treating myself like the enemy and start treating myself like someone who’s learning.

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you. Suppose that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?

  I can pinpoint a moment when someone's belief in me resonated deeper than I could have imagined, igniting a spark of hope.

  Here's an example I use to shape my own story:

  Story:

  "There was a time when I felt like I was slipping. I didn't feel proud of myself. But someone told me they believed in me even when I couldn't see anything good in myself. They didn't pressure me or try to fix me. They just stayed. They listened. They helped. Their belief felt like a hand catching me before I could even fall. It made me feel like I wasn't as hopeless as I thought."

  How it changed me:

  "Something inside me changed. It made me realize I didn't have to go through things alone. It softened my self-hatred just a little. It reminded me that if even one person saw something worth believing in, maybe it was real."

@GlenM

• When have you felt someone’s compassion change your direction?
  some good listeners ive come across to on cups. 

• How has something that once hurt you become part of how you help others?
  it can help us understand others better, and listen with more empathy and compassion. 

• Narrative Therapy Exercise: How did it feel? 
  it felt weird, but rewarding. imagining what everyone will say at your funeral provides you a chance to look back and reflect about your life, as well as, know your long term goals and where you wish to head in the future. 

• List one event that looked unlucky but later helped you
  coming across some people, which hurt me, but helped me learn. 

Part 3: Closing Reflections: 

• What was one nugget that stood out to you from this part?
  i think empowering people around us, not to paddle for them is actually a very important point, both on cups and in real life. the negative visualization also caught my eyes, however, im still doubtful whether that counts as a good exercise or not. as it kinda impacts us to dwell on what could go wrong, or see the worst. so i think the balance is important, the balance between seeing the worst possible outcome, as well as how real that is, and the likelihood of that event. as it was mentioned on the slide. 

• Think of a time someone truly "believed" in you. How did that feel? If comfortable, please share that story and try to capture how it changed you or impacted you? If that person was a chapter in your life. What would you call that chapter?
  that chapter might probably be called, daydream arises 😄 i will keep the story to myself.