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What's the best way to act, when a friend is bullied and does not want you to help?

24 Answers
Last Updated: 06/05/2018 at 1:28pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United States
Moderated by

Jessica McDaniel, LPC, LCPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

I have been practicing cognitive behavioral psychotherapy since 2007 with a diverse group of adult clients with various diagnoses, all races, and socioeconomic classes.

Top Rated Answers
March 5th, 2015 4:46pm
To get and adult to help with the situation. You want to help because you care about them. If you didn't do anything then it would be pointless
March 8th, 2015 8:02pm
In my experience, the best way to act is just letting them know you are there. They may not want your help now, but there may come a time when they turn around and want your help. Make sure you're still there, don't leave them hanging! However, if your friend is threatening to hurt themselves or others due to being bullied make sure you inform someone that could help! Your friend may be hurt and may even be angry with you for a while, but eventually they will be thankful. :)
April 16th, 2015 6:55pm
Your friend may not want you to help, but you should. Bullying is serious and needs to stop. Talk to someone who can help your friend. A teacher, counselor, parent, or anyone who can help. When I was being bullied, I didn't want anyone to do anything about it. But, my friends went to the school counselor and took care of things. Yes, I was a little mad at first, but it was totally worth it.
September 29th, 2015 7:15am
Your friend may feel embarrassed that they are being bullied. They may feel like it takes away from their pride and lessens them in your eyes. The best thing to do is talk to your friend. Bullying is a serious issue and your friend could be feeling more hurt than they let you know. If they insist on not telling anyone still, you should confide in a trusted adult.
May 17th, 2015 1:08am
True friends will help at eachothers backs no matter what. Even though a friend might not want help, its your duty as a friend to support him/her with the bullying going on.
November 24th, 2015 3:11pm
I understand your friend doesn't want your help but bullying is a serious matter. It would be best if you helped or told a responsible adult. Your friend will be angry at first but they'll forgive you.
May 22nd, 2015 5:07am
Talk to someone you trust about this, if you are in school maybe talk to a teacher about the bullying. Your friend may get mad at you for telling someone but they will see in the future that you were doing it to help.
June 12th, 2015 2:11am
Support your friend as best you can in private, and try to make sure they get access to all the available resources (that don't involve confrontation). If the bullying is systemic and goes on for a long time, or is escalating, you might have to contact authorities even if your friend doesn't want you to. Bullying can lead to murder (on the part of the bullies or the victims) or suicide, but even in cases where it doesn't end that dramatically the victim's life is often severely damaged by it, even after the bullying stops. The best way to mitigate the effects is to make sure the victim has a strong support network and people who not only love them but believe and validate them. Bullies tend to go after people who are alone and don't have backup, so you can also show the bullies that the victim is not a vulnerable loner by making sure to back them up in subtle ways in public, even if it's just by being very open about the fact that they are your friend and you value and respect them.
April 25th, 2015 7:25pm
Talk with them and say that you are not going to leave them, that you are going to support them all the way through to the end, and that you want to work with them to sort this out. Even if they refuse to get help, yoi can still be there to talk to them each day, and be the person to give them strength, till they are strong enough to take action.
May 27th, 2015 9:47pm
If your friend is bullied and does not want you to help, don't ignore it by any means. It's important to see to it that they get the help they need. Tell someone you trust and is able to do something to help stop the bullying. Never ignore a problem.
June 18th, 2015 3:39pm
The best thing to do would be to be there for that friend. Generally, I think that you shouldn't tell somebody else (eg. a teacher) if your friend doesn't want to, unless your friend is in immediate danger (eg. death threats). Doing so otherwise may cause your friend not to trust you anymore.
August 4th, 2015 5:00pm
Tell someone! Always tell someone because otherwise your friend will just keep getting hurt and the bullies will just bully more and more, making everything worse and worse so please tell someone about it because it can stop! it will stop if you tell someone because there are people who are willing to help victims of bullying.
August 25th, 2015 5:16pm
You could easily pull a teacher aside or slip an anonymous note into the bully box. You could also just comfort your friend and be there for them even if the bullying doesn't stop.
August 25th, 2015 9:06pm
Stick up for them, don't let anyone bring them down also tell an adult. All bullies are, are people that need self confidence.]
October 6th, 2015 2:11pm
You can and should definitely still help, because bullying is horrible and needs to stop. You don't have to (and actually shouldn't) directly intervene, but tell a teacher or parent.
December 22nd, 2015 12:49am
He!p them anyway by telling an adultbecause it is the right thing to do even though she might be mad.
January 25th, 2016 5:51pm
Speak up. Tell a teacher, tell a parent, tell a spouse, tell a sibling. Above all things tell someone.
March 14th, 2016 1:53pm
I know you hate to see your friend upset and getting bullied. It sucks to see that, but what sucks more is to see your best friend get bullied, and them not want to do anything about it. It might make you feel stuck, but you have a few choices in this situation; Get them help, even though they don't want it, or you can just support them as much as you can. But just keep in mind: You can lead a horse to water, But you can't force them to drink it.
September 20th, 2016 5:02am
When a friend is being bullied and doesn't want you to help, the best thing to do would be to be there and support your friend.
October 10th, 2016 4:33pm
The best way to act is to let your friend know that you are always there for them. There is no way that you can force them to open up to you.
September 25th, 2017 8:32pm
Sometimes people may feel embarrassed and therefor would not like to talk about it, if they don't want help there is not much you can do but what you can do is to let them know that you're there for them and recommend that they speak to an adult /patent/guardian /teacher
February 9th, 2018 4:57pm
My best friend is being severely cyber bullied anonymously. She did not want me to do anything, because lots of the messages that she received contained some very personal comments. I was stuck. I didn't know what to do. Eventually I went to one of my teachers at school and said that I have a friend who is being bullied, butility she doesn't want anyone to know. My friend knew I was doing this, and we had planned to keep her name anonymous, but the teacher had insisted that we gave her name. I ended up giving in. I felt absolutely awful, but then they actually managed to talk to her, get all the information, and find this person who was sending her the threats. She thanked me, and she is now so much happier. The self harming has stopped, she knows that she has friends who she can trust and will do anything to help her. Telling someone seems impossible, but when it's done, you realise that it was the best thing you possibly could have done to help your friend.
April 30th, 2018 7:34am
Often times, we cannot intervene, but at times it can get dangerous, that is best when you can get a trusted adult, however, being there to support them and guide them through this challenging time matters most. Personally, I experienced this and was afraid of the outcome having someone intervene could have, but after a long talk with a good friend, they got me help, and things took a turn for the better, so just try and communicate :)
June 5th, 2018 1:28pm
Just be there for them when or if they want it. Just listen to what they have to say and try to be understanding.