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What's it like to go No Contact with your entire family?

32 Answers
Last Updated: 02/19/2021 at 12:56am
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Tanyia Hughes, Adv Dip Psy


I have been through a lot in life too, which helps me to be able to empathize with situations, thoughts and feelings that we have. Sometimes, it's not easy just being human.

Top Rated Answers
Anonymous - Expert in Family Stress
April 19th, 2015 4:11am
It's heaven. There are roughly six billion people on earth. Why waste precious life time with people treating you badly just because you're related to them? You deserve better. Actually, you deserve the best.
- Expert in Family Stress
March 11th, 2016 5:32pm
I have no contact with my entire family its a mixture of loneliness and relief. Its very hard, there is a loss of connection to my past which i grieve and it comes up often. No matter what friendships I make and how important they are to me, I will never be as important to them because they have their family. Most people don't understand and I don't know anyone who can relate. At the same time I am getting better as a result of No Contact with my entire family. It was a last resort. It is for my safety. it is the hardest decision I've had to make. I want to give in often, then i'm reminded of how much better my life is without them involved, all that i have worked for and don't want to lose. This fact is so so sad but it is the truth. I accept this loss will always effect me.
January 6th, 2018 10:14pm
It is good and I feel a lot of relief but from time to time I have to grieve over sad days when I miss them and know I cant go back and I often feel so alone and I have to figure things out for myself. I m sad that they probably believe so many lies about me but I know that they are emotionally sick or personality disordered or dysfunctional and I cant afford to be brought down again as Ive been psychologically abused, scapegoated all my life....
June 14th, 2019 6:27pm
I have been no contact with my family for over 30 years. My father was narcissistic and abusive after growing up a star athlete and coddled first son. He and my passive mother passed on very toxic traits to all of the 5 children. I was the scapegoat and spent my early years being attacked constantly and then acting out or living up to their expectations of me. I was ignored unless they needed an opportunity to make themselves feel superior and better. I consider myself a survivor and a fighter and I am so thankful that I could walk away from such chaos. My siblings contact me every once in a while. I have now completely shut them out as I realize through a lot of help that these contacts are simply a way to either get under my skin while reassuring them that I'm the awful one, or, the youngest sometimes contacts me for information she can pass on to the others. What's interesting is they never try to build a relationship. I was invisible to my family growing up unless there was the need to condemn someone. I got out of it, you can too. Be strong, let go, move on and find your core love family. You were probably more sensitive, but stronger than they were. You had the good sense to get the hell out of dodge. (My Christian family still believe my father's horrendous behavior was just fine.) My brother morphed into my father, actually he was groomed to be just him. He tries to hover me the most. It's been a journey, hard at times, but well worth the peace of mind. I have a stable marriage and family and friends abound. All Friends won't understand and that's okay, find your safe people. And the constant platitudes that forgiveness brings peace, blah, blah, blah... well, that doesn't apply here. Forgive them if you can, if you can't that's okay. Trust becomes an elusive quality when you grow up with abuse, but once you find decent friends it will build in your psyche. Lift your head and walk away. You are better for that.
November 25th, 2014 7:19am
I am no contact with my mom because she married the man who molested me. Consequently the No Contact spilled over to my aunts on her side, too. It's hard not to have a relationship with them and sometimes I want to reach out to my cousins especially. Because i don't feel safe around her husband but she won't engage me without him I have to do what is best for me and keep my own safety as my first priority.
November 26th, 2014 8:34am
It's very difficult, especially at first. Even if you are being hurt by them. But over time it gets easier. If people are repeatedly hurting you and disrespecting you, it's best to sever ties with them unless and until they can prove they've changed.
August 19th, 2015 11:59pm
It is difficult, but sometimes necessary. Setting boundaries with people who treat you poorly can be one of the most difficult things for people who grow up with any sort of abuse or with parents who didn't respect your boundaries, and it is also can be one of the most important self-strengthening tools to use. Yes, you may feel slightly depressed after doing this. You may feel afraid of retaliation, judgment by others, and you may feel obligated to "play nice" with your family and talk yourself out of it. But the reward you will get from learning to set healthy boundaries with people who do not respect you will be far greater than any of these things. If you feel called to go NC with family, please do so and allow yourself the time, resources, people, and space you need to help you heal and become the healthy person that you deserve to be.
