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My family is emotionally abusive. How can I fix them?

31 Answers
Last Updated: 04/05/2021 at 7:13pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
Moderated by

Katherine Aucoin, Transpersonal Counselling Psychology


I offer you compassion and support on your unique journey. I look forward to working with you to heal your emotional wounds to find more freedom and joy.

Top Rated Answers
November 5th, 2014 11:53am
Hi ! When it's raining, and we need to go out, we have 3 choices : (1) Get wet, (2) use an umbrella, (3) change the plan and don't go out. When families get to us, we also have three choices : (1) Feel miserable and abused (2) Understand what is happening and do something about it and (3) Change family. (3) can be complicated !, (1) offers little hope for the future, (2) is a great choice !! Try connecting to a listener, and see if you can't get yourself an umbrella for your family. Maybe you can't fix them, like you can't stop it raining, but at least you can protect yourself from getting soaked.
November 14th, 2014 5:41am
If your family is emotionally abusive, I believe that individual counseling would be the best option. I understand how much this abuse can hurt but it comes from an issue that your parent possibly went through. I think that abuse can have a deep root in family passing on from one generation to another. People swear to themselves that they would not continue the pattern but possibly ignore the warning signs that they are doing so. Talking to a therapist and confronting the problem head on is the best way to end this torment.
October 30th, 2014 5:21am
You can't change people, but you can try to get them to understand you. You need to understand them as well before doing that though.
November 9th, 2014 2:16am
There is no one way to fix an abusive family. The question you could ask is: "How can I fix the situation in my life where my family is abusive to me?" The answer to that could include you refusing to participate in being the recipient of any abuse from anyone whether it's a family member or not. This doesn't mean you should be confrontational. Avoiding abuse could be as simple as ending a phone call by simply hanging up with no warning or blocking someone from emailing or on social media if their intention was to harass you or cause you distress. Most abusive people won't continue to try to contact you if you do this but some may and demand an explanation for why you hung up or didn't respond to their voice mail, email, social media. It is up to you as to whether or not you will respond and how you will/will not respond to this continual and blatant abuse.
November 4th, 2014 9:09pm
Unfortunately, we can't change how other people act but we can change how we react to them. Do you think your family would talk to a professional? Do you think it would help if you pretend it does not bother you?
November 14th, 2014 3:58am
Unfortunately, trying to "fix" people hardly ever works because people are very rarely broken, only bent or clouded over with anxiety, depression, prejudice, etc. The best you can do is approach in a way that is non-threatening or in any way on the offensive and to try to guide them into realizing that their behavior is abusive emotionally, and maybe try to show them how unhealthy and harmful that can be.
December 21st, 2015 1:16am
The truth is, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself and your situation. If sitting down and talking to them heart-to-heart doesn't change them, the best thing to do is change your perspective. Try not to let them bring you down, and look towards the light at the end of the tunnel. Stay positive :)
November 2nd, 2014 10:08pm
I am sorry you are going through this difficult time, you are brave for speaking about your family
November 4th, 2014 3:45pm
It might be best if you were to ask them if you all could sit down and talk and you let them know how they make you feel and ask them if they can stop.
November 7th, 2014 3:09pm
Its not your job to try to fix your family. When families are broken, its not one family members job to fix it, its a team effort. Everybody in the family has to be willing to seek help and try to break the cycle of abuse. Its not your job alone to "fix" them/
November 17th, 2014 4:55pm
You can talk to your family and if they dont listen you can contact someone to help you out like another relative, a close friend and if it is really bad, the police.
November 17th, 2014 9:45pm
You can talk with them, tell them how you feel about it. You need to express your feelings, they are your family, the must understand you.
January 4th, 2015 3:11am
You can't fix people, but you can try to help change their behaviour if it's upsetting. Try telling them that you feel upset by ____. Ask them to sit down together and bring forth these points. Sometimes people aren't aware how they are affecting another person. If it's intentional, let them know how you feel. When you talk to them, don't use accusations. Begin with, "I feel upset when ________." Using accusations may cause bickering and anger. Be completely honest. If things don't seem to get better, you could seek help of a counselor and get professional advice regarding the situation.
April 8th, 2015 4:27am
You can not fix, families are so each has its way. What you can do is talk to them about how you are feeling and whether you do not like how they are being. But remember you can not fix family
June 5th, 2015 11:29am
Try to talk to them about your aspirations and highlight the facts that makes you uncomfortable. this might help them to know your stance and might also help you in opening up.
June 10th, 2015 5:34pm
Conversation is key. That didn't exactly help in my case, so I had to fix me, instead. The only reason why they have power over me is because I value what they say. This isn't a new discovery -it's been around for a long time (check out the Stoics if you're interested). But to be able to not value what they say or do means being able to filter out which ones matter and which ones don't; you'd only know that if you understood yourself better too.
June 18th, 2015 3:11pm
I believe that there is no wrong or right way to fix emotional abuse within a family, especially because we all go through it differently and take to it differently. Emotional abuse can make someone feel like there world is falling apart, especially when it is by family. One way to tackle this is by setting up a group meeting with the whole family and allowing everyone a chance to speak one at a time.
June 22nd, 2015 3:13am
Try and talk to them and let them know how you feel, if they won't stop ignore them and remember that youre a perfect individual
July 28th, 2015 10:36am
You can't fix them, but you can help them to fix themselves. Communicating with them on a person-to-person level is important, in my view. Helping them to see how their behavior affects your life can motivate them to reflect on their actions.
September 7th, 2015 11:55pm
The best way is to talk to them openly about how you feel about it. If you don't talk, they will go on.
May 3rd, 2016 7:38pm
Nothing can be change a sudden seldom they hav to realise it's impacts on others and society.make them feel the public and society pressure.
June 28th, 2016 3:10am
The best way is to be honest and tell them how you feel about the whole thing. Sit them down and talk to them about it.
October 10th, 2016 12:40pm
Honestly, you probably cannot. You can try talking to them about how you feel, but they can choose to continue. However you can choose not to be around them as much.
October 11th, 2016 9:23pm
You can't. You can only fix yourself. You can ask them to seek help, and to look for guidance, but it is not your responsibility to fix them.
February 7th, 2017 6:47am
You can never fix somebody. They are the only ones in control of their actions, but there are steps to helping them improve their actions. Sitting down and talking to them about how they make you feel is a wonderful step to a healthier relationship!
June 27th, 2017 1:42am
You can't change them. You can however, change how you respond to them and how you let them make you feel. They will hurt you, they will make you angry. You can always choose to let go of the hurt and the pain so that you don't hurt someone else around you. Remember that they are damaged and hurting just like you are. Know what's best for you and remember to put your needs first!
November 21st, 2017 12:18pm
I have learned that the only person I can fix is me. When I stopped being emotionally abusive to myself a lot of them stopped. But I had to first recognize that I was being emotionally abusive to myself.
February 5th, 2018 5:45pm
It's not your job to fix them. You only need to protect yourself from the harm they may cause you. Communication is the key to solving those kind of problems. Our self help guide about managing family stress helped me a lot, I recommend you check it out
April 30th, 2018 11:31pm
Thats a hard question. You cannot fix them. They have to fix themselves. You need to focus on yourself and maybe seek help from a support network such as close friends
May 29th, 2018 5:21am
You can not fix somebody. But you can help them. Talk to your family members. If you are to scared or nervous to do that then speak with a professional.