How do you deal with a parent who never told you about a miscarriage of a sibling before you were born? Do you approach it?
Last Updated: 08/13/2019 at 3:46pm
Shawn Wilson, LCSW
Clinical Social Work/Therapist
I provide supportive counseling and psychotherapy. I utilize cognitive-behavioral and solution focused strategies to address client concerns. Personal coaching is available.
Top Rated Answers
My mom revealed to me that before I was born, she miscarried a daughter. It was mind-boggling to me, that I could've had an older sister. The thing is, time, as well as you being born, both help to heal the hurt, I've learned. I asked my mom if she ever missed my older sister, and she said simply, "I would, but only if I didn't have you."
For me I wouldn't. Miscarriages are hard on families and it was never a big deal to me. My mother had two before I was born and it pained her greatly to talk about it. I think somethings are better left unsaid.
My mother had a miscarriage before me. It's good to be careful if you do want to talk to her about it, but please be careful and respectful of her feelings! And if you're not willing to ask, wait for when she opens up to you.
As someone who had miscarriages before my kids were born, I would be touched if either of my sons asked me about it in a caring, interested way. Miscarriage isn't talked about enough and there wasn't a lot of supportive things to read when it happened. People were sympathetic but talking about it, at all levels of depth, would have helped.
It can be difficult to find out information about your parents that you never thought you would hear. When you receive information like this, keep in mind they must have had their own reasons at to why they decided to make that choice. It is not up to you to question the choice. If you feel you must approach them about it, do so with an open mind. As it may have been a very difficult choice to make that may be hard for them to talk about. Also keep in mind that if they don't want to talk about it that you should respect their right to do so. If you do decide to approach them, just remember to be mindful and respectful of them and the situation and their feelings.
I actually had this happen to me. It is definitely a difficult topic to deal with. Just remember it's a sensative topic for them too. I can't give advice since everyone is different. Go with what you think would be the best approach. ♡ Best wishes!
In my situation, I avoid triggering subjects. It may make a resolved situation unresolved by bringing up that situation.
There might be a good reason why your parents don't wanna talk about it. A miscarriage is a very difficult thing to deal with or talk about. Am sure when they are ready to talk about it they will.
If you feel you deserve to know, then ask them about it. If you have no interest in knowing, don't ask. The choice is yours.
You must be mindful that a parent may still be hurting from this experience. It may have been too difficult to talk about which could explain why they did not talk to you about it. It depends on your relationship with that parent whether you approach it or not. Are you open, honest and frank with them? If so then perhaps you should approach them about it. However you must consider that they are still hurting and if you approach them about it, it could potentially bring up unwanted hurtful memories. Either way be cautious and respectful to their feelings.
Know that this is a touchy subject for your parents to talk about. Yes, you can approach them but give them a couple days after they told you about it and try not to get angry that they didn't tell you about the miscarriage. It takes time to tell someone about it and it's even harder telling your kids.
If you are worried or concerned about approaching something, especially regarding something involving a close familial relationship, it can help to confront it head-on. Letting discomforting thoughts dwell can lead to the development of resentment in the relationship as we begin to create our own interpretations. Being have to have an open discussion might allow you to not only receive answers for yourself, but also to understand the situation and thoughts of your family member as well.
Well you sit the person down and first thing is that you need to approach this very slowly and you have to make sure that you have a great support system around you when you are going to be sharing this information here to a loved one. I mean nothing is easy about this, but you have to be clear in your thoughts as well before you say what your going to say about this well. Going slow and easy into this process is the best approach you can give someone when they are dealing with this type of issue here.
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