November 25th, 2014 6:36am
It feels so lonely. It is painstakingly difficult to get rid of this feeling and can't seem to snap out of it. Family is people with whom we grew up and people we belong with. But some people are not lucky enough to have one. "No Contact" with your entire family may be an option for someone but not for me, or other people like me. When I feel lonely, I’d go for a walk down town just to watch other people, even if I don't talk to them. I would take a bus to nowhere and back again. It makes me feel less lonely than just sitting at home doing nothing. Life is short, cherish the moments and don't be defeated by our emotion. Who knows what the future may hold ;)
April 5th, 2018 7:30pm
It's better than dealing with the negativity they give. But listening to others with normal for families makes you sad. But for me I know I can't go back. There is too much damage done. I'm a better person without family.
November 25th, 2014 7:15pm
I can't say for my entire family, but going no contact with my father was the best decision I've ever made. I'm not saying this is the case for everyone, but it worked for me. My father was abusive, narcissistic and didn't respect my privacy. Going No Contact is both exhilarating and terrifying. I was already living with my husband and his family at the time, and sent my NC letter through Facebook. I was scared that he would storm over here and demand to speak with me, and yell. He didn't. At several times, he attempted to contact me through my cellphone, but I never responded, and afterwards changed my number. Family members attempted to understand why I wasn't talking to him, or attending family events - some even told me I was overreacting. It's tough, but if you feel that you need to go No Contact with your family, or if you are in danger, I highly recommend it.
June 22nd, 2015 2:12pm
Having no contact with your family can be heartbreaking but also very rewarding. It's as though there is a void within you when all contact is lost; that's your blood, people who should be supportive in good and in bad. When family or friends create an unhealthy relationship, this is where it is rewarding to cut loose and be in control.
December 14th, 2015 8:15am
If your family members are cruel, it can be a huge relief. If you know they won't change, after giving them many chances, there is no reason to stay in contact with them. If they don't accept you the way you are, it is fair to take time away from them, whether just for awhile or permanently.
January 1st, 2019 9:56pm
Months have passed since going no contact with my mom and many siblings. My dad passed years ago. This has been emotionally the best decision, though hard at first, that I have made for taking care of my dignity and self-respect. I am the one in control of my life now instead of them trying to manipulate and control me. I have prepared myself by just expecting difficulty. I remind myself that even though going no contact is causing feelings of loss and grief that these new feelings are less harmful than if I kept the relationships intact. Brene Brown says: "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others." I am emotionally stronger because of going no contact with my parents and siblings for their part of my story is over. It is an unfolding Blessing ….. which gets better as each day passes.
February 11th, 2016 11:37am
My siblings were always angry at me because my parents openly say and show that I was their favorite child. My mother even announced to my siblings that after I was born, my father was so proud of me, however every time my mother gets pregnant with my younger siblings, my father will get mad at my mother and make her get an abortion. My mother never did and so came my siblings who hated me. It did not matter that I get into fights protecting them, it did not matter that I sacrificed my life, career and finances to help us get our inheritance. I learned later on that they still hated me and this time it was announced through emails.. I told them I am getting old and cannot help them with continuing the work I am doing to get our inheritance, but I would take a smaller portion of my inheritance now along with getting reimburse for all my expenses (the inheritance is in another country, and we are in US) They agreed since they know that they will be getting double the amount I am getting. However, when they realized that without me, the chance of them selling the land for more cannot be done, so now one sibling had been sending hate emails towards me and the other siblings are agreeing with him. I thought my no contact rule will stop once they have their own money, but I realized now that this is a permanent thing. I lost all my faith and trust in all of them, I am now afraid that they will harm me and my children if their greediness is not satisfied. I should never have allowed myself to be used by them in the first place. I kept my relationship with them prior to this incident despite their wickedness and hatred towards me because somehow I felt guilty for my parents behavior towards me and them. I know now that I was not at fault, if they cannot accept me as their sibling just because my parents gave me more than them, then I should just let them go. My no contact with them is like death, my death. At the same time, I feel reborn with the knowledge that now I am free of their hatred.
August 24th, 2015 11:00pm
its hard... ive done this before well,, actually im doing this right now... and its not easy because a piece of you just wants to go talk to those family members but a big part of you is so mad at them...
