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How do you find the words to break up with someone, when they have done nothing wrong, but you don't feel the same?

35 Answers
Last Updated: 01/05/2021 at 8:49am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
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A sex positive, and kink knowledgeable therapist with an open mindset and a clear understanding that we are all different.

Top Rated Answers
February 15th, 2016 9:33am
You are great person n I do like you a lot.. but I don't feel the same about you.. maybe because I changed or my priorities changed.. I am so sorry.. but being in this relationship would be like cheating you and me both
September 14th, 2015 11:51pm
The whole "it's not you, it's me" thing would only make the person feel worse as its extensively overused and not in the right situations. Being honest really helps in these cases. Tell them that you do not feel that spark anymore. Be very honest but considerate of their feelings
March 13th, 2015 5:39am
Be honest with them. Although it might hurt their feelings now, you're saving them the pain, trouble, and time because it's most likely not going to work out in the end if you don't feel the same way. You're probably going to end the relationship at one point later if not now. Be honest and tell that person that you do not feel the same way, and you are not their one. Let them know that they will move on in their life and find someone more compatible, and that they still have future relationships. Be there kindly and comfort them. Good luck!
September 21st, 2015 3:18am
This is especially difficult when your partner is very dedicated and devoted, but you simply don't feel attraction or love for them. The best answer I could give you is to be completely honest. Tell them it isn't their fault, but that you simply cannot be in a relationship where you don't feel romance for the other person. My best advice is that you don't make up excuses, but instead be totally honest. It won't be easy, but that was the best route for me.
July 13th, 2015 5:20pm
The best thing is to just be honest - Your partner deserves that at least. It's ok to not share the same feelings as your significant other, you just have to say it as it is and move on.
August 11th, 2015 5:24am
This can be an extremely tricky situation. The first thing I would recommend doing is stepping back and asking yourself why you want to break up with them, and if the roles were reversed, what you would want from them. In this instance, if it is safe to do so, sit down with them in person, and talk about your reasoning (of course in a compassionate way). The thing to remember is that you likely aren't going to avoid them being hurt. But, once that hurt fades, they will look back on everything and want answers, and an explanation. If you can give them that closure, it could make a difference. Although they might be upset at the time, they will be alright, and will eventually see that you were able to handle it and treat them with respect.
March 26th, 2015 10:27pm
Just be honest with them. Somethings aren't meant to be even though there is nothing wrong with them.
March 27th, 2015 3:41pm
Breaking up with someone just because you feel like it is the right thing to do can be difficult and also painful for the person initiating the breakup; I think once you convince yourself that you are truly breaking up that person because it is the right thing for you and that you are ready to move on, the words will just come to you. Don't make up reasons or point out little faults in the other person just to make them feel like it is their fault. It is no one's fault; feelings can change over time and there is nothing wrong with that.
January 26th, 2016 12:07pm
It's very difficult to break up with someone, especially when you feel no ill will towards them. Remember, your feelings are important and if you decide this person isn't right for you-you owe it to yourself and that person to come clean. It's not going to be easy and the person will be hurt, but isn't that better than being untrue to yourself? Try not to beat yourself up and this person will get over it and move on.
February 6th, 2018 10:36pm
I would tell them that you don't understand what happened and you would like them to tell you what happened.
September 29th, 2015 10:21am
Breaking up isn't easy, but the key to finding the right words is being honest. Be honest with them and explain "I don't feel the same way you do and I don't wish to pursue this relationship any longer". Don't get caught up in bad break up clichés and say "Its not you, its me". Stick to the truth, avoid any unnecessary compliments of the other person and just speak your truth.
September 29th, 2015 7:23pm
I have personally experienced this and it is so so difficult. The words I used were that I do love them but as a friend. I told them they had done nothing wrong and that we simply weren't meant to be. I think the most important thing is to be honest. It's easy to try to ease the blow and give hope but that isn't fair. Remember that whoever it is deserves to be with somebody who feels the same as they do :)
March 29th, 2016 10:38pm
I really don't know ..maybe give them the time to hate us .. so they can stop feeling the same's not always there fault that we had moved on with our emotions while they still in the same place .. maybe give them the time to see the worst in us .. that's the least we owe them ..
