A question I have asked myself is why do I let my self worth depend on my partner?
Last Updated: 03/19/2018 at 3:49pm
Jui Shankar, Ph.D
My worldview offers a systems perspective that values diverse clients and their struggles. I believe supportive and nonjudgmental therapeutic relationships empower clients.
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One can often let self worth depend on a loved one or another person because we all want to be loved, cared for and accepted. So, one may seek the approval of others, in which the loved one could potentially control how a person may see their worth. What is often forgotten is that you are you, no matter who you are with and that you are worth so much, no matter what others think of you. You define your worth by being the amazing person that you are, not by others' opinions of you. "To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don’t need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself."
Everyone wants to be loved and accepted. And sometimes people seek approval of others and loved one for such approval. We try to please other with ourselves so much that we forget who we are and what makes us happy.
I guess because you love him too much. Probably you think he is the only one important in your life and that he is allowed to make you feel whatever he wants you to feel.
I think I let my self worth depend on my partner because my partner chose to be with me. My partner saw something in me that they thought was worthy of being with me. I feel better when they are happy with me, and feel worse when they are for whatever reason, unhappy. So my self worth lies in how they feel about me.
We all need acceptance, either from our partner, our parents or from the society in general. At such times you need to remeber you decide your value.No one else does that for you.
The fact that you are asking this question shows that you already know the answer! You must continue to find yourself again as a separate person and know that you are worthy no matter what anybody says or do. Surround yourself with positive people that inspire you and appreciate you for the amazing person that you are.
There comes a point in a relationship where we let everything depend on our partner. The problem is we never realize just how much of ourselves we relinquish to our partner until problems arise in the relationship or a break up occurs. Just be cautious and take in mind what you are allowing your partner to control.
We sometimes feel the need of someone.. Just to validate what we're doing, how we are feeling. But remember, only you could decide you're worth ☺
becuase you probably feel as though their opinion matters more to you than your own, but it shouldnt yours is the most important
Many people who have had a troubled past look for approval in other people. When I was in a relationship, I found that I was only happy when he approved of anything that I did. When we broke up due to distance, I thought I was nothing. All my self worth was gone. It is not something that people who struggle with confidence can control. Just know that you are more than just your significant other. You can still be wonderful without them. It takes time, but eventually you will realize that you are more then just a person's validation of you.
Lack of self confidence could be a factor. Its good to have confidence in yourself and not rely on anyone else on this, because people can always upset u at any time.
We all need validation. We are social beings; from infancy we learn that how others perceive us will help us grow into the kind of person we want to be. As we grow up, the way we let others influence us changes, but we still need confirmation that we're doing friendship and community in a way that others can relate to. We want to trust others' evaluations of us, so it can be hard to notice when someone isn't using negative comments to be helpful (like, "you can't wear that to a job interview!"). And someone actively lies while betraying that trust is even harder to recognize. It's not a weakness to believe someone who's been caring and intimate with you. It's human. And that's way getting away from toxic individuals can be so difficult.
I find the cause of this is a lack of self-confidence. You don't believe in yourself, so you try to do the next "best thing". You seek validation from other people. You want other people to say, "You're good enough" because it makes you feel good. The problem with this is your confidence and value become reliant on other people. You need to work on yourself image. Tell yourself "I am good enough" even if you don't believe it.
You need to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else because if you don't love yourself no one can love you.
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