December 28th, 2014 9:31am
My experience as coming from a large family with traditional values. From this family I can name three people who got into a 'no contact' relationship and of those three, two of us who now have some contact. Initially i experienced anxiety and relief. I heard that family members pulled rank and didn't acknowledge the reasons for my dropping contact, instead coming up with their own. They also used online media to 'get updates'. This really bothered me. Alongside that however was the relief that my life was no longer controlled and that I could determine my own rules. I met more people who shared my values, got married and had children. There are some people I now see and some that I do not. I still get grief from family members who I don't see, but in many ways that is the point. I wouldn't want my children in that situtation.
September 28th, 2015 12:40am
Family can give the best solution of any problem and they are with you in every good and bad so its better to contact them regular basis instead of no conversation.
January 25th, 2018 3:32am
I agave gone no contact with my father. He was abusive my entire life. He attempted to continue the abuse into my adulthood when he threatened my life my 3 year old was in my home. The no contact has spilled over to his entire side of the family when they began to try to tell me he had grand parent rights to my child. I have to protect my baby. It's hard. I miss the feeling of family terribly. As an adult I know in my daughter I have family and she is what matters most and deserves to be protected.
December 28th, 2018 6:35am
Horrible worst feeling in the world! People are curious what had happened for me to drift off from my parents. You fear of being off and suspect to people. I’m a young adult now wondering “how will I tell my partner this”, “Do I seem strange”. A lot of questions and feelings come to mind. You become a stray dog. Even though you might have friends you’ll never feel like blood (well at least in my life). I been invited to Holiday dinners feeling odd. It’s not fun I did not envision this , I really want to be Normal. A part of me wants to fake my feelings to just reconnect so I won’t be alone for holidays but what good is going to come out when they think I was trouble. People can say wth they want but they’ll never understand. This will make me a humble person. I’m trying to wierdly create new family. Yes I talk to my sisters and my auntie but I don’t talk to my parents. I must say I wish I can restart my life so I won’t have this story , but this has made me stronger. My age I’m only 19 just graduated high school last year starting this bad life( at time of post) All I have to say is to be grateful and try to keep good relations with family as long as it’s healthy.
July 26th, 2016 8:27am
It can feel refreshing if your family are toxic. If your family are not toxic people, it might feel like you have lost your fountain/foundation of happiness. This will feel depressing and isolating.
November 16th, 2015 4:35pm
It is hard. But it gives you the opportunity to create your own family by connecting with people from school, work or community groups. Limited contact has worked better in my past.
December 12th, 2016 1:14am
I have done this before due to the toxic environment. I have learned that at the time it made sense for me to do so in order to fix my mind however over time you begin to miss them. Sometimes it is better to look at the environment and work on fixing that rather than attempting to cut everyone off. It always depends on each situation but open communication is key.
April 3rd, 2018 6:22am
It is a very lonely feeling. I suggest you keep in touch with some member of your family. I don't know how is your relationship with your family but some contact with family members does help
April 11th, 2016 3:38pm
It's good and bad.... It's Bad because we all need some kind of family in our lives whether that be one person that your related too or all of your family, But if your family had a falling out or perhaps you had a falling out with a family member, Then some time without contact could possibly do some good. It really just depends on the situation.
November 30th, 2015 5:03am
It be can self isolating if you have no one else in your life. sometimes family can be toxic to your own well-being and sometimes in certain situations, it can enhance your life. So it really just comes down to whether the person who is having no contact, has support systems, as family are normally the "main support system" in most households.
November 10th, 2017 1:52pm
you were never family being bulled having a disability living in sec.-8 HUD having one pay check a month it is hard when your family are better off then you are it is so sad living with old people getting treated the same way by there family i can say more some can be ELDER ABUSED I like to say more
November 9th, 2015 6:55pm
It is definitely a hard process to go through. You may experience cut-offs from not only family but also friends that seem to have more ties with your families. I must also add, that not everybody can handel a cut-off.
October 3rd, 2016 3:56pm
It's hard. I mean family is the root of your foundation. Before you do that, you should definitely weigh the consequences of such a decision and see if it's still worth it. Depending on how detrimental your family may be to you, having no contact with your entire family can feel liberating. You won't be tied down to expectations anymore - though understand that you're cutting off one source of support network if you do so. Good luck!
April 3rd, 2018 5:52am
It's kind of hard especially for those who have been living with their parents from the very beginning.
December 9th, 2014 2:29am
very very upsetting and sad . you might lead to anxiety n depression n some other things too. u have to deal with it