How can you get relatives to view you from a neutral perspective, free of past judgements ?
Last Updated: 07/17/2018 at 9:53am
Paola Giordani, Psychoanalyst
I have helped and am helping people cope with loss, divorce, anguish and parenting. Depression is also a major issue that comes up.
Top Rated Answers
Show them that you are a new person and let them know the past you is not the present you. Everyone has a past, make it clear to them that you are not that person from the past anymore and you are trying to start fresh and would appreciate it if they had a fresh slate in their mind, disregarding any previous opinions they had.
This is difficult for me as all of my family is very far away from me. But I continuously keep in contact by phone and letters and tell them about my activities and work. It takes a long time to earn trust from everyone if you've fallen....family included. But being communicative and honest over time is a good prescription for winning family over.
The only way I can think of you doing so is if you all went to family counselling. They can give you the best help.
You cant...but you can definately stop caring about it...because it doesnt matter what they think but what you and your family think is important
Try to let them remember that you love them, and they love you. Because distant relatives sometimes forget that you are related they begin to judge you. Remind them that everybody is family and that they love you. And people who love each other do not hurt one another.
Well no one can change the past. All you can do is work for the future. Let go of all what is bothering you and show them that you are not the person you used to be.
I don't think you can. There are simply too many people. Try not to care. Maybe that'll tell them that judging doesn't affect you.
Great question! Wouldn't it be nice for them to relate to us as blank slates every now and then? Unfortunately, this doesn't seem to be innate human behavior - we have to learn to do this. My only suggestion would be to ask your parents, basically, just what you asked, "Can you please try to communicate with me now from a neutral perspective, free of past judgements ?" I think you will find that being direct, asking for what we want specifically, is a great way to get what we want with the least amount of effort.
What I did in order for my relatives to have a fresh neutral perspective of me was that I do good things and love myself. I did my effort to grab every opportunity that could change their thinking of me. For example, I stopped school for two years because of my illness so every relatives thought I will end up unfinished in high school. When I go to school again, they'll just comment about my past failure saying it's useless. However, there was a gift from heaven because the school's guidance counselor let me took an acceleration test. I passed it and I jumped towards college! Just by waiting the right time, grabbing the opportunity and loving myself, the relatives that once judged me now gave off that negative vibes. :)
People are more understanding than we typically believe them to be. It can be difficult for them to view you without pretence, but if you speak to them with patience and respect, usually they will try to understand your perspective.
Sometimes people can be really hard on you for various reasons. Remember there is no way that you can make everyone happy. So this is the time you see who are the people that is worth proving yourself too and a whom are not.
Dont be too close, so they cant judge you much cause they dont really know you. Wouldnt nibble on every of your action
You cannot make people forget what they used to think of you, or who you used to be. All you can do is show them they you that you are. Focus on really being who you want to be, and hopefully they will see the change.
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