January 2nd, 2017 7:13pm
I think it's best if you keep the focus mainly on yourself instead of the other person (avoid blaming). 'I think we should go our separate ways because I need... , or I'm not ready for... ' I also think it's best to start with something like 'I think we should go our separate ways' before giving an explanation or reason. If you start with the reason the other person might think there's hope of working things out. And lastly let them know that you wish them the best. And if it feels that they might be receptive to it, remind them not to settle... they deserve someone who will appreciate all that they have to offer (as do you, which is why you're breaking up).
July 14th, 2015 12:35am
You gently explain tot them that you don't feel the same way about them anymore> reassure them that it isn't something that they've done specifically, it's just that you feel the spark is gone. Make sure to do this as gently and comforting ad possible, it's difficult to deal with a break up. Hope this helps x
October 4th, 2015 4:45pm
i had to do this a couple days ago it broke my heart, but the best thing to do is reassure them that you would rather be alone and that they are an amazing person
January 18th, 2016 8:19am
You could always try telling them the truth. Telling them that you two don't feel the same anymore might hurt their feelings a little but at least they'll know why you broke up with them
April 8th, 2015 6:01pm
Honesty is the best policy, even if it hurts. But long-term it will be less damaging for you and the other person involved to be honest. With that, do also explain the reason(s) why you're not wanting to be with them anymore. Tell them that you don't feel the same as you used to, and that is why you want to discontinue the relationship. It's not them personally, but your feelings are not the same and that it's not fair to anyone to continue something that will be a stalemate and cause more damage long term.
July 7th, 2015 5:35pm
It's hard to talk about each others feelings, but firstly you have to ask yourself: do you want to end this relationship so he/she can find someone who feels the same way, or do you want to keep lying to you and your partner? The first choise is propably the one that you find better. So tell about your feeling calmly and talk with friendly voice. If you can, you could suggest being just friends if that's okay with your partner.
January 25th, 2016 12:18pm
You sit them down and explain how you're feeling. If you're dating them, they should respect you enough to not ruin your friendship.
January 26th, 2016 5:08am
Just say the truth about how you feel, it's not easy and it may hurt but being honest it's always better than living a lie. Sometimes relationships just don't work as we expected or it's not the right time or we just don't feel the same... In that moments we need to find the courage to face the truth and to be honest (whit the other person and with ourselves)
February 16th, 2016 4:04am
It's better to be truthful with someone rather than drag things out and hurt them more in the end. Try not to be harsh or brutal but also be honest; find the balance. You either love someone or you do not, that is one of life's great mysteries. Ultimately, the other person deserves someone who is absolutely crazy about them. And you deserve someone who you can be absolutely crazy for. Try and be friends, sometimes it's a possibility, sometimes not. Don't force it if the other person is not willing.
April 12th, 2016 4:50am
Explain to them exactly how you're feeling and make it clear that you don't feel the same anymore. Make sure you express your emotions clearly so that they can understand to their best ability.
May 28th, 2018 11:17pm
You can always say the truth. There's nothing better than truth. It might hurt but it's always best for both of you
May 8th, 2015 12:55pm
It depends on the time that both of you have spend with each other. If you have not discovered any bad things between you both. Why do you even think about breaking up? It is not a rational question.
September 7th, 2015 10:17pm
Nothing is better than being straight up honest, to be honest. Tell them straight up. In a friendly, way, showing empathy but careful, without hurting them.
September 14th, 2015 11:00pm
You try to do it as nice as possibly. In a way that makes you feel good about yourself as well as them.
November 9th, 2015 7:50pm
Appreciate their feelings, acknowledge that you have taken the time to think things over. State why it is in both your interest to end things.
January 27th, 2016 1:01am
The best thing you can do is be honest even if you know it is going to hurt that person. sometimes things just don't work out and that's okay, you just need to tell them. It is kinder to the other person involved in the long run to tell them the truth than to leave them with false hope or lead them on. It will be difficult but you will feel much better if you just tell it how it is, at the end of the day you need to consider what is best for you and it is not fair for you to be unhappy just because you are scared or worried about ending it.
February 1st, 2016 1:01pm
Communication is very important in relationships and the simplest way to communicate anything is for all parties involved in the relationship to be open and accept the openness of the other parties. What has been communicated in the question itself is what can be communicated in the situation of the question.