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Why do I always have to be the "perfect" child who has to show that I have no problems even though I do because my mom has enough stress on her hands?

14 Answers
Last Updated: 08/10/2020 at 5:05pm
1 Tip to Feel Better
United Kingdom
Moderated by

Halayma Khatun, M.A Theology(U.K, UAE), Diploma With Distinction in Counseling, Certification trauma abandonment


Compassionate, patient, experienced depression counselor. I use Psychodynamic counseling techniques. My counseling experience is +8 years, I counsel women.

Top Rated Answers
March 9th, 2015 5:28pm
I think its just something we feel we have to do, because if we aren't perfect....we are just another problem. And we are the ones who have to see how the problems of the ones we love affect them. So we pretend we have no problems, that nothings wrong and that we don't have a care in the world because we think its what THEY need. When really THEY should be thinking about what WE need as they are the parent.
June 2nd, 2015 2:37pm
You don't have to be that child. You have the right to feel upset about your problems and talk about them. If you can't talk to your mother, please talk to someone else you can trust.
October 27th, 2015 12:00pm
You don't have to be perfect. In fact, your mom will be more stressed if you bottle up your real emotions. Having problems is a human thing to do, and trust me, everybody has different problems. There is no such thing as a perfect person, so don't worry about not being perfect. If you bottle things up, your problems will only get worse. At first, why not try talking to a seven cups of tea listener, so that you can first share your problem, and slowly solve your own problems.
November 16th, 2015 10:28am
You will never be perfect. Nobody is or ever will be. All you can do is be the very best you can be and help your mom when you can. She won't always be here and neither will you.
March 10th, 2015 12:13pm
First thing you need to understand is that nobody is perfect. Not me, not you, not anybody. So we shouldn't try to be either. Try to find the root of your problems. What is bothering you? You can work your way from there and 7 Cups will aways be there to help you through it.
June 23rd, 2015 3:50am
Life sucks sometimes and even though your mom might not realize it, you know that you are trying your best to make sure your mom doesn't have anymore stress.
March 15th, 2016 5:58pm
you should help out as much a possible but your mum needs to go and receive help for her stress...a child needs to still be a child
January 30th, 2017 9:53pm
You don't have to be the "perfect" child in a household because your mom has enough stress as it is. I never was the "perfect" one between my sister and I, and I still caused stress for everyone. Everyone has problems, and honestly sometimes just going to your mom about those things help. Even though sometimes I don't like going to my mom because 95% she's right and tells me exactly what I need to hear, I'd much rather speak to my mom than someone like a friend or what have you. Those things get better and you build better friendships with your family. You'll be okay.
February 8th, 2016 7:03am
You don't. And I think you already know that. I don't know why you feel you have to be the "perfect" child, but others having stress and problems doesn't negate your own. Unless you're planning on hiding your problems forever, maybe your mom deserves to know. Feeling resentful, or bottling things up, usually doesn't help anyone. Or if you mean that your mom hasn't been very supportive even after you talked to her, because she's trying to handle her own stress, then I'm sorry to hear that, and hope that you have or will reach out to other people too. Take care of yourself. Do whatever's necessary.
February 15th, 2016 9:45pm
You do not have to anything. Everything is a choice. Perhaps it may be advantageous to speak your concerns and advocate your concerns and well being with your mom?
May 16th, 2016 6:08am
Being strong for your parents is an admirable factor. But always remember that you are also only human too. Make sure you have some1 to talk to to help you in your issues and problems.
January 23rd, 2017 2:21pm
It is difficult to sacrifice your feelings for someone else's. Perhaps, she doesn't understand what you are going through and has made assumptions in her mind that give you this exact feeling. I shared the same feelings and until I told her how I felt and what I sought from her. Through a constructive conversation - we rekindled and we became more mindful with each other.
June 4th, 2018 3:22am
Sometimes I feel as though as human beings, we try to spare others of burdens we feel we can control, but in doing so we just end up loading so much onto ourselves. I think it is important to acknowledge where you can make a difference in somebody’s life but I think you should also consider what that means for yours. We’re all human beings and sometimes we just need someone to listen. We need to show what we are feeling to better understand it. And that is okay. At least, I have come to learn this in my life/
August 10th, 2020 5:05pm
I understand your frustration. It’s takes a lot of time and energy to try and be the “perfect” child. It sounds like to me you feel you If you express to your mom how you really feel that you may become a burden to her. That’s not true. I understand that you want to alleviate any stress your mom is currently experiencing by portraying to be perfect. You are not alone. Many of us feel the pressure of having to be perfect in some capacity to make our parents happy and proud. However, masking the truth, hiding the hurt, that will not only hurt you but hurt your mother as well. Have you tried talking to her about how you really feel? I know it may seem challenging and terrifying to think about the unknown. Being a mother myself, I honestly can say that I would feel heart broken if my children didn’t feel comfortable coming to me about what they are going through, the good or the bad. We all have stressors. If you don’t feel comfortable talking face to face with her yet, try writing tour feelings down on paper first. Tru to convey the message as clearly as possible then give your mom the note. Try to be as honest and kind as you can and give it to your mom whenever you are ready.