Why is it so hard for adults to understand why teens and children don't involve them when they are being bullied?
Last Updated: 03/24/2020 at 1:19am
Theresa Gulliver, Master Therapeutic Counsellor
Problems cannot be solved using the same level of thinking that created them. We must try something different. Gently, we turn your challenges into opportunities for healing.
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In my experience parents typically want to help their child out. Most parents would do anything for their child, and learning that their kid may be getting bullied is a real shock to the parent. They reach out to other parents and adults to try and do something to help their kid. They think that they alone can provide all the security their child needs for the time being, and even if the child disagrees with them they could dismiss this as the child simply not knowing what is best for them.
Because they want to help. Not that we always know the best ways. Name Drew wrote a good book about bullying you could read together. They can support you while you deal with it.
As you grow up and become an adult you slowly leave the pressures of being an adolescent. The pressures to conform and 'fit in' leave. You are no longer surrounded by the pressures of your peers. I think because adults don't feel this pressure, it can be hard to remember how it was as a kid. It can be hard for them to remember how, as a child, you are constantly evaluating how others see you. For a child to step up to a bully requires a lot of courage and self-confidence, and those can be hard for young people to find.
The adults only want what is best for the kids, and they will do anything to make them in a better state.
Through my experiences, I have learned a lot. To start off, teens/children don't involve adults due to many reasons. Firstly, we feel like they can not do anything to help change the situation because we believe that there is no solution. We feel that no matter what they do, whoever they talk to, our problems will stay the same, if not, worsen. Secondly, we teens and children are confused and scared. We might know that we have a problem, and we try to fix it, but it only ends up worse. Third of all, since we have a problem and facing it doesn't do anything or only makes it worse, we just tend to ignore it believing that it might just go away. That is why we teens and children tend to not involve adults. After my experiences, bullied teenagers and children should seek adult help becuase they CAN do something about our problems. We tend to underestimate them but once we involve them, we realize that they are the solution to our problem. Thank you for reading this short passage. Have a nice day and don't let anyone ruin it :) SMILE!
Adults like to talk about how children and teenagers are narcissistic, but they are often very self-centered themselves, even in well-meaning ways. THEY know they mean well and want to help, so they assume their children must know that, and if they don't, well, they SHOULD. They forget about the last time the kid mentioned being bullied, when they told her to ignore the bully and he'd go away, or when they told him, "Well, just punch him back and he won't bother you again!" They also forget that kids can sometimes lose status and look weaker when adults intervene for them (they can also gain status and look stronger, depending on who intervenes and how).
It depends upon the adult but they may think that they can help or stop the bullying but in actual fact, usually make it worse. Parents tend to be over protective and people, such as teachers, tend to not react at all to bullying or do very little about it but both of these factors are things that most adults don't understand. They forget that you have to see these people on a daily basis and that if they interfere and make it worse, you're the one that ends up in a worse situation than before.
It's hard because when teens and children get bullied they are afraid to speak up and same as when they see others getting bullied they are afraid that they would be taken advantage of or get in trouble by my logical explanation :-)
Adults don't have much experience of being a teen/child and getting bullied, Kids/teens think that the adult will understand what they are going through.
They are probably confused. Think of it from their perspective: they think that victims feel safe talking to them, and they are most likely wondering why victims of bullying don't speak up. It's harder than it sounds, speaking up, and it can be pretty scary. As adults who might not feel awkward getting help from someone else, they might see it as odd.
Yes I think it is hard because you have to remember that adults were once children themselves and maybe they have had it happen to them and didn't speak out about it to their own parents. So often it's a case of maybe they don't want their children to make their mistakes and not get help or talk about it. A parents job is to protect their child and when they don't talk to them about things that they should be with their parent then that's what they can't handle. It is understandable really. No parent wants to be kept out of the loop when their child is hurting and upset.
i think adults struggle to understand that they need to sometimes refrain from stepping in to prevent their teens from being bullied because they often don't think rationally when their child is being bullied- everyone thinks their children are kind and creative, so the confusion and anger wil build up with questions like 'how could anyone bully my child???' 'why is this still happening???' and it can often become hard to see how the teen wants to deal with the situation with the questions blocking out rationality. i guess you could say its over loving- if there is such a thing. This is often why teens and kids dont tell their parents- as they know this is how their parents will react, and they dont want to risk the parent accidentally making the situation worse. however: TELLING YOUR PARENTS OR A TRUSTED ADULT IS ALWAYS THE BEST OPTION, NO MATTER HOW EMBARRASSING THEY ARE!!! if you explain to them calmly that they need t be rational- im sure they will understand.
Adults may blow you off or make a big deal and You want to be independant . We are modest to ask for help when we need it so we try to tough it out.
Personally, I have noticed that a lot of parents understand teens a lot more than the teen perceives. The problem is the fact that parents are scared to speak up or want their teen to come to them for help.
Personally I think it's because sometimes adults forget that kids don't think like they do. I think it can be hard for an adult to understand what the kid may be thinking.
Bullying is quite a major issue these days. Children and teens don't want to involve parents into it. Firstly kids don't want to disturb the parents it's out of a love and concern for them. But later it becomes quite serious an issue to not to share. By then kids are already struck in the situation maybe even blackmailed on a verge to stay quiet. Another very bothering reason behind their silence is a communication gap between parents and kids. Kids are not at ease to reach out to their parents asking any help. It is hence very important for the parents to reduce the communication gap between them and kids
I think the main reason is because they get concerned. Bullying is a serious issue that might require the help from adults from time to time. Sometimes you can't solve things on your own or with the help of your friends, you might need the help of adults in that situation. They have a lot more life experience, and might have better solutions to important issues like this. I know how it feels when you don't want to involve adults into situations like these but sometimes it really is for the better. They get concerned cause they're scared the situation will get worse, which is understandable.
It can be hard to watch anyone you may love and/or care about go through a rough time. Some adults may understand, but they are more concerned with helping or stopping the issue. Other adults grew up with less technology, and they probably turned to social interaction to deal with issues. Kids today (including myself) have a harder time talking to people and speaking up. If anyone sees anyone they care about, they want to help. Adults (well, most of them) seem to be more likely to act upon those actions. Adults and teens/kids should be more willing to work towards understanding each other a bit more.
Well, I have been through that when I walk little and from experience I can tell you that it is very hard for kids and teenagers to open up about things such as bulling. For children I would say that they feel very scared, they see the person that is bulling them as big and scary and so they don't want their parents to get hurt, but there is also the possibility of them being threatened not to tell anyone or embarrassed of beeing bullied. In case of teenagers it is different, since some of them don't want to have anything to do with their parents and would feel embarrassed of having to ask for help from them; But in other cases, the teenager feels he has to deal with the situation on his/her own, since he need to become more independent and reaching con an adult would make him or his friends feel he is still a kid.
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